Monday 5 December 2016

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Fourteen

Anthony Taylor made for great football
Generally refereeing has been of a better standard this year. A tweak in some crucial rules and better consistency has meant far less controversial decisions than at this stage last season. All that was blown out of the window this weekend in a slew of rancid decisions across nearly every game. The upside? More goals, more drama and more madness than ever. None of this was more prevalent than in the opening match up at the Etihad, where Anthony Taylor got almost every conceivable decision wrong in an attempt to encourage an open game. From the opening moments Taylor set his stall out by refusing to book players for charging in with little regard for winning the ball. It was little wonder then that he bottled what would have been the correct decision to send off David Luiz in the first half for a clear step across in front of Sergio Aguero when clean through on goal. Barely 30 seconds went by without a wrong decision, everything from penalty calls to incorrect throw ins were counted up as Taylor just carried on waving play on with reckless abandon, hungry for more goals, more glory… more great football. In the end it took somebody drop kicking an opponent at pace to get a red card, although even then Taylor had little answer to the comical melee that followed. All told, this was one of the worst performances by a major official I’d witnessed in some time… and football was the winner for it.

Oh and Pep, you can’t blame the referee when your main striker couldn’t hit a barn door with a banjo when clean through for the 8th time and your number 10 misses an open goal from 4 yards. That’s just not football. It’s not even cricket.

Diving… retrospective… anybody… listening…
Not to sound like a broken record every season, but can this happen now please? It’s a very hard thing to see at pace and I’m not blaming referees for getting a lot of these decisions wrong. So analyse them after the match and then implement the bans retrospectively. Three match ban for anybody who was found to dive to win a penalty; like three people did this weekend alone. The question what should define a dive is a silly one, given 99.9% of human beings with able eyesight would agree that say, Alli dived this weekend. It wasn’t close. It wasn’t open to debate. It was plain and simple cheating and he should be banned for three matches for it. It doesn’t need rule clarification. It just needs the law makers to be brave enough to start calling players out for doing it.

Either that or line the cheat up against a wall after the match and let every player from the opposition kick a ball as hard as they can at them from ten yards. Playground justice people. If you’re going to act like stupid little boys, you can be treated like them.

West Ham are in real trouble
Conceding 5 goals to Arsenal this weekend was pretty embarrassing, but conceding 4 mid-week to Manchester United was arguably even worse. West Ham are in a horrible rut and sit just one point above the relegation zone in 17th. They cannot defend, they cannot stay organised for more than twenty minutes at a time and they cannot score the chances that an increasingly more bored Dimitri Payet is creating. The playmaker has been criticised this season but can you really blame him looking a bit annoyed when he knows that yet another great ball into the box will be spooned over, miss-kicked or sliced wide. The only silver lining for West Ham lies in the short term. Andy Carroll is back fit… and wasted no time in showing once again how much his side needs him. Expertly converting a chance served up by, you guessed it, Payet. West Ham will probably get four games out of him before he’s injured again. At this rate they will need to win all of them.

That’s Howe you mount a comeback Jurgen
It’s hard to imagine any team but Liverpool managing to lose 4-3 with 15 minutes left in a match they were leading 3-1 in. Thanks to what must rank as one of the all-time great substitutions, Eddie Howe brought on Ryan Fraser for the injured Stanislas on 55 minutes and watched the young Scot run absolute riot. Creating 2 and scoring 1 of his team’s 4 second half goals, Fraser tore into Liverpool’s shambolic excuse for a defence like a hungry Lion to a pack of injured Gazelles. Liverpool really are a fantastic team to watch, having now averaged almost 4 goals per game in either end this season. If this was a step back for them after a fine run, it was another step forward for the talismanic Howe. The Bournemouth manager is as positive and as likeable as his football, and the Premier League is a better place with both him and his club in it.

Will the real Tony Pulis please stand up
10 points out of 12 and with the same number of goals to boot, West Brom are up to 7th in the league and playing their best football for years. Has Pulis finally thrown off the shackles and decided to allow himself to be entertained in his latter years? West Brom aren’t just scoring goals, they’re playing extremely attractive counter attacking football not unlike a certain Leicester from last season. What is happening? How has the world come to this? What next? Sunderland to start a season well? Swansea to stop shooting themselves in the foot? Odion Ighalo to score a goal? Manchester United to win a league match? Alan Pardew to stop winning football matches convincingly at the last possible point every time to save his job? Place your bets people… this season, anything goes.

Team of the Weak

Karius – How hard is it to buy a decent keeper Liverpool? I just don’t understand.
Reid – Was absolutely torn apart by an on song Sanchez. Painful to watch at times.
Fonte – Battered by Benteke.
Amat – A genuinely terrible defender.
Rojo – Possibly a red card ref? I mean, you were five yards away so… you know…
Lovren – Looks comically clueless at times, like he genuinely goes through periods in some matches where he doesn’t know where he is. It’s like the first two minutes of a Quantum Leap episode out there.
Arfield – Looked out of his depth against a well organised Stoke.
Pogba – An absolute abomination of a performance for somebody who cost that much money.
Cleverly – God awful. Still better than Pogba.
De Bruyne – You can’t miss those Kevin. Not at 1-0 you can’t lad.
Vardy – No goals in 16 games. Sixteen. Problems.
Aguero – As everybody’s fantasy football team changed overnight… Merry Christmas Sergio. See you on New Years Eve. What… were you thinking…



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