5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Seventeen

1. Liverpool are out of line
Whatever you think of the decision by the FA to ban Luiz Suarez, it is clear to all concerned that this is a delicate case centred around an important and sensitive issue. Liverpool’s reaction to rally around their player in public is fine, but not to the extent of wearing t-shirts which not only support their player but effectively say they don’t accept the FA’s decision in any way. And all this before the written reason for the ban has even been given. Pool and in particular Dalglish are treading very dangerously here, their actions are very close to saying “it’s ok to say racist comments, if you don’t think they’re offensive.” Were all those players really comfortable with the action taking? Luis Suarez is accused and charged with racially insulting Patrice Evra, which isn’t actually the same as being a racist. Indeed, Evra himself, despite countless and made up allegations that he has “history” at this commented last week that he “didn’t think Suarez was a racist, merely that his comments were unacceptable.” All Liverpool and Dalglish have done is tried to turn it around to make Evra the villain and set a dangerous precedent for how clubs tackle racism. The rift between the two clubs now has no chance of being healed anytime soon and the repercussions could be even further reaching. Suarez is probably guilty of no more than being a complete idiot, but Liverpool are now guilty of much more and without evidence. And on a final word on the subject, can somebody seriously shut Gus Poyet the hell up.

2. Steve Kean needs to be put out of his misery
In October last year Blackburn sat in 8^th place having consolidated under Big Sam and nobody would have labelled them relegation candidates. In came Kentucky Fried Chicken, ousted their dull but crucially competent manager and installed a bouncer with no experience of football whatsoever.  Over a year on and the club is in total disarray. The owners are clueless and invisible, the signings have been nonexistent and the decision to continue with the manager is now bordering on torture. There is only so much personal abuse one man can take and Steve Kean clearly has thick skin. For his own sake though, for his family’s sake... this just isn’t worth it. He needs to resign and leave whilst he still can. The club are going to get relegated, even with unlimited funds arriving in January (who on earth would want to go and play for them right now?). He has held himself with respect and dignity throughout everything that has happened but it is now genuinely painful to see him still going through the motions. He has... no... idea... what... he... is... doing. More worrying for Blackburn’s 18 fans is that removing Kean is merely the tip of the iceberg; and one that is almost certainly going to sink into the lower divisions over the next few years. Foreign owners, they’re great for the game I tell thee...

3. Alex Ferguson is really, really going to take some replacing.
It may seem like an obvious point, but once again Fergie has had to take a lot of criticism this season already for not buying or selecting the correct players and watching as Utd stumbled out of Europe and were trounced by City in the league. Despite that though, Utd are just a home win over Wigan away from totting up their highest ever half way points total with an absurd goal difference of plus 30 (which includes a 6-1 loss!). The difference hasn’t been Man Utd in the Premiership, it’s been Man City setting a Jose first season esque bar that, by rights, nobody else in the league should be able to compete with. That Utd are still just 2 points behind them is not a measure of their players but of their manager. Given Vidic is out for the season and City are well stocked in the “Rooney role” there is an argument that no current Utd player would even get in the City side. Fergie through sheer strength of will gets more out of his players than anyone. Utd will still probably finish short, especially as the injuries rack up, but it is to their credit that nobody would still bet against them. As a United fan, despite the mystifying decision not to buy a central midfielder, there’s still no doubt that Ferguson is the most important cog in the Old Trafford machine... when he goes, it’s open season and almost certainly decline. Here’s hoping he has great genes...

4. Forty points may not mean safety, but midtable.
With “team Manchester” picking up points at will and Spurs still enjoying fine form, the inevitable fall out of that means less points for those at the bottom. Judging by the half way totals, 40 points is likely to secure you 11^th or 12^th this year not 17^th. Indeed, it is conceivable that somebody could survive on 30 or 32 points the way the teams near the bottom are playing. Whilst it looks like the bottom three are still in deep trouble, Wolves remain far from safe and QPR have been dragged downwards, perhaps not helped by Neil Warnock’s continued disregard for defending at home. Watching Blackburn v Bolton in an ill stupor on Tuesday night I can confirm that both teams... are really, really shit. Safety, may only be one good run of form away.

5. It’s always important to remember things like...
Fernando Torres - £50m
Andy Carroll - £35m
Demba Ba – Free

Merry Christmas.

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Sixteen

1. Christmas came early at the Etihad Stadium
The scoreline told not even a tenth of the picture here in what was hands down the game of the season. Other matches may have seen goals galore but the flipside of that have been error strewn games with some of the most rancid defending seen in years. The quality level at the Etihad never dipped below top drawer in what was a pulsating and largely even contest for 90 brilliant minutes. Ultimately City won because their defence doesn’t defend such an absurdly high line, but Arsenal deserve enormous credit for not giving up and picking apart City’s back line several times, only to find Joe Hart in imperious form. As the English game is being questioned from all sides following the exits from the Champions League and the re-emergence of Serie A as a high quality division, this match could be held up as all that is still wonderful about the Premiership. All 22 players can hold their heads high; in what was one of those rare matches when everything else becomes secondary and you remember, simply, how exhilarating a sport football can be. A true Christmas cracker.

2. David Moyes team selection needs work.
I’m a big admirer of Moyes, he doesn’t tend to complain with his lot and he has coaxed fine performances time and time again from a team filled with players who largely would not get in any of so called bigger clubs. He is however, like most Glaswegians, a stubborn bastard and it is now costing his team. It probably isn’t a coincidence this season that Everton have regularly saved their best efforts for the last 20 minutes of matches. This is a less a compliment on their fitness levels, but on Moyes finally bringing people off the bench who probably should have started. This week, the continued and mystifying selection of Tim Cahil (statistically the worst “forward” in the league - 2011) was trumped by leaving Drenthe on the bench for Magaye Gueye. For what must be at least the 5^th time this season, Drenthe entered the fray and injected pace and power to an Everton team lacking in both. He created the equaliser and then almost scored the winner. Moyes... it’s time to stop picking your mates.

3. If Luiz Suarez could shoot he’d be the best player in the world.
No player has had more shots this season than Luiz Suarez. No player has hit the woodwork more. No player has created more chances for himself. No player has won more man of the match awards. But the cold hard facts are that Suarez has scored 5 goals in 16 games. Hardly the world’s worst return, but on the one currency that strikers are judged, he is currently not as good as Grant Holt, Steve Morison and Heider Helguson. There is an argument to say he’s been unlucky and that a streak is just around the corner. However people were saying that ten games ago and on Sunday he still contrived to hit the bar, post and fluff two more clear chances. Perhaps it’s just as well, in every other aspect of his game he’s currently the best player in the league. His touch and vision are sublime and he has the added bonus of pantomime charm. Still young, you wonder how far Liverpool could go if they could actually get him and Carroll scoring goals regularly.

4. Hillsborough is worth going to again.
The stock of Sheffield’s football teams has never been lower (in my lifetime) then it was at the end of last season when United, joined Wednesday in the 3^rd flight. As the New Year looms though, some sense of pride has at least been injected back into the city with the clubs lying in 2^nd and 3^rd and firmly on the tails of the runaway Charlton. Better than that though, Hillsborough has finally become the entertaining fortress it was of old. Wednesday have played 10, won 8 and drawn 2 at home and this Saturday saw one of the games of the season as Huddersfield took a 2 nil lead, before conceding 4 and then coming back with an equaliser scored so late it would have made Alex Ferguson shudder. Almost 30,000 watched the game, around 25,000 more than watched Blackburn & Wigan two divisions higher up. The steel city is far from back just yet, but this is certainly a start.

5. Mario Balotelli, the gift that just keeps giving.

Whatever you think of “Super” Mario – only Garth Crookes, a man whose opinion on football is worth less to me than Gwyneth Paltrow’s, could deny his place in the Premier League gives us box office week in week out.  In the last two months alone Balotelli has been sent off, won matches, scored wonder goals, had two training ground bust ups, destroyed his own home, broke curfew, had some audacious hissy fits and smiled twice. Sunday was relatively subdued by his standards but there was still the bizarre sight of him, Sammi Nasri and Theo Walcott in hysterics at him telling a joke before kick off... followed by the obligatory ground thump when he missed one, superbly created chance. All of this however, pales into insignificance with the rumour that his pregame preparation saw him dress up as Santa Claus and give money out on the streets of Manchester. If that is even partly true then that is just a brilliant story. One supposes that like Santa himself, we will never find out the whole truth...  For now, for all his boo hiss qualities, only a fool would want to see Mario exit the league stage left.

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Fifteen

1. Norwich don’t look out of place.
Having not splashed the cash in the transfer window like QPR and thus far overshadowed by the praise for Swansea’s passing style and home fortress, it’s high time Norwich were given some credit. Sitting pretty in the top half on 19 points, the Canaries have performed admirably and won pretty much every game against teams beneath them.  They’ve also scored plenty of goals. Grant Holt may look like someone who belongs in the cast of a dungeons and dragon enactment, but if you put the crosses in he’ll get on the end of them. Granted Newcastle were patched up and shorn of their centre backs, but Norwich bullied them and were the better team throughout. Paul Lambert is doing a fine job and you suspect the clubs biggest task may now not be avoiding relegation, but retaining his services past the summer.

2. Van Persie takes another step towards greatness.
You have to wonder if Van Persie could always have been this good had he actually played a full season, or if this is truly a striker hitting his peak. The answer, as always is a little bit of both. There’s no doubting Robin is benefiting from a proper run of games, but this is also a different player and person to the obnoxious and arrogant Dutchman who first arrived in London. Unlike Fabregas, there is selflessness about RVP since he was made Captain. He is leading the line with verve and menace as is proving an inspiration to the entire team. On the verge of breaking the premier league record for goals scored in a calendar year, RVP is as currently as good as any striker playing in world football. His volley on Saturday being the sort of strike where it’s hard to say anything but a kind of drooling orgasm like sound. Scoring tap ins, headers and wonder goals... the man is a joy to watch and is a massive contender for David Silva’s alleged shoe in for player of the year.

3. The Irish are still lucky.
Luck is certainly something you couldn’t accuse Steve Kean of having right now, his team having thrown away more leads than anyone and on three separate occasions during injury time.  Yesterday Sunderland huffed and puffed and looked like they couldn’t blow the house down until two wonder strikes turned the game on its head.  Martin O’Neil would have been pleased by the effort and application of his new squad, but must be very concerned at the core levels of total mediocrity that Steve Bruce injected into Teeside this summer.  Sunderland possess at least 14 midfielders who could be described as “alright” – and that’s their strongest area. Still, his winning start condemned Steve Kean to another post match interview when he managed to find all the positives (almost not losing) and seem to have zero idea how to correct the negatives (Blackburn keep losing). Currently on a staggering stay of execution, it has to be said that for all their negative play at times, he is making Blackburn very compelling to watch in an entertainingly bad horror movie way.

4. Owen Coyle needs to sort it out.
Phil Gartside is one of the more loyal chairmen in the league and it still seems unlikely that he will part with a manager who remains young, local and positive... but Bolton’s form is now a full blown crisis. Bottom of the league as we hit the festive season, they are losing their best defender in the transfer window and remain incapable of stopping the opposition scoring. A large part of that is down to the continued and mystifying selection of Paul Robinson at full back. It’s been clear from the start that such a sham of a Premier League player was sleeping with the boss, but Owen Coyle can’t let how good Robinson is in the sack muddy his thoughts when it comes to selection. He’s currently the worst defender in the league, making horrific errors each week and not being able to actually run. Coyle has to be cruel to be kind, taking not just Robinson out of the team but finding a midfield that can actually play together rather than just picking the players he likes. Gael Kakuta could surely be given a chance to see what he can do. He might not be Daniel Sturridge, but he’s got to be better than Darren Pratley. Bolton’s four festive games are against Fulham, Blackburn, Newcastle and Wolves. If they don’t get at least 7 points from that it could be game over. There first four in January are Everton, Man Utd, Arsenal and Liverpool.

5. Neil Warnock is just having a laugh.
Since the QPR ownership situation was resolved and Warnock was given the vote of confidence, not to mention several pounds of cash to spend, the former Blades boss has been strutting around like a child who’s been given the keys to the sweetshop and cannot possible contain his happiness. Formally an antagonist, often furious post match interviewer, Warnock now is unable to keep the smile off his face whenever speaking to the media. He may as well be wearing a t-shirt that says “I’m a Premier League Manager and I love every single minute of it.” It’s incredibly pleasing to see someone enjoying their job so much, especially when it’s a job that most armchair critics like myself covet each week. Having already signed Joey Barton and made him captain “for a laugh” – Warnock even defended Luis Suarez this weekend saying he needs protection not persecution. The dour, forlorn manager is so last year and despite Mick McCarthy’s attempts to keep beating the drum that he has the hardest job in the world, you hope that more people take a leaf out of Warnock’s book and realise that managing a football club, working out your tactics, screaming at officials and taking Paddy Kenny to every team you go to... can actually be really fun.

Five Things we’ve learnt from the Champions League this week:

1. Roberto Mancini remains unconvincing in Europe.
Given Mancini’s track record with Inter, it’s probably not all that surprising that Manchester City are achieving league supremacy whilst crashing out of Europe early.  In six seasons now Mancini’s record lists two QF’s, two last 16’s and two group exits (in that order) – so he’s actually getting worse.  The league remains the number one title for any club to win, particularly City given the recent dominance by their neighbours, but that shouldn’t detract from what has to be seen as an early failure for a squad with so many world class players.  A laboured start to the group ultimately cost them and there’s no denying they got a tough draw.  The bad news?  Even if they win the league they’ll likely be in the 4^th pot again next time around so it’s not going to get any easier.  Mancini needs to return to the drawing board and try and find a formula to stop top teams scoring, especially away from home.  You can have all the goals you want in your own stadium, but the key to winning the Champions League has always been about grinding out clean sheets and away goals.  Until Mancini works out how to do that, City won’t be considered a serious threat in the world’s premier club competition.

2. The tournament can still spring surprises.
Just last year the group stages were being accused of being boring, wasteful and ultimately pointless as pretty much every year the same 14/15 teams qualified with maybe a couple of other teams taking turns to then get spanked in the last 16.  Not this year, aside from Man Utd’s epic fail and Lyons simply remarkable turnaround, the group stages saw some truly epic topsy turvy matches with the fate of almost every team in the balance until the closing half of every fixture (the exceptions being Barca and Madrid... who will surely contest the final unless they meet first).  The plaudits though, all belong to one team and one team alone.  Step forward APOEL – a team from Cyprus (that’s right... Cyprus) who not only managed to qualify, but WIN their group and thus avoid the big guns in the next round.   A phenomenal achievement and a real shock to the competition.  They deserve every bit of credit given to them and their success should be shown as an example to all about how far team spirit and unity can carry you.  Granted they also have some decent players, but I bet only Fozu could name any of them...

3. AVB should drop Frank Lampard every week.
Quite why it’s a big deal that a 33 year old player who is 2 years past anything like his best sits out the occasional game is beyond me, but there you go.  Fergie was never getting stick for rotating Scholes and Giggs at this age so it remains baffling that AVB should.  Given the only thing Frank Lampard now offers is the odd deflected shot, AVB’s decision to use younger, better players against Valencia was the correct one which thankfully (for him) was completely justified by both result and performance.  Chelsea’s midfield three were mobile and dominant, making the decision to field Mikel up to now laughable and the decision by Liverpool to ostracise Raul Merilies simply inexplicable.  Chelsea are unlikely to win the tournament, but Tuesday’s performance showed that nobody will relish playing them.  For Lampard, a future on the periphery beckons and if Chelsea are going to truly evolve under their new young manager, several others will soon join him.

4. Fergies decision not to buy a midfielder has been badly exposed.
As with any situation, nothing is quite as simple as pinning all the blame on one reason, but of all the questionable calls Fergie has made over the past decade the decision not to re-enforce the one gaping hole in the squad over the past three seasons is genuinely mystifying.  Utd are kicking, wailing and screaming for a centre mid anywhere near the levels of Keane and Scholes in their pomp.  Michael Carrick and Fletcher have done a job and there’s no denying the long term potential of Cleverly and Anderson, but none of that excuses the continued overlooking of this area while Ferguson stockpiles strikers and wingers.  Ferguson himself now seems completely at a loss what to do with the position given he’s played both Phil Jones and Wayne Rooney there this season along with a staggering 12 other players.  United have been appalling since the Arsenal game, coasting on the result for several weeks before being brought down to earth by City and since finding it impossible to score.  They now find themselves out of the Champions League, without their best defender and relying on a youngster who’s played six times for them to save their midfield.  Fergie has been down before and come back stronger, but you suspect the transition may have to be sped up a bit if Utd aren’t going to lose more ground rather than regain it over the next few seasons.  And whilst we’re here, let it be said again that Jonny Evans would not get in the Wigan team, he is that bad. 

5. Manchester owe it to their fans to take the Europa League seriously.
City’s case here is less clear cut given their relatively new entry into the elite (although you wouldn’t know it talking to Gordan Strachan, who last night claimed they were “a much bigger club than Napoli”).  They are leading the league, in the semi’s of the Carling Cup and are favourites to win two trophies at least this season.  However, the Europa League has just hit the jackpot with one of the biggest (Utd - history, global fanbase, european pedigree, recent trophies that’s what it means Gordan) and the richest (City – that’s right - richest Gordan... not biggest) clubs entering the draw for the next round of fixtures.  City could well win it and that would still represent a major achievement.  Utd on the other hand, owe it to all their supporters to go on and try and win the thing to erase the memory of that group effort.  The two clubs will be rightly amongst the favourites to now win it but only if they take it seriously.  And frankly why not? They have the squads to make a fist of it and neither of them are truly likely to suffer such a lack of domestic form they’ll finish 5^th.  Plus one of them is going out of the FA Cup at the first hurdle to boot.  For either team to play a Harry Redknapp inspired bunch of kids in the next round would be a genuine disgrace and an insult to everyone who pays money to watch and support the clubs.  

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Fourteen

1. Yakubu still has it. 
As Everton continue to regard the art of scoring as a lost pastime, the man they released in the summer has racked up 10 goals in as many matches for an otherwise inept Blackburn.  Scoring all 4 goals this weekend, Yakubu may not be as quick as he once was, but how David Moyes must be missing the big Nigerian now.  A genuine finisher, Yakubu remains a powerful centre forward who, on his day, can give any defence a hard time.  Saturday was one such a day, and you suspect if Blackburn have any chance of staying up, there will have to be plenty more of them to come...

2. Capello might need to have a word with Alex Mcleish.  
Having taken just a few games to successfully turn Aston Villa into the most boring team ever to play football, the repercussions for England could be significant.  Not so much negative as just completely disinterested, the 9-0-1 formation that Mcleish perfects is leaving Darren Bent both confused and isolated.  Given Rooney is not going to be playing in what looks like a very taxing group (despite what the media may think) - it is likely that Bent is currently first in line to lead England’s attack come June.  At this rate, he will have died of boredom by then and certainly won’t be getting much shooting practice.  Capello could do worse than pick up the phone to the Villa boss and beg him to start playing anything resembling positive football.  If this goes on much longer he could be forced to pick Jermain Defoe.  And nobody wants that.  Not even Defoe himself...

3. The FA Cup just got interesting again...
In dire need of an image change, the FA Cup at least got a massive dose of fortune yesterday with a third round tie which will have Adrian Chiles salivating like the cuddly, portly bear man he really is.  Whilst Chelsea were handed their 1000th consecutive home draw to a rubbish team, Manchester United were paired with their neighbors for a mid-season clash of the titans at the illegally sponsored Etihad Stadium.  Given the recent match up, not to mention the obvious rivalry, it’s likely both managers will select full strength teams and start the 3rd round off with a bang.  Hopefully, it will remind people how good this famous competition once was.  Failing that, I’m sure Balotelli will do something to make it worth tuning in...

4. Ref’s... they’re just not getting better are they. 
In a weekend littered with poor decision making, nowhere was there more of a contrast in how a sending off can change a game than at Newcastle and Spurs.  In the early kick off at the sporting direct dot com stadium or whatever the hell it’s called now, Mike Dean inexplicably opted to show David Luiz a yellow card despite there being no rule in the game existing to do so.  With Demba Ba clean through, Luiz hauled him down in what was a stonewall, all day long red card decision.  If the ref had not deemed it a foul, it would have been the wrong decision but at least could have been explained as a genuine error.  Instead, by giving the free kick for the foul and then deciding for no reason whatsoever to show Luiz a yellow, Mike Dean effectively said “I have no idea what the rules of this game are.”  Elsewhere, Spurs got a big helping hand via the perennially hapless Stuart Attwell, who deemed Gary Cahill’s tangle of legs with Scott Parker to be a professional foul despite it being on the half way line, with a man covering.  It’s hard to know which decision was worse, but both refs should be hung out to dry for calls which there was simply no excuse whatsoever to get wrong.  A three match relegation to the lower leagues, 2 weeks wages and being asked to stand naked whilst Ba and Cahill get to pelt them with rotten fruit ought to do it. 

5. Arsenal are very much back in business. 
Ok so Van Persie still scored, but his fellow team mates had already hit the net three times by then and Arsenal swept aside Wigan with the sort of arrogance and casual disregard not seen in a long time.  4 straight away wins and unbeaten since that reverse by Spurs have seen Wenger’s little pocket dynamo’s stumble their way up the table to 5th and only 2 points off the Champions League spots.  Such a transformation seemed implausible 2 months ago and Wenger deserves credit for steadying the ship and slowly, but surely, getting the confidence back into the side again.  His front 6 are all playing well and the return of Vermalen at the back cannot be underestimated enough.  Put simply, Arsenal’s defence are 50% better when he plays.  Ok so Wigan are essentially a joke, but the Gunners are passing the ball around with real fluency again, not least in a 34 pass movement that resulted in their 3rd goal on Saturday. With some big games to come, including Man City in a fortnight, Arsenal now have genuine reason to look forward to Christmas expecting a cracker... and not another turkey (sorry).

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Thirteen

1. Godspeed Gary
Yesterdays games were inevitably overshadowed by the news of Gary Speed’s sudden death. As the details behind his passing remained completely unclear, a wave of shock passed through football as the sport said goodbye to a hugely likeable character. A genuine Premier League legend, only his fellow countryman and friend Ryan Giggs has stopped Speed from holding several records for his longevity in the top flight. A loyal and reliable pro wherever he went, Speed’s death couldn’t come at a worse time for Wales, who finally looked to had turned the corner with a squad centred around its cluster of new young stars.  Ultimately though for all the superlatives that have poured in since his death, thoughts turn to his family.  One hopes that the media gives them the privacy and respect they deserve over the coming weeks.

2. Gareth Bale might be quite good after all
After last year’s absurd hyperbole based on two good performances, I was the first person to criticize Gareth Bale and accuse him of lacking consistency. This season, consistency has been has middle name and he has been instrumental in Spurs march up the table since those opening fixtures.  Redknapp is playing on the counter away from home and when you have wingers such as Lennon and Bale who can carry the ball 40 yards in about 3 seconds; it’s easy to see why Spurs sit deservedly in 3^rd place looking upwards, not downwards on the league.  Bale has scored or created 10 league goals already this season, just 4 away from his total figure last time around.  He is playing with the energy and enthusiasm we expected but his delivery has been consistent and he has become much more intelligent in his running.  He’s not Lionel Messi, but the claim that he is the best left sided midfielder in the world now doesn’t look quite as absurd as it was a year ago.

3. Alan Shearer is getting worse
I for one didn’t think it was possible, but Alan Shearer managed to sink to even lower depths on Match of the Day Saturday night as his usual banal punditry descended into utter gibberish. In his defence, he could well have been put off by Mark Lawrenson’s incomprehensively sinister beard or Gary Lineker’s “ode to paedophiles” moustache. Either way, upon being asked to provide “analysis” on a match Shearer continued to stumble over his words, regularly losing his train of thought and at one point when describing a play just cutting himself off with the words “and he’s right.” Who’s right Alan? Not you that’s for sure... and certainly not the BBC who continue to pay money to have the equivalent of an untrained chimp providing comment on premier league football matches.

4. The sack race is on
December is not a good month to be a football manager. Far from looking forward to Christmas like most people, this is the season when Chairmen get itchy fingers and wonder if somebody else could do a better job with the January transfer window looming. Steve Keen remains the bookies favourite to get the chop first, based largely on him lacking any ability whatsoever to manage a football club. Behind him though, the axe hangs over Martinez, AVB, Mick McCarthy, Owen Coyle and, certainly after Saturday’s result, Steve Bruce. Losing at home to Wigan is justification for getting sacked on its own and Steve Bruce’s 3rd new team in 3 years at Sunderland has failed to gel in any way since the summer. With new owners in charge he needs to turn things around quickly or it will be him getting the p45 in his stocking this year. Which will at least make a change from his usual tactic of chirping on about loyalty and then leaving for a “bigger club.”

5. Man City are beatable
Liverpool didn’t actually win yesterday, failing to silence my blog article from last week and indeed make the title of this point a touch questionable, but they deserved to take all three points and were only a Joe Hart wonder save away from doing so. What would please their fellow title challengers the most was that City still look like a team who struggle when faced with a setback. The midweek result seemed to hang over them for much of this game and Liverpool dominated the second half and Adam and Levia completely controlled the midfield.  Indeed, if Daglish had perhaps opted for Maxi, Spearing or my Nan over the invisible Jordan Henderson and perennially useless Stuart Downing, Pool could have capitalised on their good work and made away with the win. As it is City played poorly and still came away with a point in one of the hardest fixtures in the calendar. Whilst somebody is still going to have to beat them to create any sort of a genuine title race, that feat now at least looks achievable again.

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Twelve

1. Chelsea are the new Arsenal
Anybody who thought AVB would be the new Jose was gravely mistaken.  Other than his nationally and youthful good looks, the former and current Chelsea manager couldn’t differ more when it comes to their team ethos and set up.  However, for all those who criticize Jose’s brand of anti-football, few can deny it gets results.  Thus far AVB’s Chelsea have been pleasing on the eye, often charging forward like the light brigade in search of goals, but are making both individual and tactical errors at the back.  Much like Arsenal then.  David Luiz is so bad a defender he wouldn’t actually get in the Arsenal team; and John Obi Mikel is the worst midfielder in the premier league, his continued selection above anybody who can walk is an insult to football and all humanity in general.  Around them Chelsea just don’t look interested in defending anymore and Cech is half the goalkeeper he was 5 years ago.  Chelsea, like Utd have done, have to go back to basics and learn how to defend before they can consider anything else.  At the moment they are playing worse than any team around them and don’t even have Robin Van Persie like Arsenal to win games on his own.  All of that said though, AVB remains a breath of fresh air in his attitude and any decision to move him on after paying a ridiculous £13m release clause would smack of genuine madness from Abramovich.  After all...

2. It’s becoming increasingly likely nobody can stop Man City.
As understatements go, Steve Mclaren’s at 4.50 on Saturday was right up there.  “I think this result finally proves City have what it takes to compete for the title.”  Ok then Steve...  Having now scored a staggering 14 goals against the three teams closest to them in the league (including the two best defences) – the question isn’t whether City can win the title, it’s can anybody stop them winning it.  City didn’t play well on Saturday and in reality haven’t played well since Old Trafford, but they’re not grinding out results by the odd goal, they’re banging in a minimum of 3 or 4 every single week.  Arsenal, Chelsea and Liverpool loom for them over the next few games but short of Van Persie and Suarez having a miracle match, it’s almost impossible to make a case for how any of those teams will beat them.  If they don’t, and City get to the half way stage unbeaten and sitting pretty near the 50 point mark, then it’s probably time to start playing for 2^nd for the foreseeable future.

3. Can Wigan play Blackburn every week?
Whilst both these teams look doomed to be relegated already, matched against each other this week saw their collective ineptitude level the playing field to create a fixture littered with rich comedy and entertainment.  A 3 all thriller in every sense of the word, Wigan can certainly consider themselves unlucky after having a stonewall penalty turned down and having to watch in disbelief as Blackburn scored a goal that Yabuku and Pederson made no attempt to conceal the comedy of afterwards.  Both defences went about things with the same casual disregard for their day jobs as they have all season and the drama wasn’t finished until the last kick of the game when Paul Robinson won a penalty with a courageous lunch into a Wigan boot.  First class entertainment from two teams who probably won’t be all that missed when they slip into the Championship come May.  Given Norwich, Swansea and QPR continue to play to sell out crowds each week, the 17,000 that watched this remains a pretty damning statement on how poorly supported both of these clubs are.

4. Stoke look short of confidence.
I don’t like to write about Stoke too often as I feel it gives justification for allowing Tony Pulis to continue to live in a world which would be infinitely better off without his presence; but Stoke have for the most part been a very interesting addition to the league and have performed admirably.  This season however it seems the dual pressures of Europe and the League are beginning to take their toll on Pulis’ smallish squad and Stoke looked out of sorts at the weekend against a QPR team far from full strength.  It’s admiral that Stoke are taking the Europa seriously (unlike Harry Redknapp’s bunch of juvenile delinquents) – but they have to arrest their league form sharpish to stop them falling into the bottom 3 during the busy winter period.  Away from home they’ve always been pretty average, but it’s their home form which will worry their mentally unstable manager the most.  Previously a fortress, Stoke are conceding and losing games with alarming regularity and when you’re not picking up points, it becomes increasingly harder to get back to winning ways.  It should probably be said that Stoke had a similar run this time last year and bounced back impressively, although none of that excuses Tony Pulis getting to breathe the same air as me each day...

5. What has happened to Tim Cahill?
In 2010 Tim Cahill scored more goals for Everton than Robin Van Persie did for Arsenal, even allowing for injuries.  In 2011 Van Persie is the most prolific striker in the league whilst Cahill, has scored less goals than Phil Neville.  Or indeed, anybody who has hit the net... at all.  His barren run has now stretched to over 20 games and despite being moved back into his favoured number 10 position, the goals are still not coming.  As Everton laboured to a home victory over Wolves on Saturday, Cahill needs to re-find his form and sharpish if the Toffees are going to climb up the table.  At present Moyes is committing that most cardinal of sins and keeping somebody in the team based solely on his past achievements.  Whilst the likes of Vellios, Rodwell, Osman, Saha & Drenthe all fight for a couple of spots, the time may well have come for Tim to be benched. 

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Eleven

1. Happy 25^th Anniversary Sir Alex.
In amongst all the accolades and awards this week, Fergusons latest starlets turned in a performance so abject that they could only have beaten a team managed by Steve Bruce.  Star struck and dizzy, as if they’d just met the manager not played under him for years, Utd even have to rely on an old player to score for them in a game that was generously called “terrible” by one paper the next day.  Still, a win remains a win and that has what Ferguson has done for a quarter of a century.  I’ve never personally been interested in comparing managers and players to other eras which I didn’t witness.  Ferguson is the best manager of my generation, period.  Comparisons to anyone who managed in the main before him are ultimately irrelevant, but in his current role he has seen off many peers over my lifetime.  He has lost the occasional battle, but always the subsequent war.  His last challenge may be his sternest yet though.  Many people thought beating this great Barcelona team would be the one thing left on his CV to achieve, but the neighbours from the across the road have given Ferguson a more immediate and pressing challenge.  And 25 years or not, continuing to play Wayne Rooney in central midfield just isn’t gonna cut it.

2. Ryan Taylor is surely worth an England cap.
In an England squad inexplicably not containing the figure of Micah Richards, currently the best right back in the league (although in fairness, Kyle Walker is also playing brilliantly) – one should probably not be surprised that nobody has seen fit to mention why no-one in the best defence in the league should be worthy of a call up for a couple of friendly matches.  Leighton Baines has not cut it at International level and we all know how good Ashleigh Cole is, so why not see if Ryan Taylor can do a job at being a long term backup solution on our troublesome left flank.  A tenacious and pacy defender, Taylor reads the game brilliantly and has a delivery every bit as good as Baines (he has more assists than any defender so far... apart from Richards).  He has been reborn at Newcastle in a back line featuring 3 young Englishmen.  In a squad featuring a police probed John Terry, an out of form Gary Cahil and a marauding right back who isn’t a right back in Phil Jones, Capello could have done a lot worse than just pick the Newcastle back line. 

3. Liverpools Midfield is abject.
So far this season King Kenny’s home form has been worse than under Hodgson, which given he’s spent millions redesigning his own midfield, is pretty damning.  It is still early days (although Hodgson was being crucified by now), but four home draws have shown that Liverpool’s new look midfield is struggling trying to break teams down.  Adams and Lucas are a solid central base, but it is on the flanks where Pool have really struggled with Henderson neither one thing nor the other and Stuart Downing yet to create or score a single goal since his absurd 20m transfer from Villa.  Downing has always been a player who’s treaded a thin line between brilliance and ineptitude and in his defence, he has laid on several decent crosses for Carroll to miss.  But even still, Kenny would have wanted much more from his unit to date given they are all proven Premiership players.  Gerrard and Kuyt both need to play to inject some urgency into proceedings and the decision to move on Raul Merilles, an infinitely better player than either Downing or Henderson, now looks more bizarre than ever.

4. Spurs are made of sterner stuff.
After a haunting start to the season being taught a lesson in finishing by the Manchester clubs, Spurs have won 7 out of 8 and drawn the other in a run only matched by City.  Their midfielder was always a strength and Scott Parker has only made it better, but it’s at the back that Spurs have been much improved so far this season.  They have snatched victory from the jaws of defeat twice already away from home, with the sort of rearguard showings not associated with this club for decades.  Brad Friedel may only be a short term signing, but he’s an inspired one and was the man of the match yesterday in a game Spurs really should have lost, let alone won 3-1.  Kaboul has silenced his doubters and the full backs are both playing with strength and guile.  6 into 4 doesn’t go now that Arsenal have refound their mojo but in the battle for the Champions League places Spurs are looking ominously good.  I rated them on a par with Everton before the season began.  A comparison that now looks absurd.  And yes, this entry was mostly written just to annoy Gareth Stockey...

5. All hail the “all new” match of the day studio. Not.
Both match of the days celebrated a makeover this weekend following a move to Manchester which Lineker appeared to imply was in direct homage to Alex Ferguson.  What is more likely is that the licence payers were on their backs for continuing to fly and taxi their entirely Northern based punditry team down south every week.  Whilst a studio remains a studio, all be it a curiously camp one, the real comedy was drawn from the show’s “flashy graphs” that looked like they were created on Microsoft excel circa 1995.  Splitting the screen, producing pie charts and generally looking really pleased with themselves; almost everything about the new format was seemingly done to distract you from the people talking.  Of course, when Alan Shearer returns to the couch that can only be a positive thing; although it still doesn’t mean it’s very good...

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Ten

1. Chelsea 3, Arsenal 5 – seriously, what on earth next?
In a season that has already seen at least three monumental shock results, Saturday lunchtime brought us yet another in one of the all time great Premier league matches.  Arsenal have been as about as useless away as Swansea so far this season, collecting one point and shipping 14 goals in 4 matches.  Chelsea on the other hand had played 4, won 4, and scored 12 at home.  Everything pointed to one result and after a first half littered with chances and the Blues winning 2-1, you could have got odds as high as 16/1 on Arsenal coming back to win.  They didn’t just come back and win, Arsenal absolutely slaughtered Chelsea in the second half.  Their front 3 of Gervinho, Van Persie and Walcott have never looked better and Ramsey and Arteta controlled the midfield.  Ok, so their defence is still pretty terrible and the best thing you can say about Santos and Mertesacker is that they haven’t made it any worse.  But quibbles aside, this was a restoration of faith for Arsene Wenger’s principals.  Especially given Chelsea played the game (as they have for much of the season) in exactly the sort of way that Arsenal do.  There is much to admire about AVB and Chelsea these days, but their season is threatening to unravel much the same way as Arsenals was unless they can shore things up at the back.  Or as Arsenal have now learnt, if you can’t do that, just score 5 goals instead...

2. Scotty Parker, English footballs answer to a fine Bordeaux.
Two years ago Scott Parker was heading to the end of a career that could probably have been summed up as what might have been.  He’s played for big clubs but never quite at the right time, his English career had never got going and the kid from the McDonalds adverts was playing for the bottom of the table team working his arse off week in, week out.  As it turns out, West Ham was the best thing that ever happened to him.  Collecting last season’s player of the year award, Parker has moved to Spurs and now looks just about as good a defensive midfielder in the league.  Getting better with age, Parker was imperious on Sunday as he broke down QPR’s midfield almost on his own to allow Spurs flourishing attack to run forward at will.  He looks like he could play for another 4 years and Harry Redknapp was for once not spinning a yarn when he eulogised over his qualities in the summer, declaring Parker the “one person” he wanted to sign.  That he had so little competition for his signature was baffling.  Parker could and perhaps should have been Arsenal’s captain.  But Wenger’s loss is Harry’s gain and right now, Spurs look just about the best bet for 4^th out of the improved chasing pack.

3. Swansea like it by the sea.
There’s always one team each year (usually Fulham) who coast through the Premiership normally finishing around 14-16^th with a superb home record and an absolutely terrible time on their travels.  This season’s contender for the “homer” crown is looking increasingly like Swansea City; who not only remain unbeaten after 5 games at the Liberty Stadium having yet to concede a goal scored by an opposition player, but just look an utterly different team to the one who continue to be hung out to dry away from the bay.  Scott Sinclair and Nathan Dyer have skill and pace to burn and once again tore into their opponents at the weekend to create the space for the eventual openings to come.  Defensively, Swansea are organised well and have a fine keeper.  They might not win away all season, but if they carry on this form at home and finish 14-16^th, not a single fan will care.

4. Somebody is going to have to stop Manchester City.
It is still too early in a season to crown anyone champions and City fans should be wary that Chelsea were strolling into November last year before their world fell apart around them.  The reason for their collapse was simple, they had been scoring at will... and then they stopped.  What should give City fans heart though and drive fear into everyone else’s, is that not since the Utd side of the late 90’s have a team had so many attacking players in such good form.  City currently have Aguero, Dseko, Ballotelli, Johnson, Silva & Nasri playing at the top of their game.  They often only play 3 of them, meaning that even if they don’t find a way through, the ones on the bench usually will.  They have scored 36 goals in 10 games, winning 9 and making the best start in the history of the league.  To even take a point off them, you have to score at least 2 goals.  By Christmas we should know more (City play Liverpool and Chelsea away and Arsenal at home in quick succession) – but for now, even as an optimistic Utd fan I’m left hoping for a triple injury blow and a chronic mass loss of form.  Never ideal...

5. Wigan are fucked.
5 points after 10 games is a dire situation and the teams around Wigan all have the capacity to get better.  With the greatest respect to Roberto Martinez, you just cannot see how Wigan are going to a) score and b) ever keep a clean sheet.  Still missing the likes of Paul Scharner not to mention the likes of Palacious and Valencia, Wigan have been victims of their own success to an extent but it now looks like their fate lies back in the Championship.  Last season they survived by the skin of their teeth, but there was at least 2 clubs playing even worse than they were.  This season it’s just impossible to make an argument for any 3 sides in the league all finishing below them.  Too early to condemn a side to relegation?  Not this time, Wigan have absolutely no chance.

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Nine

1. United have no defence. Literally.
All freakish results have to be considered in context and, as week 9 of the new season came to a close, this result will eventually mean very little if Utd lift the title come May.  The more worrying thing for Utd fans isn’t a one off freakish scoreline, but that City have been looking better than them in virtually every league game so far.  Defensively, a shambles of this magnitude had been coming.  Utd have conceded 92 shots on goals in 5 home games so far, a simply staggering statistic.  Ferguson refused to address the cavernous hole in the middle of the park in the summer, instead relying on youth and pace to carry Utd away from the pack.  What he probably didn’t bet on though, was City adding players of the quality of Aguero and Nasri to their squad; and the complete and utter decline of Rio Ferdinand.  Now barely able to run, Ferdinand looks about as good as Gary Neville did before he announced his retirement.  Elsewhere across the back line Evra is becoming increasingly more erratic both in form and mood and Jonny Evans needs to be shipped off to the reserves of the nearby Fox & Duck.  Three goals in injury time added a spoonful of humiliation on top of what was already a terrible afternoon, but if it gives Utd a wakeup call, personally I’m all for it.  The cold hard facts are that for all their team spirit and experience, right now only 3 United players would get in the City team.  All that money looks finally to have clicked and for all the feeble chirping of Liverpool fans who have nothing to celebrate but a home point to the might of Norwich, it could spell trouble not just for Utd, but for a league that probably can’t compete in general...

2. When are managers going to stop being so bloody biased?
If retrospective punishment for players is introduced, why not the same for managers who sit there and just lie about what happened after the match?  A thoroughly entertaining London derby saw Neil Warnock and AVB come away with such wildly polarised opinions it boarded on the ridiculous.  But it was Saturday’s game that really took the biscuit as Roy Hodgson, normally a picture of calm assurance, wildly claimed that Chris Herd had got sent off for “a clear stamp.”  Understandably aggrieved by Alan Hutton’s mystifyingly dangerous tackle going unpunished, Hodgson remains a better man than just making up claims to try and defend a dismissal that must rank as one of the worst decisions of the decade.  It wasn’t a stamp, it wasn’t even a foul.  It wasn’t... anything.  Come on lads, for crying out loud man up and admit that sometimes you just get very, very lucky.  It’s easy to criticise the ref when you’ve lost, it would be nice if someone did it when they’d been on the other side of the decision for a change.

3. Ray Wilkins needs to move on.
Firstly credit where credit’s due, after a shaky start Gary Neville has achieved in 2 months what Alan Shearer hasn’t done in 5 years, he has become a genuinely interesting pundit who is learning each week.  His banter with Redknapp is top notch and whilst he’s still Red Nev, he at least manages to remain impartial during his analysis.  Wilkins on the other hand, really has to stop being allowed in the commentary box when Chelsea are playing.  Biased to the point of madness, Wilkins is a terrible pundit, often drifting off into his own thoughts and seemingly having to be slapped off screen to shut the hell up.  Most irritating though, is his continued predilection for referring to Chelsea players by their first name.  Calling out “JT” and “Frank” is bad enough, but yesterday saw the introduction of “Didier,” “Nico” and the inexplicable “Old John Obi.”  Suddenly it’s becoming all too clear why Wilkins was sacked, presumably Roman spent two hours in his company and decided enough was enough.  It’s time to move on mate... seriously.

4. Mario Balotelli, the man Adel Taarabt wishes he was.
6-1 looks like and was a complete battering, but until Jonny Evans got sent off yesterday the Manchester derby was a very even contest with the exception of one man.  Balotelli was the difference, scoring the first two goals and getting the wrong side of Gerard Piques equal for the dismissal.  Superb in the last five games, the same certainly can’t be said of Adel Taarabt.  Storming off the pitch yesterday for what already seems like the 20^th time this season, Taarabt’s delicate flicks and range of passing were ultimately less memorable than him arguing with his own players and diving to the ground like he’d been shot whenever a Chelsea player came within a yard of him.  If you’re going to be a complete cock, you’ve got to be performing on the pitch.  Something that it seems Mario Balotelli has finally learnt to his favour. 

5. Football needs to get racism under control.
It may be a co-incidence, but the last week has seen a ludicrous four players being accused of racist remarks, with England’s referee/captain John Terry and Cesc Fabregas adding their names to the potential list of shame.  Surely video footage of matches is sufficient that these claims can be proved one way or another? John Terry allegedly racially abused Anton Ferdinand with around 6 players within a yard?  Shouldn’t the FA ask them what they heard, even if they decline to comment?  Football players are idiots and the last thing we want is for a “he were racist to me guvnor” epidemic to spread across the game like that pathetic spitting spell a few years back.  Either prove it, or punish the player who made up the claim.  Mind you, Fifa is hardly a benchmark for the racist moral compass, fining nations such as Russia and Spain an average of around £2.50 for ignorant and inexcusable abuse during matches.  There have been giant steps towards the stamping out of these scenes over the past few years, football needs to act quickly to ensure all the good work isn’t undone.

Team of the season so far as we reach the quarter stage:

Krull

Richards – Coloccini – Kompany – R.Taylor

Anderson – Parker – Ramires

Silva – Aguero - Rooney  

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Eight

1.  Chelsea remain a genuine title threat.
If they had taken more of their 30 chances at Old Trafford last month it would be Chelsea, not Utd, who would remain unbeaten and lie level with points with Man City at the top of the Premier league pile.  Everton is a bogey fixture for the boys in blue but it is a growing sign of their assurance under AVB that they swept them aside with comparative ease on Saturday evening.  Whilst they still look vulnerable to the counter attack, the same can be said about both the teams above them and Chelsea’s midfield is growing in strength.  Juan Mata looks the real deal and Ramires is getting better with every game.  Sturridge is playing with the sort of pace and fluency that made his recent overlooking from the England squad all the more baffling (he should be starting ahead of Theo Walcott on this form) and despite the ongoing Drogba and Torres debate, Chelsea’s system looks solid again with one of them in that lone role.  With the Manchester clubs all set for battle next Sunday, Romans Russian Army have the chance to go within a point of the top of the pile.  A position that will far from flatter them on this form.

2.  Arsenal simply cannot lose Van Persie.
Arsenal turned in their best performance of the season on Sunday and, in truth, deserved to win by a greater margin than 2-1.  That they won at all though was largely due to the finishing prowess of Robin Van Persie.  Scoring two and almost snaring a simply delicious third, the Dutchman remains the one world class attacking player in Wenger’s squad.  The Arsenal manager will be heartened by his captain’s comments before the match that he has no intention of leaving, but he must remain on edge until he signs a new contract.  Injury of course, never tends to stay away from Van Persie for long and if Arsenal are to have even the slimmest of chances of playing Champions league football again next year, you feel he has to complete over 30 league games for them this season.  Something, it has to be said, he has never managed to do...

3.  Wigan already need a miracle.
Bottom of the table and their only win coming over a ragged QPR side via two deflected goals, Wigan needed a miracle to stay up before the season began and they need even more of one now.  Shorn of their two best midfielders in the close season, Roberto Martinez has nowt but coppers in the kitty and a defence more porous than a fishing net.  Up front Hugo Rodallega has badly lost his way, Victor Moses looks like he’s played football once in his life and their main striker is Franco Di Santo... who is arguably the worst main striker not just in this league, but in any league.  Ever.  If Martinez keeps this side up he deserves every accolade going.  But the smart money is on them being out of it come Easter.

4.  Greed the order of the day on Merseyside
This week’s comments from Ian Ayre have thankfully been condemned by pretty much the entire football community.  Greedy and pathetic at worst, naive at best, Ayre’s comments came only a week or so after Ferguson had publicly backed the current system and slated the Spanish model.  One wondered then who was going to support Ayre’s proposal when the grandfather of the Premier league and leader of the biggest club had already cast disproval on such a motion.  Regardless of that, it cannot be allowed to happen.  English football already has a huge problem with financial disparity, with the gap between the top two leagues growing every year.  To create an even bigger chasm within the top division itself would give teams no chance at all of ever competing.  Comparison with the otherwise successful American model is so far off the mark it barely deserves a comment.  The last time I checked English football didn’t have a draft system.  Hopefully Liverpool’s MD can now crawl away into a hole again and be fed raw fish until he learns his lesson.

5.  Steve Bruce just doesn't like strikers does he.
Sunderland’s indifferent start to the season continued at the Emirates where they essentially defended for 90 minutes and ended up losing.  Whilst Arsenal remain a potent threat going forward, a four year old child could have told Brucie that the best form of defence against the Gunners is attack.  Their defence, inexplicably still containing Car Crash Koscielny, looks like it could crumble at any time and indeed on the 2 times Sunderland did decide to try and get in Arsenals half, they carved them open easily.  Pundits continue to talk about how Bent leaving has cost Sunderland but you wonder now if the problem was even deeper than that.  Was Bruce sleeping with Dazza? Did he cradle him after games like a mother to a newborn pub?  Sordid tales aside, Bruce looks like he was so personally scarred by Bent leaving that he now won’t play his strikers incase one of them starts scoring and leaves for another club.  It’s an interesting tactic, but one that will probably result in them losing most games.  Sessegnon is a decent player, but a centre forward he is not and Sunderland effectively played a 4-6-0 formation on Sunday whilst two strikers warmed the bench.  When they did both come on, one scored a disallowed goal and the other had a great chance.  It’s not rocket science Steve, just fucking play them. 

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Seven

1.  Ledley King – what a waste. 
Of all the injury wrecked careers few have more been prolonged and frustrating of that of Ledley King.  Imperious once more on Sunday, King had Van Persie in his pocket for 90 minutes on his way to claiming his 8^th straight win for Spurs.  The trouble being, he only plays 1 in 3 matches.  Indeed, in the last four seasons King has played 54 league games out of a possible 152 in what should have been any defenders prime years.  A masterful defender on his day, you’d think if Spurs are to have any chance of making the Champions League again, they’re going to have to hope he can stay fit.  When he plays, there remains few better in the division.  Indeed, if there was any justice in the world… it is King, not England’s brave John Terry who would have been leading our country for the past half-decade.

2.  Steve Kean might just be on his last legs.

A strange appointment at the best of times, there remains an endearing degree of awfulness to Steve Kean.  He doesn’t whine, he doesn’t moan… he just gets on with it and isn’t very good at his job.  A muddled victory over balsa wood Arsenal aside (where own goals attributed to half their total) Blackburn have been pretty dreadful so far this season, also failing to beat an Everton team who really, really wanted to lose against them.  A defeat by Man City isn’t a fair benchmark for anyone, but it’s not so much the result as the inability to… well, manage his team in any sort of a reasonable manner that is clearly grating Rovers fans right now.  Rovers just collapsed when the first goal went in on Saturday.  As if Kean has said to them all “we’re playing for nil nil, keep defending, keep harassing and if they score… well... er… we’re fucked.”  I don’t like to see any manager sacked (unless his name is Mick McCarthy) – but parting ways with Kean would be more akin to putting a confused and sickly dog to sleep.

3.  Newcastle – the unexpected leaders in the lost art of defending.
This weekend saw another two total spankings to add to a list that has already reached double figures by October.  Either teams are giving up much easier than before, or the standard of defending in the league is dropping (we don’t, with the best will in the world, have the world’s best attacking talent right now, although we do certainly have some of it).  Alan Pardew then, despite possibly being the Anti-Christ, deserves enormous credit for guiding Newcastle to an unbeaten 4^th place so far with a defensive record the pick of anyone in the league.  4 goals shipped in 7 games is a fine effort and Newcastle are playing with real belief and fluency.  So much so, that they actually look a better team without Andy Carroll in it.  The run will end soon, but for now Newcastle fans have good reason to be cheerful.  As a further aside, is there currently a better defensive midfielder in the league than Tiote?  Strong, skilful and with an engine that Van “60 minutes” de Vart would kill for.  Expect Arsenal to be in for him come May.  And ruin his career…

4.  Consistency remains the key.
If there’s one thing that drives me mad (well actually there’s several but let’s move on) it’s players on a “hot streak” of 3 or 4 games who are suddenly talked about as being fucking amazing.  Step forward Gabby Agbonlahor who has been really, really good for a grand total of two homes games this season and is now been talked up as “ready for England again.” Is he?  For me, playing well over a period of 20-30 games for your club should be what gets you noticed for your country.   I accept there will be the odd very young and prodigious talent who it’s probably worth chucking in there, but when people are calling for a recall for SWP you may as well just give up.  And on a similar point, can somebody please remind pundits that Phil Jones played 40 times for Blackburn; he isn’t some child who has just emerged from Alex Ferguson’s womb.

5.  Madness on Merseyside.
The early kick off this weekend was marred not just be a truly terrible decision by the referee (played the ball, didn’t even follow through, Suarez just ran into him, made a complete meal of it, not even a foul let alone a red sodding card...) – but more worryingly by clearly disgruntled Everton fans resorting to base levels of idiocy.  Unlike other City Derby’s – Liverpool v Everton has in recent years been shot through with a degree of calmness (at least off the field) and a mutual respect between supporters.  After all, unlike the likes of Glasgow and Celtic, Merseyside derbies often split whole families down the middle.  A shame then that Everton fans didn’t so much cross the line as hurl shit over it again and again yesterday with their disgraceful raining down of objects onto the field.  Carroll had three bottles thrown at him when he scored, Suarez several more and the last ten minutes descending into a total farce as corners were almost stopped due to safety concerns.  These are not scenes we want to see anymore of in our game and Everton fans should be completely ashamed of themselves.  As, it has to be said, should Martin Atkinson.

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Six

1. Howard Webb might just be a homer.
Over the past couple of years Howard Webb has often been criticised for being Man Utd’s “12^th man.”  Whilst it’s true that any sort of contact in the box tends to result in a penalty at Old Trafford, not to mention the fact that Nemanja Vidic would presumably have to shoot someone to get sent off, it’s also now apparent that these woeful indiscretions always occurred at home. What’s also apparent is that wherever he goes, Howard Webb seems incapable of not giving the lion share of decisions to the team playing on their own turf.  In 4 games already this season Webb has made huge, home favouring calls in his matches.  This Saturday was no different as Webb brandished out yellow cards whenever Everton players breathed on their expensive, delicate counterparts.  The point represented most strikingly when Tim Cahill was given a somewhat mystifying yellow card for Vincent Kompany stamping on him.  Webb is an accomplished international ref and it looks increasingly clear that the reason he struggles more in the Prem is being unable to find a neutral middle ground.  If it in doubt, the decision will always go with the home team.  Yorkshires finest could do with manning up a little bit...

2. Rooney remains key to Utd’s challenge.
With Dimitar Berbatov devoid of confidence and Michael Owen starved of the service he craves, Utd looked toothless on Saturday without their talisman and most creative force.  Hernadez and Welbeck are both fine and promising players, but they all need one man to make them shine and that man was sat at home watching a Beyonce concert and tweeting.  Ferguson’s refusal to buy a Sneijder like player hasn’t really been noticed so far and, contrary to some commentators , that hasn’t been justified by the fine start made to the season by Anderson and Cleverly.  The point has been moot because Rooney has been playing in the hole in a fluent 4-2-3-1 formation.  To say it’s been successful would be an understatement.  Rooney has been man of the match in every game he’s played for Utd so far and his movement, passing and finishing have been of the highest calibre.  Without him, Utd have a problem because Nani is too selfish (although he can thankfully score the odd wonder goal) and Young too static.  4-4-2 is now a dated system, especially away from home and Utd were easily kept at bay by Stoke.  Unless Ferguson is confident that Rooney can play 50 games this year, a small rethink may be required.

3. QPR can consider themselves hard done by.
Eventually salvaging a point in comedic circumstances, QPR were much the better team for all but around 5 minutes of yesterdays match up with Aston Villa.  They were behind owing to an invisible penalty and then had two more valid appeals of their own turned down by a ref who was seemingly trying to redress the balance caused by Howard Webb.  Slick in midfield and solid at the back, QPR are however in desperate need for a striker who isn’t from the Championship school of thinking.  They should still stay up however, especially given they can reinforce again in January.  As for Villa, they are fast becoming an even more boring team than Birmingham, if such a thing is possible.  Toothless without Darren Bent they also seem to have unearthed a player, in Charles NZogbia, who makes David Ginola look like he put a shift in.  McCleish still has work to do.

4. Kenny is going to have to make hard decisions for Liverpool to succeed.
6 months out or not, Steven Gerrard is far too good a player not to be in Liverpool’s first XI for next weekend’s Merseyside derby.  So far Kenny’s selections have been a mixed bag, refusing to regularly accommodate Dirk Kuyt, play Carroll one minute and drop him the next and sticking to a midfield four that is far from firing on all cylinders.  When Pool look good they look very good and that’s mainly due to the form of Luiz Suarez, who was again oddly taken off on Saturday with the match still finely poised.  Can you imagine Ferguson or Wenger taking off Rooney and Van Persie with 20 minutes left and the game 2-1?  Kenny either needs to master the art of rotation or choose his first XI and stick with it for 4 or 5 games.  At this stage, it’s unclear whether he knows what the latter is and Gerrard’s return has made his decision all the more harder.

5. Relegation will be another large scale scrap this year.
Whilst still early days, I’ve seen enough so far of every team to convince me that, on any given day, pretty much anybody in this league could win, draw or lose.  Even taking the big 3 clubs as read, it’s still no clearer beneath that if anyone is capable of putting together an unbeaten run of 10 or 12 games to really make a charge up the table.  Four teams remain unbeaten and if Newcastle have been good value for their points, the same certainly can’t be said for Aston Vila who have drawn all but one of their games in an often coma inducing fashion.  Of the relegation contenders only QPR look like they should be safe, but you can add West Brom, Blackburn, Wigan, Fulham & Bolton to the teams alongside Norwich and Swansea who look like they could be in serious trouble.  Indeed, if you add Wolves and QPR to that list you’re already talking about half the table that could conceivably find themselves in a relegation scrap.  Still, it all keeps it exciting doesn’t it... and if a couple of big boys find themselves down there in March... all the better.

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Five

1. The Premiership, time to tear up the weekly prediction slip.
Whilst the overall predictions of many pundits tends to eventually come to pass, trying to guess what will happen in each weekend of the Premier League continues to prove a genuine challenge.  The odds on Fulham coming back to draw with Man City were over 50/1 – yet that is what happened as elsewhere every promoted team cruised to victory in seemingly tricky fixtures.  38 goals were rattled in during easily the most entertaining weekend yet.  High flying Stoke were brought down to earth with a bump by a free scoring Sunderland and Liverpool were crushed by Spurs in the worst display yet of the Dalglish era.  Roll on next weekend for more thrills, spills and never easy to call match ups...

2. Is it time to blame the coaching, not the players?
As I was sat watching the most entertaining game of the season so far at Blackburn, I was struck by whether it’s time to stop blaming Wenger’s signings and start pointing the finger at his defensive coaches (and indeed him).  It doesn’t seem to happen these days, if someone plays poorly they’re called a poor signing not a poorly coached player.  Wenger blamed confidence for his defence once again resembling papier-mâché, but surely it is his job to build that confidence back up.  Most of his defenders over the past 5 years have got worse rather than better under his tutorage and surely he needs to rethink his methods.  The same, it has be said, is true of AVB.  Already Chelsea look a more fluent attacking unit than they did under Ancoletti, but their defence is being carved open in ways that never would have happened under Jose.  Have Terry, Cole and co just got worse?  Or are they not being coached to the same level?  The truth, as ever, probably lies somewhere in between...

3. Bolton look fragile.
The opening weekend and a 4 nil away win looks a long time ago for Bolton.  Since then they’ve shipped 13 goals in four matches and this Saturday were well beaten at home... by Norwich.  Granted they’ve had some tough fixtures, but Owen Coyle will be concerned at how easily his players are being taken apart.  Paul Robinson is a solid player, but he is all too easily undone by anyone who can actually run.  Elsewhere Gary Cahill appears to be playing so far forward he may as well be in midfield and Zat Knight has morphed into Titus Bramble at his peak of ineptitude.  Given their next games are Arsenal and Chelsea, they need to get themselves organised and fast.  Although at least they’ll probably score against the former...

4. Retrospective punishment for dives? Please... pretty please.
For all the arguments about video and goal line technology one of the things that tends to get overlooked is how easy it would be for players to be retrospectively punished for shameless simulation.  I’m not asking for miracles here, but why can’t the ref look through the match after it’s finished (as they do anyway) and include anything they may have missed in their report? The FA says doing such will take away from a ref’s power but I’d argue the exact opposite.  Refs are ultimately fallible and it’s almost impossible with the speed of today’s game to determine what contact there is in real-time.  Give them the power to slow things down and stamp out this cheating that has infected the game across the world.  This weekend featured at least three stone wall, no contact dives that would be stopped if the refs handed out yellow or red cards post match.  And not just that, but why should only Klasnic be given a red card for resting his head against the opposition defender? Yes it was stupid, but why is the defender who went down like he’d been butted by a rhino not being punished? It’s cheating and pathetic and if he hadn’t done it Klasnic wouldn’t have been sent off and, more importantly, I wouldn’t have got minus 2 fantasy football points...

5. Have there ever been more clear chances missed in a Utd v Chelsea match...
Sunday’s form book wasn’t ripped up with this result, but the manner of which it was achieved with two teams who normally play out a cagey affair was simply crazy.  An end to end basketball match with almost zero regard for defending gave anyone watching a royal treat and both managers a near heart attack.  Phil Jones is a fine player, but a stay at home, marshal of the defence ala Vidic he is not.  Himself, along with Ivanovic, Boswinger & Evra were often the furthest forward players in a match that saw over 30 chances, a missed penalty and FOUR all but open goals go begging.  On top of them all of course, a miss that will live in infamy.  Move over Ronnie Rosenthal, there’s a new kid in town... - http://www.telegraph.co.uk/sport/sportvideo/footballvideo/8772864/Chelseas-Fernando-Torres-misses-open-goal-against-Manchester-United.html

Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend – Week Four

1. The stardust is back.
Last season had its moments, but in the most part it was a war of attrition and mediocrity that saw the lowest ever points total to be Champions, a relegation scrap that started at 8^th and the player of the year coming from the team that finished bottom.  This season, for better or worse, the top teams (Utd, City, Stoke) have come out all guns blazing with performances that have bordered on the ridiculously good.  Already Aguero and Rooney are going toe to toe in an early top scorer shoot out, whilst behind them Anderson has been reborn as the creative hub of Utd’s midfield.  Meanwhile, David Silva’s performances have been so sublime it makes grown men weep to think that he can’t even get in Spain’s first eleven.  It’s still far too early to write off a stuttering Chelsea from the title, especially given the signing of the superb Mata and finally realising the way to score is simply not playing Fernando Torres… but whatever happens between now and May, this season looks set to give the league some truly world class performances again.  For now, the Prem doesn’t have to look enviously over to Spain & Germany to see where all the talent is…

2. Asmir Begovic is really, really good.
Stoke City remain unbeaten in all competitions this season and for all the talk about reconstructing Land of the Giants, it is in goal where they have unearthed the most polished diamond of them all.  Begovic had an unassuming start to his career at Portsmouth, mainly being loaned to every team in the country.  When Pulis picked him up 18 months ago and paid £3.25m for someone he described as “the best young keeper in the country,” people laughed.  Shifting an established international from the team in but a few months, Begovic has gone from strength to strength and has been in stunning form so far, conceding but a single goal in four league matches.  Indeed, having kept out both Chelsea and Liverpool in displays of aerial and acrobatic brilliance, it’s safe to say that nobody is laughing anymore.

3. Asamoah Gyan, what the fuck?
Having painted a picture of himself as just about the most likeable bloke in football, Asamoah Gyan completed a somewhat strange few months on Saturday by leaving Sunderland to go and play his football in the UAE.  Whichever way you flower it up, the decision to go and play in a total non-entity of a league when you’re not even at your peak and could play in any major league in the world for very, very good money… has to be called out for what it is.  A total disgrace.  Making Cashleigh Cole look like “not caring about money” by comparison, Gyan’s move is sadly systematic of the current state of football.  Fifa have to get a hold of the situation now, with wage caps and proper financial structures, before it just all gets out of hand.  For Gyan, all is not lost, even if nobody will now remember who he is in three years, he will at least have his music career to fall back on.  No… really - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VjOb6OA3SVo

4. Wayne Bridge – all sympathy is now gone.
Amidst all the madness of deadline day it shouldn’t be forgotten that one man was quite content to be exactly that.  Five clubs offered Wayne Bridge a contract this summer; several more had bids or loans accepted by Man City.  Bridge wasn’t interested in any of them.  He has a nice pad, an attractive “celebrity” girlfriend (I’m way too old to actually know who the Saturday’s are) and currently trains by himself at his clubs multi-million pound complex.  He, in all likelihood, will probably not play for Man City all year and pick up £4.5m for the privilege. As of the close of last season, Wayne Bridge was actually amongst the top 50 best paid football players in Europe.  He may be less of a cunt than John Terry, but when the dust settles, he’s still a fucking cunt.

5. Swansea are gonna struggle.
Four games in and yet to find a goal, Swansea looked about as likely to score as an eunuch this weekend against a badly misfiring Arsenal team that still contains the calamitous figure of Laurent Koscielny marshalling their defence.  Whether scything down strikers, being caught out of position or just passing straight to the opposition, Koscielny was indebted to his new centre back and keeper this weekend for somehow keeping a clean sheet.  He was also indebted though to a side that looked about as penetrative as a marshmallow.  Swansea pass the ball well and have some decent players, but if you don’t score at least 40-50 goals a season in this league the simple facts are you’ll go down.  So far their fans can at least cling to the fact that Norwich haven’t started any better and Blackburn look appalling, but it’s still a struggle wondering how any of the other 17 teams will finish below them.  Overall, not a good weekend for the Welsh…