City are back
After a stumbling period over the winter months, City have clicked into top gear at just the right time to lend credibility to a title race that looked like it had none a few weeks ago. Nine goals in two games and (finally) a clean sheet to boot has seen them trim down the lead to five points. Confidence coursed through their veins again this weekend and it was the first time in three months City had had a game well won by the first half. A common feature of their imperious home form last season and one strangely absent this time around. City face Liverpool next, who were ridiculously fortunate to escape from Saints two nil winners. Pool have been played off the park in successive matches at St Mary’s and come away with a five nil aggregate score line. A credit to their increased confidence at the back, the wonderful Philippe Coutinho and that age old commodity that no team can survive without. Luck. Should city prevail at Anfield they will be two points behind the leaders with a run of fixtures that reads Leicester, Burnley, West Brom, Palace. Chelsea remain firm, firm favourites but they are starting to look a little leggy and if you took Hazard and Ivanhoe out of the team they suddenly look very beatable. Plus you know… this…
The “campaign” against
Chelsea is real
It’s true Jose, there is a campaign against you. It’s not from the referees though, it’s from each and every football fan up and down the land who would rather swim a mile in their own faeces than watch you lift another Premier League trophy. Some decisions you get in football, some you don’t, but despite what Jose might think, they did not lose this game because they had a stone wall penalty turned down and Ashley Barnes didn’t get sent off. They lost it because they missed chances, carried at least two players, got a player correctly and utterly needlessly dismissed and then failed to defend properly. The challenge on Matic was a bad one, but it was mistimed rather than forceful or malicious and was one of those that looked much worse in slow motion. Oddly, Barnes’ first challenge was probably worse than his second. It was clearly premediated and given the height of it, potentially dangerous. However, given Ivan rolled over 85 times and then sprung up again basically holding a plaque that said “yeah, I was completely faking that” – I instantly lost sympathy. Referees need to start realising that it’s okay to book players for both the foul and the reaction to it. Simulation is still simulation, regardless of whether your were caught or not. As for Chelsea? Where was I? Oh who cares, they’re just so fucking boring aren’t they.
It’s true Jose, there is a campaign against you. It’s not from the referees though, it’s from each and every football fan up and down the land who would rather swim a mile in their own faeces than watch you lift another Premier League trophy. Some decisions you get in football, some you don’t, but despite what Jose might think, they did not lose this game because they had a stone wall penalty turned down and Ashley Barnes didn’t get sent off. They lost it because they missed chances, carried at least two players, got a player correctly and utterly needlessly dismissed and then failed to defend properly. The challenge on Matic was a bad one, but it was mistimed rather than forceful or malicious and was one of those that looked much worse in slow motion. Oddly, Barnes’ first challenge was probably worse than his second. It was clearly premediated and given the height of it, potentially dangerous. However, given Ivan rolled over 85 times and then sprung up again basically holding a plaque that said “yeah, I was completely faking that” – I instantly lost sympathy. Referees need to start realising that it’s okay to book players for both the foul and the reaction to it. Simulation is still simulation, regardless of whether your were caught or not. As for Chelsea? Where was I? Oh who cares, they’re just so fucking boring aren’t they.
Is Louis Van Gaal the
most underperforming manager in the league?
Another defeat, but beyond that another utterly lifeless performance full of defensive errors and a big black hole of Belgian basketball where a creative player should be. The question above is now very real, considering the outlay and resources available, is any manager in the league doing a worse job than Van Gaal? We have to discount the new comers at QPR, Newcastle, Villa and West Brom – given a handful of games is not fair to judge anyone on unless your name is Les Reed or Tony Adams. So beyond that who do we have? Out of the remaining top 10 only Rodgers could be considered, but he was very unlucky to have been deprived of Sturridge from game one having sold Suarez in the summer. Pool have steadied of late and whilst have underperformed for large chunks, currently look an even bet for 4th with United. Across Merseyside Martinez has certainly suffered a little from second season syndrome and even failed to beat Leicester this weekend. However, their performances in Europe have been strong and there has been enough good amongst the bad to suggest they’ll still finish the season in the top half if they can fix Lukaku. Burnley and Leicester remain in real trouble but neither are doing any worse than truly expected. 17th would be a huge effort for either club and remains a real possibility. All of which leaves Poyet, at Sunderland, and Bruce at Hull. All told, they would probably come slightly below Van Gaal if rated from top to bottom. But that we’ve had to mention them in the same breath says everything you need to know about how badly Manchester United are currently playing. If it wasn’t for a track record in Europe and International football it would be tempting to start yelling “you don’t know what you’re doing.”
Another defeat, but beyond that another utterly lifeless performance full of defensive errors and a big black hole of Belgian basketball where a creative player should be. The question above is now very real, considering the outlay and resources available, is any manager in the league doing a worse job than Van Gaal? We have to discount the new comers at QPR, Newcastle, Villa and West Brom – given a handful of games is not fair to judge anyone on unless your name is Les Reed or Tony Adams. So beyond that who do we have? Out of the remaining top 10 only Rodgers could be considered, but he was very unlucky to have been deprived of Sturridge from game one having sold Suarez in the summer. Pool have steadied of late and whilst have underperformed for large chunks, currently look an even bet for 4th with United. Across Merseyside Martinez has certainly suffered a little from second season syndrome and even failed to beat Leicester this weekend. However, their performances in Europe have been strong and there has been enough good amongst the bad to suggest they’ll still finish the season in the top half if they can fix Lukaku. Burnley and Leicester remain in real trouble but neither are doing any worse than truly expected. 17th would be a huge effort for either club and remains a real possibility. All of which leaves Poyet, at Sunderland, and Bruce at Hull. All told, they would probably come slightly below Van Gaal if rated from top to bottom. But that we’ve had to mention them in the same breath says everything you need to know about how badly Manchester United are currently playing. If it wasn’t for a track record in Europe and International football it would be tempting to start yelling “you don’t know what you’re doing.”
But given it takes little to tempt me anyway I’m happy to start it off.
Louis. You don’t know what you’re doing.
And is Gary Monk the
most likeable?
Is it the way Swansea treat the ball like they’re making slow love to it? Or is the comb over, 20s gangster hair and impossible not to root for half smile that shines out from Monks face after every match. It’s part and parcel for football managers to be disliked to a certain degree, but Monk is currently proving all that is nonsense. He is intelligent, articulate and easy on the eye. He’s also the same age as me. Which means he’s either very young to be a manager or I’m now in that awkward period where I’m closer in age to the coaches not the player.
Is it the way Swansea treat the ball like they’re making slow love to it? Or is the comb over, 20s gangster hair and impossible not to root for half smile that shines out from Monks face after every match. It’s part and parcel for football managers to be disliked to a certain degree, but Monk is currently proving all that is nonsense. He is intelligent, articulate and easy on the eye. He’s also the same age as me. Which means he’s either very young to be a manager or I’m now in that awkward period where I’m closer in age to the coaches not the player.
Did I just write that he was easy on the eye? I’m not sure I
meant that. I mean, he’s no Christian Eriksen is he? But anyway, there are very
few other managers who we all like. Ronald Koeman? And that’s probably it. But he has a
head that looks like an effigy. So you know, um, well. Let’s move on.
Tim isn’t going to survive by wearing a gilet alone…
Finally being able to move on from that inspirational, Oscar, Grammy and Nobel Peace Prize award winning half team speech, Tactics Tim rolled up to his day job in earnest this weekend… and lost. Things started well for Villa before they realised they’d blown their load a little early and sunk back into their own half before Stoke stole the points with a late penalty. Sherwood is a likeable chap and a welcome addition back to the league, but boy does he have his work cut out here. Villa remain a side devoid of creativity and inspiration and their one world class player, Christian Benteke, currently couldn’t score in a high rise in Baltimore. Villa have scored two goals in a league game twice all season, which means they quite literally have to keep a clean sheet to win a match. A tall order for any club, even one who prior to this weekend were playing with three defensive midfielders protecting the back four. If there’s one thing Tim knows, it’s tactics, which is why any boost to Villa’s attack is likely to come at a cost to their defence. Finding that balance, as well as getting Benteke scoring again, is key to Sherwood still being in the hot seat and Villa still being in the league come May.
Tim isn’t going to survive by wearing a gilet alone…
Finally being able to move on from that inspirational, Oscar, Grammy and Nobel Peace Prize award winning half team speech, Tactics Tim rolled up to his day job in earnest this weekend… and lost. Things started well for Villa before they realised they’d blown their load a little early and sunk back into their own half before Stoke stole the points with a late penalty. Sherwood is a likeable chap and a welcome addition back to the league, but boy does he have his work cut out here. Villa remain a side devoid of creativity and inspiration and their one world class player, Christian Benteke, currently couldn’t score in a high rise in Baltimore. Villa have scored two goals in a league game twice all season, which means they quite literally have to keep a clean sheet to win a match. A tall order for any club, even one who prior to this weekend were playing with three defensive midfielders protecting the back four. If there’s one thing Tim knows, it’s tactics, which is why any boost to Villa’s attack is likely to come at a cost to their defence. Finding that balance, as well as getting Benteke scoring again, is key to Sherwood still being in the hot seat and Villa still being in the league come May.
Team of the Weak
Howard – Another howler, general poor management of his defence, a typically erratic performance from a keeper who’s now has a really long world cup hangover.
Haidara – An absolute horror show. Torn apart by anybody who walked near him in a city shirt.
Phil Jones – It’s is utterly disbelieving that Alex Ferguson thought so highly of this lad. Currently playing at pub level.
Caulker –Back to back relegations is not going to look good for a player who cost millions and was supposed to be international class.
Vlaar – It was just, such a poor tackle Ron.
Anita – Looked like he’d genuinely forgotten how to play the game, hooked at half time and was probably extremely grateful.
Matic – That Chelsea are appealing his red card says everything about what a ridiculous football club they are. You can’t react like, ever. Have a month off lad.
Dembele – At fault for the goal, gave the ball away like it was a charity all dayer and hauled at the break for a real player.
Larsson – Absolute garbage. Why does he still get games? Creates literally nothing and can’t run. You can’t just carry specialist free kick takers if you’re as poor as Sunderland are.
Van Persie – Absolutely awful yet again. Has deteriorated at Torres esque levels this season and his top level career is over. News of his injury openly celebrated by United’s fans.
Lukaku – Another dreadful attempt to prove himself as a top striker. Even when he did score, he didn’t, it was an own goal. Missed four good chances, one of which would have made Sandra Redknapp blush.
Howard – Another howler, general poor management of his defence, a typically erratic performance from a keeper who’s now has a really long world cup hangover.
Haidara – An absolute horror show. Torn apart by anybody who walked near him in a city shirt.
Phil Jones – It’s is utterly disbelieving that Alex Ferguson thought so highly of this lad. Currently playing at pub level.
Caulker –Back to back relegations is not going to look good for a player who cost millions and was supposed to be international class.
Vlaar – It was just, such a poor tackle Ron.
Anita – Looked like he’d genuinely forgotten how to play the game, hooked at half time and was probably extremely grateful.
Matic – That Chelsea are appealing his red card says everything about what a ridiculous football club they are. You can’t react like, ever. Have a month off lad.
Dembele – At fault for the goal, gave the ball away like it was a charity all dayer and hauled at the break for a real player.
Larsson – Absolute garbage. Why does he still get games? Creates literally nothing and can’t run. You can’t just carry specialist free kick takers if you’re as poor as Sunderland are.
Van Persie – Absolutely awful yet again. Has deteriorated at Torres esque levels this season and his top level career is over. News of his injury openly celebrated by United’s fans.
Lukaku – Another dreadful attempt to prove himself as a top striker. Even when he did score, he didn’t, it was an own goal. Missed four good chances, one of which would have made Sandra Redknapp blush.
What you may have
missed.
Joey Barton maturing and getting sent off for a cheeky slap in the nads as opposed to the old school cuff to the face. Tim Sherwood leaving the pitch in tears to phone his mum. Burnley manager Sean Dyche really not giving an absolute shit what Jose Mourinho had to say about anything. Oliver Giroud scoring again and still trying to convince everyone he’s a real striker. QPR back to losing away again to the mighty Hull. Sunderland and West Brom finishing nil nil in a match which was 99.99% certain… to finish nil nil. Louis Van Gaal blaming luck and the referee for United losing. Louis Van Gaal failing to blame his defence, midfield, attack or woefully out of touch tactics. Newcastle giving up after ten minutes and basically resorting to begging Man City to not try and score ten. Late drama securing two superb draws at Spurs & Everton and finally Graziano Pelle ticking along towards the 800 minute mark without scoring. Does he want a game at Aston Villa?
Joey Barton maturing and getting sent off for a cheeky slap in the nads as opposed to the old school cuff to the face. Tim Sherwood leaving the pitch in tears to phone his mum. Burnley manager Sean Dyche really not giving an absolute shit what Jose Mourinho had to say about anything. Oliver Giroud scoring again and still trying to convince everyone he’s a real striker. QPR back to losing away again to the mighty Hull. Sunderland and West Brom finishing nil nil in a match which was 99.99% certain… to finish nil nil. Louis Van Gaal blaming luck and the referee for United losing. Louis Van Gaal failing to blame his defence, midfield, attack or woefully out of touch tactics. Newcastle giving up after ten minutes and basically resorting to begging Man City to not try and score ten. Late drama securing two superb draws at Spurs & Everton and finally Graziano Pelle ticking along towards the 800 minute mark without scoring. Does he want a game at Aston Villa?
No, seriously.
