Everton crash and burn in typical fashion
The last time Everton beat Liverpool at Anfield, three of their players who started on Saturday hadn’t even taken their first step. Not on a football pitch, but in life. Everton haven’t beaten their rivals away since the 90’s and in truth, have rarely looked like doing so. This Saturday was the same old story again - it doesn’t seem to matter how evenly the teams are matched, or whatever any sort of comparative form they are in - it has been men against boys for the best part of 20 years. The Everton players look incapable of shaking off the mental block of so many years of abject attacking play, comedy defending and just diving into tackles in a reckless display of passion. Everton defended badly, passed it even worse and up front had the penetration of a eunuch. The Lukaku issue is a further problem Everton could do without. Which is probably something a lot of top managers eying him up are asking as well. Has any player ever looked so good one minute and so bad the next? Lukaku rarely, if ever, delivers in the big games when his team desperately need him to. He could argue he doesn’t get the service in these matches, he’s a striker after all not the teams creative force (step forward the equally as inconsistent Ross Barkley). But still, he doesn’t put himself around in the way a Costa or a Sanchez does and if you have to wonder if he really is any better than the club he finds himself at. He’d probably get in Arsenal’s team right now. But then frankly, who wouldn’t.
The last time Everton beat Liverpool at Anfield, three of their players who started on Saturday hadn’t even taken their first step. Not on a football pitch, but in life. Everton haven’t beaten their rivals away since the 90’s and in truth, have rarely looked like doing so. This Saturday was the same old story again - it doesn’t seem to matter how evenly the teams are matched, or whatever any sort of comparative form they are in - it has been men against boys for the best part of 20 years. The Everton players look incapable of shaking off the mental block of so many years of abject attacking play, comedy defending and just diving into tackles in a reckless display of passion. Everton defended badly, passed it even worse and up front had the penetration of a eunuch. The Lukaku issue is a further problem Everton could do without. Which is probably something a lot of top managers eying him up are asking as well. Has any player ever looked so good one minute and so bad the next? Lukaku rarely, if ever, delivers in the big games when his team desperately need him to. He could argue he doesn’t get the service in these matches, he’s a striker after all not the teams creative force (step forward the equally as inconsistent Ross Barkley). But still, he doesn’t put himself around in the way a Costa or a Sanchez does and if you have to wonder if he really is any better than the club he finds himself at. He’d probably get in Arsenal’s team right now. But then frankly, who wouldn’t.
Sunderland are on the beach, not fighting them on it
Sunderland are marooned at the bottom of the table having won a single game in 8 matches and finding themselves 7 points adrift of safety. What’s worse, is that the Black Mice have scored in just one of those matches. That 4-0 romp against Palace now looking like the biggest freak result of the season. Sunderland haven’t scored since and when their only striker can get called up for England, score, and come back and still not get close to finding the net again... it pretty much sums up their current malaise. The big question is as what point is it okay to say that David Moyes is a terrible manager? Sunderland have just 20 points from 30 matches. An absolutely pathetic tally when you consider that Tony Pulis and a pretty similar, on paper, team have 44. Watford have 34 for goodness sake. Watford? A club who’s manager is under pressure, are horrible to watch and seem to rotate a squad of 28 defenders at random. I’m sorry David, but it’s time to be put out to pasture. I mean... how many crap managers have tried and failed to take Sunderland down over the past decade...
A penny for Wilshire’s thoughts
Jack Wilshire was loaned out last summer in one last, desperate hail mary for him to find form and fitness. The most precocious talent in England’s midfield armor had too often been the literal chink in it. As has so often been the case for Wilshire, it looked like a corner had been turned when a run of 17 starts from 20 matches saw him find form, fitness and with a passing nod at Arsenal’s woeful fitness record to boot. Since then though, Jack has lost his way. He has started 1 of the past 6 matches and none of the last four. He was not hitting the highs of the back end of last year, but it’s still difficult to understand why Eddie Howe isn’t trusting him to play football anymore. Last week Wilshire was ommited from the England squad whilst the likes of James Ward-Prowse and Jake Livermore were given caps. On Saturday, he had to sit and watch the might of Gosling, Surman, Pugh and Arter be picked ahead of him before he could get on the pitch. If you suggested to somebody that a fully fit Jack Wilshire would be deemed to be the 7th go to player of those names as little as a year ago you would be considered insane.
Jack Wilshire was loaned out last summer in one last, desperate hail mary for him to find form and fitness. The most precocious talent in England’s midfield armor had too often been the literal chink in it. As has so often been the case for Wilshire, it looked like a corner had been turned when a run of 17 starts from 20 matches saw him find form, fitness and with a passing nod at Arsenal’s woeful fitness record to boot. Since then though, Jack has lost his way. He has started 1 of the past 6 matches and none of the last four. He was not hitting the highs of the back end of last year, but it’s still difficult to understand why Eddie Howe isn’t trusting him to play football anymore. Last week Wilshire was ommited from the England squad whilst the likes of James Ward-Prowse and Jake Livermore were given caps. On Saturday, he had to sit and watch the might of Gosling, Surman, Pugh and Arter be picked ahead of him before he could get on the pitch. If you suggested to somebody that a fully fit Jack Wilshire would be deemed to be the 7th go to player of those names as little as a year ago you would be considered insane.
It is to Wilshire’s credit that he hasn’t complained, and to his enduring talent that bigger clubs remain after him. For the cynical amongst us though, it is tempting to now wonder whether this player’s career is already over before it was even given a chance to begin.
The title race isn’t over... yet
Chelsea desperately attempted to breath life into the dying lungs of this season’s title race on Saturday, by contriving to lose to a Crystal Palace team who they absolutely battered for 87 minutes... and were utterly terrible against for 3. Costa had what could politely be described as “one of those games” and Chelsea could not score a second goal against a typically reformed Sam Allardyce managed side. Meanwhile Spurs continued to win yet again; despite now averaging two injuries a match and being down to essentially youth players on their bench. And Sissoko.
Chelsea desperately attempted to breath life into the dying lungs of this season’s title race on Saturday, by contriving to lose to a Crystal Palace team who they absolutely battered for 87 minutes... and were utterly terrible against for 3. Costa had what could politely be described as “one of those games” and Chelsea could not score a second goal against a typically reformed Sam Allardyce managed side. Meanwhile Spurs continued to win yet again; despite now averaging two injuries a match and being down to essentially youth players on their bench. And Sissoko.
So just youth players then.
7 points separate these North London giants and if City can beat the Blues in midweek maybe, just maybe... we might get to wait until the last game of the season before Spurs fuck it up.
Swansea v Borozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Boro have the same number of goals that Sunderland do points. I mean, that is just not playing the game properly. A well marshaled defence kept Swansea at bay for the entire of this abject match up before Rudy Gestede contrived to miss from 5 yards in much the same way Boro have been doing so all season. Quite frankly, on the evidence of the past few months, the North East don’t deserve a team in the Premier League anymore. It’s time to go away, apologise for what you’ve done and have a long, hard look at yourselves.
I mean, at least fucking Newcastle were entertaining.
Team of the Weak - with guest editor Garth Crooks:
De Gea - He kept a clean sheet, but he was asleep for the whole match. Literally at one point, almost letting that free kick in when he was dreaming about Real Madrid next year. When I played for Man United I would never have lost my concentration like that.
Robertson - Was given a tough time defensively all match, but who cares about that, he scored. I didn’t even watch the match, I just know that because Ceefax told me. Or whatever the kids call it now.
Bertrand - What a player this kid is. It was never a penalty the referee gave against him. I don’t know what he was looking at but it wasn’t the game! Bertrand was the best defender on show in a match of few chances. Even though there were loads.
Simpson - Where were these Leicester players last month? Absolute turncoats. Charlatans. Traitors. I don’t care what they did last year. It’s meaningless now. Meaningless.
Simpson - Where were these Leicester players last month? Absolute turncoats. Charlatans. Traitors. I don’t care what they did last year. It’s meaningless now. Meaningless.
Mustafi - What a goal, what an assist! I mean he couldn’t pass water at the back there, and my Nan could have done a better job on the first goal. But he scored. Is that not what we judge defenders on these days?
Fellaini - I can see what Jose sees in him I have to say. That chest, that puffed out massive chest. I want that chest. I played for Man United you know. For 7 games, on loan, but you’d think the amount of times I mention I was there for five title winning seasons. But I wasn’t.
Silva - I love watching this little magician play, he is pure poetry. He cuts across the grass better than my back and decker lawnmower. Proper nice job that does on my lawn.
Zaha - He’s really matured, he was lovely to watch here. He gave Chelsea the run around all game. A shame he didn’t choose to play for England though. I mean I know he did, twice. But that’s still twice more than me. And now he’s playing for Ivory Coast. Like a boss.
Defoe - It was lovely to see him score for England in the break. He works really hard and his personal chef must be doing a great job.
Kane - A shame for Harry getting injured a few weeks ago, but he’s like that Harry, modest takes it in his stride. Letting other players score some goals whilst he puts his feet up for a few weeks. I respect that.
Niasse - I didn't watch the Hull hame but some bloke on the train who bought me a John Smith said he played brilliantly and I should put him in. So here he is.
Defoe - It was lovely to see him score for England in the break. He works really hard and his personal chef must be doing a great job.
Kane - A shame for Harry getting injured a few weeks ago, but he’s like that Harry, modest takes it in his stride. Letting other players score some goals whilst he puts his feet up for a few weeks. I respect that.
Niasse - I didn't watch the Hull hame but some bloke on the train who bought me a John Smith said he played brilliantly and I should put him in. So here he is.
Costa - Real horrible piece of work on the pitch but off it he’s lovely. I met him working for local radio a few weeks ago and he was really polite and told me he loved Chelsea and wanted to win the title with them. I mean a shame about today obviously. Fuck me he was absolutely bollocks. I mean like seven shades of shit bollocks. Could not hit a barn door with a banjo if the the barn door was you know... right there bollocks. But still, lovely guy. I hope he wins that title.
Goodnight
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