Following on from perhaps the most underwhelming squad announcement
in the history of professional sport, the Hindu Monkey casts his eye over the 22
football players (and Stewart Downing) who have somehow been selected to carry
the nation’s hopes and dreams this summer. And once again trash them.
The Keepers:
Joe Hart
A flawless selection, one of only three world class players England have available, the first name on the team sheet.
A flawless selection, one of only three world class players England have available, the first name on the team sheet.
Rob Green
Inexplicably selected for his country again despite dropping down a division and not even being very good there. Should be nowhere near the plane, let alone the number 2. Prayers are being said that Hart stays fit up and down the country.
Inexplicably selected for his country again despite dropping down a division and not even being very good there. Should be nowhere near the plane, let alone the number 2. Prayers are being said that Hart stays fit up and down the country.
John Ruddy
Solid season for Norwich rewarded with international call up. Good shot stopper if far from international class. 3rd choice keeper so unlikely to play but inclusion still represents a gamble.
Solid season for Norwich rewarded with international call up. Good shot stopper if far from international class. 3rd choice keeper so unlikely to play but inclusion still represents a gamble.
Who should have gone?
One of Paul Robinson or Ben Foster should have been spoken to about going as the reserve keeper. Both experienced and better than either Green or Ruddy. 3rd keeper should have been someone young and for the future to gain experience. Ben Amos or Jack Butland should be on the plane.
One of Paul Robinson or Ben Foster should have been spoken to about going as the reserve keeper. Both experienced and better than either Green or Ruddy. 3rd keeper should have been someone young and for the future to gain experience. Ben Amos or Jack Butland should be on the plane.
The Defenders:
Glen Johnson
Terrible at the last world cup and in and out of the Liverpool team this year owing to injury. Is, at best, England’s 4th finest right back. His selection, like others, feels like a feeble olive branch to Liverpool FC.
Terrible at the last world cup and in and out of the Liverpool team this year owing to injury. Is, at best, England’s 4th finest right back. His selection, like others, feels like a feeble olive branch to Liverpool FC.
Phil Jones
Raw and unproven, Jones had a hopelessly mixed season for Utd despite gaining an absurd number of plaudits for doing so. Energetic, passionate and undoubtedly talented, his distribution and positioning is erratic at best. Just about deserves to go owing to lack of other options and at least having the right attitude.
Raw and unproven, Jones had a hopelessly mixed season for Utd despite gaining an absurd number of plaudits for doing so. Energetic, passionate and undoubtedly talented, his distribution and positioning is erratic at best. Just about deserves to go owing to lack of other options and at least having the right attitude.
Gary Cahill
Played half the season for the worst defence in the league and has been inconsistent for Chelsea. On his day he’s a fine centre back though; and unlike so many others, he’s yet to let England down.
Played half the season for the worst defence in the league and has been inconsistent for Chelsea. On his day he’s a fine centre back though; and unlike so many others, he’s yet to let England down.
John Terry
A selection that redefines the term “offensive” – the situation which the FA have got themselves and their country into over Terry goes beyond parody. Shouldn’t be on the plane for form or personal reasons and will only serve as a distraction to the squad. An unforgivable error from Hodgson.
A selection that redefines the term “offensive” – the situation which the FA have got themselves and their country into over Terry goes beyond parody. Shouldn’t be on the plane for form or personal reasons and will only serve as a distraction to the squad. An unforgivable error from Hodgson.
Joleen Lescott
Has been the best English centre back in the league this season. His superb performances have been often overshadowed by the mercurial Kompany. He is still prone to the odd error, but has done more than enough to warrant a place on the plane.
Has been the best English centre back in the league this season. His superb performances have been often overshadowed by the mercurial Kompany. He is still prone to the odd error, but has done more than enough to warrant a place on the plane.
Ashley Cole
No arguments here. Despite the man being about as likeable as a dodgy kebab on an upset stomach.
No arguments here. Despite the man being about as likeable as a dodgy kebab on an upset stomach.
Leighton Baines
Easily the next best left back and again, no arguments. Not picking these two for the left back slot would have been like picking Stewart Downing and Jordan Henderson in midfield. Hold on...
Easily the next best left back and again, no arguments. Not picking these two for the left back slot would have been like picking Stewart Downing and Jordan Henderson in midfield. Hold on...
Who should have gone?
Micah Richards stands out as the most strange. Superb for Man City whenever he’s played, he would also have been fresh having been given the last month off. Jags also had to make it, especially given his history of playing with Lescott. There was a paucity of options here which is just about the only thing you can say in defence of the selections, and it’s no surprise he’s only taken 7 defenders and overloaded the midfield. But Terry and Johnson should not have travelled, more so given how truly awful they both were against Germany last time around. Ryan Shawcross would also have been an option and is arguably a much better defender than Phil Jones.
Micah Richards stands out as the most strange. Superb for Man City whenever he’s played, he would also have been fresh having been given the last month off. Jags also had to make it, especially given his history of playing with Lescott. There was a paucity of options here which is just about the only thing you can say in defence of the selections, and it’s no surprise he’s only taken 7 defenders and overloaded the midfield. But Terry and Johnson should not have travelled, more so given how truly awful they both were against Germany last time around. Ryan Shawcross would also have been an option and is arguably a much better defender than Phil Jones.
The Midfield:
Gareth Barry
Barry is a tough one to argue. On the surface he’s had a fine season, the unsung hero in a title winning team. However, he was exposed at City whenever Ya Ya Toure didn’t play, who essentially did all his running for him. England have nobody anywhere near as good as Toure and the fear is that, at international level, Barry will be vulnerable as soon as he comes up against pace.
Barry is a tough one to argue. On the surface he’s had a fine season, the unsung hero in a title winning team. However, he was exposed at City whenever Ya Ya Toure didn’t play, who essentially did all his running for him. England have nobody anywhere near as good as Toure and the fear is that, at international level, Barry will be vulnerable as soon as he comes up against pace.
Frank Lampard
A selection that beggars belief. No single player has let his country down more than Lampard in my lifetime. That he has amassed 90 caps is an insult to every English footballer of the last ten years. He hasn’t played well for his country in over 6 years and will be 34 at the tournament. A totally nonsensical choice given his history and capacity to crumble whenever he pulls on an England shirt.
A selection that beggars belief. No single player has let his country down more than Lampard in my lifetime. That he has amassed 90 caps is an insult to every English footballer of the last ten years. He hasn’t played well for his country in over 6 years and will be 34 at the tournament. A totally nonsensical choice given his history and capacity to crumble whenever he pulls on an England shirt.
Scott Parker
Brilliant for Spurs all season but sadly now injured. You have to hope he recovers in time because the standby option of Jordan Henderson feels like a practical joke that’s horribly backfired. That said, even a fully fit central midfield of Parker/Barry looks like an accident waiting to happen. M’Villa and France could carve through them like a knife through butter.
Steven Gerrard
Probably should be on the plane, but as captain? Come on Roy. Gerrard hasn’t been half the player he was for two years now following a series of injuries and Liverpool have played notably better without him. As it is Hodgson has selected the same captain who was so horribly undermined during the World Cup. This would make sense if Terry hadn’t travelled, but that he has just makes it seem like the manager has put his head in the sand. Arguably, Gerrard has also caused much more trouble than Terry has over his career… he just has a much better lawyer.
Probably should be on the plane, but as captain? Come on Roy. Gerrard hasn’t been half the player he was for two years now following a series of injuries and Liverpool have played notably better without him. As it is Hodgson has selected the same captain who was so horribly undermined during the World Cup. This would make sense if Terry hadn’t travelled, but that he has just makes it seem like the manager has put his head in the sand. Arguably, Gerrard has also caused much more trouble than Terry has over his career… he just has a much better lawyer.
James Milner
The Mr Average of the England set up. I can’t even bring myself to comment on his inclusion. He is at least fresh and works hard.
The Mr Average of the England set up. I can’t even bring myself to comment on his inclusion. He is at least fresh and works hard.
Theo Walcott
Deserves his place after a decent season with Arsenal. Still frustratingly hit and miss but given the lack of pace elsewhere in the squad he had to go.
Deserves his place after a decent season with Arsenal. Still frustratingly hit and miss but given the lack of pace elsewhere in the squad he had to go.
Alex
Oxlaide-Chamberlain
The only true wild card selection, the Ox simply has to get games. If he remains on the bench for the entire tournament his presence will be questioned. The hope is that he can do a Rooney of 8 years ago. But right now that looks like a very faint hope indeed…
The only true wild card selection, the Ox simply has to get games. If he remains on the bench for the entire tournament his presence will be questioned. The hope is that he can do a Rooney of 8 years ago. But right now that looks like a very faint hope indeed…
Ashleigh Young
His selection for the Euro’s will be a hammer blow for the Olympic Diving Team following Ferguson’s comments that his squad will “only play for one team “ this summer. Has had a solid, if controversial season and remains a match winner on his day. Something that can’t be said about much of this lot.
His selection for the Euro’s will be a hammer blow for the Olympic Diving Team following Ferguson’s comments that his squad will “only play for one team “ this summer. Has had a solid, if controversial season and remains a match winner on his day. Something that can’t be said about much of this lot.
Stewart Downing
There is, put simply, nothing about this selection that makes sense. Downing has never done anything for his country in a competitive match and has just had the worst season of his career. He played almost every league game for his club and did not get a single goal or assist. He has no real pace and is so fragile mentally he would make Arsene Wenger blush. His inclusion is wrong in every conceivable way. He should not be making a 50 man squad. A complete and utter disgrace.
There is, put simply, nothing about this selection that makes sense. Downing has never done anything for his country in a competitive match and has just had the worst season of his career. He played almost every league game for his club and did not get a single goal or assist. He has no real pace and is so fragile mentally he would make Arsene Wenger blush. His inclusion is wrong in every conceivable way. He should not be making a 50 man squad. A complete and utter disgrace.
Who should have gone?
Almost none of this lot for starters. If you were going to take an ageing, past it midfielder Paul Scholes was a better option than Frank Lampard and Michael Carrick, whilst average, is still better than either James Milner or Gareth Barry. Aaron Lennon and Adam Johnson must wonder what on earth has happened that Downing has been selected over either of them and it’s a shame that there’s no place for a younger, central presence like Tom Cleverly. Braver still, would have been taking a look at the excellent Leon Britton, who’s 93% passing accuracy this season was better than Xavi’s. Also for Swansea, both Nathan Dyer and Scott Sinclair have had seasons 800% more productive than Downings and are young, talented and unscarred by previous failings. Hogdson explored none of these options and selected the most cowardly 8 players available, plus Oxlaide-Chamberlain. Seemingly just for the hell of it.
Almost none of this lot for starters. If you were going to take an ageing, past it midfielder Paul Scholes was a better option than Frank Lampard and Michael Carrick, whilst average, is still better than either James Milner or Gareth Barry. Aaron Lennon and Adam Johnson must wonder what on earth has happened that Downing has been selected over either of them and it’s a shame that there’s no place for a younger, central presence like Tom Cleverly. Braver still, would have been taking a look at the excellent Leon Britton, who’s 93% passing accuracy this season was better than Xavi’s. Also for Swansea, both Nathan Dyer and Scott Sinclair have had seasons 800% more productive than Downings and are young, talented and unscarred by previous failings. Hogdson explored none of these options and selected the most cowardly 8 players available, plus Oxlaide-Chamberlain. Seemingly just for the hell of it.
The Forwards:
Wayne Rooney
Suspended but had to travel. Will be fresh for the final group match when England will have already been eliminated…
Suspended but had to travel. Will be fresh for the final group match when England will have already been eliminated…
Andy Carroll
Two good performances all season against John Terry should have sent alarm bells ringing for Roy that the latter shouldn’t be going anywhere near the tournament, yet instead Hodgson has selected both players. Oddly, whilst I wouldn’t have taken Carroll even if he agreed to a hair cut, his selection seems more comedic than horrific and he’s one of the few people I’ll looking forward to watching. If only to see how often he’ll fall over.
Two good performances all season against John Terry should have sent alarm bells ringing for Roy that the latter shouldn’t be going anywhere near the tournament, yet instead Hodgson has selected both players. Oddly, whilst I wouldn’t have taken Carroll even if he agreed to a hair cut, his selection seems more comedic than horrific and he’s one of the few people I’ll looking forward to watching. If only to see how often he’ll fall over.
Danny Welbeck
Has flattered to deceive often this season and is arguably a better player out wide in a 4-3-3. Still, he is at least mobile, young and quick. However, that it has come to the stage where he will most likely start against France, is a sign of quite how far English football has fallen and how little hope we really have of getting out of the group.
Has flattered to deceive often this season and is arguably a better player out wide in a 4-3-3. Still, he is at least mobile, young and quick. However, that it has come to the stage where he will most likely start against France, is a sign of quite how far English football has fallen and how little hope we really have of getting out of the group.
Jermain Defoe
I just don’t like him. Although if he really is the Secret Footballer I’ll take it all back…
I just don’t like him. Although if he really is the Secret Footballer I’ll take it all back…
Who should have gone?
Peter Crouch in a nutshell. A proven international goalscorer and a wonderful professional. For anyone who disagrees, take a look at this - http://ongoalsscored.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/the-peter-crouch-myth/ - elsewhere Sturridge has faded badly but should probably still have gone for the wildcard factor. Grant Holt and Danny Graham both deserve a place more than Carroll and I would probably have selected Fosu Gharban over Jermain Defoe.
Peter Crouch in a nutshell. A proven international goalscorer and a wonderful professional. For anyone who disagrees, take a look at this - http://ongoalsscored.wordpress.com/2011/08/07/the-peter-crouch-myth/ - elsewhere Sturridge has faded badly but should probably still have gone for the wildcard factor. Grant Holt and Danny Graham both deserve a place more than Carroll and I would probably have selected Fosu Gharban over Jermain Defoe.
Whichever way you look at it, those first two games look
like massive, massive asks for this squad. On the one hand, you can understand Hodgson’s
thinking in the sense that when these players fail again, he can truly wipe the
slate clean and escape blame free, ideally having time to plan a younger, more
vibrant squad for the World Cup. The bottom line is though is that remains a
cowards way out. Surely he cannot truly believe that he can succeed where
better managers have failed and unite Terry, Gerrard, Barry & Lampard into
a world class spine? No. England were probably about the 8th or 9th
favourites for the title before the announcement and I’d now rate them closer
to 13th or 14th. Even if they get out of the group, which
they won’t, they’ll most likely play Spain next.
My prediction? Beaten by France, draw with Sweden and
Ukraine. I’m honestly cheering for Germany…
