Monday 12 September 2016

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Four

Full disclosure, I spent all weekend at a wedding and the only game I’ve watched is tonight’s thriller at the Stadium of the Light. As such, this week’s blog may well lean heavily on pure stats, huge assumptions and generally the sort of accuracy normally associated with Garth Crooks

Rashford must start for club and country
I am not normally somebody who calls for the fast track of youth, or for burdening the young with undue expectations - but such is the porosity of pace, creativity and reckless abandon for both Manchester United and England, that it has now become a must that this fearless and splendidly talented youngster helps both sides to climb out of their general malaise. Quite what England were thinking sending Rashford to the under 21s whilst they continued to select Rooney as captain and a visibly jaded Harry Kane was anybody’s guess. England toiled, Rashford slammed in a hat trick in a sort of this level really is a bit beyond me but go on then kind of way and then he was sent back to Manchester where, fresh from winning the game against Hull, he was benched.

Jose cannot stand there and keep a straight face and say that the players he initially selected let him down when, in truth, he just selected the wrong players. How far United go this season will ultimately depend upon how quickly Mourinho can integrate Rashford into his side. If Zlatan the ageless destroyer is nailed on up top, the three attacking positions behind him have to go... Rashford... plus two others.

Costa deserves no sympathy
Costa has been in imperious form this season - let’s start with that. He has led the line brilliantly, taken his chances and has been lucky to stay on the pitch in every match. It always amuses me when a manager claims his player has been targeted because of their temperament. We are not talking about people scything down Ronaldo or Messi in mid flight, we are talking about defenders fouling Costa because it often provokes a reaction. That has to begin and end with the player. If Costa didn’t react, players would stop kicking him. Rooney was heavily targeted when he was younger owing to his questionable temperament. He didn’t need to be protected, he just needed to grow up. Given Costa never, ever gets sent off... the case for him being persecuted and not actually quite protected, grows ever thinner.

I like you Conte... you’re passionate, you’re fun, you’re so Italian I half expect you to have a red, white and green scooter on standby for when your team score... but don’t go here... you’re better than this.

West Ham vs Watford was probably a thriller
Six goals, a comeback from 2 nil down, a masterclass in counter attacking, away football. I have no idea in truth having witnessed none of it. But any game which featured 32 shots and 4 goals scored in 20 minutes must have been worth watching. West Ham continue to be a comically unpredictable team, sort of like a baby Liverpool. You know, with even more annoying fans and delusions of grandeur based on past glories. They are blessed with a rich pool of attacking, injury prone attackers and defenders who seem to have little interest in their day job. As for Watford, hands up who thought Capoue was going to be this season’s Mahrez? A defensive midfielder who had scored 1 goal and assisted 1 more in his previous 5,000 minutes of league football is currently sitting pretty at the top of the Opta midfield stats with 3 goals and 2 assists for the season? Where in God’s name has this come from? Is Capoue going to go on and net double figures for the season? Or is this planet aligning anomaly going to come to an abrupt halt soon so we can all go back to our lives and forget about his bizarre, fantasy football wrecking affair...

West Brom didn’t need new signings, they needed a new manager
Tony Pulis has publicly bemoaned his club’s transfer window... and whilst there is no doubt that his chairman’s utterly perverse stance on refusing to ever sell Saido Berahino has not helped things, Pulis has signed ample attacking players over his time only to see none of them magically turn his troops into anything resembling an entertaining side.

Since joining West Brom at the start of 2015 Pulis has signed McManaman, Pritchard, Rondon, Gnabry, McClean, Lambert, O’Neil, Samaras, Chadli and Phillips in attacking roles. Only Rondon can be considered a success, the others, to date, mustering together a massive three goals between them. Although granted “record signing” Chadli has only played one game.

Yeah, that’s right. I just typed the words “record signing” when talking about Nacer Chadli.

Sometimes, you just don’t need to say anything else.

Something about Sunderland v Everton
Has any player in the history of sport scored an easier hat trick than Lukaku? An unmarked header from six yards. An unmarked header from three yards. And then a one on one with all the time in the world. Oh Sunderland... you are so shambolically predictable no matter who your manager is you really are. Go and have a season in the championship and think about what you’ve done.

Team of the Weak 

The City keepers - I mean, have a thought for Hart - watching the guy who replaced you come in, flap at everything, make a huge howler and the manager not care because he can pass the ball out of defence has got to hurt... but when you then go and cost your new team the match the day after as well...
Whoever played in defence for Stoke and West Ham - 8 goals conceded, I can’t believe any of you played well. The stats don’t lie people.
The Arsenal midfield - pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, pass, miss, get a late penalty, claim “team spirit” was the difference.
The Pulis attack. Rubbish. Oh and Wayne Rooney. Slower than me Nan in her broken wheelchair. And keeping Rashford out of the team. If he had any self respect at all he’d sub himself.


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