Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Four

Liverpool punished as Newcastle profit
The Mane red card has dominated post match discussion here and you can see why. One of those decisions that is both correct (by the letter of the law) and wrong (by all the the laws of common sense) - there is no doubt it changed the game in City’s favour. Pool should have been ahead but for the errant finishing of Salah, but there was no excuse for their total capitulation following the red card. They folded like a pack of cards and were rightfully punished for it. 

The key to the red card though for me, is as always, consistency. And we didn’t have to wait long to once again show the flaws in our current game. This afternoon Matt Ritchie committed an almost identical offence on Alfie Mawson. High boot, in the face, looking at the ball, not intentional, apologised straight away. This time though the card was yellow and it’s tempting to say the difference was it was an outfield player and not our often overly protected keepers. As it was, Ritchie stayed on the pitch and delivered the cross for Newcastle to snatch all three points.

Thems... as they say... are the breaks.

Stoke continue to potter with the big boys

Stoke are the mid table team of mid table teams. Since being promoted to the Premier League they have finished 12th, 11th, 13th,14th, 13th, 9th, 9th, 9th, 13th. Just five positions difference spanning across a decade - never once flirting with either relegation or Europe (although they did qualify via the FA Cup once). Yet they are not a side that merely beats those below them and loses comfortably to those above. No. Stoke have been a consistent thorn in the side of bigger clubs since they gate crashed the main event ten years ago. After beating Arsenal they held United on Saturday with a typically robust and passionate performance. The Potters aren’t just chavs who like to rough up the poshies though, they can play football and play it well... certainly since they swapped Pulis for Hughes. A man who loves nothing more than putting one over a supposedly bigger and better club than his own.

Stoke won’t finish in the top six, and they won’t go down. They’re going to finish mid-table. But their season will be entertaining and unpredictable along the way. And let’s be frank... no club should ever think their fans are the best until they’ve gone to a cold, windy night in Stoke and witnessed those fuckers make that much noise.

September blessing for hapless Kane
Kane had 24 shots in August and couldn’t score... in September he scored without even shooting. Alas, I cannot take credit for that line, given I stole it from an anonymous nobody on Twitter (thank you cruel internet). Both Spurs and Kane benefited from a lifting of the curse and Harry soon followed up his 100th goal with his 101st. In truth though, he should have scored 5 or 6 and he still looks like a player who isn’t quite at the races yet. Likewise Deli Alli, who’s mood certainly won’t be helped by FIFA investigating him for flipping the middle finger at Kyle Walker. Tough for the lad that. Who’d have thought that the biggest governing body in sport wouldn’t fall for the “my dog ate my homework” of pathetic excuses.

And yes dear reader I know what you’re saying. Spurs won 3-0 and I’m insulting Kane and Alli.

Yes. Everton were that... fucking... bad.

Sun returns to the Seasiders
Brighton are off and running in the Premier League with a 3-1 win over West Brom. Tony Pulis’ men were seemingly so excited about a trip to the seaside they forgot to defend. All of which was great news for Pascal Gro... er... Gross? Grob? My keyboard literally doesn’t have that symbol... help me out here...

Anyway, I didn’t watch the game, and my knowledge of Brighton is limited to Fatboy Slim and the recently acquired knowledge that my mate lives next door to Louise Wener.

She’s 51 now by the way. Just let that sink in for a moment.

I apologise Brighton fans, I'll learn about your team more as the season progresses and you get games on TV that don't involve you just parking a bus across the pitch.

Watford make inroads again

Watford are unbeaten, 4th in the table and haven’t conceded a goal since the opening game. This isn’t a fluke. Watford have a very, very good manager. Marco Silva almost performed the miracles of miracles last season trying to keep Hull in the top flight, and it’s refreshing that a club saw that for the achievement it was, by keeping him in the division. Watford are very well organised, resilient and have signed some fantastic looking midfielders who’s names I can’t possibly spell or pronounce.

This year’s Leicester? Maybe not. But don’t expect a post Europe Manchester City to roll them over this weekend. If nothing else Silva looks to have a fighting chance of staying for more than one season. Which is the Watford equivalent of winning the Champions League.

Team of the Weak:

Forster - has not looked back to his best yet this season and was beaten by two long range efforts. 

Williams - a wonderful defender who seemed to age ten years during this match.

Alexander-Arnold - was taught an absolute lesson by De Bruyne and Silva

Bailey - brilliant so far this season, but played like he was being controlled by a child on strings at times.

Dann - did fine at the back, but you can’t avoid getting in here when you miss an open goal from two yards out Scott. Certainly not when you’re in my fucking fantasy football team.

Any of Everton’s midfielders - seriously... so bad

Salah - should have put Pool 3 up before Mane spoiled the party. I’ve seen better shooting at Chesterfield.

Townsend - you remember that time when Townsend came out saying how good he was and what fools we all were for doubting his proven international class? Well, he sure is showing us right now...
Fer - created nothing, got booked, missed a sitter. Taxi...
King - looks like he needs a hug. A shadow of his last season self.
Gabbidinni - is it one d? or two? one n? it’s def two b’s? and fuck all goals. again.

Finally - for no reason other than they were utterly awesome I feel compelled to mention the saves of Fabianski and David De Gea this weekend. Both completely brilliant... and both, ultimately, meaningless.

Happy Hunting

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