Monday 15 December 2014

Five Things We Learnt From The Premier League This Weekend

1. The importance of a safe pair of hands
In a match which laid bare the shortcomings of both these fallen giants, it wasn’t Wayne Rooney or Robin Van Persie who was the difference at Old Trafford, it was David De Gea. The Spaniard is Utd’s player of the season so far by a distance. Each and every week he is justifying why Ferguson paid so much money for him, and the ability which prompted Iker Casillas to quote “he will retire us all.” De Gea has now won a ridiculous four games in the last six on his own. Yes you have to score goals as well, but that’s made a lot easier when you have a keeper who couldn’t be further from the one at the other end if he tried. Finally losing patience with the woeful Simon Mignolet, Rodgers replaced him with the equally woeful Brad Jones. The Liverpool stopper dived out of the way of the first goal, stood static for the second and then just fell over for the third. It’s one thing being beaten 3-0 by your neighbours, but to do so with so little a fight will be hurting Liverpool bad. Where United are grinding out results and returning to their winning ways, if certainly not their winning best, Pool are bereft of confidence and look a side unrecognisable from the one that tore into the league just a few months ago.  There are too many problems to list here, right now it would be simpler to just say “everything.” Liverpool have scored just 2 goals in their last 3 games, all of which were pretty much must win. The fact that their fans are nervous about playing Bournemouth this week pretty much says it all. Rodgers isn’t on borrowed time just yet, but he needs to sign somebody in January who will actually go straight into the team and improve it. Since Sturridge, Rodgers has signed 18 players… and not a single one of them have fulfilled that criteria.

2. Was it National Diving Day?
The sight not just of attacking midfielders and forwards diving, but hardened centre backs, was a real step back in the ongoing “war against simulation.” I’ll look past the decision making ability of Chris Foy, instead focussing on what it’s coming to when Gary Cahill, England’s first choice centre back, feels the need to deliberately cheat by diving in the box. At least Cahill had the good grace to look embarrassed. Unlike Diego Costa, who was apparently “in tears” after the match following his 7th “unfair” booking of the season. When quizzed on this matter by Jose, apparently Chris Foy offered Costa a hankie. Which was better than anything he actually did in the match.

On the subject of Diving. Danny Murphy (not, crucially, Robbie Savage) had it right on Match on the Day. It should be retrospectively punished by a panel of three people. A referee, an ex-player and a pundit/expert/neutral. I don’t buy the line for one second that it’s hard to prove. Even discounting the obvious non-contact ones we saw at Chelsea, I can’t believe any sane, unbiased professional could look at Adam Johnson on a replay and claim he didn’t dive. There would still be the odd grey area, but then so be it. There is always going to be a grey area. Can anyone make an argument that it wouldn’t cut diving out almost straight away? It’s cheating. Plain and simple. And should be treated as such.

3. Déjà vu for Steve Bruce
After an impressive start to his Hull career, Steve Bruce has struggled badly this year and currently cannot buy a win. It’s a familiar story for Bruce, who regularly starts well at clubs before tailing off. Certainly that was the case in his last role at Sunderland where Bruce initially stabilised the team before getting sacked following a dreadful run. The same now appears true at Hull and in both cases you could point the finger at some very average transfer business. Bruce is clearly a good man-manager and regularly varies his tactics to good effect. But too often he has signed players who haven’t performed elsewhere and watched, mildly shocked, that they haven’t just magically started to perform for him. Hull now find themselves in the relegation zone and have back to back games over Christmas (Sunderland/Leicester) against teams they now really have to beat. Ben Arfa being sent to train in Paris by himself probably isn’t the answer either.

Also in an irrelevant aside, why the fuck is Steve Bruce so fat? I mean I know you're not playing anymore Steve, but come on man, do they not let you enter the club gym?

4. Villa need to let the hand-break off. And quickly.
Stumbling to defeat against West Brom, Aston Villa sank back in to the danger zone on Saturday after a promising couple of results. The problem with Villa clearly isn’t the defence. Indeed, Paul Lambert is almost the anti Brendan Rodgers. Having taking a series of rough diamonds and youth players and consistently organised them into a solid, coherent, defensive unit; the problem with Villa is very much at the other end of the pitch. Since the start of last season, Villa have now played 54 games and scored a paltry 49 goals. Most of those goals have come through the power of Benteke or the pace of Agbonlahor. Without those two Villa look like a side who can’t buy a goal. Lambert seems permanently attracted to midfielders who hustle and bustle but don’t create anything, instead relying on width through a 4-3-3 formation that he almost never tinkers with. Villa can be a threat on the counter, and it’s not a surprise that they’ve done okay against teams which dominate possession. When they come up against anyone else however, they struggle badly possessing almost nobody who can take the game to the opposition. They probably won’t get relegated and they certainly won’t win anything, but over the course of the last two years Villa are, by every statistic going, the most boring team in the land. Come on Paul… let’s have a bit of fun eh.

5. QPR at home is the cure to any teams blues.
Everton's home form has been nothing to shout home about. They have toiled against some of the lesser lights and conceded a hat-ful against the big boys. So there was no better cure to that then the fixture calender handing them three points with the visit of QPR. Deprived of the only player in their team who can score, Rangers were neat, tidy and ultimately useless for most of the game. For Everton, Ross Barkley was superb in a deeper role, capping his performance with a spectaular strike come suspiciously dramatic own goal. Strange then, that following the third goal QPR had scored on Everton's behalf, the home team seemingly completely and utterly gave up. For the 10 minutes following the goal Rangers had 86% possession. Which is ridiculous for the worst away team in the league who do not in anyway play a passing game. Everton's pass completion for the last half hour was less than 80% and we witnessed the bizarre scene of home fans booing their team despite having already comfortably won the match. QPR did eventually score following some poor defensive work and then the rest of the game was played out as if everyone just wanted to forget about it all. Which given what the result did for my fantasy football team, frankly included me.

Team of the Weak:
Jones – Hopeless, lacking in organisation and ability. Looked every bit the third choice keeper he by rights should be.
Coloccini – Torn apart by Arsenal’s pace, power and ability.
Cahill – Should have been sent off. Twice.
Clyne – Has been superb this year, but horrible error gifted Burnley a goal and was shut down going forward.
Bartley – Looked shaky and helped allow Spurs to bundle in a winner.
Lallana – Ghosted around creating little and hauled off yet again at half time. Has not been the start to his Liverpool career he would have dreamed about.
Willian – Next to Oscar, Fabregas and Hazard most players look pretty ordinary, but surely Andre Schurrle deserves more chances?
Cleverely – Pass left. Pass right. Run a bit. Wonder how much your stock has fallen in 2 years.
Sterling – Missed chance, after chance, after chance, after chance. Looked like he might cry.
Pelle – Has now statistically missed more chances than any player in the league. Saints need him firing again and fast.
Altidore – But he’s still miles, miles, miles, miles better than Jozy, 1 Sunderland goal in 2065 minutes (two thousand and sixty five) Altidore.

Two. Thousand. And. Sixty. Five. Minutes.

Apparently Burnley are interested…

What you may have missed:
Sports Personality of the Year, Tom Huddlestone getting suspended for 4 games for showing Chelsea what an actual tackle looks like, Man City having not a single fit striker until the January sales, Jozy Altidore missing an open goal from six yards, Liverpool trying to defend, Oliver Giroud resembling an actual world class number 9, Santi Cazorla resembling an actual world class number 8, Spurs absolutely robbing Swansea of any points and Peter Crouch, still rumbling on, still scoring goals and closing in on his Premier League century of strikes. And there are some stellar names in that list. Shearer. Cole. Henry. Fowler. Drogba. Heskey…

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