1. New season. Same
old Emiratshites.
Oh Arsene. Why does it have to be this way? Having spent the last eight summers refusing to spend money, watching as “promising youngsters” failed to kick on and witnessing everyone from the likes of Swansea to Portsmouth actually win trophies, this was supposed to be the one where Arsenal got back with the big boys again. As it is, despite a £70-80m war-chest, the competitors all changing managers and their local rivals probably losing their best player to Real… Arsenal have signed one youth player. Oh Arsene. They have seen big names join other clubs, decide to stay put or just not been available; and their recent bid for Cabaye smacks of the same sort of desperation as the, all be it successful, one for Arteta two years ago. Arsenal don’t need Cabaye, they needed Higuain. With all that in mind then, it was essential that Arsenal started the season with a good result to get the fans back on side. Oh Arsene. The performance on Saturday was essentially the Wenger blueprint for the last 8 years. Toil up front despite bags of possession, lack any sort of steel in midfield, make calamitous defensives errors and watch as your team limply loses to a team they should be beating all day long. Wenger effectively received a vote of no confidence from the supporters trust today and now has two weeks to save his career. It really is that simple. Arsenal will not win a major trophy, let alone challenge for the title with this current squad and Wenger will not be given another year if they finish 5th. Oh Arsene. I admire your principals in a world filled with financial fair play ignorance I really do. But you’re not Shylock; you’re a manager of the single most profitable football club in the land. And if you mention Abou Diaby returning from injury one more time I will honestly be justified in calling for your head. Literally.
Oh Arsene. Why does it have to be this way? Having spent the last eight summers refusing to spend money, watching as “promising youngsters” failed to kick on and witnessing everyone from the likes of Swansea to Portsmouth actually win trophies, this was supposed to be the one where Arsenal got back with the big boys again. As it is, despite a £70-80m war-chest, the competitors all changing managers and their local rivals probably losing their best player to Real… Arsenal have signed one youth player. Oh Arsene. They have seen big names join other clubs, decide to stay put or just not been available; and their recent bid for Cabaye smacks of the same sort of desperation as the, all be it successful, one for Arteta two years ago. Arsenal don’t need Cabaye, they needed Higuain. With all that in mind then, it was essential that Arsenal started the season with a good result to get the fans back on side. Oh Arsene. The performance on Saturday was essentially the Wenger blueprint for the last 8 years. Toil up front despite bags of possession, lack any sort of steel in midfield, make calamitous defensives errors and watch as your team limply loses to a team they should be beating all day long. Wenger effectively received a vote of no confidence from the supporters trust today and now has two weeks to save his career. It really is that simple. Arsenal will not win a major trophy, let alone challenge for the title with this current squad and Wenger will not be given another year if they finish 5th. Oh Arsene. I admire your principals in a world filled with financial fair play ignorance I really do. But you’re not Shylock; you’re a manager of the single most profitable football club in the land. And if you mention Abou Diaby returning from injury one more time I will honestly be justified in calling for your head. Literally.
2. Long seasons looms
for the promoted clubs.
The opening day fixture list wasn’t kind to the three clubs who’ve come up from the Championship, but a collective scoreline of 0-5 didn’t feel like a one off but more of a sign of things to come. Only Cardiff look equipped to defend their way to safety and none of them look capable of scoring anywhere near the 50 goals mark that you would expect they’d need to have a chance of survival. Granted they will have easier games than away to the two most parsimonious London clubs and home to AVB’s new look Spurs, but it’s hard to make a case for anyone to finish below them. Stoke, Sunderland and Norwich have all been mooted, but in reality it would be a major implosion for any of them to tumble at the expense of Cardiff, Palace or Hull. Although given Mark Hughes and Paulo Di Canio manage two of them… there is at least a chance.
The opening day fixture list wasn’t kind to the three clubs who’ve come up from the Championship, but a collective scoreline of 0-5 didn’t feel like a one off but more of a sign of things to come. Only Cardiff look equipped to defend their way to safety and none of them look capable of scoring anywhere near the 50 goals mark that you would expect they’d need to have a chance of survival. Granted they will have easier games than away to the two most parsimonious London clubs and home to AVB’s new look Spurs, but it’s hard to make a case for anyone to finish below them. Stoke, Sunderland and Norwich have all been mooted, but in reality it would be a major implosion for any of them to tumble at the expense of Cardiff, Palace or Hull. Although given Mark Hughes and Paulo Di Canio manage two of them… there is at least a chance.
3. Same old Jozzzzzze.
And so the “Happy One” returns. Name sung to the rafters. Players unanimous in their praise. The press lining up to perform fellatio. And a typical Mourinho performance. Great for half an hour, full of pace, power, wonderfully inventive play and inverted wingers. We saw Hazard tracking back. We saw Torres actually hold the ball up. We saw Frank Lampard being Frank Lampard. We saw Oscar looking… well quite brilliant. And then, inevitably, we saw the game played out at walking pace once it had been won. Jose talked about fatigue and in fairness it is week one, but if his front four were so tired we didn’t he make substitutions earlier? Could he not have brought Schurrle and Lukaku on at half time and gone for the jugular? After all, by his own admission the game was over as soon as the second goal went in. Time will tell whether Jose can bring the flair that was eventually his undoing first time around. For now, we were left to endure what is likely to follow for the next ten months… that of a functional, unstoppable and occasionally brilliant Chelsea march to the title. Next Monday will give us more of an indication, especially following Utd’s emphatic opening win. But for me the smart money remains on Jose to recapture his crown. And it won’t be pretty. Except Oscar. Beautiful Oscar.
And so the “Happy One” returns. Name sung to the rafters. Players unanimous in their praise. The press lining up to perform fellatio. And a typical Mourinho performance. Great for half an hour, full of pace, power, wonderfully inventive play and inverted wingers. We saw Hazard tracking back. We saw Torres actually hold the ball up. We saw Frank Lampard being Frank Lampard. We saw Oscar looking… well quite brilliant. And then, inevitably, we saw the game played out at walking pace once it had been won. Jose talked about fatigue and in fairness it is week one, but if his front four were so tired we didn’t he make substitutions earlier? Could he not have brought Schurrle and Lukaku on at half time and gone for the jugular? After all, by his own admission the game was over as soon as the second goal went in. Time will tell whether Jose can bring the flair that was eventually his undoing first time around. For now, we were left to endure what is likely to follow for the next ten months… that of a functional, unstoppable and occasionally brilliant Chelsea march to the title. Next Monday will give us more of an indication, especially following Utd’s emphatic opening win. But for me the smart money remains on Jose to recapture his crown. And it won’t be pretty. Except Oscar. Beautiful Oscar.
4. England can still
produce good youngsters.
When a friend of mine told me a few months ago that Ross Barkley was as good as Jack Wilshire I laughed at him. He still has a long way to go to be considered on that level, but he certainly made that claim look a lot less laughable on Saturday. Barkley was the man of the match in a pulsating game at Carrow Road that made a mockery of pre-season fitness claims. At just 19, Barkley stands to prosper from the appointment of a manager who will trust talented, ball playing youngsters much more than David “same team every week, regardless of form” Moyes ever did. Indeed, it wasn’t a bad weekend for young English players all round thanks to another solid performance from the continually underrated Tom Cleverly, a fantastic showing from Luke Shaw and the improved “now with end product” Danny Welbeck. For all the talk about the England national team there remains youngsters coming through and the main problem is them getting regular game time to prepare themselves adequately for the rigours of international football. Well, that and the fact we continue to pick the same fucking players no matter how many times they fail… and fail… and fail… and fail… again. I mean is there anyone in the Country who would rather see James Milner in the England side than Ross Barkley or Jack Wilshire. Anyone at all?
When a friend of mine told me a few months ago that Ross Barkley was as good as Jack Wilshire I laughed at him. He still has a long way to go to be considered on that level, but he certainly made that claim look a lot less laughable on Saturday. Barkley was the man of the match in a pulsating game at Carrow Road that made a mockery of pre-season fitness claims. At just 19, Barkley stands to prosper from the appointment of a manager who will trust talented, ball playing youngsters much more than David “same team every week, regardless of form” Moyes ever did. Indeed, it wasn’t a bad weekend for young English players all round thanks to another solid performance from the continually underrated Tom Cleverly, a fantastic showing from Luke Shaw and the improved “now with end product” Danny Welbeck. For all the talk about the England national team there remains youngsters coming through and the main problem is them getting regular game time to prepare themselves adequately for the rigours of international football. Well, that and the fact we continue to pick the same fucking players no matter how many times they fail… and fail… and fail… and fail… again. I mean is there anyone in the Country who would rather see James Milner in the England side than Ross Barkley or Jack Wilshire. Anyone at all?
5. Will Wayne Rooney
leave Man Utd?
Nobody cares Wayne… nobody… fucking cares. I’d honestly rather write about Joe Cole. With a wonderful finish and all round game that made me think it was 2008 not 2013, Cole was instrumental in West Ham starting the season with a bang. Plus much as it’s so very easy to dislike West Ham… it’s very, very hard to dislike Joe Cole. He just seems so genuine, which is a rare thing in football these days. Plus he has, like 100 songs written about him, some of which have been put together by people with way, way too much time on their hands… (check out the p diddy number)
Nobody cares Wayne… nobody… fucking cares. I’d honestly rather write about Joe Cole. With a wonderful finish and all round game that made me think it was 2008 not 2013, Cole was instrumental in West Ham starting the season with a bang. Plus much as it’s so very easy to dislike West Ham… it’s very, very hard to dislike Joe Cole. He just seems so genuine, which is a rare thing in football these days. Plus he has, like 100 songs written about him, some of which have been put together by people with way, way too much time on their hands… (check out the p diddy number)
Oh and yeah, I only put this title in place so Pete Wilkie
wouldn’t read the entry.
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