This week’s special 5
things come with a celebratory air about it. And so, in no discernable order,
The Hindu Monkey would like to celebrate the achievements of the following:
1. David Moyes
As a rough guess, there have been (adopts voice of Dr Evil) 1 million articles written this week about the retirement of Alex Ferguson and the subsequent appointment of David Moyes. More of the former later, but for now let’s concentrate on the man about to step into what is essentially the Iron Throne. You could have combined the ten best managers currently working into one super manager and there still would be question marks over the appointment. The simple fact is that Ferguson has ruled for so long and with such power that he has become irreplaceable. Legions of fans, myself included bar 3 long months of Ron Atkinson, have no knowledge of life under a different manager. As such there is no longer a precedent at Man Utd for what other clubs have gone through year after year in an increasingly fickle game. One club who have enjoyed stability over the past decade have been Everton. There is a certain cruelty then that they must be the club to suffer from Fergie moving on. Moyes has done a wonderful job at Everton and anyone who criticises his work, or his decision to leave, is not worth his salt. Moyes is an excellent man manager and has done wonders in the transfer market with an invisible budget. He is a competitor, a pragmatist and he is loyal. It’s easy to see why Fergie recommended him to the Utd board. He is far from the finished article though and at 50, is yet to win a trophy or truly manage at the highest level. His away record against the bigger Premier League teams seems more a statistical anomaly than any sort of inferiority complex. After all, he has beaten City away twice since the millions came in and it is only really against Liverpool that his team have come up well short time and time again during his reign. One certainly hopes that record doesn’t continue now he’s managing the biggest club in the land. Utd will be top seeded for the next couple of years whatever happens in the Champions League so Moyes has time on his hands with easier groups to learn the European adventure. A luxury which hasn’t been afforded to Roberto Mancini. There is one area where Moyes will have huge shoes to fill though, and one that has barely been touched upon by the million articles in question. Alex Ferguson was the best rotator of his players in modern football, he kept 95% of his squad happy all of the time and kept them hungry even though they could go a month without stepping on the pitch. Moyes, through squad size more than anything else, has no real experience of that art and at a club like Utd, competing on four fronts, that skill will need to be mastered and mastered quickly. With Mancini’s job in the balance we are about to enter a new season with the unprecedented situation of 4 of the top 6 clubs welcoming new managers. It promises to be one to look forward to far more than this one has been, but for now it would do any Everton fan a disservice not to celebrate the legacy that Moyes has left behind at Goodison. With great power David, comes great responsibility. So please, don’t fuck it up.
As a rough guess, there have been (adopts voice of Dr Evil) 1 million articles written this week about the retirement of Alex Ferguson and the subsequent appointment of David Moyes. More of the former later, but for now let’s concentrate on the man about to step into what is essentially the Iron Throne. You could have combined the ten best managers currently working into one super manager and there still would be question marks over the appointment. The simple fact is that Ferguson has ruled for so long and with such power that he has become irreplaceable. Legions of fans, myself included bar 3 long months of Ron Atkinson, have no knowledge of life under a different manager. As such there is no longer a precedent at Man Utd for what other clubs have gone through year after year in an increasingly fickle game. One club who have enjoyed stability over the past decade have been Everton. There is a certain cruelty then that they must be the club to suffer from Fergie moving on. Moyes has done a wonderful job at Everton and anyone who criticises his work, or his decision to leave, is not worth his salt. Moyes is an excellent man manager and has done wonders in the transfer market with an invisible budget. He is a competitor, a pragmatist and he is loyal. It’s easy to see why Fergie recommended him to the Utd board. He is far from the finished article though and at 50, is yet to win a trophy or truly manage at the highest level. His away record against the bigger Premier League teams seems more a statistical anomaly than any sort of inferiority complex. After all, he has beaten City away twice since the millions came in and it is only really against Liverpool that his team have come up well short time and time again during his reign. One certainly hopes that record doesn’t continue now he’s managing the biggest club in the land. Utd will be top seeded for the next couple of years whatever happens in the Champions League so Moyes has time on his hands with easier groups to learn the European adventure. A luxury which hasn’t been afforded to Roberto Mancini. There is one area where Moyes will have huge shoes to fill though, and one that has barely been touched upon by the million articles in question. Alex Ferguson was the best rotator of his players in modern football, he kept 95% of his squad happy all of the time and kept them hungry even though they could go a month without stepping on the pitch. Moyes, through squad size more than anything else, has no real experience of that art and at a club like Utd, competing on four fronts, that skill will need to be mastered and mastered quickly. With Mancini’s job in the balance we are about to enter a new season with the unprecedented situation of 4 of the top 6 clubs welcoming new managers. It promises to be one to look forward to far more than this one has been, but for now it would do any Everton fan a disservice not to celebrate the legacy that Moyes has left behind at Goodison. With great power David, comes great responsibility. So please, don’t fuck it up.
2. Frank Lampard
203 goals for a midfielder at this level is absurd. “Super” Frank lashed in his 202nd this weekend in classic style before celebrating the Chelsea goal scoring record with a tap in on a plate thanks to the twinkling toes of Eden Hazard. Lampard has averaged a goal every 2.95 games for Chelsea since joining them in 2001. To put that into context Emile Heskey averages 4.49. But seriously, with 17 more crucial strikes to add to his collection this year the decision to throw Lampard to the wolves in the summer is looking increasingly more absurd. The guy has played 48 times this season and has only been injured one in his entire career for more than a couple of weeks. Given its Fergie time I think it’s best to quote the great man who described him simply as “a freak.” And he’s managed Ryan Giggs… Lamps, you’ll never be my favourite footballer, mainly due to your strange homosexual love affair with John Terry more than anything else, but you are a Chelsea legend and a Premier League legend. It will be a worse place without you next year.
203 goals for a midfielder at this level is absurd. “Super” Frank lashed in his 202nd this weekend in classic style before celebrating the Chelsea goal scoring record with a tap in on a plate thanks to the twinkling toes of Eden Hazard. Lampard has averaged a goal every 2.95 games for Chelsea since joining them in 2001. To put that into context Emile Heskey averages 4.49. But seriously, with 17 more crucial strikes to add to his collection this year the decision to throw Lampard to the wolves in the summer is looking increasingly more absurd. The guy has played 48 times this season and has only been injured one in his entire career for more than a couple of weeks. Given its Fergie time I think it’s best to quote the great man who described him simply as “a freak.” And he’s managed Ryan Giggs… Lamps, you’ll never be my favourite footballer, mainly due to your strange homosexual love affair with John Terry more than anything else, but you are a Chelsea legend and a Premier League legend. It will be a worse place without you next year.
3. Wigan Athletic
It’s hard to describe the emotions of any Wigan Athletic fan over the past 24 hours, but for now let us concentrate solely on the good stuff. Wigan’s win over Manchester City at Wembley, thanks to a late headed rocket from Ben Watson, was the greatest cup final upset in 25 years. It was a victory for every smaller club out there, a victory for every footballer who ever dared to dream the impossible. Wigan’s net Premier League spend has been £7m. Manchester City’s is £481m. These two might play in the same division, at least for another week, but they are leagues apart financially. This has been a cup run from the Gods from Roberto Martinez’s men and they thoroughly deserved this success. City didn’t hit the woodwork six times or see their efforts repelled time after time by a keeper having the game of his life… no… they were simply beaten by a team who played better and wanted it more on the day. You have to feel for Mancini if he is sacked, the Italian once again having to watch both Nasri and Tevez crawl off the park shaking their heads after being replaced. Good luck to any manager uniting that dressing room of egos. For Wigan though, it was day that deserved every accolade and plaudit going. So… it was a real shame that 24 hours later they were almost certainly relegated from the Premier League. Nobody has ever won the FA Cup and gone down, but Wigan will now have that honour unless they pull off the escapes of ALL escapes by winning away at Arsenal and then again at home to Villa. That’s a Villa who thanks to a moment of madness from Benteke and a series of absurd results elsewhere, will be relegated themselves if that unlikely sequence comes to full fruition. I’d love to see Wigan do it, not least because I want Arsenal to drop out of the top four, but if they achieve it this year it they should make the club permanent members of the top flight out of respect for feats of escapology. Congratulations Wigan, the Premier League will miss you.
It’s hard to describe the emotions of any Wigan Athletic fan over the past 24 hours, but for now let us concentrate solely on the good stuff. Wigan’s win over Manchester City at Wembley, thanks to a late headed rocket from Ben Watson, was the greatest cup final upset in 25 years. It was a victory for every smaller club out there, a victory for every footballer who ever dared to dream the impossible. Wigan’s net Premier League spend has been £7m. Manchester City’s is £481m. These two might play in the same division, at least for another week, but they are leagues apart financially. This has been a cup run from the Gods from Roberto Martinez’s men and they thoroughly deserved this success. City didn’t hit the woodwork six times or see their efforts repelled time after time by a keeper having the game of his life… no… they were simply beaten by a team who played better and wanted it more on the day. You have to feel for Mancini if he is sacked, the Italian once again having to watch both Nasri and Tevez crawl off the park shaking their heads after being replaced. Good luck to any manager uniting that dressing room of egos. For Wigan though, it was day that deserved every accolade and plaudit going. So… it was a real shame that 24 hours later they were almost certainly relegated from the Premier League. Nobody has ever won the FA Cup and gone down, but Wigan will now have that honour unless they pull off the escapes of ALL escapes by winning away at Arsenal and then again at home to Villa. That’s a Villa who thanks to a moment of madness from Benteke and a series of absurd results elsewhere, will be relegated themselves if that unlikely sequence comes to full fruition. I’d love to see Wigan do it, not least because I want Arsenal to drop out of the top four, but if they achieve it this year it they should make the club permanent members of the top flight out of respect for feats of escapology. Congratulations Wigan, the Premier League will miss you.
4. Paul Scholes
I won’t labour this one, although it’s somewhat ironic that a player who craves so little of the limelight has retired twice. Amidst all the hullaballoo this afternoon, the most creative English midfielder of my lifetime slipped out the back door with the sort of speed he normally hurtles into tackles. Scholesly, you were a legend. Farewell. Again.
I won’t labour this one, although it’s somewhat ironic that a player who craves so little of the limelight has retired twice. Amidst all the hullaballoo this afternoon, the most creative English midfielder of my lifetime slipped out the back door with the sort of speed he normally hurtles into tackles. Scholesly, you were a legend. Farewell. Again.
5. Sir Alex Ferguson
There is nothing that can be said that hasn’t already about Fergie. Simply counting up his trophies means nothing. The man hasn’t just been the best manager of his generation by luck or good fortune, he has done it by evolving time and time again. From man management to rotation, from shifts in formation to game changing substitutions… Fergie has mastered everything at the highest level of football for three decades and has done so though a mixture of class, ability and sheer bloody mindedness. His farewell speech this afternoon could be dissected and pulled apart on many levels as people line up further to analyse and pay their respects, but there were two moments that stood out more than any others. The first was how much passion and belief remains in this great man, turning to the “young players” of his team he bellowed “don’t you ever let this football club down.” The second was the demanding of respect for his replacement. For all Fergie’s faults, he has been the staunchest defender of his fellow professionals over the years. He has attended countless tribunals and personal hearings for his fellow managers and has always reacted fiercely to all who have treated his peers with what he deemed a lack of respect. I don’t know how many Premier League managers have come and gone since Fergie took his place in the Old Trafford dugout, but it’s a lot… and the average length of time a manager is given compared to an underperforming player is a scandal. Addressing the Utd fans, Fergie took time out from his farewell speech to demand the crowd showed David Moyes the same respect he has been afforded – “I'd like to remind you that when we had bad times here, the club stood by me, all my staff stood by me, the players stood by me. Your job now is to stand by our new manager.” With 70,000 fans roaring loudly, it was enough to make the hairs on the back of your neck stand up. What we do in life, echoes in eternity… and for this great manager of this gre… I’m sorry, I’ve just quoted Gladiator.
Ah fuck it, it’s what he would have wanted.
Hindu Monkey Team of the Fergie Era:
Schmeichel
Neville – Ferdinand – Stam – Irwin
Ronaldo – Keane – Scholes – Giggs
Cantona – Van Nistelrooy
Neville – Ferdinand – Stam – Irwin
Ronaldo – Keane – Scholes – Giggs
Cantona – Van Nistelrooy
Subs: Der Sar, Vidic, Pallister, Beckham, Rooney, Solskjaer
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