Monday 5 March 2012

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Twenty Seven

1. Roman’s Bridge is falling down.
After sacking Carlo Ancelotti last summer, Roman Abramovich turned not to an old, experienced head, but to the young and relatively unproven talent of Andre Villas Boas. It was a big gamble, more so given he paid a £13m release clause to prise him away. The aim? To turn Chelsea back in to the super power they had been, er one year previously, whilst reducing the wage bill and the age of the squad and playing attacking, attractive football. Barely 6 months later and AVB has been axed. Chelsea lie in 5th place and their Champions League life hangs by a thread; but they remain 3 points shy of a fragile and unpredictable Arsenal and in an FA Cup shorn already of the best two teams. Whether AVB could have rallied will now be yet another of this seasons what if’s, as Roberto Di Matteo, sacked by West Brom around this time last season now finds himself in charge of a team of overpaid veterans gunning for one final stint at glory. Regardless of player power and position (it’s not like they’re 12th) – it’s hard to see this as anything but another ridiculous decision from the Russian. Why coax such a young manager at such expense, let him talk openly of his “three year plan” and the just get rid of him at the first sign he might not qualify for the Champions League? A feat, it has to be said, that is now harder than ever with the “big four” having been replaced by a “big six… and Newcastle.” It is not Villas Boas’ fault that Fernando Torres is now the worst striker in English football, suffering such a fall from grace that there is now no equal example anywhere in the game for a striker in their peak. It’s not his fault that most of his “star players,” so wonderful under Mourinho, are now six or seven years older than that period and suffering from injuries, age and fatigue. It’s also not his fault that David Luiz is only a marginally better player than Zat Knight… although AVB does have to take some blame for picking him to try and lead his defence week in week out despite a blind man being able to tell him it’s not working. No. The simple fact is that Chelsea are a crumbling empire, lacking the ability to regenerate like Utd, the history and the fanbase of Liverpool, the wealth of Man City or the security and sustainability of Arsenal. Barring another £70-80m spree, it is hard to see how any manager would guide Chelsea to higher than 4th next season and that is likely to be the case for a good few years. Why not bite the bullet, stick with AVB and the young players he’d brought in and see where you are then? I suppose, because when it actually comes down to it, Roman Abramovich is just a fucking muppet.

2. Spurs need to give up even trying.
Statistically, the most bankable fixture in the Premier League is Man Utd v Spurs. It has now been 25 games since a win for any Spurs team stretching back over 11 years. They have been 2 nil up, 3 nil up even in that time… and lost. They’ve scored perfectly legitimate goals… and seen them not given. They’ve watched their strikers go clean through and been hauled down… and seen yellow cards. They’ve witnessed Utd tumble in the box… and seen instant penalties. Whatever the reason, after another 90 minutes playing the Champions off the park (complete with obligatory harsh decision) before the inevitable breakaway goals come; it’s now best for everybody concerned if Spurs just don’t bother turning up for this fixture anymore. This year, the league even recruited Ferguson’s most hated referee. Martin Atkinson himself, Utd’s nemesis who had given EVERY decision against them for three consecutive seasons at Stamford Bridge. It wasn’t enough. Utd didn’t even try for most of the game. It wasn’t enough. Rooney didn’t break a sweat, playing the second half at walking pace in the centre circle. It still wasn’t enough. Jonny Evans was probably the man of the match. I mean seriously guys, give it up…

3. Pogs are back in fashion.
Does anyone remember Pogs? A sub marbles game of little skill that inexplicably took the 90’s by storm thanks entirely to a brilliant marketing strategy. It didn’t last very long… and it was shit. But some 20 years on Fulham fans are chanting the Pog song (no really) again in honour of the deadline deal that everybody missed. Pavel Pogrebnyak arrived from VfB Stuttgart on a short term deal which saw Bobby Zamora make the move to QPR. All the talk was of Zamora leaving and what he might bring to QPR, but so far it looks like Fulham have secured one of the deals of any January Window by bringing in a player that looks tailor made to survive in the Premiership. Strong, good in the air and with excellent feet, Pogrebnyak has scored five goals in his first three games and Fulham have won every match. His finishing on Sunday was exemplary and he was involved in everything that that the team did. With him, the increasingly superb Dembele and the “not at all on drugs honest” Clint Dempsey, Fulham have three wonderful attacking players that are making Craven Cottage one of the best places to watch football again.

4. The Handball Law... can everybody please learn it.
The only thing more irritating right now than referees giving handballs almost every time a ball grazes an arm in the box, is pundits and commentators thinking it’s the correct decision. Last night new lows were reached as Shearer, Dixon and Murray stated that the wording of the law clearly used the term “deliberate,” only to then argue that penalties should be given anyway when a ball hits an out stretched arm in the box. Just because referees keep getting it wrong doesn’t make it right. If a player belts a ball into the box and it deflects off somebody’s arm it’s NOT a penalty. If somebody miss controls it and it bobbles up onto the arm it’s NOT a penalty. If Luiz Suarez dives on the line and palms it away with his hand... it’s a fucking penalty. The situation is now getting increasingly more stupid with no consistency in the decision making and no amendment being made to the law itself. Despite what Alan Shearer thinks, the law doesn’t need to be amended; it just needs to be adhered to. It would help referees if pundits and managers stopped crying bloody murder the second the ball hits an arm. There are far too many “grey” areas in football at the moment and this, along with the continued non punishment for play acting, is right up there amongst the more infuriating.

5. The FA could really have handled this better…
Following the debacle of the John Terry/Fabio Capello situation, the FA have done nothing to reassure the nation that they have any idea what they’re doing when it comes to planning the long, or short term future of the national football side. Literally… they have done nothing. With a country clamouring for Del Boy Harry Redknapp to take the reins, they have not contacted him or anybody else about the position before feebly announcing they would maybe, if they have the time, take a look at it come season end. Apart from leaving whoever comes in precisely no time to plan a squad or adequate coaching set up, the question has to be asked why that statement wasn’t made as soon as Capello left? At least then Redknapp and other managers could just get on with their jobs without being contacted by the media every five minutes about what they think of it all. Because of this mess we had to witness the beyond haunting spectacle of Alan “anti-christ” Pardew coming out and saying he “didn’t want the job” like THERE WAS A FUCKING CHANCE OF HIM ACTUALLY FUCKING GETTING IT! Unforgivable FA. Just give it to Harry now so we can get this fucking latest experiment out of the way and finally move onto someone who might build a legacy for our national team after the tax dodger has failed. As it is, I for one won’t be watching as “Lamps,” “Stevie G,” Rio and fucking Scholesy’s knackered legs get ran ragged by teams infinitely better organised and talented than ours come June…

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