Begovic (4.5 BOU) – Largely this wasn’t the worst weekend
for keepers, despite some high scores rolling in. Begovic was called upon
rarely in his home match with Everton, but failed to save his team on 2 of the
3 occasions the opposition hit the target. A keeper who has never quite kicked
on since he used to sit mid table for Stoke and my Cat’s Fantasy Football League,
you still feel Bournemouth need someone that notch above if they’re going to
move from… well… 12th to 8th.
Mee & Tarkowski (5.0 BUR, 5.0 BUR) – Unlike Garth
Crooks, I can look beyond when centre backs score to see that they’ve had a
poor game. Burnley have conceded 7 goals in 2 games, shipping some 35 chances
in those 2 matches. Indeed, Joe Hart made 8 saves in this match alone and must
have felt like he’d never left West Ham such was the siege upon his goal. Mee
& Tark were two of the best centre backs in the league last season, but
look anything but so far in this. Europa League or not, Burnley need to get
back to basics and find their shape again, pronto.
Diop (4.4 WHU) – A 22m signing in the summer, Issa Diop
started a Premier League game for the first time on Saturday and probably wants
to expunge it from his memory as fast as humanly possible. He was torn apart by
Arsenal’s pace coming forward, gave up 17 shots, scored an own goal and got
booked. He’ll play better than this for sure. West Ham fans must hope he can’t
play any worse…
Hoedt (4.5 SOU) – It’s been a dreadful start to the season
at the back for Southampton, who collapse like a moist cake at the first sign
of an opposition attack. Central to these failures has been Wesley Hoedt. Failing
to master the simple art of standing on his feet, he resembles a kid on FIFA who
only knows how to tackle with the slide button*. Saints look in real trouble
with Mark Hughes showing no signs of a man who can get them out of it. Games against
Palace, Brighton and Wolves loom in the next four and if they can’t win any of
those… you fear for them.
(Gag & TOW entry courtesy of @lucyhighnett – a long term
sufferer of having to watch Southampton play footballer these past few years)
Sane (9.4 MCI) – Yet to start a match this season, Sane came
on the final 20 minutes and proceeded to give the ball away with the regularity
of fabricated Jeremy Corbyn news stories. Consistently referred to as the
singular reason why Germany didn’t do better in the World Cup by our blinkered
media, Sane has in fact shown the very reason why he wasn’t picked so far. A
pass completion rate of just over 70% this season is average at best, but
playing for City it’s like turning up to a Black Tie event in a tracksuit. One
jinking run reminded everyone what he has in his locker, but he’ll have to do a
lot more than this to get back in the team. Right now Mendy is doing his job
better… and with the added bonus of actually defending (or at least trying to)
as well.
Richarlison (6.7 EVE) – A moment of youthful stupidity likely
cost Everton 3 points and gained himself a 3 match ban in the process. Richarlison
has been in fine fettle so far this season and will be missed by a free flowing
Everton team for which he has added flair and skill in abundance. Like a reversed
football Brexit, he was transferred into…and then out of… more fantasy football
teams than any player in history within the space of 48 hours (Citation – there
is no evidence to back up this claim, much like the Leave Campaign). That people are actually considering Theo
Walcott as the best replacement for their teams, a player with an xG lower than
that of Aymeric Laporte, shows once again that the British public are as
predictable as lemmings on a cliff edge.
Townsend (6.0 CRY) – Andros Townsend isn’t a bad player, but
he’s not a great one either. Palace, despite this latest set back, remain a
team with upward momentum and have some quality players throughout their ranks.
Townsend is now 27 and it’s hard to believe he once played for England. Indeed,
he scored 3 goals for his country in a 13 cap career. But for Spurs, Newcastle,
Palace and the 250 teams he’s appeared for on loan, he has never quite showed
the potential that… well… he himself assumed he had. His Premier League stats
show 14 career goals in over 10,000 minutes of football. That’s a goal every
720 minutes. One every 8 games. For a player with his ability to strike a ball
that’s a desperate record. Even accounting for assists, a goal involvement of just
under 300 minutes is worse than most similar attacking players in the league. Gudmundson,
who has played for Burnley for 3 years, is every 250 minutes. Lingard, who
played as a sub for 3 years, is every 211 minutes. Lamela, who was been injured
for 3 years, is every 195 minutes. Theo Walcott, who has been shit for 13
years, is every 133 minutes.
Hold on. Theo Walcott is involved in a goal every 133 minutes?
Over a 13 year Premier League career.
I’m sorry. What?
Stats are dead.
Mounie (6.0 HUD) – No goals so far this season for an ailing
Huddersfield, it’s hard to see why a) Huddersfield didn’t add to their
frontline strike force in the summer and b) how on earth Mounie is priced at 6m
in the Fantasy game. In three starts he has mustered two successful take ons, just
11 touches in the box and a shot accuracy of just 16%. He has an Xg of 0.37 and 0.13 from open play. For the Terriers to survive this season you sense he
needs to at least get to double figures. A tally that looks a long way off on
this evidence.
Aubameyang (10.9 ARS) – The fact that Aubameyang compares 50/50
on stats to Mounie above, tells you everything you need to know about his dire
start to the season. Far from uninvolved, Aubameyang has merely been incompetent.
He has 8 attempts so far, 3 of which have been big chances and none of which
have come close to bursting the net. He has won just 43% of his aerial battles
and boasts a 65% pass completion rate in the final third. He looks so out of
form he could be played in a movie by Morata.
Zohore (4.9 CAR) – At least Huddersfield have scored this
season, Cardiff City have not managed that at all despite back to back shut
outs. Zohore has led the line in the last matches to ill effect. Mustering 4
headers, all off target and has won just 23% of his aerial duels. He looks
shocking. As do Cardiff, both in terms of creating good chances and finishing
them off. It’s going to be a long, hard season in Wales.
Happy Hunting
HM
HM
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