Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Five

1. You don’t get what you deserve in this sport…
Following a Liverpool v Utd match which saw the away fans behave impeccably and the home fans lead a stirring tribute to the 96 who died at Hillsborough, it was left, for once, for the football to do the talking. The only incident of note during a first half of the worst possible quality was a harsh sending off for the Liverpool youngster Jonjo Shelvey. The challenge was reckless, but Shelvey’s real crime was catching the equally as committed Evans and not the ball and he paid the worst possible price. On another day that and an equally as soft penalty decision could have gone Liverpool’s way. It is indicative of their season so far that they didn’t. The Anfield faithful deserved to come home with a victory this weekend and yet again they saw their team undone by a combination of bad luck, poor finishing and some questionable defending. Man Utd have won their last four games despite playing well for around 30 minutes in total. Criminally still reliant on Paul Scholes, a Utd team shorn of him and Rooney look unable to create anything, especially when Kagawa sees so little of the ball from a midfield used to continuously spraying it out wide. Nani is a shadow of his former self, and that former self was pretty shit to begin with. RVP looked tired, Valencia not at the races and Patrice Evra is now the worst full back defensively in the entire league. As it is, Utd somehow sit a point off the top of the table haven’t yet to get going this season and that can only spell bad news for everyone else. As for Liverpool, 2 points from 5 games and a goal difference of minus 6 is a brutally harsh statistic. Rodgers style will take time to bed in but already what little chance they had of returning to the Champions League is gone. Winning a game has to be the immediate priority, keeping a clean sheet the next. Rodgers’ teams are easy on the eye but the contrast with the slick, first time passing of Joe Allen and the penetrating, sometimes brilliant, sometimes wayward through balls of Gerrard just isn’t working as a combination. At this rate Everton might, just might, win a Derby match this year.

EDIT - following writing this it has emerged that a small pocket of Utd fans stayed behind after the match and sang anti-Hillsborough chants until they were cleared to exit. This is a sickening development to a day that started so well. They should be identified, banned for life and charged by a court of law. They are a disgrace to MUFC and a disgrace to football in general. Utd should be fined, docked points and made to play games behind closed doors. This cannot be allowed to happen and if I was Alex Ferguson I would refuse to play a match until these "fans" are identified and thrown out of football.

2. …and ultimately, points are everything.
If Utd can consider themselves lucky to be 2^nd in the league, the fact that Manchester City remain unbeaten looks almost criminal. They have been outplayed in every match this season and Sunday was no exception. A rampant, slick Arsenal side, led by the majestical Santi Carzola, tore into City during an opening 40 minutes when they could have led by three goals. As it was, Gervinho had one of those days and as it was left to the Arsenal centre back to salvage a point late on following Joleon Lescott’s undeserved opener. The league table doesn’t lie, but with the exception of Everton it currently provides scant reward for those who have played the best football this season. Arsenal have looked as good as anyone yet find themselves just a point ahead of Spurs and Newcastle, both of whom have been pretty dreadful. The turgid West Ham meanwhile, have twice as many points as Sunderland & Stoke; both of whom have looked solid and dependable and unlikely to concede too many goals. Points mean everything in this game though and whilst Liverpool have been poor, they have not been anywhere close to the second worst team in the division. Perhaps in another month or two things will start to even out a bit, but right now Utd, City and even Chelsea are there for the taking. The fact that nobody is managing to do that looks ominous.

3. Gervinho is not the new Kanu.
Lethal against the defensive might of Southampton, the talk in some quarters was that Gervinho was now ready to fulfil his potential and live up to his billing as the new Kanu. Not on Sunday’s evidence. In an otherwise near faultless Arsenal performance, the Ivorian had an absolute horror show. One first touch following a beautiful through ball which sent him free of the defence was so bad he should be fined two weeks wages on the spot. He followed that up with a mixture of falling over, failing to pick a pass or weaving around three players before blazing a shot high and wide over and over again. Gervinho can certainly dribble, but he has none of the effortless, almost poetic qualities of Kanu that made him such a joy to watch. Whereas Kanu looked like a sleek panther who sometimes couldn’t be bothered to hunt for his prey, Gervinho looks like a strange puppet who is being pulled in several different directions at once. His approach to finishing seems to just be hit it as hard as physically possible every time. Of course, he’s still capable of the odd moment of brilliance, but his selection over Walcott, contract wrangling’s aside, looks a touch perverse. And don’t even get me started on that hairline.

4. When will Alan Pardew get the call from the big guy downstairs?
There’s no denying that Pardew has assembled a fine team on a shoestring budget. If he could get Ba and Cisse scoring at the same time his Newcastle team could even finish in the top four. There is also no denying however, that the man IS the Anti-Christ. The way Pardew prowls a touchline, strokes his hair back and gazes menacingly into space all points to one thing. That he’s simply not human. Right now the question has to be asked whether there is a more detestable sight in football than the Pardew fist pump? It’s not just the mannerisms and the actions though, it’s the post-match interviews where Pardew has managed to invent an entirely new tense in which to speak in. He manages to mix a third person narrative arc in with an almost voyeuristic description of the way his team is performing. In one section of his post-match interview this weekend he used the words “they,” “we,” “I,” “them” and “us” all in the same speech to describe his own team. He then bore into the reporter and his eyes turned red. I’m not making this up folks. Still think he’s not waiting for a return to the underworld? Just watch this celebration and tell me this guy is all there.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foq7RD0qnn4

5. John Terry will not be missed.
I can’t even be bothered to drag up old banter about JT. The news he has retired from International football is worthy enough to declare a national holiday. The most detestable football of my lifetime will play for my country no more. Given Jags & Cahill are better and Smalling & Jones the future, his “retirement” is no loss anyway. If Gerrard, Barry, Cole and Lampard can now all follow suit that would be lovely. I’ll leave you with this as a parting shot… last month JT was asked about England’s questionable ranking of 3^rd in the world. His response? “I think that’s fair. We have the players, it’s just up to us to prove it.” Few people have had a more inflated opinion of their own ability and importance than JT. And few players have managed to be so hated for just being themselves. John Terry is a sewer rat and I hope the FA through the book at him today. Not for being racist. But for just being John fucking Terry. Cheering for the national side again just got a whole lot easier.

Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Four

Liverpool finally get justice off the pitch, if not on it.
After a campaign for justice that has spanned over two decades, the Hillsborough report published this week finally revealed the truth for all to see. The families of those affected by this horrendous tragedy have fought for justice for 23 years and now there can be no doubting the facts… the Liverpool fans were blameless, the South Yorkshire Police, FA and Sheffield Wednesday Football Club were not. End of discussion. Of course, until those who were to blame (both in terms of the incident and the subsequent reporting of it) are held accountable the families will continue to campaign and seek for these wrongs to be righted in every way they should. For now though, every single football fan up and down the country knows that anything other than unwavering support and sympathy towards those families is completely unacceptable. Alex Ferguson acted quickly to attempt to draw a line under chants that have been rife between Liverpool and Utd fans since the disaster. The Hillsborough tragedy chants and returning Munich ones are as sickening as football gets and have to stop. A small pocket of Utd fans carried on the chants this weekend (all be it of a different nature) and an apology and condemnation from the club is just not good enough. These fans should be identified and banned for life. ANY club guilty of terrace abuse of this nature should be made to play without fans for its next game. Moving back to matters on the pitch, Liverpool could not mark the occasion with their first win of the season against a typically resilient Sunderland. Despite having 66% possession and well over 20 attempts at goal, it was a case of same old Liverpool as they couldn’t find the back of the net. Suarez did eventually score to cancel out Fletchers opener near the end, but in truth Liverpool deserved to win the game. For Hillsborough, an event that redefined football in my lifetime, justice has finally come. For this once great football club on the pitch however, the glory days still look a long way off.

Arsenal might not have replaced RVP, but they have replaced Cesc Fabregas
Southampton have not had the easiest entrance into the Premier League and after being cruelly beaten at the death by both Manchester clubs, they came up against an Arsenal side in full stride on Saturday. The Gunners have started the season well and there are two main reasons for that. The first has been their defence, thanks largely to a fit Vermaelen and the recruitment of Steve Bould, but the second has been the signing of Santi Cazorla. The Spaniard is two footed and with a deftness of touch that should be the envy of any English footballer. He already looks at home as the central point of one of the league’s best teams and seems to see passes before he even receives the ball. He controlled the rhythm and tempo of the game on Saturday and although he only directly created one of the six goals, he was involved in the build ups to all six of them. Wenger’s team played with a Barcelona esque approach at times, with Gervinho as a false 9 and Podolski and Chamberlain popping up wide and cutting in. Granted they were playing Southampton, but in the absence of Van Persie and with Giroud yet to pack his shooting boots, this could be the way they set up this season. With Santi pulling the strings they look solid, fluent and strong. It’s incredibly early days, but it’s hard to see them finishing outside the top four on this evidence.  Next week’s match up with Man City could be a cracker.

Wayne Bridge is good at something after all
Anyone who didn’t want to talk about the pre-match handshake before QPR v Chelsea on Saturday must have cursed a miserable game which gave the pundits… pretty much nothing else to talk about. What struck me about Anton’s pre-mediated act of defiance (other than the ultimately total meaninglessness of it) was quite how bad his attempt to NOT shake Terry’s hand was. After shaking the officials hands in a calm and normal manner, he then dropped his hand sharply only to find himself with nowhere to go. Face to face to with John Tery, Anton tried to slip past and just bundles into a mascot. Pushing him out of the way he then over compensates for his botched gesture by offering the rest of the Chelsea team huge, over the top handshakes like he’s known them all his life. At least Ashley “Choc-Ice” Cole was on the end so he could just scamper past him onto the pitch. A similar comedy of errors occurred at Old Trafford last season as Suarez somewhat more questionably refused to shake Evra’s hand but was hauled back by the defender. It made them both, and the now much questioned pre match gesture, just look silly. As it is, we have to go back to Wayne Bridge in 2010 to show us how to not shake John Terry’s hand properly. Bridge is poetry in motion as he just dips his hand a fraction, scooting under JT’s and into the paw of the mascot next to him. It’s brilliant. It’s sheer class. It’s better than anything the man has ever done on the pitch…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=461FsoV1yG4

Blackburn are still as entertaining as ever
After their relegation from the Premier League there was a feeling that it could be a long time before we saw the Kentucky Fried Army again. However, having brought in some pretty decent transfer signings, as well as hanging on to a lot of their squad, Blackburn are still unbeaten and sit at the top of the fledgling Championship table. More than that though, they are showing no signs of going away quietly but rather continue to be as strange and wonderful as before. For starters Steve Keane is still there. Despite fans continuing to protest at every fixture, the manager who must be eating a lot of chicken to keep his job is doing just that. Rumours continue to abound though that not only will he be sacked if Blackburn slip off the pace, but that he’ll be sacked if they lose a single game. Given his team’s flimsy defence, not to mention commitment to attack, going a whole season unbeaten seems very unlikely to say the least. Blackburn look up for the challenge though. New signing Jordan Rhodes raised eyebrows with his £8m fee but repaid some of it straight away on Saturday with two fine goals. Scott Dann, Paul Robinson, David Dunn and Morten Gamst Pedersen all remain at the club, and the signing of Danny Murphy is looking like a masterstroke. Up top Rhodes has been joined by the talented Kasim Richards and, somewhat bizarrely, Nuno Gomez. Blackburn and Venkey’s are not going away. They said they came to win trophies… and if they have to start that run by winning the Championship one first, it looks like it could be entertaining for all to watch. Whether Steve Keane is there next week, let alone next year, remains as much of a mystery as ever.

What is happening at Real?
Away from the Premier League still further, the champions of Spain have thus far won a single match of their opening four league fixtures, losing two and currently finding themselves in 11^th place. Normally the old “early days” statement would be bandied around to high heaven, but in Spain things are different. The league is a straight out two-horse race and giving Barcelona an 8 point head start already looks pretty daunting for Jose and his team of superstars. Real were ragged at the weekend and never looked like scoring. Luca Modric has come to add more guile to the midfield but he’s yet to start a game and couldn’t unlock the Sevilla defence when he did come on. With their star player making it clear he’s not a happy boy, Real & Ronaldo need to get things back on track and fast to stop this season unravelling before it’s even begun. Next game? Man City tomorrow night. Who said the Champions’ League Group Stages were dull…

Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Three

The Transfer Window was an all-out carnival of comedy

As the window slammed shut at near midnight on Friday there was a genuine sense of confusion and comedy at what had happened for several clubs over the past couple of months. On the plus side, there have been some big marquee signings for the first time in three years. Not only did Van Persie, the world’s top out and out striker, commit his future to the league; but new talent like Hazard, Michu, Kagawa & Oscar took their place amongst more experienced talent like Santi, Podolski and Garcia. On the flip side, it appears that several of the bigger clubs have actually weakened their squads over the summer. There were few more surreal dealings than Man City paying 6.5m for Scott Sinclar and seeing Swansea instantly replace him with the cheaper, better Hernandez . Meanwhile, Spurs transfer dealings can only be considered a success when compared to Liverpool. They have let a myriad of players leave this summer and have replaced them with quality, but nothing like the sort of quantity you need to compete on several fronts. Surely the lengthy pursuit of Loris could have been spent on a striker or a winger? Or anyone at all to suggest that Ekottu & Bale won’t have to play 50 games back to back? Friedel was outstanding again at the weekend and the decision to drop him, if it comes, will not sit well with the already disillusioned White Hart Lane faithful. Still, whilst Swansea, West Ham, Stoke and um, Blackburn, can be happy with their deadline day deals… the greatest failure was that of Liverpool football club to buy… well anyone. Since Rodgers has come in he has completely dismantled King Kenny’s squad with all the subtly of a 1920’s war medic. That’s not a bad thing per se, but as a club what sort of statement does it make to spend £100m one season only to completely lose faith in those players the next. Surely Adams & Carroll could have done a job for Pool? Especially the latter who leaves to bolster West Ham’s aerial threat and severely weaken Pool’s depth of attacking talent. Pool have let 13 players leave this summer and brought in 5. Whichever way you do the math, their squad is now badly weakened and there is no real sense they have bought anyone who will make them better than last season. They look a team not so much in decline, but one who have accepted mid table mediocrity for the foreseeable future. Christ, they look like fucking Aston Villa.

The Champions League Rankings need a serious rethink.
This week’s draw sprung up some exciting match ups, predictable dead rubbers and a genuine group of death… but it also sprung up some serious questions about a system that allows Arsenal to continue being drawn in Pot One of a tournament they have never won, whilst also managing to not win a single domestic trophy for the past eight seasons. By contrast how can Dortmund, a team which have European pedigree over the past 20 years and have won back to back domestic titles, be placed in the middle of Pot Four? Below Celtic? What system are UEFA using for these rankings? Man City were in pot four last year, which seemed fair given it was their first ever entry into the competition and they had only scraped into the tournament at the last minute. But they were at the top of pot two this year despite being knocked out at the group stage? Ok they won their domestic title, but then so did Dortmund? Twice. Regardless of the system, winning a title should be the most important thing each season. Pot one should be the reigning champions of Spain, Germany, England, Italy, Holland, Portugal, France & Russia. Pot two the next eight clubs with the best record in the tournament over the past three-five years. Pot three the champions of the lesser leagues and moving down to pot four which is everyone else (i.e. those who come 3^rd and 4^th in the bigger leagues). This absurd bias towards teams from England & Spain has to stop. Crucially, a system which throws up genuine group stage drama will only serve to make the tournament more competitive and more exciting from day one. And don’t even get me started on the 3^rd place Noropa League farce…

Utd don’t need a replacement for Paul Scholes, they need one for Roy Keane.
The most heard line that Alex Ferguson has heard over the past five years has been “when are you going to replace Paul Scholes?” In that period Utd have been linked with a host of attacking midfielders such as Ozil and Sneijder and brought none. Until Kagawa this year that is. However, over the past few years Utd have hardly lacked for goals. They scored a hatful last season and despite Fergie’s belief otherwise, they didn’t lose the title by not scoring enough, they lost it by conceding ten goals at home to City & Everton. Already this season Utd look if not a slicker prospect going forward, then certainly one more capable of unlocking stubborn defences with a more varied passing style and the ball over the top to Van Persie. What they don’t look like though, is a team capable of going ten games without conceding a goal. Hell right now they don’t look like being able to go one game without conceding a goal. Rafael is a sham of a fullback and Evra is now a sham of player full stop. The centre backs look strong at least, just about making up for an erratic duo of keepers. But the real problem, as was proved yet again by Southampton this weekend, is the lack of any sort of shielding player to stop opponents attacking at will through the centre. Cleverly, Anderson and Carrick are all fine players when the possession stats are in their favour, but against teams who attack them at pace they are essentially passengers. Where was the bid for Check Tiote? For Diarra? For Tom Huddlestone (joke). Utd are lacking in several positions, but a genuine, ball winning holding player would free up the attacking talent to create and dazzle knowing that they have a player in reserve to do the donkey work. Utd look as entertaining as ever, but come the big matches it’s hard to look beyond the likes of Toure, Khedira, Xavi et all making boys once more of Fergusons balsa midfield.

West Brom have crept under the radar.
There has already been good talk this year of the strong starts made by Everton, Swansea and Chelsea; but sitting in 3^rd in the table, still unbeaten and having conceded just one goal are West Bromwich Albion. Relatively quiet in the transfer window, the Baggies main activity was replacing the departing Hodgson by bringing in Steve Clarke for his first managerial role. So far it’s a role he looks tailor made for. West Brom are a disciplined, well organised team in all the right ways (i.e. not managed by Sam Allardyce). They play with genuine width and now have a great collection of bustling centre forwards who can all get goals. Ben Foster remains easily the second best English keeper around and they have a great set of fans. Few would begrudge them a prolonged stay in the top flight and on the evidence so far, it looks like their days of being a yo-yo club may be about to end.

Just when you think MOTD can’t get worse, it does.
For no reason whatsoever, this year the BBC has decided to use our licence money to pay Harry Redknapp to provide “analysis” on a Saturday night. This was bad enough anyway, but when paired with Alan Shearer it was like watching two invalids trying to learn to speak. Shearers first job this week was to get Michu’s name wrong (twice), his transfer fee wrong (three times) and then talk us through the action of the first game by essentially repeating word for word the commentary. Harry meanwhile providing no analysis whatsoever. Seemingly still thinking he was in “the game”, Redknapps comments consisted of him saying “Yeah I like him, I like him a lot, I’ve looked at signing him” over and over again? Lineker at one point asked him a question twice having not received anything by way of an answer first time around. When he was once again greeted with a cockney ad lib he tried Shearer, who was staring into space. At one point Redknapp just interrupted him and announced “Spurs are a top side and they’ll come top four no worries.” Harry you’re not their manager anymore you wanker. That said, if it gets you off my screen in this capacity, I’ll call Levy myself right now.