Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Fourteen

1. What the hell has Darren Bent done to Paul Lambert…
In one of the more intriguing subplots of the season, Darren Bent was once again left out of the Aston Villa squad on Tuesday to play Reading. At a cost of £24 million and having scored 52 goals in his last 100 Premier League games, this is beginning to look strange. Add in the fact that Villa were the joint lowers scorers in the division before Benteke’s crucial late strike and it begins to look stranger still. Not just that, but since going two nil up at home to Man Utd, Villa had gone 300 minutes without scoring at all. Finally consider the bench in the last two games. Darren Bent hasn’t been on it. Jordan Bowery, a 21 year old from Chesterfield who cost the club £400,000 has. Suddenly this isn’t strange anymore, it’s perverse. If Bent has done something behind the scenes he needs to be named and shamed. Villa may think that by doing so other clubs might turn away from him, but by not playing him at all Lambert is sending out a much more damning assessment that he isn’t good enough to get in the squad of one the worst teams in the league. He’ll surely go in January, but at this rate Villa will be lucky to get £10m for him when he effectively won’t have played for 3 months. Proven goal scorers are arguably the greatest asset in the league, and keeping one from playing who is as talented as Bent is beginning to look like an ill-advised practical joke. That said, it’s just about the only thing of interest that’s happening at the most boring football club in the land. So we should at least be grateful for that.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/football/2012/nov/28/darren-bent-aston-villa

2. Michel Platini is an idiot.
Following on from his flawed idea to extend the European Championships to 32 teams, and the genuinely insane one to have it played across the whole of Europe, Michel Platini plumbed new depths this week by suggesting scrapping the Europa League and having a 64 club strong Champions League. This, put bluntly, is a simply terrible idea. The problem with the Champions League is that is not a Champions League, it is fast becoming a collection of the richest clubs in Europe all competing for the Holy Grail. I’ve spoken before about the seeding system, which should be dramatically weighted towards champions of all the major leagues rather than merely getting through the group stages each year (Arsenal). Dortmund for example, could win it this season along with their third consecutive title and would still not be a top seeded club. The Europa league is a bloated and flawed tournament, but combining the two solves the problems of neither. You would have even more dead rubbers than before and all the teams competing would play even more games, meaning that you would need an even bigger squad to be successful. It’s the squad issue that irks the most. Take as an example West Brom, who are a small club currently punching above their weight in the Premier League. If they finish 4^th and make it to Europe, the chances of them going on a “Cinderella story” are massively reduced by a tournament which would ask them to play against teams who can rotate their entire first XI for group matches and still be good enough to beat them. They would also have to play 17 games to win it (including qualifiers) – a figure that would likely rise above 20 with the new format. When Nottingham Forest won back to back European Cups they played just 9 matches. A figure that was doable with a small squad. 17 isn’t… 21 even less so. All this will mean is that the richest, most successful clubs will continue to pool into the later stages, arguably not even maintaining a proper interest until that moment. Platini has pitched this idea to combat a breakaway league from the big clubs, but this move will make that even more likely than before. A 64 club Champions League could have 28 teams from the four main leagues in it! When you consider that countries from the same club can’t be drawn against each other until the last 8, that gives the smaller teams even less chance of getting to the knockout rounds knowing they’re almost certain to face teams from La Liga, Serie A, The Premier League or the Bundesliga. This move cannot be allowed to happen and needs to be vetoed before it gets off the ground. The return to a properly seeded, stripped down tournament which incentivises teams to actually win their own league has to be the priority. This should be supported by a straight knockout tournament that rewards the cup winners of all the leagues, along with those finishing a decent position (not 6^th or 7^th). This won’t happen, because Platini doesn’t ultimately care about anything other than getting as much money as possible. Whether this move comes to fruition will depend on that one thing alone. Sadly, that is everything that is wrong with football right now in a nutshell.

3. In Rafa we truzzzzzzzt.
Two games, two nil nils, it’s clearly far too early to make any judgements on Rafa’s time at Chelsea, but the former Liverpool boss has done nothing to appease the angered Chelsea fans who have vowed to celebrate Di Matteo’s name every 16^th minute until the Spaniard leaves the club. We always knew Rafa would bring defensive solidarity, but benching your most talented creative player for a third defensive midfielder was possibly overkill. Away at Man Utd maybe, but at home to Fulham? No. Chelsea have two away games next before they depart for the World Club Cup, an achievement that is nice to have on your CV (to quote Fergie) but doesn’t really amount to anything in the broad scheme of things. West Ham & Sunderland loom and with both those teams being far, far better at the back than going forward what price now for Rafa to start with four consecutive nil nils? That surely won’t happen, but yesterday’s game was an even worse affair than the one against City. Fulham actually should have won the game near the end, squandering two good chances whilst Chelsea were restricted to shooting from range. In fairness to Benitez, Chelsea’s creative hub has failed to spark for a while now. In the last five games the Blues have managed just 14 shots on target. That’s one every 32 minutes, which is pretty terrible for a title chasing team who played three of those fixtures at home. It gets even worse when you compare those stats. In the same last five games Man City have managed 32 shots on target, one every 14 minutes and Man Utd have got away 28 efforts, one every 17 minutes. Comparing Chelsea’s current rivals for 3^rd West Brom also makes worrying reading, the Baggies having offed 24 efforts in that time. The final test? Aston Villa. In the last five games Villa have managed… wait for it… 35 shots on target!!! Aim for the corners boys...

4.  When will Swansea’s attacking English players start getting some recognition?
Swansea swept aside high flying West Brom last night in 30 minutes of pass and move football that wouldn’t have been out of place in the upper echelons of La Liga. 20 points after 14 matches is a pretty decent return for a team tipped by many to go down, indeed, they are just one point behind Arsenal, who once again find themselves closer to the relegation zone than the title (Wenger Out) – but I digress. In Nathan Dyer and Wayne Routledge, Swansea have two English players in rich form who deserve a place in the England squad well, well before anyone currently playing at Liverpool (to name a club at random). Routledge has scored four and made four already this season, whilst Dyer has three goals with a further two assists. They haven’t played every game owing to the rotation with the excellent Hernandez and in total the pair have scored or created a goal every 130 minutes. Let’s compare that, again at random, to the much vaunted Raheem Sterling, who has scored or created a goal every 227 minutes and got an England call up before he had done even that. Swansea are an entertaining, easy on the eye, football team and after a slight dip, Laudrup has got them flying again. You could do a lot worse than get a season ticket to the Liberty Stadium. It’s just a shame that it’s in Swansea…

5. Obligatory and token once a season post on Stoke City.
There is only one good thing about Stoke City football club, their fans. Aside from being amongst the loudest and welcoming in the league, they have the two best chants about Luis Suarez. Whilst the first has been copied by every other club up and down the land, the second is all theirs… and makes so little sense you just have to love it. Unlike the way Stoke play football… which is turgid, negative, predictable, dull, desperate and arguably illegal. But, as I’ve said before, I’d still like them to play Real Madrid. £100 says Ramos would get sent off first…

He cheats, he dives, he hates the Jackson Five!
Suaaarezzzzz, Suareeezzzzz.

Six foot two
eyes of blue
Robert huth is after you
with a nick nack paddywack
give a dog a bone
luis suarez
fuck off home

Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Thirteen

1. Harry Redknapp has his work cut out.
QPR wasted no time on Friday bringing in cockney wide boy and media darling Harry Redknapp, to replace the terminal Mark Hughes. Harry has worked his magic before, most noticeably at Portsmouth (if you count working his magic as keeping them in the division via loads of overpaid transfers and then jumping ship and watching them become bankrupt) – but he really has his work cut out this time around. QPR have that fatal mix of overpaid former stars that don’t seem to care, and underpaid championship players who just aren’t good enough. Rangers are utterly adrift of safety in the form of 7 points and have a run of immediate fixtures that are almost all crucial. Sunderland, Villa & Wigan are all up shortly and winning/losing them could be the difference between opening up the relegation zone to a wider audience… and staring into the abyss. Harry will need all his man management skills and a set of transfer targets that aren’t quite so obvious as Beckham to turn things around. Keep this lot up and solidify them further next year and his stock in the game could rise even higher. Fail… and you wonder if this could be Harry’s last chance to put his unique spin on the football merry go round that he loves so much.

2. But so does Rafa Benitez.
Rafa was welcomed to Stamford Bridge on Sunday with open and widespread dissent from the Chelsea faithful. The combination of a manager they hate replacing one they had loved, proving too much for a set of supporters who thus far had remained faithful to their Roman empire. Worries about Benitez’ style of football would have hardly been quashed by one of the worst games of the season. City at least tried, if seemingly happy to take a point in the backyard of their second nearest rivals. Chelsea looked like they were at a funeral for the first half and in the second upped their work rate in a strangely petulant way, as if they’d been told by Roman himself to get out there and show him they cared. Saving Torres career looks beyond even Rafa and it will be interesting to see who he signs in January. Recalling Lukaku has to be the first move. The Belgian looking more threatening in 20 minutes than Torres & Struridge have in their last 200; and he is a much more natural front man to play in this formation. Personally, much as I condemn the ludicrous sacking of Di Matteo, I’m happy to see Benitez back in management. He is a strangely likeable man and unlike Ferguson or Wenger, his tantrums are funny rather than tiringly predictable. He needs to get the players and fans onside quickly and he’s right about one thing... you start winning football matches and all that other stuff gets forgotten quickly. Chelsea though, with two victories in their last eight games, need to remember that habit again and fast.

3. Southampton know how to play football.
Back to back victories have propelled Saints up the league table to the dizzy heights of 17^th and finally got their fans dreaming of survival. Yesterday they tore into a beleaguered Newcastle like a pack of Wolves to a fresh carcass. Saints move the ball around with real style and their front four, with the cultured Ramirez pulling the strings, look dangerous every time they go forward. Indeed, Southampton have created as many chances as any team in the division and remain the leagues great entertainers having seen 50 goals go in during their 13 matches. 7 or 8 nil would not have flattered them yesterday, but the most pleasing thing for Nigel Adkins will probably have been the clean sheet.  If they are to remain in the top flight they will need plenty more of them. Talk of their manager’s demise was offensive a few weeks ago and looks ludicrous now. Southampton are now a well-run, attractive club who were on their knees before Adkins stepped in. Even if they go down, it is about time clubs showed some loyalty and his services should be retained for several years yet. When you keep having to go to Dave Whelan to teach you something about morals in the game, you’re in serious trouble.

4. Utd’s central hub still wouldn’t pass an MOT.
The phrase “one more year” for Scholes & Giggs stopped being amusing long ago, such has been their absurd longevity. Giggs, to his credit, was still brilliant 18 months ago and Scholes kept Utd in the title race until the death last time around. Finally though, it looks like this might be one bridge too far. Neither player has influenced a game this season in the way they did in the last two campaigns and Utd have looked sluggish with them in the team. A central hub of Scholes/Carrick cannot be allowed to continue. The partnership lacks page and urgency and the time has come for Cleverly and Anderson, even the impressive looking Nick Powell, to be given a sustained run of games.  If that fails, Ferguson has to buy and sort out the part of his team that has continued to come up short for the best part of a decade. The thinking was that Utd would play 4-2-3-1 this year with the lively Kagawa in behind Rooney, allowing two deep lying passers such as Scholes/Carrick to ping balls into the channels. Buying Van Persie changed all that though, suddenly Rooney finds himself in a deeper role. Not even a number 10, but like a half 8, half 10 clone who doesn’t really play in the space or burst in unmarked. Utd don’t possess a defensive midfielder so their formation looks a bit silly. Better to play to your strengths and attack, which is all Utd have ended up doing this season anyway once they’ve fallen behind again… and again… and again. Utd can outscore almost anyone in full flow and when they’ve got the bit between their teeth there is no team better at scoring 2 or 3 goals in a very quick period of time. Utd played well for 15 minutes on Saturday, and once again it was enough to win. Ferguson has one more piece of surgery to conduct before he retires and he cannot ignore the heart of this team anymore.

5. It’s time for Pardew to start justifying that contract.
8 years always seemed a stretch and little over 8 weeks into that deal Alan Pardew looks like a man sat on his laurels. Newcastle have been very unlucky with injuries this season, their first choice midfield having barely played, but that doesn’t excuse the lack of organisation and discipline that has crept into their ranks of late. Pardew’s men have just been beaten comfortably by the two teams who got promoted last season. They are in a desperate rut, winning one of their last eight league games and even that in an extremely undeserved way. The worry for the Anti-Christ must be that whereas before they were solid but lacking in spark, on Sunday they were truly battered by the team who are odds on favourites to finish bottom. The Toon army are beginning to get restless and whilst Pardew’s commitment to the Europa league is noble, it is clearly costing his side in the league. Newcastle have Stoke, Fulham & Wigan before a Christmas schedule that looks handpicked by Ebenezer Scrooge. Both Manchester clubs, Arsenal & Everton all loom over the season of goodwill. On the evidence of the last few games, it could be the season of discontent instead.

Premier League Predictions - Week 13

After a dramatic few days of football this weeks predictions are delivered as if they're a series of suspicious criminal allegations:

Sunderland v West Brom
Sunderland win twice in a row? I don't believe it for a second. Not with the Baggies all bouncing to the same beat. Away win, maybe a draw if there's a fist fight or two.

Everton v Norwich
The most improved team in the top flight take on the Toffees in their backyard. What's that? You can shoot people for trespassing now? Their could be a lot of dead Canaries here... Home win.

Man Utd v QPR
This could get uglier than a Liverpool player on a night out. Have the board given Mark Hughes one more game as a form of torture? Will he be sent to the chair straight after the match? It's likely. Utd never lose three in a row. Big... big home win.

Stoke v Fulham
Without Fulham's Norse God at the back this could be a bit of flair vs GBH at the Britannia. The draw's the safe bet, but I reckon Stoke will escape with a minor caution and win this.

Wigan v Reading
Reading are off and running but likely to be done for speeding if they win again. Wigan are due a win and should get it here. Could be here today, Kone tomorrow for the Royals.

Azzzton Villa v Arsenal
Away win.

Swansea v Liverpool
Few subplots here and I think the Scouse will find it hard down on the coast. Nobody wants a day trip to Swansea at this time of year and it could be a case of spot the ASBO in the crowd and the pitch. Home win.

Saints v Newcastle
A goal fest fit for all the senses is predicted here. If you attend one entertaining riot all year, make it this one. 3 all draw.

Spurs v West Ham
Like picking a criminal out of a line of Russian billionaires, this game is very hard to call right. Chances are, they're all guilty. Is anyone getting these analogies at all? I'm just not sure this is working... anyone... Home win, just.

Chelsea v Man City
What a build up, what a week, what a potential treat, if you see one game this weekend... Nil Nil.

Roman Abramovich doesn’t destroy managers, he makes them.

Following the sacking of Roberto Di Matteo this week, many fans, managers and pundits were quick to pour scorn on the Chelsea tycoon and his unique vision. Whilst it’s undoubtedly true that Abramovich has created a culture at the club where it’s now impossible to see a manager ever being in real control, the same can be said of Real Madrid and it hasn’t done them a lot of harm in the long run. What is worth considering though, are all the comments that were directed to the Russian about his treatment of the managers who have come in and ran his team for an average of 250 days (discounting Jose). Are we missing a big point here? Yes Roman hires and fires managers at will (only 1 of the last 5 has finished a season he started with the club) but aside from the massive pay offs, there is a strong argument that every person’s reputation has actually been enhanced by spending time at the club. Let’s look at the roll call:

Rainieri – The incumbent when Roman stepped in, Rainieri was a dead man walking from day one yet was a likeable presence both on and off the pitch and guided Chelsea to second in the league and a Champions League semi-final. His reputation was enhanced at the club and he went on to manage successfully in La Liga and Serie A.

Mourinho – The special one. Won 5 trophies in 3 years and has since forged a reputation as arguably the best current manager in the game. Left Chelsea with a monster pay off and an even bigger ego than when he joined.

Grant – Grant was a nobody when he was given the role of Jose’s successor on a temporary basis. He guided them to a steady second in the league and was a kick away from winning the Champions League. Left with a reputation as a likeable, talented manager with a dry sense of humour and was subsequently employed by West Ham. Ok so he also managed Portsmouth, badly... but then nobody remembers that... not even Portsmouth fans.

Scolari – Scolari’s reign could arguably be seen as damaging to his reputation, but instead he earned plaudits from around the world from being the first manager under the Roman era to turn Chelsea into a team playing free flowing attacking football. He didn’t buy a lot of players and was subsequently sacked for failing to keep clean sheets and losing pace with the leaders. His next job? Becoming the highest paid manager of all time…

Hiddink – Roman’s second caretaker manager, Hiddink guided Chelsea to the FA Cup and lost but one match. Left with his reputation even bigger than it was when he took over. So much so that he’s still spoken about as being THE manager Chelsea should be courting.

Ancelotti – Sacked after his second year with the club after the small achievement of winning Chelsea’s first ever double in his initial season. Reputation arguably boosted by stint in English football and was the first of three managers to come unstuck by the “Torres conundrum.”

Villas-Boas – The only manager on the list who can genuinely claim to have had his standing in the game reduced by Roman Abramovich. Was touted as the brightest young manager in the game yet over his 40 games with the club the form and confidence unravelled and was eventually let go in March with a staggering severance package. Including the cost to Porto, AVB cost Roman over £30,000,000 to hire and fire. That’s £775,000 a game…

Di Matteo – The number two was promoted until the end of the season having had his managerial credentials burnt by being sacked by West Brom. He delivered another FA Cup and a first ever Champions League. He united the squad and had begun to usher in a new era of youthful, attacking football. And Fernando Torres. He leaves the club with a considerably enhanced reputation than when he joined.

Benitez – Roman’s 4^th caretaker manager in barely as many years. Rafa arrives after 2 years out of the game following a Liverpool melt down and an epic fail at Inter Milan. Baring a complete disaster, it’s hard to see how his reputation will do anything but go up. Chelsea are likely to finish 3^rd whatever he does and if he wins one of the cups he’ll be in an even stronger position to negotiate come May.

So there you go. Nine different managers and only one left with his reputation ruined. And even he got employed straight away down the road. Far from being a poisoned chalice, there is a strong argument that being a Chelsea manager will actually enhance your standing in the game. As well as setting you and your family up for life. Who’d take that job eh…

Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Twelve

1. The Baggies are all bouncing to the same beat.
The season is almost a third of the way through and if awards were being handed out now, Steve Clarke would be manager of the year by some distance. In his first role in the head coach hot seat, Clarke has taken West Brom to 4^th in the table, a point behind Chelsea. The best thing about them being there is the manner in which they’ve won games. West Brom are organised and dependable at the back, but they play brilliant football and have a collection of strikers as good as any team outside of Manchester. Clarke is using a small squad, but he is rotating sensibly within it so that the likes of Brunt, Gera, Morrison and Odemwingie are all staying fresh. Shane Long is having a brilliant season and is regularly keeping the on loan Lukaku, who looks amazing almost every time he plays, out of the team. Indeed, the Belgian powerhouse, still just 19… looks a considerably better player than both Torres and Daniel Sturridge did this weekend. Torres is a man who now needs his own personal crisis blog, whilst Sturridge missed around 285 chances in the last half hour alone. West Brom are an extremely well run football club, and this form is a rich reward to their fans. This is not a collection of individuals, this is a team in every sense of the word. The Baggies are playing for each other and working hard for each other. Every member of that first team squad is contributing and they are showing what is possible when the whole team bounces to the same beat. They are yet to play poorly all season and their next six opponents are Sunderland, Swansea, Stoke, Arsenal, West Ham, Norwich. On this form, you wouldn’t bet on them losing any of those matches.

2. AVB needs to be given time.
Some managers come over here and just click with the Premier League. Not just in the way their teams play, but with the fans, the media, everything. Jose Mourinho’s teams played the most lifeless, soul destroying football imaginable, yet he was adored by the media. AVB is a positive and forward thinking manager yet both with Chelsea and now Spurs, there seems to be this general sense around him of people willing him to fail. That would be a shame, because if Spurs give him time he has shown plenty of promise in turning them into a progressive, counter attacking team who can cause real problems. He has been hindered thus far, by some very bad luck. His main defender has been injured all season, his best defensive midfielder likewise and Spurs were in complete control of the match on Saturday before Emmanuel Adeboyer had his moment of madness. The fact that his tackle wasn’t malicious actually makes it even more stupid. A clear red, Adeboyer should be made to donate a month’s wages to a local charity for such a reckless act of idiocy. AVB deserves to be stuck with though, for starters his decision to go 3-4-2 second half was brave and almost paid off. The shameless MOTD highlights glossing over a twenty minute spell after the restart when Spurs were clearly the better team. Spurs didn’t deserve a 5-2 reverse and they probably don’t deserve to be just two points ahead of Liverpool in a league table that “doesn’t lie.” AVB hasn’t got everything right, the decision to make the 35 year old William Gallas captain remains mystifying, but he deserves at least a couple of years to see his style of football become a blueprint at a club famed for their attacking philosophy. At the very least, he should be allowed time to try and find the shooting boots seemingly lost in the transfer window of both Sigurdsson and Dempsey.

3. Mark Hughes does not.
There is no argument that can be made to keep Mark Hughes in a job. There are normally two that can be thrown into the ring when somebody is doing as appallingly as he is. They need more time… and they’re a good bloke who loves the club, so show some loyalty. Hughes has had the equivalent of a full season at QPR, and would have taken them down over the 38 games. He hasn’t won in 12 matches this season, a new league record. He doesn’t love the club, QPR owe him no loyalty. Oh… and he’s a cunt. QPR have been at worst terrible and at best average this season, but on Saturday they plumped new depths. Losing is one thing. Losing at home another. But losing to the second worst team in the league at home is something else. And QPR didn’t just lose, they were battered. If Jason Puncheon had been more prolific, Saints could easily have won by 5 or 6. As I write this, Hughes is still in a job. That cannot be allowed to still be the case by the time next weekend comes around.

4. Sometimes you just need luck to reverse your fortunes.
Sunderland have been in dire form this season, scoring just seven goals in ten matches and playing some truly rubbish football along the way. At Fulham yesterday they were organised and disciplined, but didn’t show any signs of being able to win the game until Brede Hangeland’s harsh red card. From there, with Fulham committed to already having three strikers on the pitch, they slowly but surely worked themselves into the game before finally hitting Jol’s adventurous team on the break. Eventually winning 3-1, nobody can convince me that they would have won that game had Fulham kept 11 men on the pitch. Sometimes though, you need that little bit of luck to kick start a season and Stephane Sessegnon’s sublime strike was everything he needed and more to get his confidence and form back up to the sort of levels he was showing last year. Sunderland now have a very winnable run of fixtures and, in a bunched league, they remain 3 points off relegation and 6 off a European spot. More pleasingly for Mackems everywhere, is that they’re only 2 points behind Newcastle. A club who in their own, unique style, have spent the last two months mocking Sunderland relentlessly whilst somewhat failing to notice the chronic lack of form that has inherited their own team.

5. Harry Redknapp needs a job.
I’m not Harry Redknapp’s biggest admirer, mainly because he’s a criminal and a West Ham fan. But he is an extremely entertaining manager. He plays good, attacking football with an almost casual disregard for defending and his transfer dealings, whilst clearly illegal, never stop being fun to talk about. What Harry isn’t, is a football pundit. He meanders around the point just saying “we tried to sign him” or “I like the look of him” over and over again. The man doesn’t give a shit about analysis, he just wants to be back in the game. Will somebody please throw the old dog a bone…

Premier League Predictions - Week 12

Arsenal v Spurs
A North London derby that neither club can afford to lose, so almost certain to be a draw. I'm going for 1 a piece, with Arsenal to dominate possession.

Liverpool v Wigan
Both these teams are improving all the time, but I can't see this being a high scoring affair. I predict a narrow victory for the home team, almost certainly scored by Suarez after he's hit the post at least twice.

Man City v Azzzton Villa
Home win.

Newcastle v Swansea
Newcastle are due a good performance and I fancy them to deliver it this weekend. The Toon to win 3-0.

QPR v Saints
Talk about a six pointer. It might only be November but whoever loses this could be 7 or 8 points adrift of safety. I think Saints will win this, but the first goal will be crucial. Adkins men to prevail 2-1 and Hughes to be sacked in the morning.

Reading v Everton
Reading remain winless themselves, a run I can't see being broken here. Everton haven't quite mastered the winning ugly style that turns you from a good team into a great one, so I'm going for a draw here. 1 all.

West Brom v Chelsea
This is arguably the game I'm looking forward to most all weekend. West Brom are flying, the two games they have lost they should have got 4 points from. Meanwhile, Chelsea are stuttering after a flying start. Very hard to call, but I'm going for a close fought away win. 2-1 to the Blues, with Mata again pulling the strings.

Norwich v Man Utd
Norwich have been looking good of late but they don't score a lot and keeping Utd out for 90 minutes seems impossible right now. Away win, by a couple of goals.

Fulham v Sunderland
Sunderland surely have to start playing football again soon? They're up against a really good Fulham team this week and it's impossible to look beyond a home win. 2 nil.

West Ham v Stoke City
Meanwhile in the land of the giants... nil nil.

Five Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Week - Week Eleven

1. Coming from behind, it’s the new missionary position.
Manchester United & City are sat at the top of the league table this weekend looking down at the other teams and laughing. Utd have hit top gear twice all season and City haven’t even got out of 3rd. Yet, the former are top of the pile and the latter are somehow still unbeaten. In the 30 games that both have played in the Premier & Champions League this season they have come from behind to claim points in a barely plausible 18 of them. Of course, it helps when you don’t bother playing until the last half hour of matches to have a super sub on the bench. Edin Dzeko has scored more goals than any of City’s strikers and cannot buy a starting place. He has scored the winner in a third of City’s Premier League games this season. He is better than Sunderland on his own. Javier Hernandez meanwhile has scored more goals in the last ten games than the ENTIRE of Manchester United's team combined bar Van Persie. He is currently averaging a goal every 54 minutes. His goals per minute ratio is the best of any striker ever to play for Utd in the modern era. Let’s look at this another way, Edin Dzeko and Javier Hernandez have already this season won more points for their team than the whole of QPR, Reading & Southampton put together. And neither of them start games. Ah who cares, it makes things much more interesting if you give the opposition a chance first.

2. Big Sam, the manager Mark Hughes wishes he was.
Say what you want about Big Sam, his knack of taking supremely average teams into the top half of the Premier League is peerless. His teams aren’t always easy on the eye and often tread a disciplinary tightrope, but time and time again he manages to deliver. West Ham sit in 6th position in the table, above Spurs, Arsenal and Newcastle, and the worst thing about it is they actually deserve to be there. They have the second best defence in the league and have been outplayed just once to date (away at Swansea). Allardyce knows how to win Premier League matches and West Ham are organised and committed with a smackering of flair around the edges. In Kevin Nolan, they have the most consistent  uncapped midfielder in England, certainly now the equally impressive Leon Osman has been called up. Mark Hughes on the other hand, can’t even remember how to win football matches. QPR are bottom of the table, winless and shit out of luck. Hughes has won just 8 of his 34 games in charge, a ratio of less than 24%. Lower than Neil Warnock managed in his time in the same league, with a lot less money and time. Hughes vowed last season that you would “never, ever see a team in that position whilst he was at the club.” He may well be proved right, but only because he won’t be there come May...

3. Chelsea have to ship out Torres in January.

Chelsea may have posted their first profits under the Roman Empire, but if they’re to harbor any realistic chance of winning the title this season, they have to take what they can for Torres and buy a genuine centre forward, not an ex one. Torres may have scored four league goals, but only one was a genuine strikers finish and given the talent behind him, it’s a pretty meek return. Ask yourself, would Torres get in the first team of any major club in European football? Would he even get in the match day squad at City or Utd? No. He’ll still score the odd goal, who wouldn’t with Mata, Oscar and Hazard running riot, but he is simply not a game changer in the way that top strikers are. It’s time to put him out to pasture. I’m sure Spurs will buy him... or PSG, just for a laugh.

4. Everybody, even Arsenal fans, need Arsenal to not finish in the top four this season.
With the top three all but certain to remain as they are, a battle for 4th of epic proportions is currently being fought beneath them. Everton, easily playing the best football, are surely the most deserving of the spot to reward them and their manager for a decade of over achievement. Right now though, I’d take just about anyone in the league (not West Ham) finishing in 4th spot ahead of the Gunners. Why? Because Arsene Wenger needs to leave; and them finishing 3rd or 4th year after year after trophy less year is only prolonging the inevitable. Arsenal at least used to challenge for the title. Now they rise slowly to the surface like a dead, bloated whale corpse scaring away all the little fish at the latter stages. Arsenal are now so average that Aaron Ramsey has started to look ok again, just because he runs more than the others do. When their strikers find their boots, the defence collapses. When the defence keeps a clean sheet, they can’t hit a barn door. Sure they’ll go on a sneaky little run at some point and fool a few people, but when it comes to the crunch they aren’t good enough. For a team with their recent history, charging £150 a ticket, with a magnificent stadium, an army of supporters and turning a bigger profit than any UK bank... that’s unforgivable. Wenger out. The campaign begins here.

5. A nod to Andrea Pirlo.
Juventus’ unbeaten run came to an end last week one short of the magic 50 mark. For Pirlo, it marked the end of a streak that had stretched back to December 2010. One month shy of two years, Pirlo was beaten for the first time in sixty league matches. An astonishing run whichever way you look at it. Pirlo is a romanticists footballer, a throwback to days when people treated the ball like a fine woman, gently caressing it around the pitch  with elegance and grace. His range of passing is exquisite, and his pass percentage during the last two years is better than Toure, Xavi, Alonso... even Michael Carrick. This summer he dragged a very average Italian squad to the cusp of greatness. He even managed to get a penalty renamed after him en route. Being far too much of a homosexual to play in this country (thank you Phil Brown), we are left to admire him from afar as he weaves his magic across Italy. He won’t win the Ballon d’or, it’s likely he won’t even make the top five, but he’d still walk into any team in the world at the age of 33 and slowly, gently, make love to the ball.