Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Two

Arsenal’s problem isn’t tactical, it’s mental

At the risk of sounding like a broken record, we’ve been here before with Arsenal. The move to 3-5-2 at the back of last season smacked of Wenger doing something against his wishes; just to prove to people he could actually play another formation. But it’s not just the formation that’s the problem with Arsenal, it’s how they continue to play within themselves for long periods for too many matches each season. Arsenal lack leadership, a spine, a genuine world class player and somebody, anybody who will inject some urgency into proceedings. A returning and focussed Alexis Sanchez can at least fulfil the latter two roles, but the former? No. This comes from good management, good captaincy, and good signings. Can anyone even tell me whose Arsenal’s captain was on Saturday?

The problem with Arsenal can be highlighted, in a nutshell, by Hector Bellerin. The full back burst onto the scene with pace, promise and no shortage of raw talent. He looked a genuine find and somebody who had the potential to blossom into the best in the league in his position. Fast forward 18 months and Bellerin looks a shadow of the player he was in 2015. He is bereft of confidence; his delivery lacking and admits that the change in formation has directly affected his game. He has become, in short, the quintessential Arsenal player. One who flatters to deceive too often and whilst will still, from time to time, produce a world class performance to herald another false dawn, will ultimately just crumble and burn to ash when faced with a crisis.

This is Wenger’s legacy. The once great coach of our time has been chewed up and spat out by better and more adaptable managers who have swarmed around him over the past decade. There is no second coming. There is no one last hurrah. There is only the continued and helpless descent into mediocrity.

Double hoodoo casts it’s curse over Kane & Co

Spurs were unlucky against Chelsea, that should be stated from the off. But there was an almost hopeless inevitability to the result that looked set in stone after the opening 15 minutes. Spurs passed the ball where it didn’t hurt Chelsea and rarely carved them open in the final third. They looked a team who despite trying in every way they could, were unable to shake off a curse that is currently prohibiting them to win at Wembley, or allow their talisman to score in a summer month. Kane had chances, he hit the post again, missed a free header form 6 yards, could have got on the end on a couple of balls into the box. But like the rest of his team, he just looked unable to deliver when it mattered and was left to stare in bemusement after a fortunate own goal equaliser was rendered irrelevant by the marauding Marcus Alonso.

For Conte this was a massive result. Tactically he got it spot on and coaxed a marvellous performance from several players who would be nowhere near Chelsea’s best XI on a normal day. Chelsea look in trouble this season, having had one of the worst transfer windows for a major club since the “we’ll buy any average player for 20m” days of Dalglish & Liverpool. But they have a brilliant manager who knows how to rouse his players and get results in big matches.

As for Spurs. They play Burnley at Wembley next before the international break. They have to win and Harry Kane has to score. The curse must be lifted, or another slow start will cost them again when they’re handing out the major prizes in May.

Citation: Kane’s curse could just be put down to the simplistic reason that I continue to captain him in fantasy football at the start of each season. For which, on the behalf of all Spurs fans, I sincerely apologise.

Pulis rediscovers the zzzzzzzzzzzzz factor

West Brom only kept 6 clean sheets last season, the same number of goals that McAuley scored. Pulis flirted for a season trying to play his version of expansive football, but it never quite worked and his side conceded too many odd goals and still couldn’t put the ball in the back of the net. I’m pretty sure at this point that Rondon hasn’t scored in around fifty matches. Fast forward this year and Pulis has gone back to basics. 4-4-1-1, well organised, big, strong centre backs, defend in numbers, try and sneak a goal on the counter or from a set piece and win 1-0. Back to back victories in this manner see them sitting pretty on 6 points and sending their fans into wild celebration. Or you know, polite applause and a shrug of “well, rather this than relegation.”

Come on Tony. You can do this. Stop signing defensive midfielders and Leko of the leash. Please.

This year’s dark horses are going to be…

Probably not Bournemouth then. Who I tipped for a top 10 finish this time around borne from their reckless desire to score and the returning, evergreen Defoe. Two games and no goals later, and Bournemouth look like they miss Jack Wilshire. Which is no state for any team to be in. They have City and Arsenal up next and look a safe bet to bottom and pointless after that run. The season is impossibly young of course, but a good start helps and you felt Bournemouth needed something against a very winnable home match with Watford.

As such I’m changing my dark horse prediction to a blue fox instead. The former title winners have started the season in fine fettle and followed up their unlucky opening day loss with a comfortable victory against Brighton. They play Jose’s “hand me my obligatory second season title already” United next, but look well capable of causing an upset. Vardy and Mahrez look back to their best and, in Harry Maguire, they have signed a genuinely superb all-round centre back.

He cost 12m by the way. John Stones cost 50m. Stupid, stupid football.

Saints finally blow away the cobwebs

An unlikely goal fest at St Mary’s on Saturday saw Southampton emerge with the spoils following a dramatic, late Charlie Austin penalty. Having gone a full rotation of Jupiter since last seeing a goal at home, Saints fans could barely believe their eyes to be treated to five in a single game. Keen to keep the match entertaining, Southampton responded to leading and playing against ten men by losing all defensive shape whatsoever and allowing Hernandez to poach two, ultimately fruitless goals for the visitors. West Ham have a wealth of creative attackers at their disposal and will surely do better than last season; but seven goals conceded in the opening two fixtures point to continued problems at the back that Bilic had done nothing to address simply by signing Joe Hart. A player who currently isn’t even in the top five English keepers in the league.

Although he is still better than Claudio Bravo.

Team of the Weak:

Hart – see above – although in fairness Forster was arguably even worse.
Fernandez – utterly collapsed once United scored a second and was out muscled and foxed by Pogba and Mkhitaryan.
Zabaleta – best days may well be beyond him. Plus David Silva can now pass for him in a police line up.
Cook – struggled against a pacey, creative Watford attack.
Monreal – not a centre back, end this charade now Arsene.
Dier – lucky to stay on the pitch after a horrible tackle and was out played by Kante and Bakayoko throughout.
Ritchie – echoes of his first season in the top flight with Bournemouth. Needs to step up and prove he belongs at this level and not the Championship.
Arnautovic – essentially committed assault. We’ll see you in October matey.
Oxlade-Chamberlain – neither a winger or a defender and useless at combining the two. Didn’t he want to play in central midfield anyway? Why the hell isn’t Wenger playing Kolasinac left wing back? And do Liverpool really want to sign him? Like… really?
Ozil – Was so ineffectual the Stoke Police put out a missing report for him. This isn’t a joke. They actually did this.
Afobe - about as threatening as a piñata after a kids birthday party.
Kane – one last try Harry… you can do it mate. For England…

Happy Hunting