This was not the time to boast about now having an Aguero –
Auba - Ings frontline... the most tragic thing of which is that were even worse strikers than them out there this weekend.
Guaita (5.0 CRY) – The Palace stopper has been in
fine form this season and this is his Team of the Weak debut. A price that he
has to pay for the sort of clanger that would have made Roberto blush. When you
score as rarely as Palace do… the pressure on the other end is near total.
Palace fans have witnessed just 51 goals this season – possessing
the league’s 4th best defence… and worst attack.
Zinchenko (5.2 MCI) – A red card when your team is absolutely
dominating the match is always a kick in the nuts, but to get one for stopping
Harry Winks from running through on goal, a player with 2 goals and assists in
his entire career, is really quite poor decision making.
Zinchenko is a curious player – neither genuine full back or
winger, he can do lots of things well but nothing great. Here he probably cost
his team more than even his profligate attackers did.
Incredibly, he was still better than the 30-minute cameo
from Cancelo we were then treated to. A player who seems to regard crossing the
ball an affront to his right to aimlessly shoot from 30 yards.
Constantly.
Aurier (5.0 TOT) – A performance of reckless
ineptitude was inexplicably rewarded with a clean sheet in a match where City
should have been 7 up before Spurs finally decided to have a go. Aurier is an absolute
sham of a defender, who’s continued selection in a Jose Mourinho defence must
be the product of a bet gone horribly wrong.
Stephens (4.4 SOU) – The Hutch that Jack built has
been looking strong of late – but despite Saints getting chances, Pool ran away
with this match as the gulf in class between them and the rest of the league showed
once more. This is a ruthless, winning machine the likes of which the league
has rarely ever seen before. A defender as mediocre as Stephens was always going
to have his work cut out, and so it showed as he was pulled from pillar to post
as the game progressed and ending up on the wrong side of a 4-0 spanking.
At least he doesn’t have to play Liverpool again until next
season…
Dunk (4.8 BHA) – Brighton may have rescued a point
but they remain in serious trouble. Their captain, Lewis Dunk, was poor here from
start to finish. He made zero successful tackles, interceptions and blocks the
entire match. Woeful stuff for a defender who goes to ground as easily as an
agitated mole.
He also inexplicably took a direct free kick at the death
for no reason I can possibly fathom.
Kante (5.0 CHE) – Once the most feared defensive midfielder
in the land, Kante is now a shadow of his former self as he continues to play
in a role ill suited to his great talents. Jorginho and indeed Kovacic, are both
now preferred at the base of Chelsea’s 4-3-3 formation. And whilst Kante is
still starting most matches, it remains mysterious that he is not doing so from
a position when he can break up play and be the wrecking ball he once was.
Fine if Lampard, like Conte, prefers a different type of
player at his base… but then why pick Kante at all in a position he is pretty rubbish
at? James Maddison ran rings around him on Saturday lunchtime, with the Frenchman
winning not a single duel across 90 minutes. He also boasted a pass completion
rate of just 73%, managing just 27 all match.
This feels like a slow death and given he is still just 28,
Kante must surely be courted by several other clubs (amongst them Spurs and Man
Utd to name but two) who are in desperate need for a genuine DM at the base of
their midfields.
Sterling (11.7 MCI) – In the worst form of his City
career, Sterling has now not scored or assisted across the last 6 game weeks. He
just doesn’t look happy at the moment, and whilst he is still getting in the
positions, he is often doing nothing with it or making the wrong choices where
previously he could do no wrong. Immune to be substituted, it was baffling that
Guardiola opted to bring off the lively, if luckless Aguero, rather than the
already booked, should really have been sent off shit show that was Sterling.
Likely now injured to boot, Raheem could do worse than put
his feet up for a few weeks and come back fit and fresh ready for the UCL. The league
is over… but City can still make this a season to remember if they win a couple
of trophies.
Lacazette (9.3 ARS) – Lacazette has now not scored in
a calendar year away from home. He never looked likely to here, forming a
partnership with Aubameyang that put the less in toothless. He touched the ball
just 28 times all match and just 10 times in the final third. When he did get
it, he often misplaced his pass, or shot off target like a prick.
The one chance he did create for his strike partner was also
fluffed. Nick Pope couldn’t believe his luck playing against an Arsenal team
with this much firepower… and all out of bullets.
Joelinton & Pukki (5.5/6.5 – NEW/NOR) – Paired together
in a collective heap of excrement, this was a match that simply had no right to
be nil nil. Both keepers excelled, but this was ultimately a woeful example of
finishing. A bad day at the office for Teemu Pukki… and exactly what we have
come to expect from the wank stain that is Joelinton.
The two of them had 12 chances between them, some blocked,
some saved, some so far wide Theo Walcott would have been embarrassed. They
also created knack all for their colleagues, so selfish were they in their
intent to shoot badly themselves.
Joelinton completed just 4 out of 10 passes in the final
third. It’s just not that hard to find a team mate? It’s a simple game?
The Brazilian has scored one goal all season. He’s
started almost every game and played 2000 minutes of football?
One goal? He cost £40m?
What the fuck are they smoking up there!?
Abraham (7.7 CHE) – Tammy Abraham is now so shit a striker
that he can miss a big chance without it even registering as an attempt.
The biggest fraud in English football right now. If he leads
the line for England this summer we are fucked. The guy has missed EIGHTEEN
big chances this season. I would rather play Chris Wood up there.
#justiceforoliviergiroud
HM
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