Klopp and Mourinho fail to ignite another drab derby.
A point was just about fair for a match of such desperately poor standard, it seemed laughable that either of these teams could be considered genuine title contenders. If the first half was uneventful, noticeable only for trying to work out if the referee or Paul Pogba was having a more annoying game, the second was at least entertaining in it’s collective ineptitude. The last twenty minutes in particular, opened up to a match of end to end football where both teams took turns to show quite how badly they could pass, cross or shoot. The goals themselves were both singularly terrible. Liverpool’s penalty coming from a corner that was the result of a hospital pass back, followed by awful, clumsy defending and then Paul Pogba missing his header by a good yard and the ball instead landing on his outstretched hands. Milner’s calm and well taken penalty was just about the only moment of genuine composure in 90 minutes. United’s eventual equaliser came from a pin ball session of hilariously unmarked headers before Ibrahimovic finally found the back of the net to mark yet another uninspired performance with a crucial goal. The guy does have a knack I’ll give him that. Both of these teams continue to lack the defensive nous for genuine title contenders and both sides needs to play better in matches of this ilk when the pressure is on. Liverpool offered little going forward and Firmino looks a shadow of the player he was three months ago. As for United, aside from Pogba’s desperately poor match no player really stood out with any credit, with the possible exception of the tireless Valencia and ever dependable De Gea. And what is going on at left back? After a marvelous start to the season does anybody know where the actual £30m full back United have on their books is?
Shawly he’s not still injured...*
A point was just about fair for a match of such desperately poor standard, it seemed laughable that either of these teams could be considered genuine title contenders. If the first half was uneventful, noticeable only for trying to work out if the referee or Paul Pogba was having a more annoying game, the second was at least entertaining in it’s collective ineptitude. The last twenty minutes in particular, opened up to a match of end to end football where both teams took turns to show quite how badly they could pass, cross or shoot. The goals themselves were both singularly terrible. Liverpool’s penalty coming from a corner that was the result of a hospital pass back, followed by awful, clumsy defending and then Paul Pogba missing his header by a good yard and the ball instead landing on his outstretched hands. Milner’s calm and well taken penalty was just about the only moment of genuine composure in 90 minutes. United’s eventual equaliser came from a pin ball session of hilariously unmarked headers before Ibrahimovic finally found the back of the net to mark yet another uninspired performance with a crucial goal. The guy does have a knack I’ll give him that. Both of these teams continue to lack the defensive nous for genuine title contenders and both sides needs to play better in matches of this ilk when the pressure is on. Liverpool offered little going forward and Firmino looks a shadow of the player he was three months ago. As for United, aside from Pogba’s desperately poor match no player really stood out with any credit, with the possible exception of the tireless Valencia and ever dependable De Gea. And what is going on at left back? After a marvelous start to the season does anybody know where the actual £30m full back United have on their books is?
Shawly he’s not still injured...*
Spurs graduates march on.
Spurs are certainly in the groove right now. After a sluggish start which looked like the entire squad was suffering from a collective hangover from last season’s implosion, they have hit form over the key festive fixtures and were far too good for a poor and oddly disorganised West Brom side. Spurs team press really is a joy to watch when everyone is working in unison, and they never gave Tony Pulis’ side room to breathe for every minute of the 90 here. 4-0 flattered the visitors, such was the dominance of Pochettino’s youthful cavilers. Harry Kane is back on song, Deli Alli floating around and stinging like his former namesake and Christian Eriksen is back to his best, treating a football like a fabulous, smooth skinned lover. But the real stars of the Spurs team continue to be their buccaneering full backs. Marcos Alonso may have stolen the headlines with his two goals, but no “defenders” in the league are playing as well as Rose and Walker. The energy is a given at this point, but the final delivery and decision making has been cranked up as well. Rose was literally everywhere against West Brom. He set up as many chances as Eriksen and played the pass that resulted in the deflected goal from a right midfield position. Why was he even over there? Frankly, when Spurs are playing with as much reckless abandon as this... who cares. City up next. We want five...
Spurs are certainly in the groove right now. After a sluggish start which looked like the entire squad was suffering from a collective hangover from last season’s implosion, they have hit form over the key festive fixtures and were far too good for a poor and oddly disorganised West Brom side. Spurs team press really is a joy to watch when everyone is working in unison, and they never gave Tony Pulis’ side room to breathe for every minute of the 90 here. 4-0 flattered the visitors, such was the dominance of Pochettino’s youthful cavilers. Harry Kane is back on song, Deli Alli floating around and stinging like his former namesake and Christian Eriksen is back to his best, treating a football like a fabulous, smooth skinned lover. But the real stars of the Spurs team continue to be their buccaneering full backs. Marcos Alonso may have stolen the headlines with his two goals, but no “defenders” in the league are playing as well as Rose and Walker. The energy is a given at this point, but the final delivery and decision making has been cranked up as well. Rose was literally everywhere against West Brom. He set up as many chances as Eriksen and played the pass that resulted in the deflected goal from a right midfield position. Why was he even over there? Frankly, when Spurs are playing with as much reckless abandon as this... who cares. City up next. We want five...
What a goalkeeper Pep, Bravo.
City just aren’t playing well. So much so that it seems like an illusion that they are still in the top six. Their big players are getting them over the line in the lesser fixtures, but once again they went away to a decent team and were destroyed by the seemingly unheard of ability to shoot on target. Shooting on target, you see right now gives you a 66% chance of scoring against Claudio Bravo, who has conceded 14 goals from his last 21 shots on target. Bravo is a terrible keeper. Not just an average one who can play with his feet, flat out terrible. The standard of keeping in the league is exceptionally high right now and Bravo sticks out like a sore thumb. He just doesn’t make match winning saves, literally ever. Right now unless City go up the other end and score at least two, their keeper is giving them absolutely no chance to win a football match.
John Stones doesn’t help either granted. The only player in the league who makes the £90m for Pogba look like value.
Big Sam has his work cut out.
Palace are in deep trouble. They aren’t scoring, which they were at least doing under Pardew and are still conceding at a rate of knots. They seem to fold like a pack of cards whenever teams attack them and were taken apart by a West Ham side that even without the sulking Payet, must have made Sam wish he was still managing them. As it is, Palace are but a point off the bottom of the table and need to plug the gaps in a leaky defence fast. They need to find a striker who can physically run, or put the ball on his head so he doesn’t have to. Most of all, Allardyce needs to install a better mentality into his players. Heads drop at the first sign of a battle and West Ham didn’t even have to play well to easily beat them 3-0.
Still, Andy Carroll... what a fucking goal son. What... a fucking goal.
Heaton remains the league’s most underrated keeper.
Whilst Claudio Bravo was wandering around like a plonker, Tom Heaton was keeping his fifth clean sheet of a continuously impressive season. Burnley are up to 10th and are indebted to their superb shot stopper for a large chunk of that effort. Heaton made a stunning double save from Jay Rodriquez to deny Saints a share of the spoils, something that Bravo has yet to do all season. All told Heaton took his save tally to 88 so far, Bravo has 31. Even amongst fellow mid table sides, Heaton has made almost as many saves as Grant and Valdes combined. He might not be the best keeper in the league, with De Gea and Loris continuing to occupy positions number 1 and 2... but he’s best of the rest. And frankly it’s high time somebody other than a Monkey with questionable religious leanings noticed it.
Whilst Claudio Bravo was wandering around like a plonker, Tom Heaton was keeping his fifth clean sheet of a continuously impressive season. Burnley are up to 10th and are indebted to their superb shot stopper for a large chunk of that effort. Heaton made a stunning double save from Jay Rodriquez to deny Saints a share of the spoils, something that Bravo has yet to do all season. All told Heaton took his save tally to 88 so far, Bravo has 31. Even amongst fellow mid table sides, Heaton has made almost as many saves as Grant and Valdes combined. He might not be the best keeper in the league, with De Gea and Loris continuing to occupy positions number 1 and 2... but he’s best of the rest. And frankly it’s high time somebody other than a Monkey with questionable religious leanings noticed it.
Team of the Weak:
Bravo - I think I’ve made this point
Stones - At this stage, the joke is almost wearing a little thin...
McAuley - A fantastic season so far, but fuck me Gareth that was a horror show son
Olsson - In truth, little better. And for crying out loud man get a haircut it’s not 1975
Naughton - The lesser of two Kyles...
Pogba - An absolute clusterfuck of a performance
Januzaj - Increasingly becoming an illusion that he ever looked good
Cork - Own goal and outclassed, was just blown away second half
Silva - Bad day at the office for the mercurial playmaker, has just not got going this season
Deeney - Just score Troy, for me... please
Vardy - Jamie, it’s time to stop fucking partying
Stones - At this stage, the joke is almost wearing a little thin...
McAuley - A fantastic season so far, but fuck me Gareth that was a horror show son
Olsson - In truth, little better. And for crying out loud man get a haircut it’s not 1975
Naughton - The lesser of two Kyles...
Pogba - An absolute clusterfuck of a performance
Januzaj - Increasingly becoming an illusion that he ever looked good
Cork - Own goal and outclassed, was just blown away second half
Silva - Bad day at the office for the mercurial playmaker, has just not got going this season
Deeney - Just score Troy, for me... please
Vardy - Jamie, it’s time to stop fucking partying
Goodnight
*courtesy of Alexander JW Hughes, Ignition Search, Head of Sales & Infamous Teaspin flat track bully.
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