Monday, 17 October 2016

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Eight

That’s Howe you do it
Six goals, wonderful football, an attacking defensive masterclass (not a typo) and an in form English striker banging in the goals up front. In fact, Eddie Howe’s side are littered with Englishman. Not least “Felix” Junior Stanislas who bagged two goals and two assists, and Jack Wilshire. Yes that’s right, Jack Wilshire. Remember him? He was absolutely brilliant here. Although right now Hull are probably not a benchmark for anyone. With the current national side in disarray, Howe’s name has been put forward by many as the answer to our desperate prayers. My advice, don’t bother Eddie... you and Jack are better off without that circus.

You can’t put a price on an in form Costa
The Premier Leagues top scorer continued his fine form this week, bagging his 7th of the season in another impressive display. Costa is a truly horrible footballer at times, wandering around the pitch like a forgotten Bond henchman who never got his big break. But when he is firing, he is as close to perfect as you can get for a target man. Costa is obviously strong, but he is surprisingly quick and he is a very composed finisher. He is incredibly unselfish and watching him you can see why he is exactly the sort of player that that oldest of football cliches was born. You love to play with him, but fuck me you don’t want to play against him. Right now, that statement is more true than ever.

Cresswell should be a lesson to the FA
One of the stranger laws that exists in football is that you are unable to appeal two yellow cards. If one case should throw that into the scrapbook it’s the two yellows that were awarded to Aaron Cresswell this Sunday. Cresswell got his first yellow for bursting into the box and having both his legs hacked from beneath him. Less than a minute later, he was booked again for going shoulder to shoulder with a Palace attacker. And so, what should have been a penalty and a second West Ham goal, ended up being a red card for the player who was arguably the man of the match up to that point. Carlsberg don’t do Red Cards, but if they did... this wouldn’t be it. 

Unless they were trying to do Red Cards which tasted as shit as their beer. In which case... they nailed it.

Charlie Austin was not a flash in the pan
Charlie Austin spent almost all of last season injured, and if you remove that from his CV his goal scoring record is 100 strikes in his past 184 matches. Messi and Ronaldo might turn their nose up at such statistics, but most strikers would happily bite your hand off for that record. Austin remains a curiously underrated forward. I remember watching him playing for QPR against Man City a couple of years back and he was absolutely unplayable. He ran their defence ragged with his strength, energy and ingenuity. This season Austin already has 7 goals in 9 appearances, which given half of those matches started on the bench is no mean effort. He bagged a brace this weekend and was the difference between Saints winning and hitting the seemingly never ending save machine that is Tom Heaton. If Austin stays fit, he is probably a better all round striker than 90% of English forwards out there, and is well worth a place in our national team over say... to name someone at absolute random... Wayne Rooney.

Monday night football
After a first half of such desperately dull football we all wanted to slowly forgot we had given up our evenings for such an affair... we were treated to a second half... of pretty much exactly the fucking same. Even writing about this game seems like an insult to the memory of this... so I’m not really going to bother.

Besides leaving you with two fun facts.

Fact one. The Referee blew up for a free kick 18 million times, a new league record.

Fact two. Paul Pogba cost Manchester United 90 million pounds.
I mean seriously... that is more laughable than Brexit.

Team of the Weak:

Hull. And several referees.


That is all.


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