I’d like to start by welcoming you all back into my bosom like an underfed Claridge’s hotel breastfed baby. I’d like to follow that with an immediate apology, that my return to action may well be as big a let down as captaining Sergio Aguero at fantasy football this weekend. I have barely written about Arsenal in 2 years following my strike against them in the Autumn of 2012. I have repeated the mantra from time to time without really trying to think of anything new. Mainly because they haven’t. But this week it is different. This week I owe Arsenal. We ALL owe Arsenal. (Citation: We don’t)
So for Wenger. For my brother. And not in any way shape or form because I lost a bet decreeing that if Arsenal beat Manchester City I would make the entire blog about them... here we go.
(if you wish to skip ahead to the funnier, less angry bit at the end which doesn’t involve Arsenal and may or may not include Marvin the Andriod, please feel free)
The penny has finally... finally fucking dropped.
It has only taken the best part of a decade Arsene. In the last 33 matches against teams who have finished in the top four (and taking city/chelsea/utd this season) Arsenals record stood at this:
Played 33.
Won 7.
Drawn 6.
Lost 20.
For 37.
Against 65.
Indeed, that was probably being kind given until today Arsenal hadn’t beaten top four opposition for a staggering 18 matches stretching back over 4 seasons.
In pretty much all those patterns you could summarise the game as such: Arsenal dominated possession, weaving pretty passes that amounted to little whilst ultimately losing to goals from either a) a woefully defended set piece or b) a terribly naive counter attack. And indeed, that was again the summary of the game today. Only that didn’t describe Arsene Wenger’s team... it described Manchester City.
You don’t need Tactics Tim to show me... you need fucking tactics.
And so it was that Wenger finally arrived at a big away game with a plan of how to win a football match. Not just turn up, kick off and hope for the best. Arsenals formation, shape and personal were all spot on and designed to stop Manchester City to play. It wasn’t always pretty, but that is quite frankly what you have to do win away games against teams who are, man for man, better than you. Injuries may have helped forced Wenger’s hand in playing the youthful Francis Coquelin (he’s actually almost 24... wow, really? I thought he was like 16? Has he just been hanging around his whole career? - anyway I digress) - but the Frenchmen was superb playing a role that is actually in his job description. He silenced David Silva entirely for 45 minutes and then helped shield his defence ably by throwing himself at everything in the second half. Thierry Henry made a good point before the game by saying that when Jose came to Chelsea he could have just got rid of John Terry following probably his worst season with the club. But he didn’t, he trusted that his captain could still marshall his troops if playing in the right formation and went out and brought back Matic. Terry has looked imperious since. Per Mertesacker is a similar player to Terry, a superb reader of the game but not blessed with any sort of pace. But give him somebody to sit in front of him and pick up the pieces he suddenly looks a whole better. This isn’t just about protecting the weak by the way, far from it, it’s merely highlighting how nobody looks good when they’re being ran at by three counter attackers with open space to glide into.
Oh Santi oh Santi
The man of the match and reborn after a frustrating season last time around, Santi Cazorla is looking and playing like the man Arsenal thought they’d signed from Real Madrid when they bought Ozil. Genuinely two footed and with 360 degree vision that would make an Owl blush, the little Spaniard gave one of those performances whereby every single fellow player, coach, trainer and spectator should shake his hand and say thanks afterwards. In a match which apparently contained the two best players in the league, he was streets above either of them.
West Ham pile on the misery for Bruce
Oh sorry... I’m supposed to be sticking to Arsenal. My mistake...
Is the impossible possible?
After a performance this complete, this superb, this revolutionary in it’s creation and execution... the question has to be asked where Arsenal can go from here? Is this the template for the big games from now on? Will Wenger just drop this team as soon as Ozil wanders in with his World Cup medal and a sad face? Will Jack Wilshire convince the boss he’s still got what it takes to go four matches without getting injured? Will Danny Welbeck come back... and score a fucking goal? Will Walter Szczesny switch to e-cigarettes?
And the big question... the league. Can they... will they... is this the year...
That Arsenal finish... fucking... third!?
Team of the Weak:
Fabianski - We all thought an Arsenal keeper would be getting scored past with ease this weekend. Just not their old one.
Bruce - Son or manager. Take your pick really.
Kompany - Not really fit, staggered around like a drunk buffoon, scythed down Monreal for penalty, could have been sent off soon after.
Keane - Showed why Man Utd have let him go. I mean seriously, anyone can get a game at centre back for Man Utd this season. Their actual centre backs now play on the right wing taking corners. Hail the tactical revolution!
Fernandez - Because when you’re 2 nil down at home to Chelsea, what you really need is to pass the ball straight to their top striker.
Cleverley - Just not good enough. The Championship beckons Tom. It’s calling your name long into the cold, wet nights.
Fernandinho - When did all Brazilian defensive players just get really shit? Oh yeah... that.
Sissoko - Did literally nothing. Seriously, check out his opta stats. No key passes. No tackles. No interceptions. No crosses. Zip. Nadir. Nowt.
Mata - Spent 45 minutes trying to make amends for how bad he was last week. Failed. Took the rest of the day off.
Nugent - Is to goal scoring what Neil Warnock is to managing. Great in the Championship, bobbins in the top flight. 11 goals in almost 5000 minutes ain’t great David. Although it’s better than Jozy Altidore so... what’s that, he’s left now? Where? Fucking Canada!? Oh come on. Who am I gonna mock now?
The entire of Aston Villa - Seriously guys, for me, please... just fucking score.
What you may have missed whilst I wasted print on Arsenal
Liverpool holding off all that attacking threat of Aston Villa with Martin Skertel’s small finger whilst casually passing it around and scoring “for a laugh” when they felt like it. A rip-snorter at Turf Moor which really, really should have got some coverage here. Alan Pardew still being in the Premier League for that matter... at an even more dislikeable club. Football Manager wonder kid Bojan Krkic actually starting to play real life football rather well. Chelsea reminding everyone they’re going to win the league again, whilst giving Edin Hazard the day off from doing anything and just letting Oscar run the show to let them know they still care about him. Spurs winning a game 2-1 again thanks to Christian “he’s just a one man Fergie time” Eriksen. Saints marching on, now with new players who are miles better than the ones they sold to Liverpool. And West Ham, Andy Carroll, Stewart Downing, Big Sam, Alex Song - it’s like a greatest hits of people other clubs don’t want. And are they making them laugh...
Oh and Manchester United playing three at the back yet again and recoiling in SHOCK AND FUCKING HORROR at it not working before reverting to the far more successful plan B. Two banks of four. Give it to Fellaini.
Seriously why did Moyes never think of this?
For fucks sake.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
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