It was a typically unpredictable smörgåsbord of an opening weekend, with bookies favourties to go down and 5000/1 outsiders to win the league Hull City sticking it to the reigning champions. Now, I’m not saying lightning is going to strike twice... but I am absolutely and categorically saying that lightning is NOT going to strike twice.
Klopp outfoxes Wenger
A 4-3 rip snorter at the Emirates flattered Arsenal somewhat; who largely gave the sort of performance one has come to expect from the last ten years of Wenger. Had Liverpool had a different keeper and a homeless guy off the street at left back, the scoreline would probably have been worse for Arsene and his merry band of hapless assassins. But enough about Arsenal, dear god the time and print I’ve wasted on saying the same thing over and over again these past few years. Buy a striker. Learn how to defend a counter attack. Get some backbone. Seriously... we’re all sick of it and every year we pray they finally finish out of the top four, sack Wenger and move the hell on with their life.
A 4-3 rip snorter at the Emirates flattered Arsenal somewhat; who largely gave the sort of performance one has come to expect from the last ten years of Wenger. Had Liverpool had a different keeper and a homeless guy off the street at left back, the scoreline would probably have been worse for Arsene and his merry band of hapless assassins. But enough about Arsenal, dear god the time and print I’ve wasted on saying the same thing over and over again these past few years. Buy a striker. Learn how to defend a counter attack. Get some backbone. Seriously... we’re all sick of it and every year we pray they finally finish out of the top four, sack Wenger and move the hell on with their life.
So let’s turn to Liverpool instead, far and away the most entertaining side in the league since Klopp took over. A team that can win or lose 5 nil at any given moment. A team that can spend millions assembling the most nimble footed, jinking little minxes of attacking midfielders... and continue to play Alberto Moreno at left back. Lots of people play 4-2-3-1 these days, its the de facto formation of choice in the Premier League and indeed on the international stage. But within that formation, there is nobody in football who does the “3” better than Jurgen Klopp. One look at Liverpool’s transfers this summer suggest that Klopp doesn’t really care about any other aspect of his team... he just wants to stare longingly at Coutinho and co pressing, harassing, passing, moving, giving and, when it works, scoring with reckless abandon. He is helped in this desire by the willingness of Roberto Firmino to play as the falsest of false 9’s. Firmino is a lesson to every would be attacker out there how to find space. He craves it, he covets it. He is literally always in space, ghosting around like a martian in and out of defenders eye lines. He finds it, he makes it, he creates it for his team mates. He was born in space. He is perpetually in space. He has spent more time in space than Mark Watney. It is because of this that Klopp’s system works so well going forward and in twenty brutal minutes at the start of the second half Liverpool scored three and could have scored three more.
Liverpool don’t defend well enough to win titles, but if you want to watch one team this year and be riotously entertained each time... you could do a lot worse.
Zlatan will write his own headlines
3-1 winners at Bournemouth, Manchester United kicked off the season in winnings ways with a performance that suggested the days of scratching around in the Europa places may finally be at an end. Jose buys end product, nothing more, rarely less. And nobody is more end product than Zlatan. He is not going to tear through defences with the abandon of youth, but with Martial to do that for him, he is instead going to put himself around, get in the right positions, and score the goals that this side has lacked since Wayne Rooney collected his pension early. Even Rooney actually got in on the act, quelling the inevitable talk that a near 76 year old strike partnership is not going to cut it over 38 grueling games. There will be harder tasks for United ahead, but with Pogba waiting in the wings and the likes of Mkhi and Rashford barely used, it’s enough for their fans to know that they at least have a chance of not having 80% possession and zero shots in a match each time they step on the pitch. As for Zlatan, it’s just nice to see him enjoying himself.
The promoted clubs will need to find that killer touch
Hull may have got off to winning ways this weekend, but you feel that will need more up top than Diomande if they are to remain in the league come next May. Middlesbrough meanwhile, started well with a fine goal from new signing Alvaro Negredo, but then proceeded to miss a string of decent chances in a match they largely dominated before being pulled back by a Shaqiri free kick. Burnley could’t even manage a point, as they were defeated at home to Swansea and looked like they could have played all day and not scored. Goals keep you in the division people. It’s a hard currency and if you don’t have a striker who can score you 10-15 at crucial times it’s very hard work. All three of these sides will have to find that magic formula if they are to stay around for longer than just the one season.
Hull may have got off to winning ways this weekend, but you feel that will need more up top than Diomande if they are to remain in the league come next May. Middlesbrough meanwhile, started well with a fine goal from new signing Alvaro Negredo, but then proceeded to miss a string of decent chances in a match they largely dominated before being pulled back by a Shaqiri free kick. Burnley could’t even manage a point, as they were defeated at home to Swansea and looked like they could have played all day and not scored. Goals keep you in the division people. It’s a hard currency and if you don’t have a striker who can score you 10-15 at crucial times it’s very hard work. All three of these sides will have to find that magic formula if they are to stay around for longer than just the one season.
Chelsea aren’t going to win the league
The aura of positivity around Stamford Bridge at the moment is a curious one. After all, Chelsea have done little in the summer other than retain their key players; which smacks of the sort of summer Arsenal fans used to dream of rather than anything especially progressive. Yes they’ve signed a promising young striker to replace... the promising young striker they sold a couple of years ago. And yes they have Kante, who effectively plays two positions. But their problem last season were terrible defensive errors and a lack of discipline. Discipline that isn’t going to be helped by the retention of Diego Costa and the new rule of yellow cards for arguing with the referee. And what of that defence? Has the Italian national manager really come in, taken a look and declared himself happy with a first choice back line containing three players in visible decline? Chelsea of course are not without hope, a midfield of Matic and Kante is not going to get broken down easily and with the mercurial Hazard seemingly back on song, Chelsea should certainly improve on last season’s utterly woeful title defence. But winners? No. They need a pretty spectacular close to the transfer window to achieve that.
The aura of positivity around Stamford Bridge at the moment is a curious one. After all, Chelsea have done little in the summer other than retain their key players; which smacks of the sort of summer Arsenal fans used to dream of rather than anything especially progressive. Yes they’ve signed a promising young striker to replace... the promising young striker they sold a couple of years ago. And yes they have Kante, who effectively plays two positions. But their problem last season were terrible defensive errors and a lack of discipline. Discipline that isn’t going to be helped by the retention of Diego Costa and the new rule of yellow cards for arguing with the referee. And what of that defence? Has the Italian national manager really come in, taken a look and declared himself happy with a first choice back line containing three players in visible decline? Chelsea of course are not without hope, a midfield of Matic and Kante is not going to get broken down easily and with the mercurial Hazard seemingly back on song, Chelsea should certainly improve on last season’s utterly woeful title defence. But winners? No. They need a pretty spectacular close to the transfer window to achieve that.
Will the transfer window please start shutting before the season
How can Bolasie play for Palace, step off the pitch and head straight to Everton for a medical ready to join them? How can Manchester United bid for Jose Fonte before they are just due to play them? The Transfer window was surely invented to stop this sort of madness from happening and limit the disruption to teams during the actual season? Mahrez may well have scored a penalty on Saturday, but he has played back to back games visibly under the weight of heavy transfer speculation and he is not alone. Yes it is inevitable that certain players will be coveted by bigger teams (although these days it often seems the case that clubs merely swap like for like in increasingly stranger ways) - but can we please just limit that to the week before the season starts and let clubs prepare properly with a squad they know is actually going to be there for six months?
How can Bolasie play for Palace, step off the pitch and head straight to Everton for a medical ready to join them? How can Manchester United bid for Jose Fonte before they are just due to play them? The Transfer window was surely invented to stop this sort of madness from happening and limit the disruption to teams during the actual season? Mahrez may well have scored a penalty on Saturday, but he has played back to back games visibly under the weight of heavy transfer speculation and he is not alone. Yes it is inevitable that certain players will be coveted by bigger teams (although these days it often seems the case that clubs merely swap like for like in increasingly stranger ways) - but can we please just limit that to the week before the season starts and let clubs prepare properly with a squad they know is actually going to be there for six months?
Not kicking off the season before the kids have even gone on the school bloody holidays yet would help matters as well...
Team of the Weak
Mignolet - a keeper who just has no middle ground between absolute wonder saves and stone wall howlers. The former rendered faintly pointless by the propensity of the second.
Moreno - just an appalling defender.
Chambers - a signing that is starting to resemble Bebe esque levels of bizarreness. Not only is Chambers a very average defender, he is inexplicably slow.
Monreal - had an excellent season last time around but was cruelly exposed by the pace and movement of the Liverpool front four.
Francis - never got to grips with the United front line and looked out of his depth. Eddie Howe is a loyal and loveable manager, but simply needs better defenders if Bournemouth are going to survive again.
Monreal - had an excellent season last time around but was cruelly exposed by the pace and movement of the Liverpool front four.
Francis - never got to grips with the United front line and looked out of his depth. Eddie Howe is a loyal and loveable manager, but simply needs better defenders if Bournemouth are going to survive again.
Morgan - not a return to league action to remember for the man who lifted the title a few months ago. Looked off the pace and error prone.
Zaha - created nothing, did nothing, got booked.
Zaha - created nothing, did nothing, got booked.
Alli - started slowly and grew into the game too late to make any real impact - needs to find his level again after a disappointing end to last season and the car crash of the Euro’s.
Mahrez - scoring a penalty does not a good game make, whatever fantasy football might think. A shadow of the man who tore into defenders last season.
Lennon - rubbish.
Gray - is going to have to step up and step up fast if Burnley are going to stay in this division. If the gap between pre-season and that Swansea team is this, you would worry about playing Liver... no okay, my bad, let’s give him another week.
Gray - is going to have to step up and step up fast if Burnley are going to stay in this division. If the gap between pre-season and that Swansea team is this, you would worry about playing Liver... no okay, my bad, let’s give him another week.
Wickham - continues to lead the Palace line despite a record of one goal in about eleven. And indeed, I’ll leave you with the words of his manager after the match.
“I think any striker who becomes available is of interest to us”
Any striker. ANY striker? Christ. Don’t tell Wenger. Who knows what he might do.
Goodnight.
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