Monday 31 October 2016

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Ten

Sanchez revels in new found role
Sunderland are pretty easy pickings for anyone right now; even West Ham, who are absolutely bloody terrible, managed to beat them. It was little surprise then that Arsenal emerged as 4-1 winners in the weekend’s early kick off. More of a surprise, was that it took them so long to make the scoreline so emphatic. But for better refereeing decisions, the game would have been out of sight before Defoe gave the Black Cats the falsest of false hopes from the spot. Key to the victory, and much of Arsenal’s good work of late has been the form of Alexis Sanchez up front. The Chilean has hardly rested on his laurels since moving to the club, but what has impressed this year is his ability to adapt so successfully to a lone striker role. Sanchez buzzes around like an angry bee and with pace and power key components in his game, he is a far more mobile spearhead for Arsenal’s flowing attacks than Oliver Giroud. Who, despite his heroics from the bench here, should be confined to that role for the foreseeable future. Sanchez averaged a goal every 185 minutes for Arsenal in his previous two seasons, but this is down to 136 minutes so far this one. That’s an average of a goal every 1.5 games which, if he keeps that up, might finally be the answer to the 25 goal a season question that has flummoxed Wenger for the best part of the last decade.

Firmino is the best false 9 in world football
Woooooooah hold on their partner. In world football? Calm the hell down… next you’ll be telling me it’s “Liverpool’s year.” Well maybe not that just yet, certainly not whilst they continue to employ park goal keepers and their centre backs are booting it in the air and then spinning around comically to see where it’s gone. But that aside, it’s hard to see how Liverpool will finish outside the top four with no European distractions and scoring as many goals as this week in, week out. Key to their attacking intent has been the success of Roberto Firmino up front. Firmino has been transformed into the false 9 which every other would be false 9 should aspire too. The Brazilian presses relentlessly, never stopping as he moves from keeper to defender until the ball has gone past him. He wins back possession, he retains possession and he is key to the entire team being able to employ a high press in the opposition final third. Only Barca under Pep have pressed the ball as aggressively as Liverpool do under Klopp (although Spurs were similarly successful at home to City last month). Once in possession, Firmino’s movement is a constant blur. He never stands still and the reason why Lallana and Coutinho have been so successful attacking from deep is because of the space opened up by the man ahead of them. In a straight race Firmino isn’t the quickest, but he’s lightening over 3 or 4 yards such is his speed of thought. For all the brilliance of Sergio Aguero, it’s tempting to think that Guardiola is casting envious eyes over to Anfield about how his team might look with the Brazilian up front. Pep has searched his whole life, spent his whole life trying to find a midfielder which can play this role to such perfection. Turns out Brendon Rodgers found him instead.

Defence gives Watford breathing room
Having changed their manager 28 times in the past 3 years and getting rid of their last boss for having the nerve to safely keep them in the division; it’s safe to say that Walter Mazzarri was high up on many peoples betting slips when it came to the first manager sacked this season. After a horrible set of fixtures to start the campaign, Watford have settled nicely into their groove with a 3-5-2 system with genuinely attacking wing backs. Three clean sheets in a row and unbeaten in four have pushed Watford to 7th in the table, ahead of both Manchester United and the champions Leicester. Mazzarri has his team playing with high intensity and with excellent organisation. If he can just get his strikers to do anything in front of goal, in particular trying to find the Odion Ighalo who took the league by storm last year, who knows what they might be capable of.

Conte brings the Italian polish to Chelsea
It was rumoured a few weeks ago that Conte faced the sack if things didn’t improve at Chelsea. His team had been well beaten by both Liverpool and Arsenal in succession and it looked like the fickle trigger finger of Roman Abramovich was going to claim another victim. Since then Chelsea have beaten Hull, Leicester, Man Utd and Southampton by a collective score of 11-0. The true sign of any great coach is how you react to defeats. It is something that the greats have made an art form of, using defeats as a learning process to improve their team for the better. Another great sign, one which has eluded England National Managers for 20 years, is picking the players to fit the system rather than the tried and failed approach adopted by say, Manchester United, of just getting the best players on the pitch and hoping it works. Conte has moved to a 3-5-2 formation and brought in Moses and Alonso to play as wing backs. Two names which nobody would have guessed would have been key to Chelsea playing well this season. With Kante covering every blade of grass that’s ever grown in front of his back 3, Chelsea have evolved into a tight-knit unit which can protect the relative lack of pace of their centre backs. Matic and Hazard have been re-born and up front Diego Costa is close to unplayable. Chelsea have a difficult few games coming up before a run of matches leading up to January so gentle it could be renamed Ben. If they can remain unbeaten after playing City and Spurs, we really could have a sensational title race on our hands.

Everton cannot lose Lukaku and Barkley if they are to progress
I’ve been critical of Everton of late. Having seemingly turned the corner of the post Martinez debris they went five games without keeping a clean sheet and Koeman had appeared to shrunk within himself a little regarding the teams creativity. It was refreshing then, that after a nervous opening twenty minutes Everton came to life to dominate the rest of the game and remind their fans what it feels like to win football matches again. Key to this was the sort of performance that people want to see more of from Ross Barkley. The Englishman was fantastic here. Picking up the ball and finding the men out wide before bursting into the box in a way any good number ten should. Lukaku was also excellent and Everton fan’s won’t mind their talisman drifting in and out of games if he remains so lethal when in the penalty area. In truth, he could have had another hat trick here, missing one guilt edged chance to double his tally and being only a simple, overhit pass from Coleman away from being clean through. Everton look a more solid unit under Koeman, witness the sensible decision to close out the game at 2-0 rather than continue to pile forward and invite pressure on the counter, but they HAVE to keep Barkley and Lukaku in order to progress forward and be the sort of team that can finish in the top six. Sadly, the Catch 22 is that for every performance like this, that looks an increasingly less likely prospect.

Team of the Weak:

Pickford - hard to single out a keeper this week in truth, but Pickford was often nervous when the ball came into the box and is yet to keep a clean sheet this season
Olsson - destroyed by an on song Aguero and looked every bit his age
McAuley - as above
Obiang - lucky to stay on the pitch and couldn’t cope with Barkley’s movement
Lovren - nice goal son, but I’m sorry that was as comical a mistake as you’ll ever see
Cabaye - an absolute shadow of the player that Newcastle sold to PSG
Pogba - could well become a permanent fixture in this column if he continues to treat the Premier League with the intensity of a kick around in his private six a side pitch
Eriksen - has yet to get going this season and Spurs badly need him to find his clinical edge if they are to press on
McClean - An attacking midfielder who gets booked for fun and averages a goal every 1000 minutes
Zlatan - has not scored now in what, for God, must feel like an eternity. Had a dizzying 12 attempts on his own this weekend and missed one at the death that my mum would have buried. In her wheelchair
Benteke - he can head the ball, but he makes Zlatan and Rooney combined look mobile. Breaks into a run once very 3 games

Adieu 


https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey

Sunday 23 October 2016

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Nine

Jose needs to evolve, fast.
Since Ferguson retired United have been like an aging, punch drunk heavy weight boxer who keeps putting down the millions to have another shot at the belt. If Moyes was the wrong personality for a club of such stature, both Van Gaal and now Mourinho smack of right manager, wrong time. Football has evolved greatly in the past few years and the Premier League has become an even fiercer and faster battle ground. Jose looked lost at his old stomping ground this Sunday. Like an award winning director who no longer knew how to make a film that was relevant. His players didn’t carry out his tactics well enough, and he was not clever enough to change them to affect the game for the better. United have had too many “wake up calls” over the past four years for this to be classed as another. This was simply one, well managed, expensively assembled team showing another how to play football. The penny needs to drop at Old Trafford. None of this is working. The big signings, the big managers, the big money, the big egos. The fans deserve better than somebody who cost £90m; enough to pay for our NHS to have another 2,500 doctors, or home the entire homeless population of Manchester overnight; wandering aimlessly about the pitch like it doesn’t give a flying fuck what the result is. You see, the trouble with punch drunk boxers, is that sooner or later, they’re going to come back fighting, or stay down on the canvass for good.

And so does Guardiola
In a different way, these are suddenly not easy times on the other side of Manchester either. Winless in five after storming out of the blocks with ten wins on the bounce, Manchester City seem to have been worked out alarmingly early in Guardiola’s reign. Whilst Barcelona away is no benchmark for any side, City have failed to beat both Everton and Southampton at home off the back of that away defeat to Spurs. After scoring with reckless abandon they have managed just two goals in four matches. They have looked bereft of ideas and are making silly mistakes too often at the back. The Premier League is unlike other leagues in it’s harshness... and the expression that was etched across Pep’s face this weekend has been seen many times before. This was a face of man who couldn’t believe that a team expected to finish mid-table were coming away to his Galacticos and playing with this much verve and menace. Why weren’t they rolling over? Why were they fighting tooth and nail for every ball? Welcome Sir Pep... now you truly have arrived... 

Your move.

Fire in the Hull
After a strong start to the season, Hull have fallen away with alarming pace to the relegation zone to which many predicted they would be in from the off. Indeed, they have lost their last 5 matches by a collective scoreline of 19-4. Conceding the last 8 of that figure to sides who were, at the time, in the bottom two scorers in the league. Hull need to rally and fast before open season is declared by anybody rolling up to play them next. They play none of the current top 7 in the next 6 fixtures and they don’t get points from that run, they may as well give up now and start planning for life in the Championship.

Burnley deserved their win
If Burnley are going to stay in the Premier League this season it will be because of their form at Turf Moor. Desperately unlucky to come away with nothing at home to Arsenal, it was they who snatched three points this time around by catching Everton with a late sucker punch. The Clarets are a genuine force on their home patch, where players leap into tackles, passes are snapped around quickly and Tom Heaton turns into a sort of Gordon Banks reincarnate near every home match. They simply wanted the victory more than a leggy Everton, who took far too long to get going and played for long patches as if the game against Man City had been an hour before kick off, not a week. Burnley have a tricky run up of fixtures in the run up to Christmas, so these three points were exactly what their fans would want as an early present.

When your luck is out... it’s out
Sunderland remain rooted to the bottom of the league with two points and no wins after nine matches. Even by their tragicomic standings of how to start seasons... this is awful. How cruel it was then that West Ham scored with their 95th attempt this weekend to break their hearts in the final minute of the match. It’s tempting to say that Sunderland didn’t deserve this... but really, they did. West Ham were the better team, created more chances and only looked vulnerable when it got to the I can’t quite believe we haven’t scored yet zone. With Payet ready to serve up assists like bacon at a breakfast buffet, it’s never over till it’s over. Except for David Moyes, who surely can’t carry on much longer and has Arsenal up next. Chin up David... it could be worse.

Actually it couldn’t. Fuck me to think the greatest manager who has ever lived thought this clown was the man to carry on his legacy. Whatever next? A hard Brexit.

No, wait.

Team of the Weak:

De Gea - Quite possibly a team of the weak debut for the greatest football team on earth’s player of the year for the past three seasons. But this was a bad day at the office for him and it’s not often he will have to pick the ball out of the net that many times in one match.
Smalling - Not a debut however, for some of the garbage that was selected ahead of him. Oh Chris... you were so shit. So, so shit.
Stones - English centre backs rejoice!
Delaney - ran ragged by the pace and movement of an on song Leicester.
Blind - Appeared genuinely blind for most of the match.
Fellaini - An embarrassment to his parents.
Huddlestone & Livermore - Used to play for Spurs. I know, right...
Pogba - Could not pass water if his life depended on it.
Zlatan - Looked every day of his 46 years.
Aguero - Has there every been a more prestige front 3 in the team of the weak? Two of the best strikers in world football this past decade... right now both looking like they couldn’t score in a a Baltimore high rise.

Goodnight


https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey

Monday 17 October 2016

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Eight

That’s Howe you do it
Six goals, wonderful football, an attacking defensive masterclass (not a typo) and an in form English striker banging in the goals up front. In fact, Eddie Howe’s side are littered with Englishman. Not least “Felix” Junior Stanislas who bagged two goals and two assists, and Jack Wilshire. Yes that’s right, Jack Wilshire. Remember him? He was absolutely brilliant here. Although right now Hull are probably not a benchmark for anyone. With the current national side in disarray, Howe’s name has been put forward by many as the answer to our desperate prayers. My advice, don’t bother Eddie... you and Jack are better off without that circus.

You can’t put a price on an in form Costa
The Premier Leagues top scorer continued his fine form this week, bagging his 7th of the season in another impressive display. Costa is a truly horrible footballer at times, wandering around the pitch like a forgotten Bond henchman who never got his big break. But when he is firing, he is as close to perfect as you can get for a target man. Costa is obviously strong, but he is surprisingly quick and he is a very composed finisher. He is incredibly unselfish and watching him you can see why he is exactly the sort of player that that oldest of football cliches was born. You love to play with him, but fuck me you don’t want to play against him. Right now, that statement is more true than ever.

Cresswell should be a lesson to the FA
One of the stranger laws that exists in football is that you are unable to appeal two yellow cards. If one case should throw that into the scrapbook it’s the two yellows that were awarded to Aaron Cresswell this Sunday. Cresswell got his first yellow for bursting into the box and having both his legs hacked from beneath him. Less than a minute later, he was booked again for going shoulder to shoulder with a Palace attacker. And so, what should have been a penalty and a second West Ham goal, ended up being a red card for the player who was arguably the man of the match up to that point. Carlsberg don’t do Red Cards, but if they did... this wouldn’t be it. 

Unless they were trying to do Red Cards which tasted as shit as their beer. In which case... they nailed it.

Charlie Austin was not a flash in the pan
Charlie Austin spent almost all of last season injured, and if you remove that from his CV his goal scoring record is 100 strikes in his past 184 matches. Messi and Ronaldo might turn their nose up at such statistics, but most strikers would happily bite your hand off for that record. Austin remains a curiously underrated forward. I remember watching him playing for QPR against Man City a couple of years back and he was absolutely unplayable. He ran their defence ragged with his strength, energy and ingenuity. This season Austin already has 7 goals in 9 appearances, which given half of those matches started on the bench is no mean effort. He bagged a brace this weekend and was the difference between Saints winning and hitting the seemingly never ending save machine that is Tom Heaton. If Austin stays fit, he is probably a better all round striker than 90% of English forwards out there, and is well worth a place in our national team over say... to name someone at absolute random... Wayne Rooney.

Monday night football
After a first half of such desperately dull football we all wanted to slowly forgot we had given up our evenings for such an affair... we were treated to a second half... of pretty much exactly the fucking same. Even writing about this game seems like an insult to the memory of this... so I’m not really going to bother.

Besides leaving you with two fun facts.

Fact one. The Referee blew up for a free kick 18 million times, a new league record.

Fact two. Paul Pogba cost Manchester United 90 million pounds.
I mean seriously... that is more laughable than Brexit.

Team of the Weak:

Hull. And several referees.


That is all.


https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey