Sunday 6 March 2016

Five Things We Learnt From the Premier League This Weekend

The North London Derby suited only Foxes.
In a typically pulsating North London Derby, spoils were shared to ensure that both teams were left frustrated as they sought to close the gap at the top. Indeed as it was, by virtue of a typically wonderful moment from Riyad Mahrez, both found themselves further away from the summit come Saturday evening. Arsenal were abject for most of this game. Punch drunk and lethargic in possession, they somehow led 1-0 at the break thanks to their only real chance. Spurs must have been kicking themselves they went in a goal down but they were kicking themselves harder by the end. A moment, not of madness, but of just utter mediocrity from Francis Coquelin saw Arsenal reduced to ten men and Spurs plunder two well worked goals in as many minutes. There was only one winner from there surely? But no... inexplicably the second Spurs goal seemed to wake the Gunners up; and they finally showed the fabled “spirit” of which Wenger talks about but rarely sees. 2 all, honours even and with Arsenal likely to be playing in the FA Cup next week, Leicester will likely be 11 points in front of them before they play in the league again. That, surely, will be too much for a team as mentally brittle as this.

Martinez is almost becoming a parody of himself.
I don’t know how many times Everton have dropped points from winning positions this season, but it’s a lot isn’t it. This latest pantomime tragedy saw them react to missing a penalty that would have put them 3-0 up, to losing 3-2 in a mad cap last 12 minutes of genuine schoolboy defending. Martinez seems unable to instill the belief into his players that when they concede a goal, it doesn’t have to mean the whole dam has burst. His players suddenly behave as if a horde of zombies are attacking rather than overpaid footballers. They dive in here, throw themselves out the way there... lose all sense of positional responsibility and forget all together about the concept of marking. It makes for entertaining viewing, but there probably is a point when enough is enough. Everton fans have seen a ridiculous 90 goals this season in their 28 games. 55 of them at home, where they now possess the worst defensive record in the league. A cup would help ease the pain. Everton are never going to get in the top four with regularity and are even less likely to get relegated. What ultimately, is the difference between 6th and 12th each season? Something certainly, judging by the reaction of many Everton fans who were calling for the manager’s head come Saturday night. With Everton it clearly stems from what might be, rather than what is. They are, at times, a sumptuous football team to watch. And who doesn’t want to watch a side that can pummel you to death with vibrant attacking football one minute and collapse like a house of cards the next? Everton never looked this good under Moyes... and they never looked this bad either. But if you castigate Martinez for one, don’t you also have to give him credit for the other...

Watching Manchester United play football is
I’m sorry I can’t go on.

Have there ever been more contenders for manager of the season?
I mean - where do you start? If you look down the league table the list of managers and sides who have performed above the call of duty is as long as I’ve ever known. Leicester, Spurs, West Ham, Stoke, Watford, Bournemouth, Villa (only joking). Eddie Howe and Quique Flores are set to keep both their teams in the top flight at the first attempt. The former without their main striker and two star signings for virtually the entire season. It would be a brave person not to vote for Claudio Ranieri as manager of the year, but if they faded and Spurs won the league? Spurs? A side who have been top for like a month in forty years? To even get them this close Pochettino should probably be knighted. And what of West Ham and Slavin Bilic, in his first year managing a Premier League club? West Ham play great football, have the signing of the season in Payet and are still 1 point off fourth? They have been completely forgotten about in the race for the Champions League and now play Arsenal in a few weeks with a genuine chance of beating them to go above them in the table. Just think about a Leicester, Spurs, West Ham top 3 for a moment.

Real Madrid and Barca won’t know what’s hit them.

Shepherding needs to be put out to pasture.
We all have our bug bear rules in the beautiful game - some more than others. But for me, the absolute number one is when defenders “shepherd” a ball out of play, usually for a goal kick. This is fine when the ball is traveling at a decent pace and it’s only a yard or two until touch, but too often we see players just crouching over the ball with their hands out wide and moving from side to side so the attacker can’t get round them to the ball. What part of this isn’t fucking obstruction? If you don’t play the ball, it’s a foul. If you move out of the line of the ball to block a player, it’s a foul. If you deliberately back into a player, it‘s a foul. So why is this tolerated every week like it’s no big thing? There is absolutely nothing in the laws of the game which suggests this should be allowed to happen. Indeed, the official laws define obstruction as thus:

“Impeding the progress of an opponent by moving into the path of them to obstruct, block, slow down or force a change of direction”

I mean. Come on.

Team of the Weak

McCarthy - What. A. Howler.
Moreno - Pathetic. Just pathetic.
Funes Mori - No Funes. Just no.
Clark - Any Villa defender would have done in truth...
Dier - Inexplicably not sent off
Coquelin - Inexplicably got himself sent off
Mirallas - Inexplicably sent off by the referee
Mata - I could go on...
Sissoko - A sham of a player. Newcastle fans should sue him for his wages.
Giroud - Or any striker that Arsene Wenger hasn’t signed in the past ten years.
Ighalo - in a horrible rut and Watford need him to start scoring again. Because nobody else is going to.

What you may have missed
A lot of red cards, a lot of goals, a lot of late goals, a shameless Christian Benteke dive that was ludicrously justified by the “impartial” Jamie Carragher and West Brom v Manchester United.

I really hope you missed West Brom v Manchester United.

Go Foxes.

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