If you have the most cash, and the most cunts, you’ll probably be okay.
Not a statement about the Tory Party, but about their Premier League equivalent, Chelsea. If only Jose Mourinho’s spin was as believable as our right wing press, then people might be publicly praising his team for their roller coaster success rather than muttering something under their breath and gently clapping. As it is, it remains impossible to perceive Chelsea as anything other than the most expensively assembled defensive team in World Football. We have to respect the other clubs said Jose, as he picked John Obi Mikel, surely the worst player to ever have won a dozen major honours (yep, more than Steven Gerrard) and played out the second half without a care in the world. Still, credit to Chelsea for winning the title in such an admirably uninspiring way. And it’s also good to know that even when faced with a cabinet of Cameron, Gove & Osbourne... John Terry is still the biggest cunt in London.
There may only be one place to still play for, but credit to that place.
Just a couple of games left and Sunderland, Hull, Villa, Newcastle and Leicester remain in one of the all time great dog fights for the final relegation spot. Barring an unlikely series of wins, it is now almost certain to come down to the final day and it looks like Hull are back in the position of having to win at all costs. Thankfully for them, their previously impossible run in has got easier by way of Spurs desperately trying to get out of Europe faster than Tory backbenchers, and Man Utd ikely to have already qualified for the Champions League by the final game (barring an improbable 14 goal swing with Liverpool). Leicester's remarkable run will now surely see them safe, and Sunderland and Villa look to have got just enough to limp over the finish line. But this is the Premier League, and the only thing more predictable than Spurs being unable to defend, is the unpredictably of any given game week. All eyes it would seem, turn to Newcastle...
Newcastle. Even shitter than the Lib Dems.
Dwindling supporters, never really won anything but convinced they were still one of the big boys, leaderless and in absolute free fall. Again, not the Liberal Democrats, but Newcastle United Football Club.
I’ll be honest, short of just saying they’re shit and I hope they go down over and over. I’ve little new material beyond that opening gag. Although I suppose it’s unlikely all their fans will now just support Sunderland. You know, FOR NO FUCKING REASON.
Stoke. Because even UKIP deserve a voice.
I’m pretty sure I’ve managed to avoid talking about Stoke all season. But, much like UKIP, there comes a point when you can’t just pretend they don’t exist because lots of seemingly sane people appear to follow them (feel free to add your own “in” to that last statement if it helps you sleep better). Stoke, led to the mid table nether regions of the big league by a despicable, outspoken bastard, are just one of those football teams that no matter how many teams you keep looking at them they just don’t seem right. They are, to their credit, gloriously unpredictable. 14 wins, 14 losses, 8 draws and a mere -2 goal difference all points to a you never quite know what you’re going to get vibe about them. But, given the choice, would any neutral ever choose to see a Stoke match rather than Arsenal, Southampton, Leicester, Everton or Swansea?
4m of you? Really? Oh well, shame you’ve got nothing to show for it.
We can’t lose Aguero
Don’t worry, I’m not about to shoehorn in a political line on this one. But there is little doubt that, politically as well as in terms of sheer entertainment, it would be very bad if the Premier League lost another of its star attractions this summer. The little Argentinean absolutely battered a bruised, broken and relegated QPR this afternoon to all but confirm his claim on the leagues Golden Boot. Aguero has struggled with injuries over the past few years but, on song, can still lay claim to the best out and out number nine in World Football. He scores no matter the opposition, and his record of 77 goals in 118 league appearances remains unsurpassed in his era (Suaraz is closest, with 69 in 110). Manchester City cannot afford to lose him or his partner in crime David Silva this summer. It’s hard to make a case for them making the top four without those two, let alone mounting another title challenge.
Team of the Weak
Loris - Given he is leaving in the summer anyway, it’s hard to see why he’s still playing when he is so visibly going through the motions.
Vertonghen - He used to at least be able to score. Now he just can’t defend.
Chiriches - Seriously, do spurs even have a defensive scouting network?
Dunne - Just... well... I mean... you had to feel for him.
Evans - Came on and Utd instantly collapsed defensively. Getting away with a victory thanks to, guess who... and a lucky breakaway goal.
Mikel - The Boris Johnson of football. Surely people can’t keep employing him...
Barton - Preceded match with bizarre “wrong uns” monologue about why his club were going down. Played shit. Went down.
Wanyama - The turning circle of a carthorse.
Eriksen - Looked handsomely imperious a few months ago. Now just looks handsome.
Aluko - One of the curious line of “fan favourite” strikers who work hard and never, ever score.
Pelle - Well, you know, it had been a while.
What you may have missed
Everton losing the safest seat, sorry match, in the game week, despite campaigning, sorry playing, miles better than the opposition. The Tactics Tim bandwagon getting more and more steam. Hull losing to a team who were all but already relegated, and then actually got relegated half way through the match... and still lost. Man Utd somehow winning at Palace, QPR going... going... gone and Leicester... oh how we love you Leicester, you sly, cunning foxes led by a demented madman you.
Goodnight.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Sunday, 10 May 2015
Thursday, 30 April 2015
Five Things We Learnt from the last week of Football
Cherries could be the icing on the cake for next season
At the risk of forcing a pun into the first title of every entry; it’s getting
harder and harder to cherry pick things to write about in a season that has
largely faded into a gentle, mediocre pool of sludge. One hopes then, that the
fantastic journey of Bournemouth football club will add a fairy tale quality to
the league next season as they secured promotion this week and entered the
Premier League for the first time in their history. Since being appointed
permanent manager in 2009, Eddie Howe has pulled the club out of a 17 point
deficit relegation battle, got promoted to league one, left to take charge of
Burnley for a bit for a laugh, come back and secured promotion to the
Championship, and has now helped his side to the hallowed shores of the Premier
League with a limited budget and a 95 goal scoring spree on route. This would
be pretty incredible anyway, but it’s more so when you consider Howe was just
32 when he was given the role and will come into the league as the youngest
manager by a full five years. Howe has a win ratio of 52% over his two spells
at the club. Just to put that into perspective, Wenger and Ferguson’s is around
57-59%. And Tony Adams’ around 10%.
Bournemouth will bring a superb set of supporters, some
terrific chants and an underdog story that will be hard to resist for the
neutral next season. Hell, if they beat Chelsea the world may actually explode.
With Watford having joined them, the Premier League promises to be a more
interesting place to be come August. We hope at least. I mean, come on. It has
to be.
Pragmatism wins
titles, but not admirers
Other than the 37 genuine people who support Chelsea, nobody will be celebrating the Premier League title returning to the paws of Jose Mourinho and John fucking Terry come this weekend. Chelsea deserve the title by virtue of being the team best equipped to not lose matches, but they cannot be allowed to win a title with this little fight again. With his team playing dreadfully and desperately reliant on the guile of Eden Hazard to do literally anything, Mourinho has effectively shut up shop for the past two months to grind out the results needs to claim his 3rd title with the club. Arsenal started poorly, United even more so, and City have been an inconsistent mess from start to finish. Gods knows where they’d be if they didn’t have Sergio Aguero in their team. All three of those teams need to strengthen and come again stronger in the summer. It’s hard to make a case for any of the clubs below them challenging for titles. Liverpool need stability and a long term plan, Saints have over performed and should be proud of their achievements, whilst Spurs will just finish outside of the top four for the next 10,000 years no matter what they do. The league needs a proper title race to flourish and to pull the quality up of every side below it. As it is, we risk going into the final weekend of the season with potentially just two games meaning anything.
Other than the 37 genuine people who support Chelsea, nobody will be celebrating the Premier League title returning to the paws of Jose Mourinho and John fucking Terry come this weekend. Chelsea deserve the title by virtue of being the team best equipped to not lose matches, but they cannot be allowed to win a title with this little fight again. With his team playing dreadfully and desperately reliant on the guile of Eden Hazard to do literally anything, Mourinho has effectively shut up shop for the past two months to grind out the results needs to claim his 3rd title with the club. Arsenal started poorly, United even more so, and City have been an inconsistent mess from start to finish. Gods knows where they’d be if they didn’t have Sergio Aguero in their team. All three of those teams need to strengthen and come again stronger in the summer. It’s hard to make a case for any of the clubs below them challenging for titles. Liverpool need stability and a long term plan, Saints have over performed and should be proud of their achievements, whilst Spurs will just finish outside of the top four for the next 10,000 years no matter what they do. The league needs a proper title race to flourish and to pull the quality up of every side below it. As it is, we risk going into the final weekend of the season with potentially just two games meaning anything.
QPR and Burnley may
have shot their load
4 and 5 points away from safety respectively, both these sides need an absolute minimum of 8 points from remaining fixtures that read:
QPR: Liverpool Away. Man City Away. Newcastle Home. Leicester Away.
Burnley: West Ham Away. Hull Away. Stoke Home. Villa Away.
It seems unlikely at best, and impossible at worst. All of which effectively leaves Leicester, Sunderland and Villa fighting for one place in the drop zone following an improbable double victory for Hull City this week. Still, if there is hope for anyone, it comes in the form of simply playing Newcastle. Who are in complete freefall and could well survive despite winning just one game in 2015 and with the worst goal difference in the league. Come on lads, let’s all do this and give this season one great thing to be remembered for.
4 and 5 points away from safety respectively, both these sides need an absolute minimum of 8 points from remaining fixtures that read:
QPR: Liverpool Away. Man City Away. Newcastle Home. Leicester Away.
Burnley: West Ham Away. Hull Away. Stoke Home. Villa Away.
It seems unlikely at best, and impossible at worst. All of which effectively leaves Leicester, Sunderland and Villa fighting for one place in the drop zone following an improbable double victory for Hull City this week. Still, if there is hope for anyone, it comes in the form of simply playing Newcastle. Who are in complete freefall and could well survive despite winning just one game in 2015 and with the worst goal difference in the league. Come on lads, let’s all do this and give this season one great thing to be remembered for.
#praytosendthetoondown
Why can’t clubs cope
with the Europa League?
It doesn’t matter who it is (usually Spurs or Everton), but each and every year the clubs who qualify for the Europa League toil until they inevitably get dumped out post the group stage, having already played 28 games and with nothing to show for it. There is no doubt that playing Thursday to Sunday is the hardest combination of games available, a longer wait followed by a very short recovery period. The Europa League also has a higher propensity of long haul away games and the teams involved are always playing catch up. But other countries don’t struggle with it the way we do, and with a Champions League place now up for grabs for the winners, it’s hard to see why there isn’t any motivation at all for English club to make a better fist of trying to win it. Squad sizes are bigger than ever, so why not just rotate steadily over the season. Surely this approach is better than the Everton approach of don’t rotate at all, or the Spurs one of change your entire starting eleven. Barcelona and Real Madrid barely rotate, and still manage to compete on all levels because they keep things fresh week by week rather than ever having to make wholesale changes. Ferguson was a master of this, making sure that his players stayed hungry and picked and chose the fixtures that would suit certain players, regardless of the actual competition it happened to be. He didn’t always get it right, but the logic was sound. If clubs are going to have squads of 20-25 senior, well paid players, they need to be using them correctly to manage the situation they are in. Yes the Premier League is a tough, physical league with no easy fixtures, but English teams are floundering across Europe not because they have the worse players, but because they remain tactically naïve and the squads are being mismanaged. I mean, if I can successfully run three fantasy football teams, I’m pretty sure running a top flight Football Club across several competitions can’t be that difficult…
It doesn’t matter who it is (usually Spurs or Everton), but each and every year the clubs who qualify for the Europa League toil until they inevitably get dumped out post the group stage, having already played 28 games and with nothing to show for it. There is no doubt that playing Thursday to Sunday is the hardest combination of games available, a longer wait followed by a very short recovery period. The Europa League also has a higher propensity of long haul away games and the teams involved are always playing catch up. But other countries don’t struggle with it the way we do, and with a Champions League place now up for grabs for the winners, it’s hard to see why there isn’t any motivation at all for English club to make a better fist of trying to win it. Squad sizes are bigger than ever, so why not just rotate steadily over the season. Surely this approach is better than the Everton approach of don’t rotate at all, or the Spurs one of change your entire starting eleven. Barcelona and Real Madrid barely rotate, and still manage to compete on all levels because they keep things fresh week by week rather than ever having to make wholesale changes. Ferguson was a master of this, making sure that his players stayed hungry and picked and chose the fixtures that would suit certain players, regardless of the actual competition it happened to be. He didn’t always get it right, but the logic was sound. If clubs are going to have squads of 20-25 senior, well paid players, they need to be using them correctly to manage the situation they are in. Yes the Premier League is a tough, physical league with no easy fixtures, but English teams are floundering across Europe not because they have the worse players, but because they remain tactically naïve and the squads are being mismanaged. I mean, if I can successfully run three fantasy football teams, I’m pretty sure running a top flight Football Club across several competitions can’t be that difficult…
The new season kicks
off on August 7th
Which means the Charity Shield will be August 2nd. Which is frankly, a complete disgrace. Football is not a summer sport and this year there have been less midweek matches than ever before in the Premier League. English football needs to take a long hard look at itself. The TV money is welcome, but it cannot be allowed to utterly dictate games, fixtures and start dates. This Champions League final is on June 6th this year which will mean the shortest ever distance between the last and first game of the season (should an English club have got to it). A mere 8 weeks when it used to be 13/14. If we want seasons to be more exciting, with better standards and compete stronger in Europe and Internationally, we don’t need more games spaced out, we need a longer, proper pre-season for clubs to adequately prepare. As it is, expect another turgid opening month to the top flight as players don’t achieve full fitness until September.
Which means the Charity Shield will be August 2nd. Which is frankly, a complete disgrace. Football is not a summer sport and this year there have been less midweek matches than ever before in the Premier League. English football needs to take a long hard look at itself. The TV money is welcome, but it cannot be allowed to utterly dictate games, fixtures and start dates. This Champions League final is on June 6th this year which will mean the shortest ever distance between the last and first game of the season (should an English club have got to it). A mere 8 weeks when it used to be 13/14. If we want seasons to be more exciting, with better standards and compete stronger in Europe and Internationally, we don’t need more games spaced out, we need a longer, proper pre-season for clubs to adequately prepare. As it is, expect another turgid opening month to the top flight as players don’t achieve full fitness until September.
Team of the Weak:
Guzan – Gifted City a goal and then conceded a late winner
after his team had dragged themselves back into the match
Janmaat – Looked like he was already planning his summer transfer move
Mangala – An absolute sham of a £32m defender
Vertonghen – Couldn’t keep a clean sheet against my six a side team
Dann – Allowed Hull to score. Twice. Awful
Arfield – Beginning to look like the Championship player he is again. In the team as the main creative hub. Creates nothing
Sterling – Absolute toilet across both games. Will be lucky if Liverpool want him on this form, let alone a bigger club
Fellaini – Slashed at a massive early chance, lucky to stay on the pitch, dragged at half time
Ozil – Despite recent upturn in form, couldn’t control a big game when it mattered
Austin – Missed a penalty, got booked. Remains blameless if QPR go down but could have really helped his team here against a West Ham team who stopped playing in March
Rooney – Merseyside toils continued, utterly anonymous
Balotelli – One of the worst seasons for any top striker in living memory. Lucky to ever play at a high level again after this
Janmaat – Looked like he was already planning his summer transfer move
Mangala – An absolute sham of a £32m defender
Vertonghen – Couldn’t keep a clean sheet against my six a side team
Dann – Allowed Hull to score. Twice. Awful
Arfield – Beginning to look like the Championship player he is again. In the team as the main creative hub. Creates nothing
Sterling – Absolute toilet across both games. Will be lucky if Liverpool want him on this form, let alone a bigger club
Fellaini – Slashed at a massive early chance, lucky to stay on the pitch, dragged at half time
Ozil – Despite recent upturn in form, couldn’t control a big game when it mattered
Austin – Missed a penalty, got booked. Remains blameless if QPR go down but could have really helped his team here against a West Ham team who stopped playing in March
Rooney – Merseyside toils continued, utterly anonymous
Balotelli – One of the worst seasons for any top striker in living memory. Lucky to ever play at a high level again after this
What you may have
missed
Saints and Spurs pulling out the stops in an entertaining
early fixture that now feels like it took place a year ago; Leicester hauling
themselves to apparent safety only to be dragged back down again by the
relentless juggernaut of negativity that is Chelsea; Hull keeping back to back
clean sheets and keeping Yorkshire back in the big leagues for another season;
Newcastle now just losing for fun; Sunderland still wandering around trying to
win a match; Man City limping past Aston Villa to keep the challenge on for the
real title this season… second place; Stones and McCarthy absolutely dominating
the Manchester United forward line; Arsene Wenger still not managing to beat
Jose Mourinho at football and Liverpool, I’m sorry Brendan, but in absolutely
no way playing “outstanding” in any possible way that you can quantify that
word.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Sunday, 12 April 2015
Five Things We Learnt From The Premier League This Weekend
Young is the new angel of Old Trafford
Six league wins on the spin and a collective 9-3 pounding of their rivals in Spurs, Liverpool and City; it’s safe to say it might be time to believe that the Louis Van Gaal philosophy has finally landed. If that was perhaps a matter of time, what was less expected is the personal that are currently responsible for this resurgence. The four scorers today have all had their Old Trafford careers questioned over the past 12 months. Juan Mata was perhaps unfortunate to have ever found himself in that situation. A World Cup, European Cup and Champions League winner, Mata is about as close to proven class as you can get. His omission from several team sheets during a guileless period for United at the start of the year were beginning to resemble a sick joke. His reinsertion into the team, coupled with a move to a fluid 4-3-3 have been instrumental during the recent wins. The doubts remain over Smalling as a defender, but he carries the ball out from the back in a manner befitting the ball playing centre back Van Gaal demands. 3 goals in 4 games to go with his run of performances have helped his case further. Fellaini meanwhile, finds himself in the unique position of being a piece of ironic genius. Ironic? How so? Simple. David Moyes knew how good Fellaini could be, if played in the right way in the right team. The trouble was, Moyes was so scared of being critisiced for his style of football he refused to play him in such a way. Instead he relegated him to a holding role in what was often a 4-2-4 formation and watched as he toiled trying to play one touch passes in small area of the pitch. Van Gaal, unlike Moyes, does not give a flying fuck what other people think of him. And so, ironically, he has resurrected the career of the Belgian by playing him in his favoured role, just off the front man in a highly mobile position that has managed to bring the best not only out of him, but of every other player in United’s front six. Let’s be absolutely clear about this, Van Gaal has genuinely built his team around this player. Against Spurs Fellaini was United’s best attacker. Against Liverpool he was their best defender. Against City he bullied Kompany and Toure to a point where one was lucky to stay on the pitch and the other was a passenger. All of which, finally brings us to a flying winger who is suddenly beating players, scoring goals, assisting goals and running up and down the line like the energizer bunny. Manchester United’s best outfield player this season. No, not £57m Angel Di Maria. Ashley fucking Young. Of all the resurrections mentioned above, none can hold a candle to the story of Young. Offered a transfer in the summer and told his Old Trafford career was over, Young asked to stay and fight for his place. He has played left back, right back, left wing back, right wing back, the number ten, right forward, left forward and inside left so far this season and has excelled throughout. He is right now, with the possible exception of Glenn Murray, the best example available of how far confidence and belief can truly take you given half the chance. Nobody has benefitted more than the introduction of Van Gaal than Ashley Young, and whilst he might still often resemble a dying swan come Marlo Stanfield look a like, it’s fully time he got the credit he deserved.
United are back, you heard it here first. 3rd is the new 1st anyway...
Is Alan Pardew the best manager in the league?
51 points, that is how many Alan Pardew has achieved so far this season from the 31 games he has managed. That would place his collective team 8th, with a game in hand and 5 points off 4th. That doesn’t sound that good I suppose. Only his collective team are the now shambolic Newcastle and the formally shambolic Crystal Palace, both of which came with a collective transfer budget of around zero. Only Arsenal, United and Chelsea have taken more points than Crystal Palace since Pardew took over, and his team are not winning games via defensive nous or negative organisation. Palace are rocking up and out gunning opponents time and time again. Pardew has rolled out a 4-2-3-1 formation with the pace, power and trickery of Bolaise, Puncheon and Zaha behind the forgotten figure of Glenn Murray. Having barely cobbled together a handful of games over two seasons, Murray has blasted 6 goals and 4 assists in his last six matches at an average goal involvement of a frankly preposterous one every 41 minutes. Palace, now safe in mid-table are playing with a reckless abandon that the likes of Manchester City can only look at and stare longingly. Forget Stuart Pearce’s controversial Manchester “best XI” - on form, a Palace/City best XI would feature 4 of the Palace front 6. Oh, and the entire back four. Without wanting to go over this again, I will simply direct readers to my comment from last week. Newcastle fans should be careful what you wish for...
Hull are in deep trouble
It’s hard to look at the table, remaining fixtures and the top of the Championship and make the statement that, yet again, Yorkshire will be without a team in the top flight next season. The biggest county in England, famed for it’s Olympic prowess, savoury puddings, rolling hills and losing the War of the Roses, remains in a footballing cesspit from which their seems little immediate recovery. Clinging on to Hull is never good at the best of times, but with Leicester winning and both Burnley and QPR scoring more goals, it’s hard to make a case for Steve Bruce’s team to stay in the division come May. Hull have six games left to play and they read as follows:
Away to Palace. See above. No chance.
Home to Liverpool. Small chance, depending on if Liverpool have arrested their mini slump by then.
Home to Arsenal. No chance.
Home to Burnley. A real relegation six pointer, but if they’ve already lost the three above...
Away to Spurs. Hell, everyone has a chance against Spurs.
Home to Man Utd. No chance.
Even the most optimistic of fans would look at that and see 5 points. Max. Which frankly Steve, ain’t gonna be enough.
Still, Brucie might lose a bit of weight back in the Championship. So there's always that.
Leicester can do this
Three points off safety with a game in hand, Leicester have the form, the fixtures and most importantly, the luck to pull of a recovery that seemed impossible just a month ago. In a curious move, Pearson has basically benched all his new players in favour for the core of the team that got them promoted last year. Although having the still mythically underrated Esteban Cambiasso in central midfield has certainly helped. The foxes have five home games remaining owing to a rearranged match and fixture quirk. With Burnley, Newcastle, Sunderland and QPR all still to play, it is in their own paws.
Sherwood was always, always going to win at the Lane.
I refuse to believe anything other than this. Tactics Tim walked in to face his side in the dressing room before kick off, looked them up and down, side to side, rubbed everything off the chalk board, brought out a copy of Alex Ferguson’s autobiography and read three words from it.
“Lads... it’s Tottenham.”
Team of the Weak
Pantilimon - Showed the confidence of a teenage girl on prom night. And was about as good with his h... and I probably can’t say that anymore.
O’Shea - Rubbish
Jones - Garbage
Vergini - Seriously Sunderland is there a middle ground between great and absolutely awful defending with any of you lot?
Zabaleta - In fairness, he won’t be the last player torn apart by the World Cup Finalist and man of the match in last years Champions League Final. Oh hold on, no wait, I keep thinking this is all still a dream.
Huddlestone - Career is nosediving faster than a penguin without a parachute.
Toure - A genuine disgrace. Regularly walking and just not bothered. A World Class player who couldn’t be more fair weather if he tried.
Townsend - Those tweets don’t like quite so good now do they Andros...
Berahino - Looked very average and was then blamed for the entire defeat for not laying in his teammate on the overlap. Which may have been a touch harsh.
Pelle - 1208... oh wait, he scored? Really? Oh. Well, hell of a run kid. Hell of a run.
Kane - Possibly a little tired now. Plus he really can’t do it all Spurs. Come on guys.
Aluko - I’m not even sure I know who this player is. Only that he sometimes plays for Hull. Badly.
What you may have missed
The early kick off bore fest between the not really bothered we’re going to finish in mid-table Swansea and the not really bothered we’re going to finish in mid-table Everton. Saints managing to win 2-0, rather than the usual 1-0... with Pelle scoring. Apparently. Spurs, being Spurs. Tim Sherwood not being remotely bothered at the final whistle and quietly putting his finger to his lips. That or celebrating like his kid had just scored the winner in the World Cup, either’s good. Sunderland wondering why they bothered sacking anyone. West Brom wondering where the Tony Pulis they hired has wandered off to. West Ham drawing 1 all with Stoke in dear Christ that was a boring game AGAIN wasn’t it. Burnley being unlucky to lose 1-0 to Arsenal. QPR being desperately unlucky to lose 1-0 to Chelsea. And finally, for the first time in what felt forever, a Manchester United midfield actually running rings around another genuine top four team.
Viva la philosophy.
Now let’s all go and cheer on Justin Rose.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Six league wins on the spin and a collective 9-3 pounding of their rivals in Spurs, Liverpool and City; it’s safe to say it might be time to believe that the Louis Van Gaal philosophy has finally landed. If that was perhaps a matter of time, what was less expected is the personal that are currently responsible for this resurgence. The four scorers today have all had their Old Trafford careers questioned over the past 12 months. Juan Mata was perhaps unfortunate to have ever found himself in that situation. A World Cup, European Cup and Champions League winner, Mata is about as close to proven class as you can get. His omission from several team sheets during a guileless period for United at the start of the year were beginning to resemble a sick joke. His reinsertion into the team, coupled with a move to a fluid 4-3-3 have been instrumental during the recent wins. The doubts remain over Smalling as a defender, but he carries the ball out from the back in a manner befitting the ball playing centre back Van Gaal demands. 3 goals in 4 games to go with his run of performances have helped his case further. Fellaini meanwhile, finds himself in the unique position of being a piece of ironic genius. Ironic? How so? Simple. David Moyes knew how good Fellaini could be, if played in the right way in the right team. The trouble was, Moyes was so scared of being critisiced for his style of football he refused to play him in such a way. Instead he relegated him to a holding role in what was often a 4-2-4 formation and watched as he toiled trying to play one touch passes in small area of the pitch. Van Gaal, unlike Moyes, does not give a flying fuck what other people think of him. And so, ironically, he has resurrected the career of the Belgian by playing him in his favoured role, just off the front man in a highly mobile position that has managed to bring the best not only out of him, but of every other player in United’s front six. Let’s be absolutely clear about this, Van Gaal has genuinely built his team around this player. Against Spurs Fellaini was United’s best attacker. Against Liverpool he was their best defender. Against City he bullied Kompany and Toure to a point where one was lucky to stay on the pitch and the other was a passenger. All of which, finally brings us to a flying winger who is suddenly beating players, scoring goals, assisting goals and running up and down the line like the energizer bunny. Manchester United’s best outfield player this season. No, not £57m Angel Di Maria. Ashley fucking Young. Of all the resurrections mentioned above, none can hold a candle to the story of Young. Offered a transfer in the summer and told his Old Trafford career was over, Young asked to stay and fight for his place. He has played left back, right back, left wing back, right wing back, the number ten, right forward, left forward and inside left so far this season and has excelled throughout. He is right now, with the possible exception of Glenn Murray, the best example available of how far confidence and belief can truly take you given half the chance. Nobody has benefitted more than the introduction of Van Gaal than Ashley Young, and whilst he might still often resemble a dying swan come Marlo Stanfield look a like, it’s fully time he got the credit he deserved.
United are back, you heard it here first. 3rd is the new 1st anyway...
Is Alan Pardew the best manager in the league?
51 points, that is how many Alan Pardew has achieved so far this season from the 31 games he has managed. That would place his collective team 8th, with a game in hand and 5 points off 4th. That doesn’t sound that good I suppose. Only his collective team are the now shambolic Newcastle and the formally shambolic Crystal Palace, both of which came with a collective transfer budget of around zero. Only Arsenal, United and Chelsea have taken more points than Crystal Palace since Pardew took over, and his team are not winning games via defensive nous or negative organisation. Palace are rocking up and out gunning opponents time and time again. Pardew has rolled out a 4-2-3-1 formation with the pace, power and trickery of Bolaise, Puncheon and Zaha behind the forgotten figure of Glenn Murray. Having barely cobbled together a handful of games over two seasons, Murray has blasted 6 goals and 4 assists in his last six matches at an average goal involvement of a frankly preposterous one every 41 minutes. Palace, now safe in mid-table are playing with a reckless abandon that the likes of Manchester City can only look at and stare longingly. Forget Stuart Pearce’s controversial Manchester “best XI” - on form, a Palace/City best XI would feature 4 of the Palace front 6. Oh, and the entire back four. Without wanting to go over this again, I will simply direct readers to my comment from last week. Newcastle fans should be careful what you wish for...
Hull are in deep trouble
It’s hard to look at the table, remaining fixtures and the top of the Championship and make the statement that, yet again, Yorkshire will be without a team in the top flight next season. The biggest county in England, famed for it’s Olympic prowess, savoury puddings, rolling hills and losing the War of the Roses, remains in a footballing cesspit from which their seems little immediate recovery. Clinging on to Hull is never good at the best of times, but with Leicester winning and both Burnley and QPR scoring more goals, it’s hard to make a case for Steve Bruce’s team to stay in the division come May. Hull have six games left to play and they read as follows:
Away to Palace. See above. No chance.
Home to Liverpool. Small chance, depending on if Liverpool have arrested their mini slump by then.
Home to Arsenal. No chance.
Home to Burnley. A real relegation six pointer, but if they’ve already lost the three above...
Away to Spurs. Hell, everyone has a chance against Spurs.
Home to Man Utd. No chance.
Even the most optimistic of fans would look at that and see 5 points. Max. Which frankly Steve, ain’t gonna be enough.
Still, Brucie might lose a bit of weight back in the Championship. So there's always that.
Leicester can do this
Three points off safety with a game in hand, Leicester have the form, the fixtures and most importantly, the luck to pull of a recovery that seemed impossible just a month ago. In a curious move, Pearson has basically benched all his new players in favour for the core of the team that got them promoted last year. Although having the still mythically underrated Esteban Cambiasso in central midfield has certainly helped. The foxes have five home games remaining owing to a rearranged match and fixture quirk. With Burnley, Newcastle, Sunderland and QPR all still to play, it is in their own paws.
Sherwood was always, always going to win at the Lane.
I refuse to believe anything other than this. Tactics Tim walked in to face his side in the dressing room before kick off, looked them up and down, side to side, rubbed everything off the chalk board, brought out a copy of Alex Ferguson’s autobiography and read three words from it.
“Lads... it’s Tottenham.”
Team of the Weak
Pantilimon - Showed the confidence of a teenage girl on prom night. And was about as good with his h... and I probably can’t say that anymore.
O’Shea - Rubbish
Jones - Garbage
Vergini - Seriously Sunderland is there a middle ground between great and absolutely awful defending with any of you lot?
Zabaleta - In fairness, he won’t be the last player torn apart by the World Cup Finalist and man of the match in last years Champions League Final. Oh hold on, no wait, I keep thinking this is all still a dream.
Huddlestone - Career is nosediving faster than a penguin without a parachute.
Toure - A genuine disgrace. Regularly walking and just not bothered. A World Class player who couldn’t be more fair weather if he tried.
Townsend - Those tweets don’t like quite so good now do they Andros...
Berahino - Looked very average and was then blamed for the entire defeat for not laying in his teammate on the overlap. Which may have been a touch harsh.
Pelle - 1208... oh wait, he scored? Really? Oh. Well, hell of a run kid. Hell of a run.
Kane - Possibly a little tired now. Plus he really can’t do it all Spurs. Come on guys.
Aluko - I’m not even sure I know who this player is. Only that he sometimes plays for Hull. Badly.
What you may have missed
The early kick off bore fest between the not really bothered we’re going to finish in mid-table Swansea and the not really bothered we’re going to finish in mid-table Everton. Saints managing to win 2-0, rather than the usual 1-0... with Pelle scoring. Apparently. Spurs, being Spurs. Tim Sherwood not being remotely bothered at the final whistle and quietly putting his finger to his lips. That or celebrating like his kid had just scored the winner in the World Cup, either’s good. Sunderland wondering why they bothered sacking anyone. West Brom wondering where the Tony Pulis they hired has wandered off to. West Ham drawing 1 all with Stoke in dear Christ that was a boring game AGAIN wasn’t it. Burnley being unlucky to lose 1-0 to Arsenal. QPR being desperately unlucky to lose 1-0 to Chelsea. And finally, for the first time in what felt forever, a Manchester United midfield actually running rings around another genuine top four team.
Viva la philosophy.
Now let’s all go and cheer on Justin Rose.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Sunday, 5 April 2015
Five Things We Learnt From The Premier League This Weekend
Ozil is finally stepping up
Arsenal fans could be forgiven for thinking they were better off without Mesut Ozil this season. The team largely played well during his lengthy spell on the touchlines and the form of Sanchez and Cazorla cast doubt on where he would fit in upon his return. Wenger has never lost faith in his central playmaker though, even if at times the fans have. He restored Ozil to the team immediately following his return and has since built a creative 4-2-3-1 around him. Since returning he has been imperious. 3 goals and 5 assists in 8 matches, stats bettered only by Giroud over that period. But more than simple numbers, Ozil has dictated the tempo of matches. The great thing about Ozil, is that he’s probably the only Arsenal player who doesn’t really need a lot of space to work in. Arsenal remain a lethal passing unit if given time and space, but they have consistently struggled when pressed and harassed. Ozil seems to know where everyone on the pitch is at any given time and his short, one touch passing is as good as anyone in the game. Questioned about Ozil’s errant passing last season Wenger lamented that it wasn’t that his passes were bad, but actually too good. That his team mates weren’t capable of making the same decisions that he were. This time around, Ozil has returned to a fluid Arsenal side with Cazorla and the world class Alexis Sanchez at the top of their game. The flicks are coming off, the through balls are threading the needles and the confidence and goals are beginning to come as well. Ozil isn’t just a flair player either, he has ran more than any midfielder in the league since returning from injury. He has gained weight, is considerably harder to knock off the ball and is finally delivering in the bigger matches as well. This isn’t just a phase. This is the real Mesut Ozil, and it’s probably time we gave him the credit he deserves.
West Brom are not there yet
As shocks go, losing 4-1 at home to the worst away team in the league was right up there. But the most disturbing thing about this performance for West Brom fans, was the way they approached the match in general. The baggies were casual, pedestrian and appeared to have turned up for a training match rather than a relegation scrap. They were toothless up front and error strewn in defence. Even when they finally did wake up in the second half, they contrived to miss a series of superb chances before conceding one of the worst goals you’re likely to see all season. West Brom are far from safe and injuries are mounting up at the wrong time for Tony Pulis. They probably only need two wins from the last seven to be safe, but given their run in includes Liverpool, Man Utd, Arsenal and Chelsea, next weeks match up with Leicester looks crucial. Their fans will be praying they don’t approach the game in the same light again.
Rodgers remains the right man for Liverpool
In football, you’re only as good as you’re last result. With managers that is certainly true and it remains preposterous to me how stock can rise and fall after just a few games. Two weeks ago Rodgers was reborn having transformed Liverpool’s season. Unbeaten since Christmas, Pool had added defensive resilience to attacking thrust and in Coutinho possessed the best young midfielder in the league. Back to back defeats against Utd and Arsenal have changed all that. Liverpool now look out of the race for 4th and look set to battle Spurs and Saints for a Europa league spot. But is that really so bad an effort for an incredibly young squad who sold their best player in the summer? Liverpool could still win the FA cup and it’s hard to see how that plus a Europa league place should be considered a failure for Rodgers. Regardless of what happens between now and May, Rodgers is the right man for Liverpool. He is a young, forward thinking coach and wants to stay and build a legacy. His handling of young players has been exceptional, even if his signings of established stars has not. Rodgers possesses just the right amount of arrogance to be a boss at club like Liverpool but is also unflinchingly honest. He does not provide excuses about how a club of such supposed stature “deserve to be up there” and he is much more intelligent than people give him credit for. He has time for people in and around the club and given the obvious lack of availability of Pep, Carlo, Jose and Diego (surely the top four managers currently working) it’s hard to see how Liverpool can do much better by replacing him in the summer. Players will still come to Liverpool because of their history, and their fans will never stop believing. Whilst it’s amusing to see yet another season crash against the rocks, none of that changes the fact that Liverpool have the right man at the helm for the future.
Newcastle fans should be careful what they wish for
The Tyne-Tear derby ended this evening with Newcastle on the end of another limp defeat, the sort of which has come to define the era of Mike Ashley. Newcastle are not going to get relegated, and whilst their fans may yearn for the days of Keegan, Shearer and Rob Lee, the cold hard facts are that they are a mid table, Premier League club and their owner knows this. Newcastle have never really looked like getting relegated since they burst back up from the Championship five seasons ago. Unbeaten it has to said with a simply ridiculous 102 points.. They have finished 12th, 5th, 16th, 10th and are currently 13th this time around. Ashley does not have the money to get Newcastle into the top four, or even the current top six. But he does have an excellent scouting network, a realistic wage structure and isn’t really bothered about who manages the club as long as they do enough to keep the team in the division. Newcastle fans continue to call for his head but should be careful what they wish for. The club would just as likely crumble and plummet as it would soar and the fear is a Wigan or Blackburn scenario where the momentum is only in one direction until the club bottoms out and has to start again. Newcastle are not a big club, they just have a big stadium. They have not won a major trophy for SIXTY years. Only two clubs in the Premier League have gone that long without a trophy. Palace and Hull, neither of which have won anything. If you include Championship teams only a handful more names are added to the mix. Swindon, Wolves, Norwich, Oxford, Luton, Middlesborough, Portsmouth and Birmingham just some of the illustrious names who have tasted silverware more recently than Geordies.
Newcastle are, to a certain extent, a club which now exists as a result of the television money. They merely need to stay in the league to keep things going and you cannot blame their owner for ensuring that is the priority over anything else. It may not be very interesting to watch, and it won’t sell a lot of season tickets. But Newcastle aren’t going anyway, and neither is Mike Ashley.
Bafetimbi Gomis can never be allowed to score again
Seriously, that celebration can’t be seen anywhere, ever... and I mean ever again. I mean it made Charlie Adam doing a half robot dance look good. Somebody needs to have a word. The FA need to write it in as a straight red. There is quite literally nothing to take the shine off a two goal haul than the sight of a man on all fours prowling towards the fans like a feral cat. I don’t even know what animal he is supposed to be. I don’t want to know. I just want it to stop.
Team of the Weak
Myhil - Conceded 7 goals in two matches. Was all over the place positionally. Doesn’t seem to able to organise a defence in any way, shape or form.
Can - Awful tackle for the second yellow, lost his head and left his team with no competent defenders for crucial FA cup replay.
Lescott - Absolutely toilet.
Toure - Absolutely toilet, with a floater.
Bruce - Stop. Playing. Your. Son. Steve.
Lucas - Played off the park by Ozil and looked badly out of sorts.
Eriksen - Utterly invisible. When he’s good he’s a joy to watch, but so frustrating when he plays like this.
Colback - An unhappy return to Sunderland and lucky to stay on the pitch.
Elia - Looked appalling. Appears to be a downgrade in every way from the players Saints already had in his position.
Ideye - Missed 81 chances and looked like he was going to cry.
Pelle - Only you can take yourself out of this team son. Only you. 1173 minutes...
What you may have missed
Crash. Bang. Wallop. What a fucking goal Charlie Adam. Bobby Zamora’s outrageous finish for QPR. The sound of Manchester United clicking with spanish midfield locksmiths. Diego Costa saying goodbye to this seasons golden boot. Any Newcastle player attempting a shot within the first hour at the Stadium of Light. Leicester giving themselves hope. Burnley giving themselves hope. Hull and Aston Villa suddenly shitting themselves. And Everton. Yeah, Everton. Christ they’ve had a dull league season haven’t they? Does Ross Barkley still play for them or is he just an England specialist like Andros Townsend now? Anyway, let’s give Martinez another year. He’s a likeable chap. And he might just escape from Alcaraz given time...
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Arsenal fans could be forgiven for thinking they were better off without Mesut Ozil this season. The team largely played well during his lengthy spell on the touchlines and the form of Sanchez and Cazorla cast doubt on where he would fit in upon his return. Wenger has never lost faith in his central playmaker though, even if at times the fans have. He restored Ozil to the team immediately following his return and has since built a creative 4-2-3-1 around him. Since returning he has been imperious. 3 goals and 5 assists in 8 matches, stats bettered only by Giroud over that period. But more than simple numbers, Ozil has dictated the tempo of matches. The great thing about Ozil, is that he’s probably the only Arsenal player who doesn’t really need a lot of space to work in. Arsenal remain a lethal passing unit if given time and space, but they have consistently struggled when pressed and harassed. Ozil seems to know where everyone on the pitch is at any given time and his short, one touch passing is as good as anyone in the game. Questioned about Ozil’s errant passing last season Wenger lamented that it wasn’t that his passes were bad, but actually too good. That his team mates weren’t capable of making the same decisions that he were. This time around, Ozil has returned to a fluid Arsenal side with Cazorla and the world class Alexis Sanchez at the top of their game. The flicks are coming off, the through balls are threading the needles and the confidence and goals are beginning to come as well. Ozil isn’t just a flair player either, he has ran more than any midfielder in the league since returning from injury. He has gained weight, is considerably harder to knock off the ball and is finally delivering in the bigger matches as well. This isn’t just a phase. This is the real Mesut Ozil, and it’s probably time we gave him the credit he deserves.
West Brom are not there yet
As shocks go, losing 4-1 at home to the worst away team in the league was right up there. But the most disturbing thing about this performance for West Brom fans, was the way they approached the match in general. The baggies were casual, pedestrian and appeared to have turned up for a training match rather than a relegation scrap. They were toothless up front and error strewn in defence. Even when they finally did wake up in the second half, they contrived to miss a series of superb chances before conceding one of the worst goals you’re likely to see all season. West Brom are far from safe and injuries are mounting up at the wrong time for Tony Pulis. They probably only need two wins from the last seven to be safe, but given their run in includes Liverpool, Man Utd, Arsenal and Chelsea, next weeks match up with Leicester looks crucial. Their fans will be praying they don’t approach the game in the same light again.
Rodgers remains the right man for Liverpool
In football, you’re only as good as you’re last result. With managers that is certainly true and it remains preposterous to me how stock can rise and fall after just a few games. Two weeks ago Rodgers was reborn having transformed Liverpool’s season. Unbeaten since Christmas, Pool had added defensive resilience to attacking thrust and in Coutinho possessed the best young midfielder in the league. Back to back defeats against Utd and Arsenal have changed all that. Liverpool now look out of the race for 4th and look set to battle Spurs and Saints for a Europa league spot. But is that really so bad an effort for an incredibly young squad who sold their best player in the summer? Liverpool could still win the FA cup and it’s hard to see how that plus a Europa league place should be considered a failure for Rodgers. Regardless of what happens between now and May, Rodgers is the right man for Liverpool. He is a young, forward thinking coach and wants to stay and build a legacy. His handling of young players has been exceptional, even if his signings of established stars has not. Rodgers possesses just the right amount of arrogance to be a boss at club like Liverpool but is also unflinchingly honest. He does not provide excuses about how a club of such supposed stature “deserve to be up there” and he is much more intelligent than people give him credit for. He has time for people in and around the club and given the obvious lack of availability of Pep, Carlo, Jose and Diego (surely the top four managers currently working) it’s hard to see how Liverpool can do much better by replacing him in the summer. Players will still come to Liverpool because of their history, and their fans will never stop believing. Whilst it’s amusing to see yet another season crash against the rocks, none of that changes the fact that Liverpool have the right man at the helm for the future.
Newcastle fans should be careful what they wish for
The Tyne-Tear derby ended this evening with Newcastle on the end of another limp defeat, the sort of which has come to define the era of Mike Ashley. Newcastle are not going to get relegated, and whilst their fans may yearn for the days of Keegan, Shearer and Rob Lee, the cold hard facts are that they are a mid table, Premier League club and their owner knows this. Newcastle have never really looked like getting relegated since they burst back up from the Championship five seasons ago. Unbeaten it has to said with a simply ridiculous 102 points.. They have finished 12th, 5th, 16th, 10th and are currently 13th this time around. Ashley does not have the money to get Newcastle into the top four, or even the current top six. But he does have an excellent scouting network, a realistic wage structure and isn’t really bothered about who manages the club as long as they do enough to keep the team in the division. Newcastle fans continue to call for his head but should be careful what they wish for. The club would just as likely crumble and plummet as it would soar and the fear is a Wigan or Blackburn scenario where the momentum is only in one direction until the club bottoms out and has to start again. Newcastle are not a big club, they just have a big stadium. They have not won a major trophy for SIXTY years. Only two clubs in the Premier League have gone that long without a trophy. Palace and Hull, neither of which have won anything. If you include Championship teams only a handful more names are added to the mix. Swindon, Wolves, Norwich, Oxford, Luton, Middlesborough, Portsmouth and Birmingham just some of the illustrious names who have tasted silverware more recently than Geordies.
Newcastle are, to a certain extent, a club which now exists as a result of the television money. They merely need to stay in the league to keep things going and you cannot blame their owner for ensuring that is the priority over anything else. It may not be very interesting to watch, and it won’t sell a lot of season tickets. But Newcastle aren’t going anyway, and neither is Mike Ashley.
Bafetimbi Gomis can never be allowed to score again
Seriously, that celebration can’t be seen anywhere, ever... and I mean ever again. I mean it made Charlie Adam doing a half robot dance look good. Somebody needs to have a word. The FA need to write it in as a straight red. There is quite literally nothing to take the shine off a two goal haul than the sight of a man on all fours prowling towards the fans like a feral cat. I don’t even know what animal he is supposed to be. I don’t want to know. I just want it to stop.
Team of the Weak
Myhil - Conceded 7 goals in two matches. Was all over the place positionally. Doesn’t seem to able to organise a defence in any way, shape or form.
Can - Awful tackle for the second yellow, lost his head and left his team with no competent defenders for crucial FA cup replay.
Lescott - Absolutely toilet.
Toure - Absolutely toilet, with a floater.
Bruce - Stop. Playing. Your. Son. Steve.
Lucas - Played off the park by Ozil and looked badly out of sorts.
Eriksen - Utterly invisible. When he’s good he’s a joy to watch, but so frustrating when he plays like this.
Colback - An unhappy return to Sunderland and lucky to stay on the pitch.
Elia - Looked appalling. Appears to be a downgrade in every way from the players Saints already had in his position.
Ideye - Missed 81 chances and looked like he was going to cry.
Pelle - Only you can take yourself out of this team son. Only you. 1173 minutes...
What you may have missed
Crash. Bang. Wallop. What a fucking goal Charlie Adam. Bobby Zamora’s outrageous finish for QPR. The sound of Manchester United clicking with spanish midfield locksmiths. Diego Costa saying goodbye to this seasons golden boot. Any Newcastle player attempting a shot within the first hour at the Stadium of Light. Leicester giving themselves hope. Burnley giving themselves hope. Hull and Aston Villa suddenly shitting themselves. And Everton. Yeah, Everton. Christ they’ve had a dull league season haven’t they? Does Ross Barkley still play for them or is he just an England specialist like Andros Townsend now? Anyway, let’s give Martinez another year. He’s a likeable chap. And he might just escape from Alcaraz given time...
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Sunday, 22 March 2015
Five Things We Learnt From The Premier League This Weekend
Substitutes Mata.
After a largely uneventful first half in which Manchester United deservedly led through a sweeping, Juan Mata finished move, I’m not sure there was anyone out there who was prepared for the madness that was to come. As it was, this game was ultimately decided by those who stepped off the bench and left their mark. First and foremost, the mark into the leg of Ander Herrera from Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard. Gerrard has been sent off many times in his career, but never so quickly and as pointlessly as this. Playing in his final Liverpool match against United, Gerrard stepped onto the pitch with the attitude of the fan he truly is. He crashed into one tackle, crashed into a second and then reacted horribly and was deservedly shown his marching orders. What he failed to do was remember that he was also an actual player and the captain of his team. He also failed to apologise to the player he stamped on in a groveling apology to the people of his city, his manager, his fellow professional, his dog, his solicitor and John Terry. But let’s not kick a man when he’s down. That’s what Gerrard would do.
Moving on from that came Angel Di Maria, who perhaps aggrieved and amazed at the sight of Ashley Young playing instead of him delivered the pass of the match to set up the winning goal. He then proceeded to play absolutely toilet. Which thankfully didn’t Mata as much as the ball he played to Juan did. Almost as comical as all of that was the appearance of Mario Balotelli. Perhaps affronted by Gerrard stealing his limelight, Mario did everything he could to be sent off via a series of cynical tackles, late lunges and in one truly comical moment, being restrained by two actual fans from reacting to Chris Smalling.
Apart from the above, there was also a brilliant goal, a dramatic goal, clearances off the line, a missed penalty, at least two other clear red cards waved away and the constant sight of people paid an average of 100k a week each give the ball away again... and again... and again...
The fall out from the result means United now sit 5 points clear of the chasing pack in 4th and still well in the hunt for 2nd. Something that seemed inexplicable as little as a fortnight ago. Van Gaal finally seems to have found something that works at the business end of the season. It wasn’t a formation. It wasn’t a tactic. It wasn’t a philosophy.
It was called fucking playing Juan Mata.
Referees need help.
Perhaps the pace of the game really has changed that much in ten years. Perhaps the bringing in of goal line technology has turned our attentions elsewhere. Or perhaps the over analysed, social media instant replay world we now live in can make judgements on a referees call where they can’t. But even putting that aside, it seems that every week now there aren’t just errors or bad calls, but absolute stone wall howlers. None more so than within just a few minutes of kick off this weekend, when yet again the wrong player was sent off by a referee who looked like he genuinely had no idea what he was doing.
There is no credible reason as to why a referee cannot be miked up to a 5th official sitting in the stands with a monitor to give him a 30-60 seconds window to make a decision on a key moment. It doesn’t have to be as wooly as rugby “is there a reason why I can’t penalise the flanker who may have hit the opposition person before scoring the try which I disallowed anyway.” It could be based on two criteria and two alone. Is that a red card and if so to whom? And is that a penalty? Too often games are ruined by both of those decisions going the wrong way for the wrong team. Arguments about slowing the game down are nonsense. The ball is only in play 65% of the time over 90 minutes and we’re not doing anything about that. Arguments about undermining referees are hollow. Could they really be in a worse position than they are now? And ultimately the decision would still rest with them, they would just get the benefit of another person relying, factually, what occurred for them to make the call on.
Football cannot continue to look down upon other spots as the most popular in the game when it lags so far behind in key areas. It is badly lacking in progression and this is an obvious way to make the game better and fairer. Perhaps then we can have punditry shows which don’t spend 90% of the time discussing wrong decisions.
Giroud. Yes. Apparently this is real.
I am not a fan of Olivier Giroud. Mainly because he has the first touch of a donkey, the second touch of a mule and looks like he’s more interested in his hair than getting his boots dirty. After returning from injury he has been on fire and whilst a truly horrific hour against Monaco threatened to expose him for the sham that he is, he has rallied again following it. Giroud now has 13 league goals for the season at a rate of one every 96 minutes. To put that into perspective, Aguero has 17 at a rate of 107, Costa 19 at a rate of 101 and Kane 19 at a rate of 98.
So Giroud is the best striker in the league.
Apart from Cisse. Who has one every 92 minutes. But nobody cares about Newcastle.
Is there a harder manager to beat than Jose?
Chelsea are not going to win the league by being the best team anymore. Or even having the best players. They are going to win it be having the best mentality. It might not be pretty (it isn’t) and it might not be fair (rarely) but nobody is harder to beat than teams managed by Jose Mourinho. Chelsea were absolutely awful for large parts of their game against Hull but whereas lesser teams would have crumbled or retreated under the pressure, Chelsea just dug in, got on with it, and eventually won. They have lost just four times in almost 50 games this season, and three of those were utterly ridiculous matches and, tellingly, none were against their rivals or the bigger clubs. They even went out of Europe drawing both matches. Chelsea will add the league title to the league cup come May, it’s now just a matter of how much they let us believe they might not in the meantime.
More of the same doesn’t make for an easy blog.
I try to be original, it try to be informative, I even try to be amusing. But seriously, what more can be said about Southampton’s absurd defence? Of Harry Kane being brilliant again? Of QPR getting relegated? Of West Ham and Sunderland being boring? Of Aston Villa not scoring right after they’d convinced us all that was going to end?
Wait there was a Clasico on? Oh for fucks sake...
Team of the Weak
Vorm - Came on for injured Lloris. Conceded three goals. Still, at least he got a game after his big club move in the summer...
M. Dawson - The worst in a back three containing Paul McShane and Alex Bruce. I mean, come on.
C. Dawson - Should have been sent off. Wasn’t. And then watched his team concede a simply unbelievable 43 (forty three) shots.
Yun - Did Harry sign this guy? Can he actually tackle? Like, at all?
Upson - Seriously. Is anybody listening here?
Gerrard - You'll always have Istanbul Stevie. Just no league titles. Chin up.
N’Zogbia - Well Tactics Tim made him good for one game at least.
Allen - Does anybody know what Joe Allen does for Liverpool? Is he there just to make Jordan Henderson look really good?
Sterling - Utterly anonymous. Although playing left back for the last twenty minutes against the best player on the park whilst Mario strutted around up front probably told you the manager had lost it a little...
Defoe - Laughably bad.
Pelle - This was a good week for strikers all things considered. Pretty much everyone scored. Except Pelle. 1050 minutes now son...
What you may have missed
The funeral of the betrayed former King of England Richard III. And the rugby. Being so much better than the football even when the football was pretty damn brilliant.
Oh and El Classico. Barcelona won. Suraez. Remember him?
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
After a largely uneventful first half in which Manchester United deservedly led through a sweeping, Juan Mata finished move, I’m not sure there was anyone out there who was prepared for the madness that was to come. As it was, this game was ultimately decided by those who stepped off the bench and left their mark. First and foremost, the mark into the leg of Ander Herrera from Liverpool captain Steven Gerrard. Gerrard has been sent off many times in his career, but never so quickly and as pointlessly as this. Playing in his final Liverpool match against United, Gerrard stepped onto the pitch with the attitude of the fan he truly is. He crashed into one tackle, crashed into a second and then reacted horribly and was deservedly shown his marching orders. What he failed to do was remember that he was also an actual player and the captain of his team. He also failed to apologise to the player he stamped on in a groveling apology to the people of his city, his manager, his fellow professional, his dog, his solicitor and John Terry. But let’s not kick a man when he’s down. That’s what Gerrard would do.
Moving on from that came Angel Di Maria, who perhaps aggrieved and amazed at the sight of Ashley Young playing instead of him delivered the pass of the match to set up the winning goal. He then proceeded to play absolutely toilet. Which thankfully didn’t Mata as much as the ball he played to Juan did. Almost as comical as all of that was the appearance of Mario Balotelli. Perhaps affronted by Gerrard stealing his limelight, Mario did everything he could to be sent off via a series of cynical tackles, late lunges and in one truly comical moment, being restrained by two actual fans from reacting to Chris Smalling.
Apart from the above, there was also a brilliant goal, a dramatic goal, clearances off the line, a missed penalty, at least two other clear red cards waved away and the constant sight of people paid an average of 100k a week each give the ball away again... and again... and again...
The fall out from the result means United now sit 5 points clear of the chasing pack in 4th and still well in the hunt for 2nd. Something that seemed inexplicable as little as a fortnight ago. Van Gaal finally seems to have found something that works at the business end of the season. It wasn’t a formation. It wasn’t a tactic. It wasn’t a philosophy.
It was called fucking playing Juan Mata.
Referees need help.
Perhaps the pace of the game really has changed that much in ten years. Perhaps the bringing in of goal line technology has turned our attentions elsewhere. Or perhaps the over analysed, social media instant replay world we now live in can make judgements on a referees call where they can’t. But even putting that aside, it seems that every week now there aren’t just errors or bad calls, but absolute stone wall howlers. None more so than within just a few minutes of kick off this weekend, when yet again the wrong player was sent off by a referee who looked like he genuinely had no idea what he was doing.
There is no credible reason as to why a referee cannot be miked up to a 5th official sitting in the stands with a monitor to give him a 30-60 seconds window to make a decision on a key moment. It doesn’t have to be as wooly as rugby “is there a reason why I can’t penalise the flanker who may have hit the opposition person before scoring the try which I disallowed anyway.” It could be based on two criteria and two alone. Is that a red card and if so to whom? And is that a penalty? Too often games are ruined by both of those decisions going the wrong way for the wrong team. Arguments about slowing the game down are nonsense. The ball is only in play 65% of the time over 90 minutes and we’re not doing anything about that. Arguments about undermining referees are hollow. Could they really be in a worse position than they are now? And ultimately the decision would still rest with them, they would just get the benefit of another person relying, factually, what occurred for them to make the call on.
Football cannot continue to look down upon other spots as the most popular in the game when it lags so far behind in key areas. It is badly lacking in progression and this is an obvious way to make the game better and fairer. Perhaps then we can have punditry shows which don’t spend 90% of the time discussing wrong decisions.
Giroud. Yes. Apparently this is real.
I am not a fan of Olivier Giroud. Mainly because he has the first touch of a donkey, the second touch of a mule and looks like he’s more interested in his hair than getting his boots dirty. After returning from injury he has been on fire and whilst a truly horrific hour against Monaco threatened to expose him for the sham that he is, he has rallied again following it. Giroud now has 13 league goals for the season at a rate of one every 96 minutes. To put that into perspective, Aguero has 17 at a rate of 107, Costa 19 at a rate of 101 and Kane 19 at a rate of 98.
So Giroud is the best striker in the league.
Apart from Cisse. Who has one every 92 minutes. But nobody cares about Newcastle.
Is there a harder manager to beat than Jose?
Chelsea are not going to win the league by being the best team anymore. Or even having the best players. They are going to win it be having the best mentality. It might not be pretty (it isn’t) and it might not be fair (rarely) but nobody is harder to beat than teams managed by Jose Mourinho. Chelsea were absolutely awful for large parts of their game against Hull but whereas lesser teams would have crumbled or retreated under the pressure, Chelsea just dug in, got on with it, and eventually won. They have lost just four times in almost 50 games this season, and three of those were utterly ridiculous matches and, tellingly, none were against their rivals or the bigger clubs. They even went out of Europe drawing both matches. Chelsea will add the league title to the league cup come May, it’s now just a matter of how much they let us believe they might not in the meantime.
More of the same doesn’t make for an easy blog.
I try to be original, it try to be informative, I even try to be amusing. But seriously, what more can be said about Southampton’s absurd defence? Of Harry Kane being brilliant again? Of QPR getting relegated? Of West Ham and Sunderland being boring? Of Aston Villa not scoring right after they’d convinced us all that was going to end?
Wait there was a Clasico on? Oh for fucks sake...
Team of the Weak
Vorm - Came on for injured Lloris. Conceded three goals. Still, at least he got a game after his big club move in the summer...
M. Dawson - The worst in a back three containing Paul McShane and Alex Bruce. I mean, come on.
C. Dawson - Should have been sent off. Wasn’t. And then watched his team concede a simply unbelievable 43 (forty three) shots.
Yun - Did Harry sign this guy? Can he actually tackle? Like, at all?
Upson - Seriously. Is anybody listening here?
Gerrard - You'll always have Istanbul Stevie. Just no league titles. Chin up.
N’Zogbia - Well Tactics Tim made him good for one game at least.
Allen - Does anybody know what Joe Allen does for Liverpool? Is he there just to make Jordan Henderson look really good?
Sterling - Utterly anonymous. Although playing left back for the last twenty minutes against the best player on the park whilst Mario strutted around up front probably told you the manager had lost it a little...
Defoe - Laughably bad.
Pelle - This was a good week for strikers all things considered. Pretty much everyone scored. Except Pelle. 1050 minutes now son...
What you may have missed
The funeral of the betrayed former King of England Richard III. And the rugby. Being so much better than the football even when the football was pretty damn brilliant.
Oh and El Classico. Barcelona won. Suraez. Remember him?
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Sunday, 15 March 2015
What we learnt from the Premier League this Weekend.
Is this the end of the road for Gus?
Being beating in front of your own fans is never great. Being beating by a rival for relegation less so. But being thrashed at home by Aston Villa, a team who had mustered just four goals in their previous 14 away games... well, you can’t really get much lower. Villa took just 45 minutes on Saturday to equal what they had achieved in the 1300 preceding it. Their play was full of pace and power, but to be honest, only one team turned up. John O’Shea and Wes Brown are a curious centre back partnership, capable of imperious performances against the top teams one minute, and looking like they’ve both stepped out, hungover, for the Dog & Duck the next. This weekend certainly fell into the latter category and battening down the hatches at half time will mean nothing to the 90% of Sunderland fans who had already left. Sacking a manager with just 9 games left seems unlikely, but it would certainly be a surprise to see Poyet given beyond the summer to attempt to rebuild this club. Sunderland are a good team to have in the Premier League, in that they have a large number of loyal and passionate fans. But judged on their record of transfers, finance and management over the past four to five seasons, they’re probably taking up space for one of the many team contesting the tightest Championship in years.
Burnley deserve to stay up
Unlike Sunderland, Burnley have no money, no squad and select the same eleven players each week. A feat considered almost inexplicable in the modern era. They remain in the relegation zone but they have momentum on their side and when you consider they were utterly adrift and winless after 10 games, their turnaround since has been remarkable. They now lie just 3 points behind Hull in 15th and it looks like one from the two of those four, Sunderland and Villa for the drop. Saturday evening saw the highlight of the season so far as they eased past a flat Manchester City to take a ridiculous four points off the champions. George Boyd could not even get in the Hull squad before being sold to Burnley, and the match winner has been an example of the outstanding work ethic that runs through Sean Dyche’s squad. Burnley have performed exceptionally during a difficult run against the top teams but must now do it all again against those around them. Judging by the way they played on Saturday, that shouldn’t be a problem. No club deserves to stay up more than Burnley.
QPR are, all things considered, pretty shit
The third in this weeks relegation trilogy features a club who are surely heading back to the fiery chasm from whence the came. QPR were spectacularly bad in the first half against Palace. Even in a weekend which saw at least four spectacularly bad first half performances. Neil Warnock, Mark Hughes, Harry Redknapp and now Chris Ramsey have thus far not been able to get any consistency from a club who continues to pay premium salaries for players who seemingly don’t care. As Jonathan Liew tweeted, “The funny thing about QPR, is how every single one of them clearly thinks they're a genius surrounded by morons.”
Utd & Spurs both rolled back the clock
Anyone who watched the first half at Old Trafford today could be forgiven for thinking they’d entered a time machine and gone back three years. United pressed, passed the ball quickly and blew away Spurs in a ruthless opening half hour. Something they haven’t done to any team since Fergie hung up his gloves towards the end of his final, triumphant season. Spurs meanwhile, remembered what all great Spurs teams do when faced with a crisis... duck and cover. If United’s first two goals owed everything to the bullish centre forward play of Marouane Fellaini and the pin point precision of Michael Carrick, the third owed everything to a team who looked like they had simply given up on the art of defending. The ball was passed straight to Rooney (by a Spurs player), but even then the Utd captain was 35 yards out and surrounded by four men. He went past one by running rather than walking, and then watched as Eric Dier performed what must be a contender for the limpest tackle of all time. Not believing his luck, he broke through before finally placing the ball past Loris in a way that could not have been more telegraphed. Rooney’s celebration was a tongue in cheek reference to his apparent boxing knockout last month. His goal provided the knockout to Spurs challenge for the top four. Although, in truth, like all great Spurs’ sides, they applied the decisive punch themselves.
Saints just won’t go away
They probably won’t make it into the Champions League places, but Southampton refuse to just disappear quietly into the night and once again caused problems for a top team this weekend. Saints have some wonderful players, mixed with the best back line in the league. If they had Diego Costa up front they would probably be second. Thankfully for Chelsea, Costa plays for them and his well taken goal was enough for them to escape with a single point from a match that really should have wrapped up the title. Saints meanwhile, continue to punch above their weight and now have seven of their final nine games against teams in the bottom half. With the teams above them all due to play each other. The impossible, still remains almost possible.
Team of the Weak
Green - Hard to pick out a single keeper from some of the horrific defensive showings this weekend. But Green got his angles wrong on each of the three goals he conceded. And has a really whiney little face.
Coloccini - It’s a good job Newcastle already have 35 points, because if they get more than a handful more between now and May I’ll be shocked.
Dier - Absolutely awful. Has the mobility of a three legged cow.
Brown & O’Shea - Might be the last season in the big leagues for the ex United squad players. The glory years look a long way away right now.
Matic - Has badly lost his early season spark, much like his fellow teammates. Dragged off after 52 minutes before getting sent off. Again.
Taarabt - Shocking. Just doesn’t do anything for the team and seemingly plays one in six games just at random.
Townsend - When you get subbed after 29 minutes, you have not had a great match.
Song - Not the home coming he wanted. Looked like he didn’t want to be there from kick off and to be fair, the scoreline flattered West Ham.
Aguero - Every dog has his day Sergio. And this was yours. I never thought I’d see you in here. I almost feel wrong doing it. But come on lad, you’re better than this.
Kane - An absolute horror show. No service, no support and when he did get in the game near the end every touch was a bad one. It’s not every week you can put two of the best strikers in the league in here... but it was that sort of weekend.
What you may have missed
Charlie Austin, the one QPR player who can score, not being passed the ball. Matty Phillips, not bothered, just blasting one in from forty yards anyway to complete disprove my first point. Ozil’s twinkling toes and Giroud’s rugged good looks being too much for a limp West Ham. Leicester and Hull. Just that. Leicester and Hull. Tim Sherwood calculating how he already has the best win percentage of any managers in Aston Villa’s history. Tony Pulis winning a match 1-0. I mean, seriously Tony come on. We thought you’d changed a little after Crystal Palace. But you hadn’t had you? You boring, boring bastard. Burnley beating Manchester City. Just to repeat... Burnley beating Manchester City. Everton winning a match at home. Just to repeat... Everton winning a match at home. Jose Mourinho complaining about nothing, for a change. And Manchester United... being just too... fucking... good... for a Spurs team who were so bad. Just so, so, so bad. Everything I said about Louis Van Gaal was nonsense. Hail maestro. I mean, he even played Juan Mata.
LIKE A BOSS.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Being beating in front of your own fans is never great. Being beating by a rival for relegation less so. But being thrashed at home by Aston Villa, a team who had mustered just four goals in their previous 14 away games... well, you can’t really get much lower. Villa took just 45 minutes on Saturday to equal what they had achieved in the 1300 preceding it. Their play was full of pace and power, but to be honest, only one team turned up. John O’Shea and Wes Brown are a curious centre back partnership, capable of imperious performances against the top teams one minute, and looking like they’ve both stepped out, hungover, for the Dog & Duck the next. This weekend certainly fell into the latter category and battening down the hatches at half time will mean nothing to the 90% of Sunderland fans who had already left. Sacking a manager with just 9 games left seems unlikely, but it would certainly be a surprise to see Poyet given beyond the summer to attempt to rebuild this club. Sunderland are a good team to have in the Premier League, in that they have a large number of loyal and passionate fans. But judged on their record of transfers, finance and management over the past four to five seasons, they’re probably taking up space for one of the many team contesting the tightest Championship in years.
Burnley deserve to stay up
Unlike Sunderland, Burnley have no money, no squad and select the same eleven players each week. A feat considered almost inexplicable in the modern era. They remain in the relegation zone but they have momentum on their side and when you consider they were utterly adrift and winless after 10 games, their turnaround since has been remarkable. They now lie just 3 points behind Hull in 15th and it looks like one from the two of those four, Sunderland and Villa for the drop. Saturday evening saw the highlight of the season so far as they eased past a flat Manchester City to take a ridiculous four points off the champions. George Boyd could not even get in the Hull squad before being sold to Burnley, and the match winner has been an example of the outstanding work ethic that runs through Sean Dyche’s squad. Burnley have performed exceptionally during a difficult run against the top teams but must now do it all again against those around them. Judging by the way they played on Saturday, that shouldn’t be a problem. No club deserves to stay up more than Burnley.
QPR are, all things considered, pretty shit
The third in this weeks relegation trilogy features a club who are surely heading back to the fiery chasm from whence the came. QPR were spectacularly bad in the first half against Palace. Even in a weekend which saw at least four spectacularly bad first half performances. Neil Warnock, Mark Hughes, Harry Redknapp and now Chris Ramsey have thus far not been able to get any consistency from a club who continues to pay premium salaries for players who seemingly don’t care. As Jonathan Liew tweeted, “The funny thing about QPR, is how every single one of them clearly thinks they're a genius surrounded by morons.”
Utd & Spurs both rolled back the clock
Anyone who watched the first half at Old Trafford today could be forgiven for thinking they’d entered a time machine and gone back three years. United pressed, passed the ball quickly and blew away Spurs in a ruthless opening half hour. Something they haven’t done to any team since Fergie hung up his gloves towards the end of his final, triumphant season. Spurs meanwhile, remembered what all great Spurs teams do when faced with a crisis... duck and cover. If United’s first two goals owed everything to the bullish centre forward play of Marouane Fellaini and the pin point precision of Michael Carrick, the third owed everything to a team who looked like they had simply given up on the art of defending. The ball was passed straight to Rooney (by a Spurs player), but even then the Utd captain was 35 yards out and surrounded by four men. He went past one by running rather than walking, and then watched as Eric Dier performed what must be a contender for the limpest tackle of all time. Not believing his luck, he broke through before finally placing the ball past Loris in a way that could not have been more telegraphed. Rooney’s celebration was a tongue in cheek reference to his apparent boxing knockout last month. His goal provided the knockout to Spurs challenge for the top four. Although, in truth, like all great Spurs’ sides, they applied the decisive punch themselves.
Saints just won’t go away
They probably won’t make it into the Champions League places, but Southampton refuse to just disappear quietly into the night and once again caused problems for a top team this weekend. Saints have some wonderful players, mixed with the best back line in the league. If they had Diego Costa up front they would probably be second. Thankfully for Chelsea, Costa plays for them and his well taken goal was enough for them to escape with a single point from a match that really should have wrapped up the title. Saints meanwhile, continue to punch above their weight and now have seven of their final nine games against teams in the bottom half. With the teams above them all due to play each other. The impossible, still remains almost possible.
Team of the Weak
Green - Hard to pick out a single keeper from some of the horrific defensive showings this weekend. But Green got his angles wrong on each of the three goals he conceded. And has a really whiney little face.
Coloccini - It’s a good job Newcastle already have 35 points, because if they get more than a handful more between now and May I’ll be shocked.
Dier - Absolutely awful. Has the mobility of a three legged cow.
Brown & O’Shea - Might be the last season in the big leagues for the ex United squad players. The glory years look a long way away right now.
Matic - Has badly lost his early season spark, much like his fellow teammates. Dragged off after 52 minutes before getting sent off. Again.
Taarabt - Shocking. Just doesn’t do anything for the team and seemingly plays one in six games just at random.
Townsend - When you get subbed after 29 minutes, you have not had a great match.
Song - Not the home coming he wanted. Looked like he didn’t want to be there from kick off and to be fair, the scoreline flattered West Ham.
Aguero - Every dog has his day Sergio. And this was yours. I never thought I’d see you in here. I almost feel wrong doing it. But come on lad, you’re better than this.
Kane - An absolute horror show. No service, no support and when he did get in the game near the end every touch was a bad one. It’s not every week you can put two of the best strikers in the league in here... but it was that sort of weekend.
What you may have missed
Charlie Austin, the one QPR player who can score, not being passed the ball. Matty Phillips, not bothered, just blasting one in from forty yards anyway to complete disprove my first point. Ozil’s twinkling toes and Giroud’s rugged good looks being too much for a limp West Ham. Leicester and Hull. Just that. Leicester and Hull. Tim Sherwood calculating how he already has the best win percentage of any managers in Aston Villa’s history. Tony Pulis winning a match 1-0. I mean, seriously Tony come on. We thought you’d changed a little after Crystal Palace. But you hadn’t had you? You boring, boring bastard. Burnley beating Manchester City. Just to repeat... Burnley beating Manchester City. Everton winning a match at home. Just to repeat... Everton winning a match at home. Jose Mourinho complaining about nothing, for a change. And Manchester United... being just too... fucking... good... for a Spurs team who were so bad. Just so, so, so bad. Everything I said about Louis Van Gaal was nonsense. Hail maestro. I mean, he even played Juan Mata.
LIKE A BOSS.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Thursday, 5 March 2015
The Midweek Muse
The Premier League
needs Tim Sherwood, even if it doesn’t need Aston Villa
After losing his opening game to a late penalty, the worm turned in Sherwood’s favour this week as a ludicrously casual Christian Benteke secured all three points for Aston Villa. Villa have been a disgrace to the entertainment of the league for two years and do not deserve a manager like Sherwood to keep them in it. Not because he’s particularly good, but because he cares. There are few things more curious to me then when a goal goes in and managers just sit there, expressionless as if it’s a completely meaningless event. I’m not sure where this trend of non-celebration has come from. Jose Mourinho does it regularly, but with him it’s so obviously an act. You can never be sure if Jose will sit statically in his chair or knee slide onto the pitch. He may be a jumped up, detestable, handsome fox of a man. But he’s pure box office. But why so much glumness when goals go in? Isn’t this what managers are getting paid for… you know, to win football matches? Why can they not show emotion at doing so? Therefore for that reason alone, Sherwood is a welcome breath of fresh air. He celebrates with gusto and passion like a fan sat in the terraces. This is what players want to see. It’s what fans want to see. A manager who gives a shit. Long may it continue.
After losing his opening game to a late penalty, the worm turned in Sherwood’s favour this week as a ludicrously casual Christian Benteke secured all three points for Aston Villa. Villa have been a disgrace to the entertainment of the league for two years and do not deserve a manager like Sherwood to keep them in it. Not because he’s particularly good, but because he cares. There are few things more curious to me then when a goal goes in and managers just sit there, expressionless as if it’s a completely meaningless event. I’m not sure where this trend of non-celebration has come from. Jose Mourinho does it regularly, but with him it’s so obviously an act. You can never be sure if Jose will sit statically in his chair or knee slide onto the pitch. He may be a jumped up, detestable, handsome fox of a man. But he’s pure box office. But why so much glumness when goals go in? Isn’t this what managers are getting paid for… you know, to win football matches? Why can they not show emotion at doing so? Therefore for that reason alone, Sherwood is a welcome breath of fresh air. He celebrates with gusto and passion like a fan sat in the terraces. This is what players want to see. It’s what fans want to see. A manager who gives a shit. Long may it continue.
How much luck does
Louis Van Gaal have left?
Back to back wins following the wobble at Swansea, Manchester United have been outplayed in four games in a row and somehow won three of them. Inexplicably, they have kept a clean sheet in the last two thanks to the continued brilliance of David de Gea, who rest assured, is now a genuine contender for player of the year. Even by the standards of this season though, Wednesday’s victory over Newcastle was lucky. United were second best in everything apart from possession, with the barely believable form of Angel Di Maria now eroded to such a point that he cannot pass a ball six yards. Newcastle had the best of the chances, including two which were guilt edged. United created nothing clear cut and then scored in the final few minutes via one defender falling over, another failing to clear it and then the keeper hacking it straight to Ashley Young. Even then de Gea had to make another wonderful save in injury time because he hadn’t done enough already. Put simply, this surely can’t go on. It feels like an illusion that United are just one point behind Arsenal and remain in 4th. Van Gaal is generating no fluidity from a team who don’t seem to know how to score goals. United get to the opposition box and then just pass it back amongst themselves before somebody has a dip from long range. And that is basically it. Their only goals in the past two months have come from set pieces, distance, penalties or defensive errors. In one game, at home to Burnley, United were so under the kosh during the first half Van Gaal switched to a back seven and played on the counter. At home. To Burnley. With Van Persie, Di Maria, Rooney and Falcao on the pitch. United now play Arsenal, Spurs, Liverpool, Man City and Chelsea in their next six fixtures. A run which will either make this season a hugely successful transitional one, or break it into a ruinous, expensive and failed campaign for which Van Gaal directly should pay the price. So Louis… how’s your luck?
Back to back wins following the wobble at Swansea, Manchester United have been outplayed in four games in a row and somehow won three of them. Inexplicably, they have kept a clean sheet in the last two thanks to the continued brilliance of David de Gea, who rest assured, is now a genuine contender for player of the year. Even by the standards of this season though, Wednesday’s victory over Newcastle was lucky. United were second best in everything apart from possession, with the barely believable form of Angel Di Maria now eroded to such a point that he cannot pass a ball six yards. Newcastle had the best of the chances, including two which were guilt edged. United created nothing clear cut and then scored in the final few minutes via one defender falling over, another failing to clear it and then the keeper hacking it straight to Ashley Young. Even then de Gea had to make another wonderful save in injury time because he hadn’t done enough already. Put simply, this surely can’t go on. It feels like an illusion that United are just one point behind Arsenal and remain in 4th. Van Gaal is generating no fluidity from a team who don’t seem to know how to score goals. United get to the opposition box and then just pass it back amongst themselves before somebody has a dip from long range. And that is basically it. Their only goals in the past two months have come from set pieces, distance, penalties or defensive errors. In one game, at home to Burnley, United were so under the kosh during the first half Van Gaal switched to a back seven and played on the counter. At home. To Burnley. With Van Persie, Di Maria, Rooney and Falcao on the pitch. United now play Arsenal, Spurs, Liverpool, Man City and Chelsea in their next six fixtures. A run which will either make this season a hugely successful transitional one, or break it into a ruinous, expensive and failed campaign for which Van Gaal directly should pay the price. So Louis… how’s your luck?
Where would QPR be
without Charlie Austin?
Already in the Championship is the short answer. QPR have scored just 27 goals this season and Austin has scored 15 of them and made another 4. A ridiculous 68% involvement figure for a team in the relegation zone. Nobody in the team looks capable of scoring a goal apart from Charlie and, right now, he is head and shoulders above any other player at the club. He did everything he could to get a point for his side against Arsenal, single handily driving his team forward and creating half chances from nothing. His goal, a rasping 20 yarder, was rich reward for a performance that didn’t deserve to be on the losing side. That was a rueful smile from Austin when the final whistle went. Perhaps because he knows that even if QPR do go down, he almost certainly won’t be going down with them.
Already in the Championship is the short answer. QPR have scored just 27 goals this season and Austin has scored 15 of them and made another 4. A ridiculous 68% involvement figure for a team in the relegation zone. Nobody in the team looks capable of scoring a goal apart from Charlie and, right now, he is head and shoulders above any other player at the club. He did everything he could to get a point for his side against Arsenal, single handily driving his team forward and creating half chances from nothing. His goal, a rasping 20 yarder, was rich reward for a performance that didn’t deserve to be on the losing side. That was a rueful smile from Austin when the final whistle went. Perhaps because he knows that even if QPR do go down, he almost certainly won’t be going down with them.
Poyet and Bruce bring
the banter that their teams cannot
What impossibly dull teams these two are. They have collectively amassed just 49 goals in 56 matches so far; a strike every 102 minutes. That stat was never in danger of being torn up this week as the only real incident of note came on the touchlines. Poyet in particular is an emotional rollercoaster of a man who must be dying inside as he watches his team’s total inability to play attacking, passing football. Bruce is more reserved, but still a manager who has always tried to buy creative, forward minded players and then watched as they crashed and burned. Both teams strengthened upfront in January and whilst Defoe has done little to justify his club record wages, N’Doye has proved a shrewd signing. The Senegalese striker netted his third strike in as many starts to claim another point for his team and give them hope of mustering a barely respectable mid-table finish. The incident in question was an argument over a player diving, which in itself is boring. Credit for the managers in trying to make it more interesting and deflecting attention away from the pitch, but next time at least let’s get sent to the stand over a reckless leg breaker or a proper melee.
Jose Fonte is the best defender in the league
13 clean sheets in 27 starts, more interceptions than any other defender, in the top 10 for tackles, clearances, headers. I won’t labour this point, but let’s be fair, if you took Chelsea out of the picture, is there any credible contender for this accolade? What’s that? Dejan Lovren? Stop it now…
What impossibly dull teams these two are. They have collectively amassed just 49 goals in 56 matches so far; a strike every 102 minutes. That stat was never in danger of being torn up this week as the only real incident of note came on the touchlines. Poyet in particular is an emotional rollercoaster of a man who must be dying inside as he watches his team’s total inability to play attacking, passing football. Bruce is more reserved, but still a manager who has always tried to buy creative, forward minded players and then watched as they crashed and burned. Both teams strengthened upfront in January and whilst Defoe has done little to justify his club record wages, N’Doye has proved a shrewd signing. The Senegalese striker netted his third strike in as many starts to claim another point for his team and give them hope of mustering a barely respectable mid-table finish. The incident in question was an argument over a player diving, which in itself is boring. Credit for the managers in trying to make it more interesting and deflecting attention away from the pitch, but next time at least let’s get sent to the stand over a reckless leg breaker or a proper melee.
Jose Fonte is the best defender in the league
13 clean sheets in 27 starts, more interceptions than any other defender, in the top 10 for tackles, clearances, headers. I won’t labour this point, but let’s be fair, if you took Chelsea out of the picture, is there any credible contender for this accolade? What’s that? Dejan Lovren? Stop it now…
Team of the mid-weak
Foster – a calamitous match and lucky to only concede two. Three errors in the run up to the penalty and for a keeper for famed his spot kick saves, was completely undone by Benteke for the winner.
Naughton – came back to White Hart Lane and gave Spurs several reminders why they let him go.
Evans – Lucky not to concede a penalty, luckier still not to get sent off, lucky to the point of madness to have kept a clean sheet.
Coleman – Looks shackled by Martinez in new system and has lost the thrust of last season.
Upson – Note to any club looking to stay in the Premier League. Matthew Upson is NOT the answer. Please, please stop buying him. Thanks for listening.
Catermole – 10th booking of the season and subsequently suspended for the 175th time of his career. Must have one of the highest wages per minutes played in the league.
Di Maria – A few weeks ago he looked bruised, now he just looks broken. What in god’s name has happened here?
Lennon – Probably not the answer Martinez. Just a thought. You know. You don’t have to listen to me. But...
Sakho – Did all the hard work and gave Cahill and Terry the run around all game. Then missed chance… after chance… after chance…
Pelle & Lukaku - £38m. 2080 minutes in the Premier League since November. 1 league goal. Charlie Austin cost £4m by the way…
Foster – a calamitous match and lucky to only concede two. Three errors in the run up to the penalty and for a keeper for famed his spot kick saves, was completely undone by Benteke for the winner.
Naughton – came back to White Hart Lane and gave Spurs several reminders why they let him go.
Evans – Lucky not to concede a penalty, luckier still not to get sent off, lucky to the point of madness to have kept a clean sheet.
Coleman – Looks shackled by Martinez in new system and has lost the thrust of last season.
Upson – Note to any club looking to stay in the Premier League. Matthew Upson is NOT the answer. Please, please stop buying him. Thanks for listening.
Catermole – 10th booking of the season and subsequently suspended for the 175th time of his career. Must have one of the highest wages per minutes played in the league.
Di Maria – A few weeks ago he looked bruised, now he just looks broken. What in god’s name has happened here?
Lennon – Probably not the answer Martinez. Just a thought. You know. You don’t have to listen to me. But...
Sakho – Did all the hard work and gave Cahill and Terry the run around all game. Then missed chance… after chance… after chance…
Pelle & Lukaku - £38m. 2080 minutes in the Premier League since November. 1 league goal. Charlie Austin cost £4m by the way…
What you may have
missed
This blog being produced even remotely close to on time. Saints grinding out yet another 1 nil victory. Palace realising the “Pardew factor” is not a long one. Man City just about beating Leicester. At home. And just sitting there in second… not bothered. Ozil missing an open goal from three yards. Giroud continuing to score goals, despite obviously being shit. Theo Walcott being “eased” back into action slower than a snail circumnavigating the globe. Spurs and Swansea enjoying an entertaining attacking ding dong that meant ultimately very little. Stoke winning again and generally annoying everyone. Liverpool now being the most in form team in the league. Philipe Coutinho remembering how good he is at football again. Chelsea playing so average, all of the time, and just winning… 1 or 2 nil… again… it’s… just… so… fucking… boring.
This blog being produced even remotely close to on time. Saints grinding out yet another 1 nil victory. Palace realising the “Pardew factor” is not a long one. Man City just about beating Leicester. At home. And just sitting there in second… not bothered. Ozil missing an open goal from three yards. Giroud continuing to score goals, despite obviously being shit. Theo Walcott being “eased” back into action slower than a snail circumnavigating the globe. Spurs and Swansea enjoying an entertaining attacking ding dong that meant ultimately very little. Stoke winning again and generally annoying everyone. Liverpool now being the most in form team in the league. Philipe Coutinho remembering how good he is at football again. Chelsea playing so average, all of the time, and just winning… 1 or 2 nil… again… it’s… just… so… fucking… boring.
Do you think if we put together a best of the rest team we
could beat Chelsea? Who would we have?
De Gea
Zabaleta Fonte Reid Bertrand
Silva Eriksen Song Sanchez
Kane Aguero
Zabaleta Fonte Reid Bertrand
Silva Eriksen Song Sanchez
Kane Aguero
Nah? Probably not…
Dear god can anyone defend in this league except Chelsea and
Southampton? I mean, I’ve had to put two West Ham players in there!
I need a beer.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)