Monday, 7 October 2019

Premier League (FPL) Team of the Weak - GW Eight


THE DEFENCE – NORWICH CITY

Yes okay, they have injuries, including both of their first-choice keepers. But despite that, Norwich played a home game against Aston Villa and defended, collectively, worse than any team I think I’ve witnessed in the top flight.

5-1 didn’t flatter Villa, it flattered Norwich. It’s no exaggeration to say that if they had played like this against a full flow Liverpool the score could and would have been 12-0. They have now conceded 21 goals in just 8 matches – if they carry on at this rate they will break 100 by the end of the season.

Put simply that is not good enough. Norwich attack with reckless abandon leaving wide open holes for teams to exploit both ahead of their full backs and through the middle. Mortitz Leitner is a sham of a sitting midfielder. He has won just 50% of his tackles all season and 40% of his aerial duels. He has made errors leading to chances, errors leading to crosses. On Saturday he was so much of a passenger he may as well have set up a deckchair in the middle and led on it.

Behind him the Norwich full backs, no matter who they pick, are absolute rubbish. Max Aarons is a young player who will get better, but his performance here was genuinely haunting. Just remembering how bad he was brings me out in a cold sweat. He failed with every dribble, with every header, with every tackle, with every block, with every clearance. It was one of the worst 90 minutes of all time.

At this rate, to avoid relegation Norwich either have to dramatically improve how they set up and defend as a team; make all of their defensive players individually better… or somehow score around 90 goals.

They look fucked.

THE MIDFIELD – SOUTHAMPTON

Carved open like a Sunday roast, it’s easy to pick holes in the Saints ever changing defence, but it’s in midfield where they continue to strike a nothing blend between protection and creation. There they have been largely unchanged this season, with Hojbjerg, Romeu and Ward-Prowse featuring in every game. 

Romeu is an adept shield, all jokes of getting a booking a match aside (he has only two this season) – but it’s not entirely clear to me what the other two actually do. Hojbjerg won just a single tackle/duel on Sunday and his base rate for the season is barely 50%. He runs around a lot, but isn’t particularly good at anything of note. Ward-Prowse meanwhile seems to play in some sort of tucked in not a winger, not a midfielder role and is on the pitch just to take corners (which he does well).

Saints do tend to limit teams’ attacks through the middle as a result of their formation, but where they are hopelessly exposed is opposition wingers cutting in off the flanks. Chelsea did this expertly at the weekend, it led directly to two of their goals and created several more chances. They also seem unable to defend a long ball over the top. Which is a worry for a Sunday league team let alone a Premier League one. They have lost 172 aerial duels this season, and the most of all teams defensively. Burnley and Everton only sit below them because of the inability of their forwards to ever convert crosses. They have also conceded 7 big errors leading to chances or goals – the worst of any club.

Saints still feel like they have too much about them to go down – especially if Danny Ings and Nathan Redmond stay fit – but one wonders if the Hutch might be better looking at his midfield set up rather than picking 4 or 5 defenders with a random generator each week.

THE ATTACK – MANCHESTER UNITED

Since they beat Chelsea on the opening day Manchester United have played:

Wolves, Palace, Southampton, Arsenal, Rochdale, West Ham, FC Astana, Leicester, AZ Alkmaar & Newcastle.

10 games… and they have scored 7 goals. That would be bad enough with a difficult run – but against the teams named above that is little short of criminal. Rochdale alone have conceded 6 in their last two games since. In League One.

The problems at Utd run deep… deeper than an out of his depth manager and a team that is made of paper mâché. How on earth was this squad allowed to start the season without buying replacements for Lukaku and Herrera?

Too many of the current players are simply not good enough. Some – are not good enough for the league let alone a team supposedly challenging for the top four. Andreas Pereira has a genuine claim to be the worst person to ever wear the shirt on a regular basis. He has started 6 games so far, contributing a singular assist and creating a chance every 100 minutes. He doesn’t do anything. 

Behind him lie Jesse Lingard, a player who last scored on his 18th birthday, which incidentally was almost a fucking decade ago. Juan Mata, a man who does great work for charity and probably should retire to do more great work for charity… oh wait we’ve just given him a three-year fucking contract. Who else is there? Greenwood and Chong? The next big things? More like puppies rehearsing for an Andrex advert. Martial is incapable of playing for 4 games in a row ever. What is even wrong with him? What is he injured with? Embarrassment?

Marcus Rashford remains the most consistent attacker at the club… and he has a conversion rate of 14%. I swear if he takes another free kick I will not be held responsible for my actions. No… he is gash. Devoid of confidence and in need of a break. Only Daniel James can be considered a modicum of success so far this season… and he has the end product of a post curry shit.

Utd are the team that just keeps giving to non-supporters right now. They are an embarrassment of a club, held hostage by Woodward & the board with little or no interest in identifying a proper identity on the pitch. Only Watford have scored less goals in the last 7 game weeks.
 
Only. Watford.

It’s like watching a team trying to win a war armed with nothing but fucking pea shooters.

My god I’m so angry I’ve not even mentioned how shit Spurs & Everton are.

What a season.

HM

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