THE DEFENCE – NORWICH CITY
Yes okay, they have injuries, including both of their first-choice
keepers. But despite that, Norwich played a home game against Aston Villa and
defended, collectively, worse than any team I think I’ve witnessed in the top
flight.
5-1 didn’t flatter Villa, it flattered Norwich. It’s no exaggeration
to say that if they had played like this against a full flow Liverpool the
score could and would have been 12-0. They have now conceded 21 goals in just 8
matches – if they carry on at this rate they will break 100 by the end of the
season.
Put simply that is not good enough. Norwich attack with
reckless abandon leaving wide open holes for teams to exploit both ahead of
their full backs and through the middle. Mortitz Leitner is a sham of a sitting
midfielder. He has won just 50% of his tackles all season and 40% of his aerial
duels. He has made errors leading to chances, errors leading to crosses. On Saturday
he was so much of a passenger he may as well have set up a deckchair in the
middle and led on it.
Behind him the Norwich full backs, no matter who they pick,
are absolute rubbish. Max Aarons is a young player who will get better, but his
performance here was genuinely haunting. Just remembering how bad he was brings
me out in a cold sweat. He failed with every dribble, with every header, with
every tackle, with every block, with every clearance. It was one of the worst
90 minutes of all time.
At this rate, to avoid relegation Norwich either have to
dramatically improve how they set up and defend as a team; make all of their
defensive players individually better… or somehow score around 90 goals.
They look fucked.
THE MIDFIELD – SOUTHAMPTON
Carved open like a Sunday roast, it’s easy to pick holes in
the Saints ever changing defence, but it’s in midfield where they continue to
strike a nothing blend between protection and creation. There they have been
largely unchanged this season, with Hojbjerg, Romeu and Ward-Prowse featuring
in every game.
Romeu is an adept shield, all jokes of getting a booking a
match aside (he has only two this season) – but it’s not entirely clear to me
what the other two actually do. Hojbjerg won just a single tackle/duel on Sunday
and his base rate for the season is barely 50%. He runs around a lot, but isn’t
particularly good at anything of note. Ward-Prowse meanwhile seems to play in
some sort of tucked in not a winger, not a midfielder role and is on the pitch
just to take corners (which he does well).
Saints do tend to limit teams’ attacks through the middle as
a result of their formation, but where they are hopelessly exposed is opposition
wingers cutting in off the flanks. Chelsea did this expertly at the weekend, it
led directly to two of their goals and created several more chances. They also
seem unable to defend a long ball over the top. Which is a worry for a Sunday
league team let alone a Premier League one. They have lost 172 aerial duels
this season, and the most of all teams defensively. Burnley and Everton only
sit below them because of the inability of their forwards to ever convert
crosses. They have also conceded 7 big errors leading to chances or goals – the
worst of any club.
Saints still feel like they have too much about them to go
down – especially if Danny Ings and Nathan Redmond stay fit – but one wonders
if the Hutch might be better looking at his midfield set up rather than picking
4 or 5 defenders with a random generator each week.
THE ATTACK – MANCHESTER UNITED
Since they beat Chelsea on the opening day Manchester United
have played:
Wolves, Palace, Southampton, Arsenal, Rochdale, West Ham, FC
Astana, Leicester, AZ Alkmaar & Newcastle.
10 games… and they have scored 7 goals. That would be bad
enough with a difficult run – but against the teams named above that is little
short of criminal. Rochdale alone have conceded 6 in their last two games since.
In League One.
The problems at Utd run deep… deeper than an out of his
depth manager and a team that is made of paper mâché. How on earth was this
squad allowed to start the season without buying replacements for Lukaku and
Herrera?
Too many of the current players are simply not good enough.
Some – are not good enough for the league let alone a team supposedly
challenging for the top four. Andreas Pereira has a genuine claim to be the
worst person to ever wear the shirt on a regular basis. He has started 6 games
so far, contributing a singular assist and creating a chance every 100 minutes.
He doesn’t do anything.
Behind him lie Jesse Lingard, a player who last
scored on his 18th birthday, which incidentally was almost a fucking
decade ago. Juan Mata, a man who does great work for charity and probably
should retire to do more great work for charity… oh wait we’ve just given him a
three-year fucking contract. Who else is there? Greenwood and Chong? The next big
things? More like puppies rehearsing for an Andrex advert. Martial is incapable
of playing for 4 games in a row ever. What is even wrong with him? What is he
injured with? Embarrassment?
Marcus Rashford remains the most consistent attacker at the
club… and he has a conversion rate of 14%. I swear if he takes another free
kick I will not be held responsible for my actions. No… he is gash. Devoid of confidence
and in need of a break. Only Daniel James can be considered a modicum of
success so far this season… and he has the end product of a post curry shit.
Utd are the team that just keeps giving to non-supporters
right now. They are an embarrassment of a club, held hostage by Woodward &
the board with little or no interest in identifying a proper identity on the
pitch. Only Watford have scored less goals in the last 7 game weeks.
Only. Watford.
It’s like watching a team trying to win a war armed with
nothing but fucking pea shooters.
My god I’m so angry I’ve not even mentioned how shit Spurs
& Everton are.
What a season.
HM
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