Ederson (5.8 MUN)
– I could have put the other keeper from the Manchester derby in here. But
after rescuing the club for the best part of 5 years from mid table obscurity,
he’s earned a few free passes. Ederson meanwhile, slept-walked his way through
most of yesterday’s match and in the end was so bored, he conceded a penalty
literally to give himself something to do.
Chambers (4.2 FUL)
– A player that has made Luke Shaw look like a successful signing. Calum
Chambers has been batted from pillar to post since signing for Arsenal 4 years
ago, for what was then the equivalent of £50m. Neither quick enough to be a
right back, or mobile enough to be a centre back – Chambers is instead that
slightly awkward player who hasn’t really developed in the way people would
have hoped… and is now just going to spend his career playing for increasingly
worse clubs before he’s in league 2 in his 30s.
Which will be where Fulham might be if they carry on
defending like this.
Shaw (5.0 MUN) –
Speak of the Red Devil and he will appear. Luke Shaw completed 2 tackles in the
Manchester derby and was genuinely outclassed by the twinkling toes of Mahrez
and the Silva’s. There is no shame in that. Shaw is like many currently at Old
Trafford who are perfectly good enough to play for this current United side…
but don’t deserve to be able to even look at those who played for the club a
decade ago. And his hair cut makes Aguero’s Philip Schofield barnet look
acceptable. Has he just stepped out of 1995? Look in the mirror lad for fucks
sake.
Francis (4.4 BOU)
– Now 33 years of age, the Bournemouth skipper has been a loyal stalwart to the
club but one wonders at what point he will be moved into more of a bit part role.
Eddie Howe has spent a combined £20m on two young full backs in Mings and Rico
and barely played either (since Mings returned from injury). Francis is a solid
and dependable footballer, but he was average on Tyneside, given a run around
from Kennedy for large portions of the match. Howe could do worse than start,
at some stage, to begin planning for the future.
Walcott (6.3 EVE)
– It’s been 12 hours since Theo Walcott last hit the back of the net. A stat
which will come as no surprise to anybody who’s watched him try and play
football during that period. For a guy who once thought he was good enough to
play through the middle for Arsenal, Walcott looks on borrowed time in this
Everton line up. His first touch when he was found running through the middle
on Sunday was akin to a crab being asked to catch a balloon.
Play Lookman. Please Marco. You’re not the collective cast
of the Wizard of Oz. Show some heart, show some brains and show some courage.
And for god’s sake, tell Theo Walcott to fuck off home.
Stephens (4.4 BHA)
– A red card challenge that could politely be described as “rash,” effectively
ended this game as a contest and it was only a matter of time before Cardiff
scored a winner. Hughton can complain about the officials all he wants, but his
team deserved to lose the moment their midfield enforcer decided to charge in
like Blackadder Goes Forth.
Fred/Fellaini (5.5/4.9
MUN) – Man United bought Fred for £52m this summer and he has so far
completed 90 minutes on three occasions, and not even played in half the games.
Can anybody explain to me how a club can spend £52m on a midfielder to deem him
not good enough to even get on the pitch against their biggest rivals? Instead,
the decision was made to play Herrera and Fellaini. Both players who have been
with the club for four and five years respectively. Fellaini has a certain set
of skills that lends itself to the last ten minutes of a match against a tired
defence… but he has no skills whatsoever that lends itself to trying to stop
Manchester City dance a merry dance around his inert frame.
Vardy (9.0 LEI) –
No goals in five for Leicester’s talisman, who looks badly out of form and
lacking the hunger of his previous campaigns. Has he just lost his edge? Or is
age finally starting to take his toll on those energised legs? Vardy will be 32
in January, but Leicester need him to start firing once more to lead from the
front. They could do worse than partnering him with Okazaki again and
remembering the good old days. One last hurrah lads… over to you.
Aubameyang (10.9 ARS)
– This has been a curious season for Aubameyang. Who has looked near useless
for the majority of the time, yet has scored 7 goals and sits just one off the Golden
Boot summit. The striker has scored just 3 times from his 10 starts, but his
numbers have been swollen thanks to 4 goals in two half hour cameos from the
bench. Aubameyang looks lost on the left wing – although in fairness he was
looking lost at the start of the season in the number 9 role as well.
So here’s the stat of the day. He currently has 28 touches
in the box this season. Twenty eight. That’s an average of barely two per
match. For the lead striker at Arsenal.
Want that in some perspective? Sterling has 103 playing the same
role. Arnautovic has 76 from less minutes. Willian has 50 from less minutes
again. Andy Robertson has more touches. No wait… Matt Doherty has more touches.
No… wait… Bellerin has more touches!?
Emery has a quandary. It’s clear for all to see that
Lacazette and Aubameyang don’t work together in his system. The former is in
the better form… the latter the better player and the clubs biggest signing. He
did, to his credit play them both through the middle in the second half with
Arsenal chasing the game. And promptly witnessed the Gabonese miss an absolute
sitter.
Who’d be a manager?
Morata (8.7 CHE) –
He’s just fucking useless isn’t he? I can’t even be bothered to waste my energy
writing about his myriad of failings once more.
Watching him is like a blind man trying to do a jigsaw
puzzle.
Actually I would back the blind man over Morata.
HM
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