How long before
Bilic’s bubble bursts?
Slaven Bilic’s debut season was a riotous affair of goals, glory and guile. They won their first three away games at Arsenal, Liverpool and City and eventually finished 7th with 65 goals and several new admirers. Dimitri Payet went from a nobody to one of the best midfielders in the world. Bilic went from an Eastern European Bond Villian… to a God.
Slaven Bilic’s debut season was a riotous affair of goals, glory and guile. They won their first three away games at Arsenal, Liverpool and City and eventually finished 7th with 65 goals and several new admirers. Dimitri Payet went from a nobody to one of the best midfielders in the world. Bilic went from an Eastern European Bond Villian… to a God.
Fast forward 15 months or so and West Ham have regressed
massively. They crawled to 11th last season but after expecting to
build on the success of the previous year, they instead lost their best player
and have struggled badly with the move away from Upton Park. West Ham have
added experience to their squad this summer but currently sit in 18th
place, with a minus 7 goal difference and a side that looks ill equipped for
the might and muscle of the top league. Especially with the worrying site of
Michail Antonio, far and away their most direct player, limping away from the
pitch in the first half this Saturday lunchtime.
The Hammers now embark on a strong run of fixtures that they
simply have to get results from, starting with Swansea at home. A defence that
continues to ship this many goals needs to be re-thought, and up front they
need to find a way to fit Carroll and Hernandez in the same side without
sacrificing the talents of either. In a league where Heskey and Owen were once
the most deadly combination in England, Bilic could do worse than watch some
old footage. The big man/little man combo might not be fashionable anymore… but
then neither was 3 at the back 2 years ago.
Goals a Premium for
mid-table bore-horses
Huddersfield, Burnley, West Brom and Southampton currently sit between 7th and 11th in the league table. Man City have scored more goals then they have managed between them. The reason they are there is due to solid, study defensives, but one does wonder what they could be capable of if they let the hand-brake of a little. Huddersfield have conceded just three goals in six games, keeping four clean sheets. A remarkable statistic for a newly promoted club expected to go down. But themselves and Burnley, who sit in 8th, never really looked like scoring at the weekend and both clubs smacked of playing safe rather than taking a risk to go for the winner. West Brom are used to pragmatism from Pulis, but yet another goalless afternoon for Southampton must be starting to grate for Saints fans who are far from short of attacking options. In their last fourteen league matches Southampton have scored just seven goals. Indeed, they haven’t scored in eight of their last nine home games!? That is desperate stuff whichever way you look at it. If they carry on like this they will beat Derby’s unenviable scoring record and it’s hard to see them staying up unless they keep around 25 clean sheets. Play two up front people… it’s really not that crazy a concept.
Huddersfield, Burnley, West Brom and Southampton currently sit between 7th and 11th in the league table. Man City have scored more goals then they have managed between them. The reason they are there is due to solid, study defensives, but one does wonder what they could be capable of if they let the hand-brake of a little. Huddersfield have conceded just three goals in six games, keeping four clean sheets. A remarkable statistic for a newly promoted club expected to go down. But themselves and Burnley, who sit in 8th, never really looked like scoring at the weekend and both clubs smacked of playing safe rather than taking a risk to go for the winner. West Brom are used to pragmatism from Pulis, but yet another goalless afternoon for Southampton must be starting to grate for Saints fans who are far from short of attacking options. In their last fourteen league matches Southampton have scored just seven goals. Indeed, they haven’t scored in eight of their last nine home games!? That is desperate stuff whichever way you look at it. If they carry on like this they will beat Derby’s unenviable scoring record and it’s hard to see them staying up unless they keep around 25 clean sheets. Play two up front people… it’s really not that crazy a concept.
Everton need to pick
their best team, not their best eleven players
Ronald Koeman has had a tough start to things this season, although it should be noted that things are nowhere near as bad at Everton as some would have you believe. An early start with the Europa League was coupled with losing their best player and the worst set of opening fixtures in the league. In fairness, Everton are probably exactly where they should be so far given their fixtures, and would hope to climb up the table now they have eased off.
Ronald Koeman has had a tough start to things this season, although it should be noted that things are nowhere near as bad at Everton as some would have you believe. An early start with the Europa League was coupled with losing their best player and the worst set of opening fixtures in the league. In fairness, Everton are probably exactly where they should be so far given their fixtures, and would hope to climb up the table now they have eased off.
However, they need to stop picking three players who fulfil
the same role and trust their young, talented youth players to shine. There was
zero balance to Everton’s opening 45 minutes in which 3, slow ball players
occupied the spots behind Calvert-Lewin. Things changed when Rooney and Klaassen
were replaced by Davies and Niasse. Suddenly Everton had a front three of pace
and power with Sigurdsson pulling the strings in behind. Everton scored twice
to come from behind and relieve some pressure upon their manager.
They need to kick on from here and find their best 11. A
consistent defence and formation would also help. And you know, not getting
Rooney who is 31 going on 41, to play every minute of every game…
Morata mauls hapless
Stoke
In fairness 4-0 flattered Chelsea, who were under siege for several sections of this match and were lucky to keep Marcos Alonso on the pitch after committing two yellow card offences back to back and only getting cautioned for one. Conte withdrew the wing-back following that, much to the horror of his several thousand fantasy football owners… and Chelsea never looked back. Morata has settled well to life in the Premier League and looks a complete footballer. Brilliant both on the ground and in the air, he is a different striker to Costa but arguably a more adaptable one.
In fairness 4-0 flattered Chelsea, who were under siege for several sections of this match and were lucky to keep Marcos Alonso on the pitch after committing two yellow card offences back to back and only getting cautioned for one. Conte withdrew the wing-back following that, much to the horror of his several thousand fantasy football owners… and Chelsea never looked back. Morata has settled well to life in the Premier League and looks a complete footballer. Brilliant both on the ground and in the air, he is a different striker to Costa but arguably a more adaptable one.
He also comes without the risk of getting booked every five
minutes and whilst he lacks the pantomime charm of his predecessor… he doesn’t appear
to be… well, you know, an absolute fucking c**t.
As the Premier League settles into what looks to be a four
horse race (I’m sorry Liverpool… but you aren’t winning shit with that defence)
– keeping Morata fit and on form looks vital if Chelsea are to stop their title
ending up back in Manchester.
Brighton &
Newcastle bring early winter to the seaside
The first 45 minutes of this match were amongst the most turgid I’ve ever witnessed in football. Certainly since I last watched the England national team try to play in a tournament. Almost devoid of creativity, it contained some final balls that made it look like I was playing my 4 year old at FIFA. Over hit crosses, under hit crosses, through balls that were ten yards off target and long, aimless diagonals that ran out of play. It was shocking.
The first 45 minutes of this match were amongst the most turgid I’ve ever witnessed in football. Certainly since I last watched the England national team try to play in a tournament. Almost devoid of creativity, it contained some final balls that made it look like I was playing my 4 year old at FIFA. Over hit crosses, under hit crosses, through balls that were ten yards off target and long, aimless diagonals that ran out of play. It was shocking.
Thankfully for Brighton fans, they improved in the second
half and scored through the one moment of genuine class all match. A superb free
kick from Gross was headed back across goal and steered in by Hemed. It was
deserved solely on the merit of being the only bit of good play in 90 minutes
of filth. Newcastle couldn’t rally, despite Brighton retreating faster than the
Allies at Gallipoli. Matt Ritchie played like a man who only had the “shoot”
button available to him and if anybody could tell me the point of Ayoze Perez I’m
all ears. Newcastle can and will play better. Which is a good job as they have
Liverpool up next and if they play like this they’ll concede ten.
Although on the flip side… at least they’ll score.
Team of the Weak
Mignolet – Saving a rubbish penalty that you conceded doesn’t
make it okay Simon.
Dann – Had absolutely no answer to the movement and magic of City’s second half attack.
Aurier – Trippier rejoice – it’s okay, your replacement is absolute bobbins!
Martins Indi – Mauled by the marauding Morata.
Fonte – Is currently looking worse than Lovren. Maybe Liverpool didn’t buy the wrong centre back after all.
Maguire – Harry you might be the best centre back in the opposition box in the league. But you know, try and remember your day job at times…
Ritchie – Absolutely fucking awful performance.
Klaassen – Toothless, without craft or pace and inexplicably went back to Ajax after the match to be paraded around the pitch. Everton could do worse than leave him there.
Alli – Assisted two goals but could have scored four or five. Literally fell over or stood on the ball six times when all but clean through second half.
Perez – A sham of a Premier League footballer
Wood – Started life well but was poor, rarely got involved and missed the one big chance he got horribly.
Dann – Had absolutely no answer to the movement and magic of City’s second half attack.
Aurier – Trippier rejoice – it’s okay, your replacement is absolute bobbins!
Martins Indi – Mauled by the marauding Morata.
Fonte – Is currently looking worse than Lovren. Maybe Liverpool didn’t buy the wrong centre back after all.
Maguire – Harry you might be the best centre back in the opposition box in the league. But you know, try and remember your day job at times…
Ritchie – Absolutely fucking awful performance.
Klaassen – Toothless, without craft or pace and inexplicably went back to Ajax after the match to be paraded around the pitch. Everton could do worse than leave him there.
Alli – Assisted two goals but could have scored four or five. Literally fell over or stood on the ball six times when all but clean through second half.
Perez – A sham of a Premier League footballer
Wood – Started life well but was poor, rarely got involved and missed the one big chance he got horribly.
Anything else to add? Oh yeah, there’s still one game left.
Arsenal v West Brom – a game that could end up as anything, but will probably
just be 0-0.
No hold on I still have an Arsenal player to come in from my
fantasy team. So 1-0 West Brom. Hail Pulis.
Happy Hunting.
https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey
Any chance of a week 7 update? Your stiff is so entertaining.
ReplyDeleteMate youve got too much time on your hands
ReplyDelete