Sunday 21 August 2016

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Two

Week Two

This weeks blog comes off the back of 7 successive 5:30am starts. And as such, may well make very little sense.

Friday night lights sparkle, if not shine.
This weekend’s football kicked off at the all new time of 8pm on a Friday, and it was only fitting that Sky covered the fixture with their usual care and consideration by picking a match that saw many Southampton fans getting back to their city by 9am the next morning. Not Watford or Chelsea then? Two teams from the same city. Or Spurs or Palace? No, we’ll have United please, who gives a toss who they’re playing, that’s not our concern, we’ll get their lovely stadium and heavy corporate sponsorship all over our screens. Wankers.

As it was, the match was a fitting reminder of the new Premier League era of the megastar. Finally an English club were able to show off a player who could be considered amongst the world’s best, and had not just moved to Spain in their prime. Let’s gloss over that this player cost Manchester United £90m when they let him go for nothing four years ago. 

Pogba drifted in and out of the first 45 before applying some genuine sparkle on the occasion in a dominant second half display. United have flattered to deceive ever since Ferguson left, fluctuating between a fallen giant, a laughing stock and a live action snoozefest. This time though, with Jose, Zlatan and Pogba in tow - it seems like the hype may actually be real. The season may only be two games old, but it’s already tempting to suggest anybody who finishes above a Manchester club is going to win it.

None of which makes Friday night football a good idea.

Burnley give Liverpool a lesson in finishing
A two nil home victory is the sort of result that looks routine on paper, but there was nothing routine about this preposterously one sided match. After putting four past Arsenal last week Liverpool rocked up brimming in confidence, with a returning Daniel Sturridge and proceeded to achieve a staggering 81% possession and twenty plus attempts. They could not get past Tom Heaton though, and in truth rarely got beyond the Burnley back four who defended deep and with no small degree of skill, reducing their opponents to shots from distance. Liverpool’s problem this season is going to be much the same as last - when they fail to break down opposition defences they lack either the stand out player to steal a 1-0 from somewhere, or the actual defence themselves to at least hold out for a 0-0 and go again. Liverpool pretty much always concede, and regardless of how many goals they will score this season (and don’t let this match convince you it won’t be plenty) they simply are not going to challenge for the main honours if Klopp cannot teach his defenders how to do their jobs better. He could start by reinstating Emre Can to the first eleven as well. Jordan Henderson is not a defensive screening midfielder and never will be Jurgen. He’s also... you know... not as good.

Sunderland - new manager, same old shit
Sunderland have not won a football match in August in six years. You’ve got to admire that. Are they making a lengthy protest about the season kicking off so early? Do they just like to give their fans something to worry about early before turning up in the New Year and coasting to safety yet again? Whatever the reason, their first half performance here smacked of a team not back from the summer holidays and suddenly realising half way through they were involved in a real football match. And a local derby at that. Sunderland did rally in the second half but the damage was already done and they couldn’t come away with the points. Middlesborough meanwhile followed up their unfortunate opening weekend draw with a terrific win courtesy of two expertly taken goals. Sunderland fans at least had the amusement of Newcastle to warm their hearts last season. All that warmth will quickly evaporate though, if they watch Middlesborough leap to the top of the North East tree.

North London - six points that you’d need six pints to enjoy
Both Spurs and West Ham got their seasons going this weekend with late 1-0 wins over stubborn opposition. For Spurs, the “Dembele” effect continued with another stuttering performance rescued by the energy of Alli and Wanyama’s home debut finish. Spurs aren’t going to get it their own way as often this season and if their young and talented squad don’t want their Champions League career to be a fleeting one, they need to play better at home and put teams as impotent as Palace to the sword.

Over in the We Won the World Cup City of London Stadium, West Ham shocked the world by announcing before kick off that the 11 year unblemished injury run of Andy Carroll was over, and that he was out for six weeks. On the pitch, almost nothing of note happened until a frantic final ten minutes when both teams realised that if they tried to score, they might win. Antonio did just that, with another header for what surely must be the best out and out winger to be inexplicably converted to a full back. What is that about Slaven? I can see the logic in converting wingers to full backs at the latter end of their careers (Valencia, Brunt, Milner apparently) - but Antonio is in his prime, isn’t especially great at defending and is one of the best players in the league for coming in at the back post. He’s strong, quick and superb in the air. Just play him on the wing Slaven and see what happens.

What’s that? He did play on the wing here? Oh... well... er... I told you so... 

Swansea might need bodies
Swansea have an excellent manager, some brilliant fans and a very loyal bunch of journeymen who continue to lose 1 or 2 top assets a season. Having this time lost their captain though, Swansea look like a team who need reinforcements in key areas, not least centre back and the number 10 role, where it’s essentially Siggy or bust for them. Yes they have bought a not at all random mixture of promise, potential and experience in Fer, Baston and Llorente. But they are still playing Wayne Routledge. That needs to stop. Now.

Seriously what has happened to Montero? The guy can’t buy a start now. He tore teams apart this time last year?

I mean, just imagine going home to your family and telling them that Wayne Routledge is keeping you out of the team. You genuinely couldn’t contest a divorce settlement.

Team of the Weak - sponsored by Pete’s Puns.

Given nothing
Inclyned to say nowt
Evans above
Love forty down
An easy Targett
You’d be Shawcross at that
We Watmore
Not very Mutch
Don’t fall off the Routledge
Alexiless
Not the Rondon
Howard Wilson
 
Goodnight. I can’t stress that enough.


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