11 games in and with the final international break of the year
upon us, this seems like as good a time as any to digest not just the weekend,
but the season thus far. So, if everybody has recovered from the horrific goal
celebration of Bafetimbi Gomis, let’s move on.
I mean was it a Tiger? A Panther? A stripper? Whatever it
was, let us all pray he never scores again…
The Season Digested:
The season may well be just 29% of the way through, but the
destination of the Premier League title is 100% confirmed. After just 11 games
Chelsea are 1/6 ON to win the top prize with only Man City being offered odds
of less than 50/1 to oust them. A
damning state of affairs which says everything you need to know about the
seasons of Arsenal, Liverpool and Manchester United to date. The only good news
to come from this, as Jose and his boys wander off to play on a separate field,
is that the fight for the lesser places looks set to be a real thriller. None
of the teams above, plus Manchester City, have defences solid enough to see off
the challengers for a long period. Southampton, Swansea and West Ham look far
better organised and there is no reason why certainly the former cannot have a
say in the big spots this year. Everton look great one minute and clueless the
next and further down the league it’s hard not to look at Spurs and point and
laugh. It doesn’t matter who the manager is, the entire culture of the club
needs to change and I am losing track of the amount of times I have seen their
players give up over the past few seasons. West Ham, in fourth, are closer to
the bottom than they are to Chelsea. After 11 games that is unforgivable.
Chelsea have been good this season, possessing two of the best players for sure
in Fabregas and Costa, but they have not been that good. Put simply,
the others have really been that bad.
Away from the top it’s not a huge surprise to find the three
relegation teams in the bottom three. Burnley have been largely awful and a
narrow win at home to Hull can’t hide the feeling that they are out of their
depth and heading back down to the Championship by March. Leicester and QPR
meanwhile, would be doing great if you combined their first five and last five
games. Whilst Redknapp seems to have finally settled on a line up and formation
that works, Pearson has seen his team plummet down the table after an
impressive start. Both may well stay up at the expense of Crystal Palace, who
do not inspire confidence under the management of Neil Warnock. Villa and Hull
remain poorly placed and devoid of goals and nobody quite does implosion like
teams from the North East. Sunderland continue to struggle one minute, play
beautifully the next; whereas their local rivals Newcastle appear hell bent on
embarking on lengthy runs of looking either completely unbeatable or downright
unforgivable. West Brom have played well in patches but do not have a strong
squad and Stoke have currently morphed into a superb, counter attacking unit
away, whilst being almost completely toilet at home.
Overall? A B- season to date with the title all but over and
the last two weeks being largely devoid of goals. Room for improvement boys,
let’s go and beat Scotland, feel better about ourselves, and go again.
Team of the Weak:
Howard – Hard to avoid Joe Hart after the outrageous fortune/ineptitude
that led to Austin’s disallowed goal, but Tourette’s Tim outdid himself yet
again. One part quick thinking and two parts shameless poor sportsmanship, it was
the most bizarre incident I’ve seen since the Hazard “ball boy gate” of two
seasons ago.
Johnson – An absolute sham of a right back. Tactically naïve, technically deficient and possessing the positional sense of a new born Barnacle Goose.
Naughton – He played better than this when he murdered my 6-a-side in Sheffield this summer. Full marks for that red card though. A tackle so cynical it probably deserved a straight red and a yellow on top.
Chambers – Three English right backs in a row bodes well for the future of our game. Was run absolutely ragged all match. Thank heavens for Nathanial Clyne. Or you know, Chris Smalling…
Fazio – Every signing Spurs make seems to take them further back. A truly terrible performance. Hang your head lad. Keep it hung. Keep. It. Hung.
Ya Ya Toure – Where is the colossus of last year? Looks more disinterested by the game and has been woeful for three big games when City needed him. If it wasn’t for Aguero they’d be 16th.
Di Maria – Attempted to beat three players every time he got the ball. Never did. And hit 17 corners into the first man. £60m. Go Woodward.
Jenas – Didn’t play obviously, because he’s toilet and actually now a free agent at the age of 31. But proved he was EVEN WORSE at punditry with a performance on MOTD about as inspiring as his late career. And what was that shirt/cardigan combo all about? Come on Jermaine, off you go now, quietly into the night.
Ramsey – Was last season an illusion? Currently can’t pass, can’t shoot and can’t tackle. Just wandering around confused. Much like his boss.
Balotelli – Ok stop now Brendan, it was funny for a bit, but now it’s just tragic.
Lukaku – Shit.
Johnson – An absolute sham of a right back. Tactically naïve, technically deficient and possessing the positional sense of a new born Barnacle Goose.
Naughton – He played better than this when he murdered my 6-a-side in Sheffield this summer. Full marks for that red card though. A tackle so cynical it probably deserved a straight red and a yellow on top.
Chambers – Three English right backs in a row bodes well for the future of our game. Was run absolutely ragged all match. Thank heavens for Nathanial Clyne. Or you know, Chris Smalling…
Fazio – Every signing Spurs make seems to take them further back. A truly terrible performance. Hang your head lad. Keep it hung. Keep. It. Hung.
Ya Ya Toure – Where is the colossus of last year? Looks more disinterested by the game and has been woeful for three big games when City needed him. If it wasn’t for Aguero they’d be 16th.
Di Maria – Attempted to beat three players every time he got the ball. Never did. And hit 17 corners into the first man. £60m. Go Woodward.
Jenas – Didn’t play obviously, because he’s toilet and actually now a free agent at the age of 31. But proved he was EVEN WORSE at punditry with a performance on MOTD about as inspiring as his late career. And what was that shirt/cardigan combo all about? Come on Jermaine, off you go now, quietly into the night.
Ramsey – Was last season an illusion? Currently can’t pass, can’t shoot and can’t tackle. Just wandering around confused. Much like his boss.
Balotelli – Ok stop now Brendan, it was funny for a bit, but now it’s just tragic.
Lukaku – Shit.
Manager of the Week:
Brendan Rodgers – dropping everyone who played well in Madrid
and replacing them with the players who have been complete toilet for the last
month. Watched those players be… complete toilet.
Goal of the Week:
The Sig rocket that burst the back of the Arsenal net. The Aguero
first would have been worth a shout. Had it not been offside and a handball. I’m
watching you Kun…
Fantasy Football
Disaster of the Week:
Backing a Spurs clean sheet at home to Stoke. Or going for
the left field, sure to profit, home to Villa option of captaining a West Ham
striker. Your muppet.
Comment of the Week:
Joey Barton on Rickie Lambert getting in the England squad
ahead of Charlie Austin “if you’re not playing for Liverpool, who can’t hit a
cow’s arse with a banjo, how do you get into the England squad?”
It’s a fair point Joey. Although it’s not as insane as Chris
Smalling STILL being there.
What you may have
missed:
Burnley winning a game. Ben Arfa apparently being on a
football pitch. Liverpool conceding from a set piece. The 23 seconds of the Man
Utd v Palace match that were watchable. Neil Warnock praising a referee. Saints
keeping a clean sheet yet again with a back five consisting of four rejects
from “bigger” clubs. West Ham. Villa. West Brom. Adeboyer not being bothered
and then blaming the fans. Swansea being very bothered and praising the fans.
Arsenal failing to close a game out and instead leaving their defence more
exposed than a boulder in the Nevada Desert. And Borussia Dortmund being off
the bottom of the league with a ridiculous 50 yard own goal winner.
That’s right a 50 yard own goal winner.
Oh dear. Oh dear. Oh dear.
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