In the absence of any genuine 5 things to discuss (I mean… Arsenal qualify for Champions League at the death at the expense of Spurs shock) – the final blog of the season is presented in awards style. So here we go…
Manager of the Year –
Alex Ferguson
This one was kind of a gimme, more so given he retired. But with the exception of Swansea & West Brom, no single team punched more above their weight than Man Utd (again) this year. On any given day you’d struggle to put more than 2 of Utd’s team into a Premiership XI, but season after season they challenge through sheer strength of will. That they finished 11 and 14 points respectively above City & Chelsea this year is absurd. And to bow out with a 5 all away thriller of maddening sense… well, so long old man.
This one was kind of a gimme, more so given he retired. But with the exception of Swansea & West Brom, no single team punched more above their weight than Man Utd (again) this year. On any given day you’d struggle to put more than 2 of Utd’s team into a Premiership XI, but season after season they challenge through sheer strength of will. That they finished 11 and 14 points respectively above City & Chelsea this year is absurd. And to bow out with a 5 all away thriller of maddening sense… well, so long old man.
Player of the Year –
Gareth Bale
The Simian done good. Wonder goals, glorious assists and more match winning contributions than any other player come full time on Sunday. Bale deserves more than anyone on show to be in the Champions League next year. That he may not be, whilst Aaron Ramsey and Bacary Sagna are… is a tragedy and a disgrace. Please move Gareth, Spurs are like a terrific in the sack but ultimately abusive partner. They will keep letting you down.
The Simian done good. Wonder goals, glorious assists and more match winning contributions than any other player come full time on Sunday. Bale deserves more than anyone on show to be in the Champions League next year. That he may not be, whilst Aaron Ramsey and Bacary Sagna are… is a tragedy and a disgrace. Please move Gareth, Spurs are like a terrific in the sack but ultimately abusive partner. They will keep letting you down.
Underrated player of
the Year – Sebastian Bassong
One of many players let go by Spurs last year, and one of many players better than William Gallas, Bassong has had a superb season at Norwich City. He, alongside Michael Turner, has done more than any other player in the Canaries line up to preserve their top flight status. Bassong has kept 10 clean sheets, coupled with 3 goals, in 34 starts for a struggling Norwich. He is a hugely underrated talent and was done a disservice by both Redknapp and AVB at his previous club. Indeed, the season before that he had helped Spurs qualify for and reach the Quarter Finals of the Champions League… so he probably wasn’t all bad.
One of many players let go by Spurs last year, and one of many players better than William Gallas, Bassong has had a superb season at Norwich City. He, alongside Michael Turner, has done more than any other player in the Canaries line up to preserve their top flight status. Bassong has kept 10 clean sheets, coupled with 3 goals, in 34 starts for a struggling Norwich. He is a hugely underrated talent and was done a disservice by both Redknapp and AVB at his previous club. Indeed, the season before that he had helped Spurs qualify for and reach the Quarter Finals of the Champions League… so he probably wasn’t all bad.
Signing of the Season
– Michu
£2m – 22 goals and a League Cup. Enough said.
£2m – 22 goals and a League Cup. Enough said.
Villain of the Year –
Jose Bosingwa
Not trying, playing crap, getting sent off, losing games, laughing about it – a problem.
Getting paid £100,000 a week to do all this by QPR? Priceless.
Not trying, playing crap, getting sent off, losing games, laughing about it – a problem.
Getting paid £100,000 a week to do all this by QPR? Priceless.
Fantasy Football
Player of the Year – Richard Hawley the Cat
Got key decisions right all season. Rotated with efficiency and made wise, safe captain choices. Superb double header planning and selected “surprise packages” Michu, Lambert & Fellani from the off. Has earned £250 in tuna.
Got key decisions right all season. Rotated with efficiency and made wise, safe captain choices. Superb double header planning and selected “surprise packages” Michu, Lambert & Fellani from the off. Has earned £250 in tuna.
Worst Fantasy
Football Player of the Year – Chris Bence
Narrowly beating out Jess McCallum, Matt Howe, Rob Wilson and the mythically poor Fosu Gharban. Largely due to unlike those people, gambling well over £100 on a “sport” he has no ability* in whatsoever. Continued to select a team filled with players who were rotated or injured and made ill advised mid-season attempt to win back cash already lost. Seemingly for no reason.
*Citation - ability could be substituted for “interest”
Narrowly beating out Jess McCallum, Matt Howe, Rob Wilson and the mythically poor Fosu Gharban. Largely due to unlike those people, gambling well over £100 on a “sport” he has no ability* in whatsoever. Continued to select a team filled with players who were rotated or injured and made ill advised mid-season attempt to win back cash already lost. Seemingly for no reason.
*Citation - ability could be substituted for “interest”
Goal of the Year –
Robin Van Persie against Villa.
Four words. Pick. That. One. Out.
Four words. Pick. That. One. Out.
Bizarre moment of the
Season – Eden Hazard
Yeah, Luis Suarez biting someone or Jason Puncheon urinating during a match wasn’t the strangest thing I witnessed on a pitch this year… it was this sequence of events:
Yeah, Luis Suarez biting someone or Jason Puncheon urinating during a match wasn’t the strangest thing I witnessed on a pitch this year… it was this sequence of events:
·
1. A ball boy lying on a ball to prevent a Chelsea
player (Hazard) from getting it during the last few minutes of a match
·
2. Hazard deciding it was a sensible thing to do to
kick the ball from underneath the ball boy
·
3. The ball boy feigning injury as if he’d been
booted in the ribs
·
4. Hazard being sent off and being surprised about
it
·
5. The absurd reaction of the press and pundits
about it afterwards – from calls to charge him with assault, to defending him
to such a degree that the ball boy should be banned and made to give a formal
apology. Both camps were pathetic
· 6. The FA announcing that “a three game ban is
clearly insufficient for this incident”
·
7. The FA banning Hazard for three games
Moment of the Season –
QPR getting relegated
Drink it in folks. Hughes. Warnock. An idiot chairman. Londoners. Overpaid, underperforming players. Get lost the lot of you. The Championship is too good for your sham of a club.
Drink it in folks. Hughes. Warnock. An idiot chairman. Londoners. Overpaid, underperforming players. Get lost the lot of you. The Championship is too good for your sham of a club.
And finally… the
Hindu Monkey official teams of the year:
The Best:
Jaaskelainen – Cited
as a “weak link” by some earlier in the season. 11 clean sheets and 156 saves
later. West Ham may be dull as fuck, but the big Fin has never let the big manager
down.
Zabaleta – City’s best player this year. Consistent and added attacking ounce to defensive nous.
Bassong – see above
Ferdinand – Given the abuse he has taken, for both his waning form and questionable international stance, Rio has been marvellous since the turn of the year. Conceded 7 goals in his last 10 starts and commits less fouls than any other defender in modern football.
Baines – Mr Consistent. Played every minute of every match. 11 clean sheets, 5 goals, 7 assists. Moyesy… sign him up. Moyesy, Moyesy sign him up.
Carrick – Utd’s player of the year, lord knows I’ve given him some stick in the past but he has been the one rock in a midfield made of Balsa (and Ryan Giggs) all season. His reading of the game is now genuinely superb, even if his ability doesn’t always match those high levels.
Santi – Arsenal’s most creative force. Like his team mates, he went missing from time to time but for a first season in English football… 12 goals and 13 assists from midfield is a fine effort. Arsenal must keep him and Wilshire together next season and buy a genuine ball winner to play alongside them.
Bale – see above
Hazard – I’ve gone for Hazard over Mata (just) because he’s younger and this is his first season playing for a major club. He has been exceptional, Ballboygate aside. The best dribbler I’ve seen in years.
Michu – goals, looks, a terrible celebration – Michu was made for the prem. £2m. I repeat. £2m.
Van Persie – The best striker in the league – even when he plays badly he sets up other people with his corners and set pieces. 26 goals, 15 assists – 41 in total. Indeed in 38 Premier League Matches this season Van Persie has scored or created a goal in 31 of them. He is a machine.
Zabaleta – City’s best player this year. Consistent and added attacking ounce to defensive nous.
Bassong – see above
Ferdinand – Given the abuse he has taken, for both his waning form and questionable international stance, Rio has been marvellous since the turn of the year. Conceded 7 goals in his last 10 starts and commits less fouls than any other defender in modern football.
Baines – Mr Consistent. Played every minute of every match. 11 clean sheets, 5 goals, 7 assists. Moyesy… sign him up. Moyesy, Moyesy sign him up.
Carrick – Utd’s player of the year, lord knows I’ve given him some stick in the past but he has been the one rock in a midfield made of Balsa (and Ryan Giggs) all season. His reading of the game is now genuinely superb, even if his ability doesn’t always match those high levels.
Santi – Arsenal’s most creative force. Like his team mates, he went missing from time to time but for a first season in English football… 12 goals and 13 assists from midfield is a fine effort. Arsenal must keep him and Wilshire together next season and buy a genuine ball winner to play alongside them.
Bale – see above
Hazard – I’ve gone for Hazard over Mata (just) because he’s younger and this is his first season playing for a major club. He has been exceptional, Ballboygate aside. The best dribbler I’ve seen in years.
Michu – goals, looks, a terrible celebration – Michu was made for the prem. £2m. I repeat. £2m.
Van Persie – The best striker in the league – even when he plays badly he sets up other people with his corners and set pieces. 26 goals, 15 assists – 41 in total. Indeed in 38 Premier League Matches this season Van Persie has scored or created a goal in 31 of them. He is a machine.
The Bench – Cech,
Vertonghen, Mata, Fellani, Benteke, Lukaku
The Manager –
Ferguson
The Assistant Manager – Laudrup
The Assistant Manager – Laudrup
The Worst:
Green – 1 clean
sheet all season, bottom of the league, being signed by your manager to be your
new number 1 only for a month later see him sign a better keeper instead.
Damning.
Bosingwa – see above
Vermaelen – The Belgium looks a long way short of the player he was 2 years ago. Was finally dropped by Wenger after the Spurs game, despite being club captain, and saw the team go unbeaten for the rest of the season without him.
Samba – Brought to save QPR from the drop. Didn’t. Was dropped instead. On £140,000 a week. Way. To. Go. ‘Arry.
Sagna – I know I already have a right back but I’m playing Sagna at left back just to get him in the team. He is awful. Just awful.
Mikel – the mainstay of my worst eleven of the season and will continue to be so until somebody sells his worthless ass
Sigurdsson – Improved as the season went on but three goals for the money paid for him is a woeful return. Added nothing to the Spurs team and made you forget for long periods how bad Clint Dempsey was playing.
McClean – Superb last season under O’Neill, got far too big for his boots, stopped playing well, was disastrous this time around.
Sinclair – Has played 212 minutes of football all… season… long. Despite not being injured. One of the worst transfer deals, for every party (bar Swansea) in history.
Jelavic – Looked brilliant last year, now looks terrible. So a typical David Moyes striker then? Dear god he better not fuck up Van Persie & Hernandez…
The Entire Forward Line of Stoke City – an average of 0.89 goals per game between the entire squad. Thanks. For. Coming.
Bosingwa – see above
Vermaelen – The Belgium looks a long way short of the player he was 2 years ago. Was finally dropped by Wenger after the Spurs game, despite being club captain, and saw the team go unbeaten for the rest of the season without him.
Samba – Brought to save QPR from the drop. Didn’t. Was dropped instead. On £140,000 a week. Way. To. Go. ‘Arry.
Sagna – I know I already have a right back but I’m playing Sagna at left back just to get him in the team. He is awful. Just awful.
Mikel – the mainstay of my worst eleven of the season and will continue to be so until somebody sells his worthless ass
Sigurdsson – Improved as the season went on but three goals for the money paid for him is a woeful return. Added nothing to the Spurs team and made you forget for long periods how bad Clint Dempsey was playing.
McClean – Superb last season under O’Neill, got far too big for his boots, stopped playing well, was disastrous this time around.
Sinclair – Has played 212 minutes of football all… season… long. Despite not being injured. One of the worst transfer deals, for every party (bar Swansea) in history.
Jelavic – Looked brilliant last year, now looks terrible. So a typical David Moyes striker then? Dear god he better not fuck up Van Persie & Hernandez…
The Entire Forward Line of Stoke City – an average of 0.89 goals per game between the entire squad. Thanks. For. Coming.
The Bench – Turnbull,
Santos, Sessegnon, Granero, Adeboyer,
Carlton Cole
The Manager – Hughes
The Assistant Manager – Redknapp
The Devil – Pardew
The Assistant Manager – Redknapp
The Devil – Pardew
Until next season you fine folk…
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