Bettinelli (FUL 4.4)
– Fulham have conceded 21 goals in 8 matches and their goal keeper has made
19 saves. Both those statistics show that they’re probably a little lacking in
both areas (Hart and Fabianski, for comparison, have made 36). The Fulham’s
stopper England call up this week seems like a troll to Joe Hart rather than a
serious assessment of his ability. One world class save is, after all,
meaningless… if you concede four goals in 15 minutes straight after.
Sessegnon (FUL 6.1) –
The most overpriced FPL player in the history of the Alexis Sanchez
sponsored overpriced FPL players, Ryan Sessegnon is a prodigious and youthful
talent, but he looks lost as to his role in this Fulham team. He is clearly
more of a threat going forward yet continues to find himself in a more
defensive role. His only notable achievement this weekend being the private, intoxicating
battle between himself and Henrikh Mkhitaryan about who could be the game’s
most anonymous player.
Hoedt (SOU 4.4) – It’s
been a rubbish few weeks for Wesley Hoedt, who keeps undermining generally good
defensive work with individual errors and a general sense of… well… meh. Indeed
that description could be extrapolated to most of the Southampton team. Under
Mark Hughes they seem to be drifting aimlessly on a light breeze of mediocrity without
any ambition to be entertainingly bad like Newcastle or Fulham… or just bad
like Huddersfield or Cardiff. They are the most likely to finish 17th
team I think I’ve ever witnessed.
Holebas (WAT 4.9) – Watford
were truly terrible on Saturday and the league’s Jekyll & Hyde team
Bournemouth duly took advantage. Holebas is a real feast or famine of a player.
The Greek full back only seems to have two gears – one where he’s rampaging
down the wing whipping in deadly balls and the other where he’s exposed for the
sham of a defender he is. In either version he gets booked.
Amartey (LEI 4.5) – I’m not really sure what type of player Amartey is. Is he a defender? Or a defensive midfielder? Either way, he can’t cross. Like, at all. So I have no idea why he’s playing at full back. Any ideas? I’m taking calls on this subject…
Jota (WOL 6.1) – Wolves
are riding high – they are proving as adept at using the 3-4-3 system as
Chelsea did when Conte first came to town. Nuno Santo can’t possibly match the
Italian in the hair stakes (I mean seriously… what a barnet that man had) but he is matching him on the pitch
considering his more limited resource. However, whereas Wolves looks great
centrally, it’s unclear at this stage how the largely useless Diego Jota has
managed to start all 8 games this season. Jota has no goals so far and his only
“assist” came in week one where he fell over the ball and was given a free kick
that Neves lashed in. He looks bereft of confidence in front of goal and seeing
him on the ball in the final third raises less of a heartbeat than the sight of
Alex Iwobi clean through on goal.
Jota has created just 8 chances in 626 minutes of football
so far – the same number as his often replacement, Adama Traore has created in
171. Come on Nuno – loyalty is all very good and all… but can someone just pass
the ball to Jimenez more often as he needs at least five chances to score each
game.
Salah (LIV 12.8) – It’s
not quite fair to point the finger solely at Salah – Liverpool’s front 3 have
scored just a goal each in the last five games – and despite being top of the
table, it’s hard to see why Klopp hasn’t freshened up his attack more often
given the form of Sturridge and Shaqiri every time he has given them the
chance. Salah is doing the hard work right – he looks fit, fresh and is making
the same runs he did last year. He just… well… seems to have forgotten how to
finish. Which is marginally better than Mane who has forgotten how to run with
the ball… and Firmino who has forgotten how to get in the box. Almost as if he’s
now unsuccessfully playing himself in a movie version of how to be a False 9.
Pool can be very happy with their lot so far. They sit unbeaten and top of the table
and by rights should have lost to City on Sunday. Defensively they are miles
better than last season and you wonder if it’s just a matter of time before
their front 3 click again and hammer someone. Huddersfield and Cardiff are up
next and Klopp’s decision is whether to stick with them and hope for a
confidence booster… or use those games to give the backups a chance to shine.
Mahrez (MCI 8.6) – Mahrez
isn’t a very good penalty taker – although in fairness nor is Gabriel Jesus who
was also trying to take it. Pep took ownership of the situation after the match
(good from him) but you have to wonder given the magnitude of the game at 0-0
why a senior figure like David Silva didn’t step up and lash it in. As it was,
Mahrez spot kick touched down just about the same time the match finished and
the game ended in a draw… which all keeps it nice and interesting until things
kick off again and everyone forgets that Chelsea don’t seem to have gone away
yet.
Rashford (MUN 6.7) – Confidence
is key in football, and few people look as short of it right now as Marcus
Rashford. It’s always telling when somebody goes away on international duty and
looks more relaxed doing so. United were excrement in the first half, but
certain players looked unable to step up and put their emotions to one side and
it was telling that once Rashford was withdrawn, United rallied to win 3-2 and
put one of their more entertaining weekends to bed for a while.
Ayew (CRY 5.9) – Anybody
who makes a team look like they miss Christian Benteke deserves to be put in
that door to Tibet that they banish you too in Monsters Inc. Absolutely
useless.
Ings (SOU 5.7) – In
contrast to Rashford’s deer in headlights performance, or Ayew’s smorgasbord of
ineptness, the final place in this week’s team is reserved for Daniel William John
Ings – the only professional footballer that Winchester have ever produced.
Ings was horrific
this weekend. One of those real performances when you get a highlights reel on
YouTube up an hour after the match. Ings missed three clear, whites of the eyes
chances – one of which was effectively an open goal from four yards – and to
top it off should probably have been sent off. I mean, he still looked better
than Shane Long and Manolo Gabbiadini, who was apparently on the pitch for 77
minutes without anybody noticing – but still. Southampton have to score more
goals if… well… I don’t know really. Like I said, they’re going to finish 17th.
But maybe if they can get some sort of old school throwback Austin & Ings
partnership working they might come… 16th. And you know, actually be
entertaining in more than a sweepstake on which midfielder will get booked for
a lunge first kind of way.
Okay I’m done.
#hughesout
Happy Hunting.
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