Begovic (BOU 4.5) – 4
goals conceded from 5 shots is never the sort of stat a keeper wants to crow
about, and whilst Begovic wasn’t at fault, he never looks like the sort of
stopper who will keep you in a game that’s running away from you. If
Bournemouth are going to take that step up from a mid-table side to one
challenging for Europe, they could do with a keeper who is the man of the match
a handful of times a season. Burnley currently have 3 of them.
Kenny (EVE 4.3) – The
Everton full back is young and will improve, but he was badly caught out for
both of Arsenal’s goals where his positioning was all over the place. In
fairness to him, being coached in the art of defending by Marco Silva must feel
like tipping up at soccer summer school and discovering that Shane Long is the
finishing expert.
Hoedt (SOU 4.5) – Saints
were soundly beaten inside the first 45 minutes at Anfield, not helped by the
comical opener that went in off the luckless Hoedt (following a deflection from
his own player). The Dutch centre back never looked comfortable after that,
completing just 75% of passes in his own
half. In fairness to him, you feel any defender who plays against Pool
right now is on a one way ticket to this ignominious end. Just tackle them
guys. It’s not that hard. Surely…
Schindler (HUD 4.4) –
This week’s obligatory Huddersfield entrant. I’ll roll the dice again next
week. 14 goals conceded. 3 scored. You’re going down boys.
Chambers (FUL 4.4) – Arsenal
paid a heavy fee for Calum Chambers back in the day. The day when Saints
produced players who other clubs wanted to buy. I mean, this is a club who’s
best fantasy football asset is currently Pierre-Emile Hojbjerg.
Swapping Arsenal for Fulham means that Chambers is certainly
getting a lot of practice at defending. The problem is, he’s not really very
good at it. The Fulham manager, Slavisa Jokanovic openly admitted this weekend
that his team have little interest in anything but all-out attack. All of which
continues to leave Chambers and the other Fulham defenders riding a
rollercoaster naked.
Romeu (SOU 4.4) – Southampton
have really come in the firing line this week (apologies @lucyhighnett – I’m
just doing my job). Many thought they might revert to a 5-3-2 formation against
Pool, but instead they played with a flat back four and put three defensively
minded players in the middle. None of which mattered when you don’t have the
ball and can’t tackle. Romeu was booked early and essentially useless after
that. On this showing, it’s easy to see why he’s not playing week in, week out
at present. And where is Stephen Davis – surely this side need some leadership. The guy has played 1
minute of football so far? One??
#hughesout
Ozil (ARS 8.3) – Even
by the standards of his own wasted talent, Ozil has been bollocks this year.
Goals in the Europa league can’t paper over his current lack of creativity in
the league. This is one of the great Premier
League assisters of all time. A player who has historically created a chance
every 25 minutes. That figure stands at one every 55 minutes this season. He is
the highest paid player at the club and the supposed talisman. Arsenal got
lucky on Sunday, grateful for some hideous Everton finishing and a terrible
offside call. Ozil has to stand up and start dictating how this team plays
football. If not, what use is he?
Lingard (MUN 6.8) – Bright,
lively, busy – these are the sort of words that are often applied to Jesse
Lingard. All of which are more polite ways of saying that he often has fuck all
end product. So far this season Lingard has been tackled 50% of the time he’s
had the ball. Try and let that sink in for a moment. I’ve got better stats then
that after 20 years of hogging the ball at 6-a-side. He has a 20% shooting
accuracy and is currently creating a single chance a match. He is a walking,
talking, dancing example of why Manchester United are currently shit. Just
about the only positive you could say about him on Saturday was he was “better
than Alexis Sanchez.” But frankly, if that’s the bench mark, you may as well
take up golf.
Eriksen (TOT 9.3) – Much
as it loathes me to quote @f1shford – Eriksen has indeed become an irrelevance
in this season’s Premier League. Once the central hub of a high press, high
tempo Spurs team – Eriksen is playing out of position, ineffective, uninvolved
and has now had set pieces taken off him by plucky young upstart Kieran
Trippier (actually 2 years older than the Dane). Poch could do worse than
restoring him to the number 10 role where he dictates things for his country, leaning
back, and watching his best player purr.
Yarmolenko (WHU 6.8) –
The Ukrainian is in here for one reason and one reason only. That miss.
Just watch it again and try and comprehend how he hasn’t got
this on target. Most comical misses are normally those sort of rolled across
the goal ones that strikers spoon over. They’re often laughable, but in reality
they aren’t as easy as they look. Often played at pace, on pitches that could bobble.
Yes they’re still bad misses. But this. The
ball is played across almost in slow motion. He can watch the ball the entire way, unmarked, in acres of space.
He has an 8 yard long target to aim at from only 6 yards out. It was awful. It IS awful. He should be fined two weeks
wages and be sent out on community service for a month.
Wilson (BOU 6.3) – Calum
Wilson has only scored one Premier League goal in the North of England. In
front of the watching England manager he had 15 touches, made 8 passes and had
2 touches in the box all match. He had no shots. People talking about him
getting into the England squad need to get real. Wilson isn’t at, and is
unlikely to ever reach those levels. His fellow countryman, Josh King, was much
livelier in defeat. The Berkshire forward remains one to keep an eye on to see
if he can force his way into Southgate’s plans ready for Euro 2020.
Happy Hunting
HM
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