The Alernative Awards - An End of Season Review

And so the dust settles on another season of tumultuous drama, at least until Liverpool left Crystal Palace early to beat the traffic. The table doesn’t lie they say, except when Man Utd can win the league by eleven points and then be fully deserving of a place in seventh because of the “squad” and not the “manager.” City were the best team over 38 games, certainly in attack and midfield and had they managed to keep Augero, Kompany and Silva on the pitch for more than the handful of games they shared... the margin would likely have been bigger. Liverpool gave us all (and by all, I mean Liverpool fans) something to cheer about. After all, who doesn’t love the story of the plucky little underdogs who have won 18 league titles and 8 European titles trying to add to that meagre haul. Ultimately though, their chance just slipped away...

So let’s move on to the awards...

Goalkeeper of the Season - Vito Mannone

11 clean sheets from 28 starts was rich return for a keeper who stepped up to the plate for his new manager and arguably did more than anyone to keep his side in the division. Mannone made an improbable 131 saves from those matches (you do the maths) and single handedly won just about more points than he gave away from two atrocious clangers. His name, part super hero, part porn star, all magician, only went half of the way in securing this award. The rest was down to solid distribution, fantastic reflexes and being the best double save specialist in the league. Plus, you know, Hugo Loris is just a bit odd isn’t he...

Defender of the Season - Seamus Coleman

Even when you’re trying to think outside of the box, Seamus Coleman is there as the defender of the year. It’s not just his stats (15 clean sheets, 6 goals, 2 assist... a staggering 638 ESP points *cough statto*) - the boy is a right back, inside right and right winger all rolled into one. Coleman is 25, absolutely brilliant and with the greatest respect to Luke Shaw, it is bordering on the offensive how little he is spoken about compared to other, more English, full backs. Naming no names... ahem.

Midfielder of the Season - Ya Ya Toure

No player has done more to destroy my fantasy football season than this colossus. Pace, power, precision... Toure has scored more goals in this campaign than in his previous three combined. He bangs them in from the spot, he curls them in from distance and he runs eighty yards before finding the back of the net. He is a phenomenal player who seems to be getting better, not worse, with age. Fosu doesn’t rate him. Which in football speak, essentially means he’s the best player in the world.

Forward of the Season - Fernando Torres Luis Suarez

30 goals, 25 assists, only dived 24 times this season compared to 124 last one... there isn’t even a debate here. The best type of footballer is one this good that you love to hate. Don’t leave us Luis.

Manager of the Season - Tony Pulis

Many contenders for this crown; Martinez, Rodgers and David Moyes would all get plenty of votes on Merseyside. But even Pellegrini has to take a bow to Tony fucking Pulis. Palace were in all sorts of shit before Pulis took over. Only Sunderland looked more certain to go down and they at least had a squad capable of a recovery. Palace had Marouane Chamakh. Forget what you thought of Pulis before, forget what you think of him now... to take that squad from relegation certainties and make them finish 11th, beating big teams to nil along the way... is as good an achievement as anything in the Premier League era.

Signing of the Season - Wilfried Bony

17 goals, four assist, countless crucial strikes to keep his side in the division. Everybody asked who this season’s Michu would be, and the answer was at the same fucking club. Swansea’s struggles this season meant that Bony’s achievement slipped under the radar somewhat, but when he got in the team and stayed there (just after Christmas) the big African plundered 14 goals in 20 appearances for a team that struggled for anything approaching consistency. Bony looks to have everything and at just 25, is probably too good to play for Swansea for more than another season.

Team of the Season - Spurs

How could anybody deny Spurs this award? Year in, year out... no other team delivers more soap opera than Spurs. Fulham tried this year, hell they did, but the decision to employ 85 different managers backfired when people literally couldn’t remember who was in charge from one half to the next. Even West Brom had a stab, sacking Steve Clarke for no possible reason on earth and then waiting an eternity to employ a manager who was the complete opposite of their playing style. But Spurs... that capitulation against Liverpool was the single worst performance I’ve ever witnessed by a major team. And as a Man Utd fan I’ve seen a fair few of them this year. AVB went, in came Tactics Tim and then each week Spurs delivered a wildly unpredictable roller coaster of superb attacking flair (Christian Eriksen), terrible defending (Kyle Naughton), crazy red cards (Younes Kaboul), outrageous good looks (Christian Eriksen) and the best goal celebration in the league (Emmanuel Adeboyer). All this and we still don’t know who their manager will be (other than... not Tim), where the hell Erik Lamela is hiding and when Daniel Levy will finally be recalled by Satan. Love or hate Spurs... you’ve got to love them.

Until the world cup...



https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey