5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Ten

1. Chelsea 3, Arsenal 5 – seriously, what on earth next?
In a season that has already seen at least three monumental shock results, Saturday lunchtime brought us yet another in one of the all time great Premier league matches.  Arsenal have been as about as useless away as Swansea so far this season, collecting one point and shipping 14 goals in 4 matches.  Chelsea on the other hand had played 4, won 4, and scored 12 at home.  Everything pointed to one result and after a first half littered with chances and the Blues winning 2-1, you could have got odds as high as 16/1 on Arsenal coming back to win.  They didn’t just come back and win, Arsenal absolutely slaughtered Chelsea in the second half.  Their front 3 of Gervinho, Van Persie and Walcott have never looked better and Ramsey and Arteta controlled the midfield.  Ok, so their defence is still pretty terrible and the best thing you can say about Santos and Mertesacker is that they haven’t made it any worse.  But quibbles aside, this was a restoration of faith for Arsene Wenger’s principals.  Especially given Chelsea played the game (as they have for much of the season) in exactly the sort of way that Arsenal do.  There is much to admire about AVB and Chelsea these days, but their season is threatening to unravel much the same way as Arsenals was unless they can shore things up at the back.  Or as Arsenal have now learnt, if you can’t do that, just score 5 goals instead...

2. Scotty Parker, English footballs answer to a fine Bordeaux.
Two years ago Scott Parker was heading to the end of a career that could probably have been summed up as what might have been.  He’s played for big clubs but never quite at the right time, his English career had never got going and the kid from the McDonalds adverts was playing for the bottom of the table team working his arse off week in, week out.  As it turns out, West Ham was the best thing that ever happened to him.  Collecting last season’s player of the year award, Parker has moved to Spurs and now looks just about as good a defensive midfielder in the league.  Getting better with age, Parker was imperious on Sunday as he broke down QPR’s midfield almost on his own to allow Spurs flourishing attack to run forward at will.  He looks like he could play for another 4 years and Harry Redknapp was for once not spinning a yarn when he eulogised over his qualities in the summer, declaring Parker the “one person” he wanted to sign.  That he had so little competition for his signature was baffling.  Parker could and perhaps should have been Arsenal’s captain.  But Wenger’s loss is Harry’s gain and right now, Spurs look just about the best bet for 4^th out of the improved chasing pack.

3. Swansea like it by the sea.
There’s always one team each year (usually Fulham) who coast through the Premiership normally finishing around 14-16^th with a superb home record and an absolutely terrible time on their travels.  This season’s contender for the “homer” crown is looking increasingly like Swansea City; who not only remain unbeaten after 5 games at the Liberty Stadium having yet to concede a goal scored by an opposition player, but just look an utterly different team to the one who continue to be hung out to dry away from the bay.  Scott Sinclair and Nathan Dyer have skill and pace to burn and once again tore into their opponents at the weekend to create the space for the eventual openings to come.  Defensively, Swansea are organised well and have a fine keeper.  They might not win away all season, but if they carry on this form at home and finish 14-16^th, not a single fan will care.

4. Somebody is going to have to stop Manchester City.
It is still too early in a season to crown anyone champions and City fans should be wary that Chelsea were strolling into November last year before their world fell apart around them.  The reason for their collapse was simple, they had been scoring at will... and then they stopped.  What should give City fans heart though and drive fear into everyone else’s, is that not since the Utd side of the late 90’s have a team had so many attacking players in such good form.  City currently have Aguero, Dseko, Ballotelli, Johnson, Silva & Nasri playing at the top of their game.  They often only play 3 of them, meaning that even if they don’t find a way through, the ones on the bench usually will.  They have scored 36 goals in 10 games, winning 9 and making the best start in the history of the league.  To even take a point off them, you have to score at least 2 goals.  By Christmas we should know more (City play Liverpool and Chelsea away and Arsenal at home in quick succession) – but for now, even as an optimistic Utd fan I’m left hoping for a triple injury blow and a chronic mass loss of form.  Never ideal...

5. Wigan are fucked.
5 points after 10 games is a dire situation and the teams around Wigan all have the capacity to get better.  With the greatest respect to Roberto Martinez, you just cannot see how Wigan are going to a) score and b) ever keep a clean sheet.  Still missing the likes of Paul Scharner not to mention the likes of Palacious and Valencia, Wigan have been victims of their own success to an extent but it now looks like their fate lies back in the Championship.  Last season they survived by the skin of their teeth, but there was at least 2 clubs playing even worse than they were.  This season it’s just impossible to make an argument for any 3 sides in the league all finishing below them.  Too early to condemn a side to relegation?  Not this time, Wigan have absolutely no chance.

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Nine

1. United have no defence. Literally.
All freakish results have to be considered in context and, as week 9 of the new season came to a close, this result will eventually mean very little if Utd lift the title come May.  The more worrying thing for Utd fans isn’t a one off freakish scoreline, but that City have been looking better than them in virtually every league game so far.  Defensively, a shambles of this magnitude had been coming.  Utd have conceded 92 shots on goals in 5 home games so far, a simply staggering statistic.  Ferguson refused to address the cavernous hole in the middle of the park in the summer, instead relying on youth and pace to carry Utd away from the pack.  What he probably didn’t bet on though, was City adding players of the quality of Aguero and Nasri to their squad; and the complete and utter decline of Rio Ferdinand.  Now barely able to run, Ferdinand looks about as good as Gary Neville did before he announced his retirement.  Elsewhere across the back line Evra is becoming increasingly more erratic both in form and mood and Jonny Evans needs to be shipped off to the reserves of the nearby Fox & Duck.  Three goals in injury time added a spoonful of humiliation on top of what was already a terrible afternoon, but if it gives Utd a wakeup call, personally I’m all for it.  The cold hard facts are that for all their team spirit and experience, right now only 3 United players would get in the City team.  All that money looks finally to have clicked and for all the feeble chirping of Liverpool fans who have nothing to celebrate but a home point to the might of Norwich, it could spell trouble not just for Utd, but for a league that probably can’t compete in general...

2. When are managers going to stop being so bloody biased?
If retrospective punishment for players is introduced, why not the same for managers who sit there and just lie about what happened after the match?  A thoroughly entertaining London derby saw Neil Warnock and AVB come away with such wildly polarised opinions it boarded on the ridiculous.  But it was Saturday’s game that really took the biscuit as Roy Hodgson, normally a picture of calm assurance, wildly claimed that Chris Herd had got sent off for “a clear stamp.”  Understandably aggrieved by Alan Hutton’s mystifyingly dangerous tackle going unpunished, Hodgson remains a better man than just making up claims to try and defend a dismissal that must rank as one of the worst decisions of the decade.  It wasn’t a stamp, it wasn’t even a foul.  It wasn’t... anything.  Come on lads, for crying out loud man up and admit that sometimes you just get very, very lucky.  It’s easy to criticise the ref when you’ve lost, it would be nice if someone did it when they’d been on the other side of the decision for a change.

3. Ray Wilkins needs to move on.
Firstly credit where credit’s due, after a shaky start Gary Neville has achieved in 2 months what Alan Shearer hasn’t done in 5 years, he has become a genuinely interesting pundit who is learning each week.  His banter with Redknapp is top notch and whilst he’s still Red Nev, he at least manages to remain impartial during his analysis.  Wilkins on the other hand, really has to stop being allowed in the commentary box when Chelsea are playing.  Biased to the point of madness, Wilkins is a terrible pundit, often drifting off into his own thoughts and seemingly having to be slapped off screen to shut the hell up.  Most irritating though, is his continued predilection for referring to Chelsea players by their first name.  Calling out “JT” and “Frank” is bad enough, but yesterday saw the introduction of “Didier,” “Nico” and the inexplicable “Old John Obi.”  Suddenly it’s becoming all too clear why Wilkins was sacked, presumably Roman spent two hours in his company and decided enough was enough.  It’s time to move on mate... seriously.

4. Mario Balotelli, the man Adel Taarabt wishes he was.
6-1 looks like and was a complete battering, but until Jonny Evans got sent off yesterday the Manchester derby was a very even contest with the exception of one man.  Balotelli was the difference, scoring the first two goals and getting the wrong side of Gerard Piques equal for the dismissal.  Superb in the last five games, the same certainly can’t be said of Adel Taarabt.  Storming off the pitch yesterday for what already seems like the 20^th time this season, Taarabt’s delicate flicks and range of passing were ultimately less memorable than him arguing with his own players and diving to the ground like he’d been shot whenever a Chelsea player came within a yard of him.  If you’re going to be a complete cock, you’ve got to be performing on the pitch.  Something that it seems Mario Balotelli has finally learnt to his favour. 

5. Football needs to get racism under control.
It may be a co-incidence, but the last week has seen a ludicrous four players being accused of racist remarks, with England’s referee/captain John Terry and Cesc Fabregas adding their names to the potential list of shame.  Surely video footage of matches is sufficient that these claims can be proved one way or another? John Terry allegedly racially abused Anton Ferdinand with around 6 players within a yard?  Shouldn’t the FA ask them what they heard, even if they decline to comment?  Football players are idiots and the last thing we want is for a “he were racist to me guvnor” epidemic to spread across the game like that pathetic spitting spell a few years back.  Either prove it, or punish the player who made up the claim.  Mind you, Fifa is hardly a benchmark for the racist moral compass, fining nations such as Russia and Spain an average of around £2.50 for ignorant and inexcusable abuse during matches.  There have been giant steps towards the stamping out of these scenes over the past few years, football needs to act quickly to ensure all the good work isn’t undone.

Team of the season so far as we reach the quarter stage:

Krull

Richards – Coloccini – Kompany – R.Taylor

Anderson – Parker – Ramires

Silva – Aguero - Rooney  

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Eight

1.  Chelsea remain a genuine title threat.
If they had taken more of their 30 chances at Old Trafford last month it would be Chelsea, not Utd, who would remain unbeaten and lie level with points with Man City at the top of the Premier league pile.  Everton is a bogey fixture for the boys in blue but it is a growing sign of their assurance under AVB that they swept them aside with comparative ease on Saturday evening.  Whilst they still look vulnerable to the counter attack, the same can be said about both the teams above them and Chelsea’s midfield is growing in strength.  Juan Mata looks the real deal and Ramires is getting better with every game.  Sturridge is playing with the sort of pace and fluency that made his recent overlooking from the England squad all the more baffling (he should be starting ahead of Theo Walcott on this form) and despite the ongoing Drogba and Torres debate, Chelsea’s system looks solid again with one of them in that lone role.  With the Manchester clubs all set for battle next Sunday, Romans Russian Army have the chance to go within a point of the top of the pile.  A position that will far from flatter them on this form.

2.  Arsenal simply cannot lose Van Persie.
Arsenal turned in their best performance of the season on Sunday and, in truth, deserved to win by a greater margin than 2-1.  That they won at all though was largely due to the finishing prowess of Robin Van Persie.  Scoring two and almost snaring a simply delicious third, the Dutchman remains the one world class attacking player in Wenger’s squad.  The Arsenal manager will be heartened by his captain’s comments before the match that he has no intention of leaving, but he must remain on edge until he signs a new contract.  Injury of course, never tends to stay away from Van Persie for long and if Arsenal are to have even the slimmest of chances of playing Champions league football again next year, you feel he has to complete over 30 league games for them this season.  Something, it has to be said, he has never managed to do...

3.  Wigan already need a miracle.
Bottom of the table and their only win coming over a ragged QPR side via two deflected goals, Wigan needed a miracle to stay up before the season began and they need even more of one now.  Shorn of their two best midfielders in the close season, Roberto Martinez has nowt but coppers in the kitty and a defence more porous than a fishing net.  Up front Hugo Rodallega has badly lost his way, Victor Moses looks like he’s played football once in his life and their main striker is Franco Di Santo... who is arguably the worst main striker not just in this league, but in any league.  Ever.  If Martinez keeps this side up he deserves every accolade going.  But the smart money is on them being out of it come Easter.

4.  Greed the order of the day on Merseyside
This week’s comments from Ian Ayre have thankfully been condemned by pretty much the entire football community.  Greedy and pathetic at worst, naive at best, Ayre’s comments came only a week or so after Ferguson had publicly backed the current system and slated the Spanish model.  One wondered then who was going to support Ayre’s proposal when the grandfather of the Premier league and leader of the biggest club had already cast disproval on such a motion.  Regardless of that, it cannot be allowed to happen.  English football already has a huge problem with financial disparity, with the gap between the top two leagues growing every year.  To create an even bigger chasm within the top division itself would give teams no chance at all of ever competing.  Comparison with the otherwise successful American model is so far off the mark it barely deserves a comment.  The last time I checked English football didn’t have a draft system.  Hopefully Liverpool’s MD can now crawl away into a hole again and be fed raw fish until he learns his lesson.

5.  Steve Bruce just doesn't like strikers does he.
Sunderland’s indifferent start to the season continued at the Emirates where they essentially defended for 90 minutes and ended up losing.  Whilst Arsenal remain a potent threat going forward, a four year old child could have told Brucie that the best form of defence against the Gunners is attack.  Their defence, inexplicably still containing Car Crash Koscielny, looks like it could crumble at any time and indeed on the 2 times Sunderland did decide to try and get in Arsenals half, they carved them open easily.  Pundits continue to talk about how Bent leaving has cost Sunderland but you wonder now if the problem was even deeper than that.  Was Bruce sleeping with Dazza? Did he cradle him after games like a mother to a newborn pub?  Sordid tales aside, Bruce looks like he was so personally scarred by Bent leaving that he now won’t play his strikers incase one of them starts scoring and leaves for another club.  It’s an interesting tactic, but one that will probably result in them losing most games.  Sessegnon is a decent player, but a centre forward he is not and Sunderland effectively played a 4-6-0 formation on Sunday whilst two strikers warmed the bench.  When they did both come on, one scored a disallowed goal and the other had a great chance.  It’s not rocket science Steve, just fucking play them. 

5 Things We Learnt From Watching Football This Weekend - Week Seven

1.  Ledley King – what a waste. 
Of all the injury wrecked careers few have more been prolonged and frustrating of that of Ledley King.  Imperious once more on Sunday, King had Van Persie in his pocket for 90 minutes on his way to claiming his 8^th straight win for Spurs.  The trouble being, he only plays 1 in 3 matches.  Indeed, in the last four seasons King has played 54 league games out of a possible 152 in what should have been any defenders prime years.  A masterful defender on his day, you’d think if Spurs are to have any chance of making the Champions League again, they’re going to have to hope he can stay fit.  When he plays, there remains few better in the division.  Indeed, if there was any justice in the world… it is King, not England’s brave John Terry who would have been leading our country for the past half-decade.

2.  Steve Kean might just be on his last legs.

A strange appointment at the best of times, there remains an endearing degree of awfulness to Steve Kean.  He doesn’t whine, he doesn’t moan… he just gets on with it and isn’t very good at his job.  A muddled victory over balsa wood Arsenal aside (where own goals attributed to half their total) Blackburn have been pretty dreadful so far this season, also failing to beat an Everton team who really, really wanted to lose against them.  A defeat by Man City isn’t a fair benchmark for anyone, but it’s not so much the result as the inability to… well, manage his team in any sort of a reasonable manner that is clearly grating Rovers fans right now.  Rovers just collapsed when the first goal went in on Saturday.  As if Kean has said to them all “we’re playing for nil nil, keep defending, keep harassing and if they score… well... er… we’re fucked.”  I don’t like to see any manager sacked (unless his name is Mick McCarthy) – but parting ways with Kean would be more akin to putting a confused and sickly dog to sleep.

3.  Newcastle – the unexpected leaders in the lost art of defending.
This weekend saw another two total spankings to add to a list that has already reached double figures by October.  Either teams are giving up much easier than before, or the standard of defending in the league is dropping (we don’t, with the best will in the world, have the world’s best attacking talent right now, although we do certainly have some of it).  Alan Pardew then, despite possibly being the Anti-Christ, deserves enormous credit for guiding Newcastle to an unbeaten 4^th place so far with a defensive record the pick of anyone in the league.  4 goals shipped in 7 games is a fine effort and Newcastle are playing with real belief and fluency.  So much so, that they actually look a better team without Andy Carroll in it.  The run will end soon, but for now Newcastle fans have good reason to be cheerful.  As a further aside, is there currently a better defensive midfielder in the league than Tiote?  Strong, skilful and with an engine that Van “60 minutes” de Vart would kill for.  Expect Arsenal to be in for him come May.  And ruin his career…

4.  Consistency remains the key.
If there’s one thing that drives me mad (well actually there’s several but let’s move on) it’s players on a “hot streak” of 3 or 4 games who are suddenly talked about as being fucking amazing.  Step forward Gabby Agbonlahor who has been really, really good for a grand total of two homes games this season and is now been talked up as “ready for England again.” Is he?  For me, playing well over a period of 20-30 games for your club should be what gets you noticed for your country.   I accept there will be the odd very young and prodigious talent who it’s probably worth chucking in there, but when people are calling for a recall for SWP you may as well just give up.  And on a similar point, can somebody please remind pundits that Phil Jones played 40 times for Blackburn; he isn’t some child who has just emerged from Alex Ferguson’s womb.

5.  Madness on Merseyside.
The early kick off this weekend was marred not just be a truly terrible decision by the referee (played the ball, didn’t even follow through, Suarez just ran into him, made a complete meal of it, not even a foul let alone a red sodding card...) – but more worryingly by clearly disgruntled Everton fans resorting to base levels of idiocy.  Unlike other City Derby’s – Liverpool v Everton has in recent years been shot through with a degree of calmness (at least off the field) and a mutual respect between supporters.  After all, unlike the likes of Glasgow and Celtic, Merseyside derbies often split whole families down the middle.  A shame then that Everton fans didn’t so much cross the line as hurl shit over it again and again yesterday with their disgraceful raining down of objects onto the field.  Carroll had three bottles thrown at him when he scored, Suarez several more and the last ten minutes descending into a total farce as corners were almost stopped due to safety concerns.  These are not scenes we want to see anymore of in our game and Everton fans should be completely ashamed of themselves.  As, it has to be said, should Martin Atkinson.