Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Twenty-Two

Son shines kindly on North London giants
A largely wretched weekend for the chasing pack, saw Spurs and Arsenal take an improbable four points from matches they had no right to do so. Arsenal were abject against a well organised Burnley; reliant on a set piece to break the deadlock and then watched, open mouthed, as Granit Xhaka inexplicably lunged in after losing the ball a good 70 yards away from his penalty area. Burnley deserved something from the game, and were desperately unlucky having scored a penalty of their own, to come away empty handed thanks to Sanchez impish chip at the death. At least the officials got the decisions right in that match, which is more than could be said over at the Etihad, where Spurs were taken to the absolute cleaners by Manchester City and somehow came away with a point. City can only blame themselves for such wasteful finishing and a chronic lack of a final ball when they got behind the Spurs full backs for the 85th time... but the game turned when Raheem Sterling was clearly pulled back running in on goal. It was a stone wall penalty and red card, yet the referee didn’t see it as that... and Spurs promptly produced their only passing move of the entire match to go up the other end and score. With Chelsea almost impossible to score against right now, these were vital points in what is increasingly becoming a dog fight for the top four.

Swansea make Pool pay for passive defence
If Liverpool attack with the aggression of Donald Trump, they defend like Jeremy Corbyn. Indeed, the entire back line is about as organised as the Labour Party right now, which continues to be as much of a frustration for their manager as I’m sure it is to the millions of Labour voters who have heads in their hands as their excuse of a leader... sorry, I’ve wandered off topic. 

Two goals at home to Swansea should really be enough to win a match. But twice Liverpool came unstuck by the predatory instincts of Llorente and, after coming back into the match through the lost magic of Firmino, then just kinda fell over as Sigurdsson was able to run the entire length of the pitch without anybody marking him. The Icelandic international eventually finding the ball at his feet with just the keeper to slot calmly past. Paul Clement has organised his troops well in a short space of time, but the key factor here was the sense of belief that ran through the Swansea players. They never stopped running or believing, even when they were pulled back to 2 all. Summon up that passion every week, and they may well get out of the mess they find themselves in yet. As for Liverpool... it’s Chelsea up next, a match they have to win to keep any sense of the title alive. Lose it... they won’t just be out of the title race, they’ll likely be out of the current top four as well.

How good could Carroll have been?

Andy Carroll will perhaps forever be remembered for the guy who went to Liverpool for the most falsely inflated transfer fee ever and largely did nothing. But that’s not fair... because he deserves to be remembered as the player who spent 90% of a career that could have been brilliant in the treatment room. Carroll is an old fashioned centre forward for whom, on his day, the term “unplayable” could genuinely have been written for. The big man added two more goals to go with his acrobatic wonder effort from last week and absolutely bossed a Middlesborough defence who had previously only conceded 3 goals in their last 5 matches. Given a run of matches, ten seems hopeful, twenty the stuff of fantasies, one wonders what Carroll could be capable of. His footwork is superb, he holds the ball up like it’s made of glue and he’s better in the air than Christian Benteke. And he doesn’t just stand there and wait either. He runs, a lot. West Ham have removed their best player and won back to back games scoring six goals en route. That is how good Carroll has been.

Plus that little Argentinian with the far too styled to be taken seriously hair who plays in behind. Some player that kid.

Sunderland need some positivity

This week, David Moyes, the Sunderland manager and X-Factor winner 2013, said this:

"I'd be kidding you on if I said the players we are going to bring in in January are going to massively make a big difference because first of all, we probably couldn't get that level of player and secondly, we probably wouldn't have the finances to do that. To suggest that the player we bring in would be making a big difference, I think, wouldn't be correct."

Talk about raising the white flag? Can you imagine saying that in any other business? Moyes has been in suicide watch mode ever since the United job turned sour, like a man who still can’t shake the fact he had the chance to marry the most amazing woman in the world... and ended up with Katie Hopkins.

That’s not to say Sunderland is Katie Hopkins. I have to make that completely clear.

But maybe if he went and managed Leeds...

Holgate isn’t just a good luck charm
After starting the first three games of the season and doing absolutely nothing wrong, it was a touch surprising that Mason Holgate didn’t get on the pitch again for another 11 league matches. Indeed the young centre back had to wait until week 18 before being told he could start a match again. Of the 6 games Holgate has started this season, Everton are unbeaten and have kept 4 clean sheets. They’ve only kept 7 in total. They have won the last three matches he’s played 7-0. There are other reasons behind this of course, but in an era where 3-5-2 is suddenly back in fashion, Holgate looks a perfect fit for club and country in that formation. The surprise from most at Everton isn’t how assured and comfortable the youngster looks, but why it took so long for Koeman to figure out he needed to start playing him.

Team of the Weak:

I’m just going to give it to Andre Marriner.

And Paul fucking Pogba.

Goodnight

https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey