Five things we've Learnt from the Premier League this year - Month Two

It’s even grimmer t’up north than ever

Winless in August, winless in September.  After seven games you could add the points of Sunderland and Newcastle together, and they’d STILL be in the relegation zone. As the grim reaper of premier league managers glides ominously across the the country from London to Birmingham to Merseyside, he has now set up permanent residence in the North East ready to claim his next victim and carry them back to the purgatory of mid table European sides or League one hopefuls. Newcastle, knocked out of the League Cup by Sheffield Wednesday in midweek, at least rallied this weekend to show some fight against Chelsea. Denied a victory by a flighted free kick that eluded everyone to go in (also, the only type of goal that Willian is now allowed to score). Sunderland meanwhile are in desperate, desperate trouble. Put to the sword by a third gear Manchester United on Saturday, it’s impossible to see where there next win will come from. They don’t score, they can’t keep a clean sheet and they have a manager who never really wanted to be there in the first place. Next week the two can look forward to playing the teams currently sitting in 2nd and 3rd, before they set themselves for the Tyne & Wear derby on October 24th. Something surely has to give then, but as Watford, Bournemouth and Norwich show them both how to defend, entertain and score respectively, it’s hard to make a case for either side going on a run to pull themselves from the mire just yet.

Injuries define seasons as much as form and tactics
When people ask me who I think will win the league, I normally respond with a caveat centered around what luck any respective team will get with injuries. Chelsea last year for example, managed to complete the season with their first choice back 5 having played virtually every game. You can’t buy or coach that, you just need a little luck, and probably not to sack your club doctor for being a woman. Arsenal by contrast, haven’t just not won the league for a decade because of Wenger’s stubbornness to buy a striker or a 9 year quest for a plan B. No, they keep failing because each and every season over half their team seems to get struck down by awful injuries. Indeed, Walcott, Wilshire and the Ox have had more days out injured in the last two years than Chelsea’s ENTIRE squad. Man City, imperious for four games, have now lost three matches in a row without their chief creator David Silva and captain Vincent Kompany. United have lost the best young left back in the country for the season, and yesterday the sight of Calum Wilson leaving the field with an injury that could keep him out for months will leave Cherries’ fans sick in the stomach of how much their survival chances will now be hampered. Would Hull have stayed up had Robert Snodgrass not been injured in the first few minutes of last season? Would Arsenal have won the title and dominated for years had Eduardo never had his leg broken? These are questions we don’t know the answer to, but what we do know is that no team ever wins the title without keeping their core assets on the pitch for the vast majority of the time. As City have already proved, calling a title race after 5 games is utterly absurd. Even the best teams are just a couple of key injuries away from disaster.

We’ve been asking the wrong question about Martial
After four games, four goals and performances laced with verve and purpose, the question isn’t why United payed £36m for a teenager who had barely played, but why he had barely played to begin with. Martial already looks like one of those teenagers who is 19 going on 30. He plays with his head up, reads the game well and seems to not even remotely bothered by all the hype going on around him. His reaction to scoring is as if it was expected, rather than to be celebrated. Like a slightly more animated version of Mario Balotelli’s famous “does the postman celebrate when he delivers the mail” line. The price is almost irrelevant to United, so the question was always going to be could Martial give United what they were missing in the final third? So far that question has been answered resoundingly with United having cut loose to score 12 goals in four domestic games since he joined. A front three of Martial, Memphis and Mata suddenly seems like a deadly combination of pace, trickery and creativity with Rooney pulling the strings behind like an aging headmaster who still wants to sit at the kids table. Indeed, with De Gea restored and United having employed an ominously strong rotating shield of defensive midfielders, Rooney continues to look like the odd man out in a youthful and well drilled side. United sit on top of the table after 7 games, of which they’ve looked impressive for probably just 2. But if they are to go further this year and stay there come May, easing his captain out of the side might just be the best thing Van Gaal can do for the club.

Why was nobody else in for Payet?
Costing a little over £10m, Dimitri Payet has wasted no time in adapting to life in the Premier League and has helped elevate West Ham to the lofty heights of third in the table. His record in the French league has been imperious over the past three seasons. Indeed he has scored over 20 times and created some 40 more goals in that period. Last year, he led the league for assists and nobody in European football made more through balls bar Lionel Messi. So why on earth was nobody else in for him when Bilic swooped in the summer? Chelsea, to name but one team, are crying out for a number 10 to take the strain off the fatigued Oscar and the increasingly erratic Fabregas. Spurs have Eriksen in that role, but beyond that nothing and Payet would have been a more than adequate step up on the guileless Nacer Chadli. Roberto Martinez bemoaned the lack of available players who fitted Payet’s description the entire transfer window. Those club’s loss is West Ham’s gain. Payet has been their best player so far as they have won away at Arsenal, City and Liverpool. If he can keep them ticking over, a European place is far from out of reach.

Jamie Vardy would get in any squad in the country
You probably laughed at that line didn’t you? I mean, this is Jamie Vardy, a guy playing non league football but a few seasons ago and a man so rough around the edges he could be carved in gravel. But look beyond that you see a footballer with a work rate higher than the entire Manchester City squad. A striker who is not only the leading scorer so far this season, but one who is unselfish and plays only for his team and not himself. Vardy creates goals, scores goals and even stops them. You cannot watch Leicester without being drawn to his energetic presence. He gives opposition defenders not a single moment of peace for 90 minutes and has the end product to back it up. Vardy may be 28, but being such a late starter to the rigors of top flight football has meant his career still has years ahead of him. He plays with the abandonment of a 16 year old and even though Leicester lost this weekend, he was the stand out player along with Alexis Sanchez. He is, right now, a better forward than Theo Walcott, Wilfried Bony, Wayne Rooney, Danny Ings and Radamel Falcao. Every fan, of every club, should want him at their club.

Team of the Weak
(not to be confused with Garth Crooks‘ team of the week. A man who wouldn’t know an actual formation if hit him in the face, and who steadfastly refuses to pick defenders who keep clean sheets.)

Caballero - A back up keeper for a reason. Cabellero spilled, flapped and blundered his way through 90 minutes and left with his manager praying Joe Hart never, ever gets injured again.

Kaboul - WHY PEOPLE WHY!!!?

Olsson - It’s a good job Norwich can score, because they sure as hell can’t defend. O’Neill needs to find a combination of defenders that can keep some clean sheets and fast if their thus far entertaining start to the division isn’t going to be a short lived one.
Sagna - This was the Sagna of big Arsenal away games again, rather than the one who has done so brilliantly to date this season. Over hit crosses, mis-timed tackles and a general sense of not really knowing what is going on.
Johnson - Stoke used to have a good record at the back. Then their captain got injured, and they signed Glen Johnson.
Coutinho - Inexplicably in Garth Crooks team of the week, it really is now getting incredible how bad Phil is at shooting. He has had more shots than any player in the league. Hell, he has had more shots than most entire TEAMS in the league. 18 in the last two matches alone, many of them clear cut. Zero goals. Thanks for coming.
Sterling - Cut from the same shooting cloth as the above, Sterling isn’t just at Man City to run into corners and create space for real players. No wait, that is what he’s there for. My mistake. £50m. Ka-ching!
Juarado - Watford’s great play-maker has yet to score this season. And has created nothing since the opening game. They need him to start firing and fast.
Ayew - Has completely gone off the boil, along with the entire Swansea side after such an impressive start. No goals in three for the whole team now, and Ayew is floundering.
Aguero - Not entirely sure what has happened to Aguero this season. Imperious for his country during the international break, he has come back and continued to fire blanks for his club. Looks a yard off and badly needs a couple of goals to kick-start his season.
Remy - Just could not give a toss.

What you may have missed
Chelsea in 15th having won two games all season and looking absolutely awful. Nothing else matters really. They literally can only win games by cheating now. Hail Jose!

https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey

Five Things We've Learnt From The Premier League So Far

One month in and nobody was expecting Chelsea to have the same number of points as Norwich & Bournemouth, and half as many as Swansea. But that is the reality of things heading into the final hours of deadline day as the Hindu Monkey turns his withering and overdue eyes over the season to date:

1.       The title isn’t won after 4 games, but it can be lost.
When assessing the title chances of the big clubs this summer, few tipped City to return to the summit following an up and down campaign which mixed brilliance with defensive vulnerability.  10 goals scored, none conceded and 4 wins from 4 have changed expectations somewhat. City now look the team to beat and few would deny the signings of Sterling, De Bruyne and Otamendi, all be it for ridiculous, FFP flouting fees, have strengthened the team. The frightening thing for their rivals is that the latter two haven’t even stepped on the pitch yet. City remain reliant on Aguero, despite the new signings, but the one thing that the pace of Sterling has done has freed up more space for both him and the mercurial David Silva to work their magic in. Silva in particular has started the season in the sort of form that treats his omission from the 14/15 team of the year with utter disdain.  A wonderful player to watch, he is the heartbeat of this fabulous, free flowing city team and now has 14 goals and 16 assists in his last 34 games. A truly astonishing return.

Those stats topped even Hazard last year and if Silva has started the season flying, the Belgian certainly hasn’t. Chelsea look to be punch-drunk, hungover and heading for collective retirement all at the same time. A defence that seems to have aged a decade over the summer, are being badly let down by the axis of Matic/Fabregas. Arguably the best two central midfielders last season, both look well short of their best right now. Fabregas cannot get into games and Matic looks a yard off the pace, mistiming tackles that he would have made with casual aplomb six months ago. With 34 games left to go, nobody is being crowned champions yet, but it is a horrifying start by Chelsea who find themselves just 2 points off the bottom of the table, and a full 8 behind City having already lost to them once. With United and Pool flattering to deceive after solid starts, and Arsenal doing their usual pass, pass, pass, feint to shoot, pass, lose the ball trick… neutrals and rival fans alike are left hoping for a slip up from the runaway leaders to stop this turning into yet another Premier League procession rather than an actual contest.

2.       Swansea remain the most under-rated team in the land
Unbeaten and having just swatted aside Manchester United yet again, it is now impossible not to respect the work being done at Swansea City, not just by Gary Monk, but the entire club. Swansea have sold well, bought better and improved each and every season under new, supposedly callow managers. They have taken rough diamonds and polished them (Shelvey), brought players up from the lower leagues (Williams), rescued players from rotation hell and made them first team regulars (Fabianski, Naughton) and consistently bought cheap, talented players on the continent who have come in and hit the ground running (Bony, Michu, Ayew). Already this season Swansea have overpowered Newcastle and Sunderland and Gary Monk has tactically out thought both Louis Van Gaal and Jose Mourinho. They have the most inform striker in the land and have a fixture list that now pits them against five of the bottom ten teams next. In a season where once again it looks like the supposed bigger clubs will struggle, talk of Swansea for Europe really isn’t as fanciful as it seems. Given the way they are run, operate and their success in comparison to net spend on the pitch… every club in the land should aspire to be Swansea City. I can’t pay them a higher compliment.

3.       It still looks pretty grim in the North-East
Any optimism that came with the appointment of Steve McClaren, and the proven quality of new signings Wijnaldum and Thauvin, has been tempered slightly by a truly evil opening set of fixtures and buying a striker who appears even angrier than Diego Costa. Newcastle have two points from their opening four matches and sit bottom of the table, alongside their neighbours Sunderland. Comfortably the worst side in the league so far, Sunderland have conceded 10 goals to date and look like a disorganised rabble managed by a bloke who is now wishing he stuck to his original retirement plan. Sticking to their questionable transfer policy of buying players who represent absolutely no value whatsoever, the Black Cats decided that the key to shoring up their defence was a move for Younis Kaboul. The most error prone defender in the league since Titus Bramble retired. Who Sunderland also signed. Both clubs have enough ability to survive the drop, not to mention two managers who know what they’re doing both in terms of coaching and tactics. As ever though, you sense the key to both teams remain keeping confidence high and the fans on side. Both these sides are impossibly well supported and deserve more than languishing in the nether regions of the table whilst pretenders from the Championship come up and leapfrog them season after season. Will their fans get what they wish for? Probably not, although at least it looks like both teams will offer more value for money from an entertainment factor this time around.

4.       United and Pool underwhelm, but Spurs could be the club to drop out this time around.
Since the departures of Alex Ferguson and Luis Suarez respectively, Liverpool and Manchester United have spent over £500 million on players who have barely improved the squads they both possessed three years ago. When they have improved them (Schneiderlin, Milner) they seem to have done so at the expense of other areas. Both clubs look short of goals, yet have conspired to move on a staggering ten forwards this summer. Liverpool have refused to sign a keeper, any keeper, who is better than Simon Mignolet, whereas United now seem to have 18 of them on their books due to some sort of transfer collapsing curse. Both clubs look weak in central defence, if solid in the middle of the park with a rotating blend of attractive attacking midfielders who look like world beaters one week and lightweight puppets the next. Neither side are going to win the title, and spending £30m plus on Benteke or a French teenager nobody has heard off is going to change that. They remain well supported clubs with cash and a huge global support network, both managed by stubborn, occasional astute managers who think they’re much, much better than what they are. They will likely finish 4^th and 5^th respectively though, which will keep both sets of fans dreaming of better days to come following another disenchanting season.

However, both at least look equipped enough to maintain their positions in the leagues hierarchy, which is more than can be said right now for Spurs. Having bought 10 players from the Gareth Bale money and then tried to move each and every one of them on, Spurs look to have finally got themselves out of their so close, yet so far, season after season cycle and just accepted that in reality, they’re just a bit shit. They rarely keep clean sheets, remain prone to horrific individual errors and have streamlined their squad to a level whereby one can only assume they will be sending out the youth team in the Europa League. They create nothing without Eriksen, and when he does play most of the chances he sets up are missed. Their best attacking player is currently Nacer Chadli. Who wouldn’t get in the Leicester City team. The fans have slowly but surely begin to turn upon Levy, the chairman who has balanced the books but wielded the axe with dramatic frequency and overseen season after season of mediocrity laced with flashes of genius. Spurs were once the most entertaining club in the land. They’re now the most boring. With the rise of Swansea, Southampton, Palace and the core talent that remains, unpoached at a free from Europe Everton; Spurs fans can forget about finishing anywhere near the top four. On this evidence, they’ll be lucky to be in the top half.

5.       Attacking intent is finally being rewarded
If there is one key area the Premier League has evolved on over the past few years it has been the attacking intent offered up by some of the supposedly lesser teams. It used to be just the big boys who were capable of 7-0 or 5-3 scorelines, but now it seems common place for the likes of Southampton and Leicester to be involved in them as well. West Ham have started the season deciding to treat away games like home games and vice versa. And under Alan Pardew, Crystal Palace have evolved into a free flowing attacking juggernaut with little or no interest in defending.  Even Chelsea can’t seem to eek out 1-0 home wins anymore and with money being poured into superstar forwards, teams are realising that attack is often the best form of defence against the bigger clubs. It has helped make the Premier League what it is. For all its flaws, overblown drama and hideous amount of money, it remains a riotously entertaining league which is impossible to predict from one week to the next.

Trust me, just try managing a fantasy football team in this climate...

Team of the (first four) Weak

Courtois – Has looked far from the safe pair of hands of last season and has conceded six goals in three games, getting rightfully sent off in one. Indeed, Begovic looked better in one half against Manchester City.
Ivanovic – The Serbian was always a bit of a sham of a right back who hid his flaws with attacking prowess and boundless energy. Having lost a yard or five of pace, and not having the world’s greatest defensive forward, Willian, ahead of him for the past two matches, he has been badly exposed.
Terry – Although not as exposed as Terry, who has been hauled off, sent off and watched from the stands as his team have been picked apart and left in tatters after just four games. It’s too early to write Terry off after last season’s heroics, so let’s just call him a c**t and all move on.
Coates – A defender so bad that even Brendan Rodgers won’t play him. Liverpool’s loss is Sunderland’s er… gain. Or not, as the case may be.
Jenkinson – Missing from both the away wins, Carl Jenkinson has far conceded six goals at home to Leicester and Bournemouth and got sent off. Looked like the player Arsenal bought, not the one that Sam Allardyce turned him into…
Wanyama – Looked awful in every game he played, missed the one game Saints looked great in to force a move away. Move fell through. Slow clap.
Fabregas – Looks slow, tired and a shadow of the player who lit up the league at the start of last season. Chelsea need the real Fabregas back, and fast.
Coutinho – After a match winning opening strike, Coutinho proceeded to fire off 237 shots without scoring in just 3 hours and then got sent off, feebly. Will now miss the biggest away game of the season.
The entire Arsenal attacking unit– In 4 matches to date, Arsenal have averaged 68% possession and fired off a simply staggering 83 shots. Staggering because so far a front line of Cazorla, Ozil, Ramsey, Walcott, Chamberlain, Sanchez and Giroud have mustered a single goal between them. Lucky to be even on 7 points, Arsenal and Wenger continue to go season, after season, after tiring season without knowing what a Plan B is if hit them in the face.
Kane – Harry Kane looked tired in the summer, so following an international tournament and the shortest pre-season in history it’s not a massive surprise that he now looks even more so. More a case of needs a break before flash in the pan comments can be made, but he badly needs some support and some time on the training pitch to get his sharpness back.
Rooney – A Champions League hat-trick of tap ins against a Bruge team more open than my 6 a side team cannot mask the failings in Wayne Rooney’s game. He has laboured in four matches for United and only succeeds in slowing the entire side down by being unable to run between the lines anymore. Strikers rarely return to greatness when they lose their pace, and Rooney is showing no signs of bucking that trend.

Until October…

https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey