Louis Van Gaal still has it all to prove
It is hard to fathom how, 24 games into the league and 30 plus into the season overall, Louis Van Gaal still hasn’t made Manchester United tick. And by tick I don’t even mean delivering a top gear performance against decent opposition. I mean, that’s what Spurs did to Arsenal on Saturday. And I’m not even expecting that. I would have least expected one of two things. Firstly, the players to now be comfortable, tactically, in their roles. And secondly, there to be some degree of fluent, attacking football from a squad with £250m plus of “talent” on the pitch. Van Gaal has thus far been successful in just two areas. One, the signing of Daley Blind, who is a world class holding player who makes the truly awful defence behind him look only slightly awful. And two, the form of David De Gea, who is a world class keeper who makes the truly awful defence ahead of him look only slightly awful. Those two are thus far the only players in a squad littered with ridiculous wages, countless trophies, awards and international caps who would, on form, get into the West Ham side they should have lost to on Sunday. To take potshots at this side would be like taking a dummy from a baby. But I’ve been there, seen the tantrums, so fuck it... here goes.
Ten questions that remain utterly unanswered thus far in the Van Gaal era:
1. Why was Wayne Rooney given the biggest contract in the league when he was clearly a fading force as a striker?
2. Why was Ander Herrera chased for three years by three separate scouting networks as the solution to Paul Scholes retiring, only to not be given more than 3 games in a row at any stage to stamp his authority on a midfield that, on paper, appears tailor made for him?
3. Why instead, is Wayne Rooney playing that role when he possess no range of short passing, no ability to ghost into space and has lost the burst of pace that stood him out in his youth?
4. Why is Juan Mata not playing games, when each and every time he takes the field he is United’s most creative player by a distance?
5. How badly does Robin Van Persie have to perform to be dropped?
6. What has happened to the Angel Di Maria of last season, or even of the one who lit up the first few games he played for United. He looks bereft of confidence, bereft of form and currently cannot beat the first man with 80% of his crosses?
7. Why did Van Gaal not buy a singe credible centre back in the summer only to insist on playing a 3-5-2 formation for much of the campaign?
8. Why are United still talking about buying their way out of trouble, when the reality is that right now whoever comes to the club simply doesn’t perform?
9. Why can one of the most revered tactical coaches in the game not figure out how to win an away game? Even against lower league teams?
10. Why are United waiting until they’re behind in every single match before they seemingly even try to win?
And that is just on the pitch. Off it, United are more of a mess than ever. More interested in promoting themselves overseas than they are in repairing their reputation as the once most feared team in the land. NOBODY is scared of playing Man United anymore, not even teams from League Two. There is no fear of God mentality from either captain or coach and the mythical reputation built on the axis of Ferguson/Keane looks ten worlds away right now. Right now, United are just an average team in a very average league. They are fourth, but could easily be eighth and have no complaints. LVG will be given time, more so than Moyes certainly and more again as long as he does muster fourth come May. From there the entire heart and soul has to be ripped out of this team and rebuilt. Stars rejected by other clubs cannot paper over the cracks. United need to look from within and find an identity again that is worthy of a place at the top table. This side, with all it’s money and sponsors and past glories, is not fit to eat the scraps that are left for the dogs.
But you know, credit West Ham
The Hammers should have won this Sunday. They played the better football, defended better, passed better and outfought United in all the key areas. This is a fine West Ham side, arguably the finest in over twenty years. The defence is well organised and drilled and behind them they have a talented and able keeper. Big Sam could pick any combination of his midfielders and come up smelling of roses, such is the ability of Song, Kouyate and the woefully underrated Mark Noble. And up front Valencia, Sakho and Carroll are three strikers with vastly different skill sets who can trouble almost any defence. One hopes that having assembled this side, West Ham can now sit back and maintain a settled Premier League presence for several years to come. They may be a largely hateable lot, but quite frankly, it’s less fun without them in the fixture list each season.
Derby day was won by one man
And his name... was Piers Morgan. But aside from the idle tweets of a man who even his own mother refers to as “a bit of a dick,” this weekend was once again about Harry Kane. Indeed as we slowly, but surely, I mean seriously are we going to give him a farewell every fucking week, say goodbye to the career of Steven Gerrard... it was time to turn our attention to the new kid on the block. Harry Edward Kane. I wrote about him last week so go and read that if you haven’t already. But it was nice to just see Danny Murphy quoting it word for word on Match of the Day this week.
I’m watching you Danny...
What is going on at Manchester City?
It’s hard to consider anything a crisis when you’re in the last 16 of the Champions League and sit 2nd in the Premier League, but this has been a very average season and it is looking like another very average defence of their title by City. Manuel Pellegrini’s side have now not won in 5 matches. A run which has taken in three home games against a side from the Championship, the biggest away day chokers in big matches (see once again this Saturday) and Hull. Fucking Hull? I mean, Newcastle just put three past this lot. Away. Without a manager. City haven’t kept a clean sheet in ten matches!? I realise I’m just quoting stats now but come on... what the hell are they doing? At least try and make the title race interesting. Chelsea are laughing at you for Christ sake. They literally only play for twenty minutes a match now.
Pearson can have no complaints
Bottom of the table, four points from safety and with one win in 19 matches (19!?) - Pearson could probably have been expecting the call about now anyway. Then he decided to throttle an opposition player whilst on the ground near the touchline. And this after telling a supporter to “fuck off and die” a few weeks ago. I mean, I know Pardew has got away with worse... but really Nigel? Take a break son. Take a nice, long, break.
Team of the Weak
Heaton - didn’t really do a lot wrong, but no keeper conceded more than two this week and Burnley threw away the lead.
Baird - was selected instead of the vastly superior Wisdom, looking vastly inferior, booked, taken off at half time.
Kompany - looks a shadow of his former, last season self.
Jones - possess no ability to organise or to defend a set piece. I preferred it when he was taking them.
Shaw - he’s just not a 30m full back is he?
Rooney - calling MLS, calling MLS, please take Wayne too.
Gerrard - mentally, may well be already there.
Nasri - inexplicably selected over the bang in form Navas. Did nothing.
Ramsey - last season was one long fluke. The opposite of the phrase form is temporary, class is permanent.
Lukaku - I don’t even need to type it, do I?
Van Persie - calling MLS, calling... anyone...
What you may have missed
Absolutely anything exciting whatsoever happing in the Merseyside derby. Arsenal being overrun by three players plucked from the “obscurity” of Spurs own fucking academy. Something that Chelsea literally have no idea about whatsoever. But it doesn’t matter because they’re still better than every team in the league. QPR losing again as Southampton reveal they are in-fact being managed by George Graham. Jermain Defoe still having “a job to do” for England according to his manager. 100% of all English fans laughing at that idea. Except Roy Hodgson. Burnley and West Brom delivering the best game of the weekend. Newcastle and Stoke delivering nowhere near the best game of the weekend and Ghana, no Ivory Coast, no Ghana, no... body cares.
Worst. African. Cup. Of. Nations. Ever.
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