Monday, 29 September 2014

Week Six - The Digested Read


With a second child on the horizon ready to throw my carefully organised world into a carelessly disorganised one, this will be my last blog for a few weeks. I’m sure you can survive next weekend without me. And I know you can survive England showing “all their attacking teeth” against San Marino the week after. But either way, let’s make this blog a good one. After all, we’ve just won the Ryder Cup. Again.

What I really want to talk about The Big Issue: Saints just keep on marching.
After a season filled with attacking flair, young English talent and a wonderful pressing game, Saints pushed Swansea every step of the way last year in aiming to become everyone’s second team. This season, they have rebuilt half the team, gone Dutch and are now the clear contenders to be everyone’s second team. They are, put simply, a joy to watch.

Saints fans were fearful in early August when Lovren had followed Shaw, Chambers, Lambert and Lallana out of the club. More so with Schneiderlin and Rodriguez set to join them. Koeman though never faltered, he held on to the final two, said he had plenty of young defenders coming through the academy and had already bought Tadic and Pelle to replace Lambert and Lallana. Those two have since been joined by Saido Mane and the three playing in tandem look as good as any in the league. Sluggish in his first two games, Pelle has since scored 5 goals in 6 and further improved his reputation with a preposterous overhead kick on Saturday. If Mane is direct, full of pace and power, then Tadic is the real main cog in this new look team. He is the type of footballer who’s first touch gives him a yard over everyone on the pitch. He treats the ball like an object not of leather, but of the finest bone china, caressing it tenderly, lovingly with each delicate strike of his boot.

Behind the forwards it’s easy to see why Koeman was most keen to retain the services of Schneiderlin. The Frenchman is a wonderful footballer and works brilliantly with the more industrial skills of Victor Wanayama or Jack Cork. Behind them Ryan Bertrand seems finally to have found a club where he belongs and Nathanial Clyne is the best English right back by such an embarrassing margin it’s beginning to get perverse that literally anyone from Liverpool or Man Utd continue to get selected above him. The underrated Fonte continues to impress centrally and both Yoshida and Alderwiered have been solid enough to be part of, thus far, once again the best defence in the league. It’s barely even been noticed that Saints also upgraded their keeper to the excellent and less erratic Fraser Forster.

Southampton are 2nd in the table and will certainly not be overawed about the prospect of going to White Hart Lane this weekend to face their old manager. On this evidence, followed by further games against Sunderland, Stoke, Hull and Leicester… Saints are a much better bet for 4th than anyone from Merseyside.

The Bug Bear
There are few more petty crimes committed each week then during the art of celebrating a goal. This weekend saw Nacer Chadli booked and warned that he “could have been sent off” for cupping his hand to his ear when he scored against Arsenal. Why exactly? Players get abused relentlessly by opposition fans during football matches, why on earth aren’t they allowed to give a little back when they prove them wrong? There is a line of course, but one that Chadli certainly didn’t cross and for the commentator to just say “he’s stupid there, you just can’t do that” is a sad and frankly pathetic indictment of the game. Indeed, compared to Lampard’s pathetic, humbled apology of a celebration last weekend it was a breath of fresh air. Personally I would rather an automatic yellow was given for a non-celebration rather than a passionate one. Footballers are overpaid and over privileged, but let’s not take away their ability to actually, truly care about scoring a fucking goal.

Team of the Weak
Heaton – Burnley’s defence crashed back down to earth this weekend. Heaton was beaten 4 times from a mere 6 shots and looked ill at ease throughout.
Mee – Sooner or later the complete inability of Burnley to score a goal was going to cause the pressure on the defence to finally buckle. That was Sunday.
Mangala – An own goal, a truly terrible tackle to concede a penalty and a name that has brought tabloid headliners out in a rash with excitement.
Michael Dawson – Hull had one of the better defences last year and it wasn’t an area of the team that cried out for strengthening. They opened the season with a clean sheet and were unlucky to concede a late equaliser in their second match whilst playing with 10 men. Since then, Michael Dawson has come in and helped the Tigers ship 10 goals in 4 matches. I mean, I don’t want to point fingers…
Trippier - A third Burnley stopper makes the team. Trippier was much touted for his attacking play before promotion. Something we have seen precisely nothing of since the season started. Although in fairness to the lad, we have seen precisely nothing from the entire team in that area.
Cleverley – This was more like it Tom. Misplaced passed, needless booking, game passing you by. This is what United fans knew and loved. Thanks for reminding us again.
Vardy – Last week’s hero was this week’s fall guy. Missed a guilt edged chance, got booked, watched his side get overpowered and lose.
Fer – I’m not entirely sure what Fer is supposed to do. He seems to play in a free number 10 role, yet averages a goal or assist every 500 minutes. Which is bloody awful. Are people buying him just because he’s Dutch?
Rooney – A quietly impressive 45 minutes was undone by a laughably crap and cynical foul on Downing. Won’t play for his club again until November, and Juan Mata is better anyway, so nobody is really bothered.
Wickham – Could be a staple fixture in this feature if Sunderland continue to look as toothless as this. Can’t buy a goal at present.
Welbeck – Looked tired, off the pace and never really got going. Who does he think he is, Giroud?

Fantasy Football Disaster of the Week
Gloating at halftime that you took the decision to captain Rooney over Costa this week.

Non Argument of the Week
Steven Gerrard SILENCES critics with free kick. Those would, er, be the critics who said the only thing he can still do is strike a dead ball then? Well… that’s us told.

Manager of the Week
Alan Irvine. Back to back wins. Back to back clean sheets. Vibrant, attacking football. Er, where has this come from?

Worst Post Match Comments of the Week
The remarkable interview with both Big Sam and Kevin Nolan who tore apart the linesman for correctly awarding his goal as offside against Man Utd. First the manager said “it was just offside, but, he must have been superhuman to see it from there.” He then took a breath and seemed to change his mind to “no, he’s dropped a bollock, for me it’s onside.” This was followed by Nolan saying “you could see him blowing where he couldn’t keep up with play, it was a poor decision and I was definitely onside.”

Crucially Kevin, you weren’t. And regardless of whether the linesman saw it, took a punt or an educated guess, he got the decision right. Nothing else ultimately matters.

Quote of the Week
Arsene Wenger on his sides 8th injury crisis in 8 years:
“I don’t know. We’ll have to analyse. There’s no logic to it.”

Perhaps continuously signing lightweight players made of glass and teaching them pass, pass, pass, pass in every training session isn’t always ideal when it comes to physical matches? Just a guess. I’m no expert. But we are kind of going round in circles here Arsene.

What you have missed
Europe retaining the Ryder Cup. Sky putting a match on Sunday that almost nobody cared about so that we could all watch Europe retaining the Ryder Cup. One defender walking out on Brendan Rodgers and another one hitting him with a 30 yard, derby day piledriver. Manchester United defending like desperate dogs against the might of West Ham at home. Edin Dzeko rolling back the months to last season. Alan Pardew still being in a job. Portsmouth being debt free six years after Harry Redknapp left them in “excellent shape.” Chelsea winning the Premier League Title in September. Frank Lampard scoring four goals in a week. None of which were for Chelsea. Ronaldo coming “home” to Manchester United. Every week. In every paper. Only he won’t. Ever.



Sunday, 21 September 2014

Week Five - The Shocks, the Spills, the Shite

Crash! Bang! Wallop! What a Weekend

The Shocks Digested:

After four weeks of average to solid fare, the Premier League exploded to life this weekend with a set of results that defied reason and with an entertainment factor that went right up to 11. 31 goals, red cards, wonder strikes, high end drama... none of this was seen at Turf Moor. But the other 9 games all served up more shocks than a 70s mental hospital.

Here were the top 5:

QPR 2 - Stoke 2. Having scored just three goals between them so far, QPR and Stoke served up an end to end feast with late drama to boot. And Mark Hughes escaped alive.
Everton 2 - Crystal Palace 3. Palace hadn’t won a game yet and Neil Warnock’s side have been playing with the handbrake off since replacing the irreplaceable, yet defensive Tony Pulis. The former Blades boss looks like he plans to enjoy his final fling with the Premier League. Meanwhile, Everton look great going forward and terrible at the back. Something which they are far from alone in...
Newcastle 2 - Hull 2. A dramatic comeback spared Alan Pardew for another week as Cisse came off the bench to fire Newcastle to a draw after two absolute wonder goals looked to have condemned the Anti-Christ back to Hell.
West Ham 3 - Liverpool 1. 3 defeats from 5 and no points against Villa and West Ham have tempered Liverpool fans expectations. The team looks impotent whenever Sterling isn’t on the ball and it doesn’t seem to matter who plays, they always concede. Meanwhile West Ham continue their fine early season form and those calling for Big Sam to be sacked have gone a little quiet. Alex Song... seriously how was he allowed to move to West fucking Ham.
Leicester 5 - Man Utd 3. Utd losing a game is hardly a shock these days, but even by their recent standards this was a new benchmark in implosion. Two goals up, twice, they were torn apart by a player who was in the conference three years ago. Each week Utd manage to find new ways to sink lower and lower into the bog. What next? A six nil home defeat by West Ham? Frankly what would be the biggest shock right now, is this side putting together a run of results that suggest anything but a mid-table finish.

Alternative Shock of the Weekend:

Spurs 0 - West Brom 1. Spurs losing 1 nil at home after a Europa league game is pretty much fair game. But to this West Brom side? Come on lads... seriously?

Manager of the Weekend:

Nigel Pearson. What an absolutely phenomenal job he has done for Leicester. One hopes for all of football that when they do have a bad run, he receives nothing but total and utter support from this club.

Villain of the Weekend:


Frank Lampard. I honestly thought he was about to cry. In fact I’m pretty sure he did. I wouldn’t want to be his wife with John Terry coming over after that goal.

Fantasy Football disaster of the Weekend:


A very solid looking back five of De Gea, Zabaleta, Ivanovic, Evans and Jagielka. Getting you 1 point between them...

Quote of the Weekend:

“Chelsea played like Stoke” - Pellegrini. Over to you Hughesy...

Team of the Weak:

De Gea - Conceded five goals, got nowhere near two penalties and distribution was again woeful. Looks to have morphed back to the keeper during his first month with the club and badly in need of some tlc. Or, alternatively, two actual centre backs.

Skertel - Continues to play like a POW who’s just escaped for 90 minutes and can’t believe his luck. It’s a good job Liverpool didn’t just sell a player who’s much better...
Tyler Blackett - So out of his depth it hurts to watch. And then once Chris Smalling came on he really did have no chance.
Cissokho - Presumably forgot he now played for Villa and not Liverpool. Torn apart in ten minutes by a man who last played well in 2012. (Citation: also a 42m World Cup Winner)

Distin - Possibly the most underrated centre back in Premier League history. But the time has come to take him out to pasture...
Barton - Swanned around, took a few rubbish free kicks, got injured, has rubbish hair.

Tiote - Commits 1000 fouls a match, doesn’t protect the defence, never scores. He’s like an even worse version of John Obi Mikel.

Lamela - That second coming... or even first one... hasn’t really come yet has it.
Gerrard - Continues to be played in the role that Lucas was born for. Is in the side to take the penalties won by diving forwards. Which given Pool bought Lambert and Balotelli, makes him now completely pointless.
Bony - Yet to score this season, now sent off. Slow clap.

Jutkiewicz - Seriously this guy is shit. Burnley, even I want you to score a bloody goal now. You’re letting yourself down, you’re letting The Tudors down. Man up.

What you may have missed:
Me failing to even mention my two favourite neutral teams, Swansea and Southampton because their game was bloody awful. Di Maria’s outrageous, simply outrageous goal before all hell broke loose. Ben Foster making a single save. David de Gea making no saves. A Liverpool full back getting injured for the 847th time in the last 2 years. Leighton Baines still scoring penalties. At least 80 minutes of the Man City v Chelsea game. Danny Welbeck currently outscoring Radamel Falcao. Mrs Frank Curran being top of the fantasy football league with “no outside help.” And finally, just to repeat it one more time, a Leicester City forward who played in the conference on this day three years ago, scoring 1 and assisting 4 as his team beat Manchester United by 5 goals to 3.

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Monday, 15 September 2014

Week Four - The Key Issues



This week’s blog has been re-financed by Monaco tax laws and, as such, changes direction once more to bring you a smattering of football related titbits in an ever more obvious attempt to be cynically entertaining.

So let’s crack on.

How much does it Costa to win the title?

Around £60m to be precise. For that money, Chelsea secured the two players available who would improve their team, and in particular the style in which Jose plays, more than any others. The season may be only four games old, but barring injury you’d be hard pushed to find an intelligent football fan betting against the following outcomes.

Chelsea to win the league.
Costa to finish top scorer.
Fabregas to have the most assists.
Both players to be on the shortlist for footballer of the year.

Costa has scored 7 in 4, Fabregas has assisted 5 of those, with a further 2 to boot. The two of them haven’t so much hit the ground running, but at full pelt chasing down Usain Bolt. Chelsea play Man City next and the early feeling is already that City have to win to have even a glimmer of finishing above this machine come May.

Team of the Weak

Rob Green – Let in the first three shots on target which Man Utd had, one of which wasn’t even a shot. With Rangers having added to their keeper roster as one of their 2,385 FFP sponsored summer signings, this is probably the last we’ve seen of Rob for a while.
Rio Ferdinand – Slating Moyes, Cole and Terry en route. Rio quite literally turned up, thanked the fans… and then let them thank him for 90 minutes. Awful.
Alberto Moreno – Already looks every bit as offensively strong, defensively weak and error prone as every other Liverpool full back for the past decade.
Fabricio Coloccini – A fine defender who’s form is going roughly in the same direction as his manager’s career. Inability to now run faster than 5mph is not ideal.
Santiago Vergini – Exposed by the pace and trickery of Spurs all game. Booked, conceded two goals, has a silly name.
Scott Arfield – Yet another penalty miss for a promoted side desperate to claim 3 points. It’s just not hard boys. You step up… and score. Please go and watch Baines, Lambert or any German bar Ozil for a few hours, come back and try again.
Jason Puncheon – Like many in the most forgettable game of the day. Puncheon missed chances, couldn’t pass the ball well in the final third and got booked needlessly. Plus we’ll always have that penalty to think about…
Lazar Markovic - £20m for a winger who can’t cross. Slow clap.
Mesut Ozil – even in a wildly entertaining game filled with creativity, pace and effort. Mesut Ozil managed to show none of those qualities. The dazzling form he showed two years for Madrid is fast becoming a distant memory.
Mario Balotelli – Notable only for not reacting to being kicked. Balotelli was as forgettable as a meal at KFC. He couldn’t even be bothered to leave you with that slightly sick feeling you sometimes get in your stomach a few hours later.
Connor Wickham – It’s almost as if his form at the end of last season was a complete aberration in an otherwise supremely average career…

Fantasy Football Disaster of the Week
Anybody still sat there thinking “I’m not going to bring Costa in…”

Quote of the Week
Rio - “We loved our chips, but Moyes comes in and says we can’t have chips any more. Moyes had been gone 20 minutes (after his sacking) and one of the lads says “you know what? We’ve got to get onto Giggsy. We’ve got to get our fucking chips back.””
Well that’s cleared up that 10 months then…

What you may have missed
Any semblance of sense, point or at least something associated with the English language spoken by John Motson in his match of the day commentary. Man Utd reject Tom Cleverley dominating the midfield for Aston Villa. Man Utd reject Shinji Kagawa dominating the midfield for Borussia Dortmund. The bookies stopping taking bets on West Brom to be relegated already. The new look “attacking” Stoke being the lowest scorers in the league. Newcastle being absolutely terrible yet again. Tadic and Pelle playing much better than Lallana and Lambert. The Monday night football game being Hull vs West Ham. It hasn’t happened yet. But let’s be honest here…

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Wednesday, 3 September 2014

The Transfer Window - The Monkey View

The Transfer Window – The Key Issues

As the Premier League takes a break, leaving us with nothing but the relentless drudgery of international football to endure, I look back on the transfer window and a dramatic deadline day to cast my scornful eye over the winners and losers on a club by club basis.

Arsenal

Leaving it later than a London train, Arsene Wenger and Arsenal finally moved to secure a striker on deadline day, snapping up the services of £16m Danny Welbeck. With Sanchez and Chambers already secure, as well as retaining their key players for once, Wenger is entitled to be happy with his work. Welbeck is young, experienced and mobile and is, on paper, exactly the sort of player who should be playing in the number 9 role for Arsenal. The caveat to that is he’s far from a proven finisher and one hopes this is his “Daniel Sturridge moment.” If not, he can always do a job out wide and complete with the 382 other players that Wenger has in those areas…

Star Quality:            * * * *

Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * * *

Aston Villa

It’s hard to not look at Villa’s transfers as a group of players all deemed not good enough by their departed clubs. Joe Cole, Cissokho, Richardson, Senderos and the late, late, late capture of Tom Cleverley on loan. None of these players possess even an iota of “wow” factor but at least bring experience to a callow squad. Villa have started the season well and if Lambert can blend the youth with the proven mediocrity he has purchased… Villa might be even more impossibly boring than ever.

Star Quality:            * 

Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * *

Burnley
The promoted champions have not got carried away over the summer. They have not stretched budget and have brought solid, unspectacular squad players to try and retain their Premier League status. It is hard to see any of them though doing enough to keep the Clarets in the top flight though. I mean, if you can’t even beat Manchester United, you’ll probably going to go down.

Star Quality:            *

Value for Money:     * * * * *

Overall Business:     *

Chelsea

Nobody has done better in the window that Chelsea. Taking the second best squad in the league to begin with, Jose has added the best striker, midfielder and left back that were available and has managed to finish the window with almost a net profit thanks to the ridiculous deal that took David Luiz to PSG. Chelsea are likely to win the league by ten points and when the awards for player of the year are being dealt out, look no further than Fabregas and Costa. In the words of Alan Partridge… scum, sub human scum.

Star Quality:            * * * * *

Value for Money:     * * * * 

Overall Business:     * * * * *

Crystal Palace

Given the appointment of Neil Warnock, NOT getting Paddy Kenny on the books has to be seen as a major triumph. Elsewhere, Palace have added youth and pace with the signings of Campbell, Kelly, Fryers and Zaha, whilst also throwing in the defensive nous of Brede Hangeland for a laugh. None of those signings are as good as simply keeping Tony Pulis would have been, but Palace still have enough quality in the squad to dream of 17t
h.
Star Quality:            * * 

Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * * *

Everton

Retaining the loan signings from last year was the main item on the agenda and Everton have paid handsomely for Barry and Lukaku to do so.  Elsewhere Martinez has gone African with the signings of “now or never” former Ghana youth prodigy Christan Atsu and proven goal poacher Samuel Eto’o. For whom a generous two year deal will take him past his 40th birthday…

Star Quality:            * * * 

Value for Money:     * * *

Overall Business:     * * *

Hull

No team had a more dramatic deadline day than Hull who purchased Mohammed Diame, Abel Hernandez, Gaston Ramirez and Hatem Ben Arfa in a flurry of late drama. Indeed, Hull added ten new players to their books in all which would have made a bit more sense had they done so before being dumped out of Europe rather than after. As it is, how Steve Bruce will fit in so many new attacking players in his side is anyone’s guess. Unlike some teams though, it should at least be fun to watch him try.

Star Quality:            * * * *

Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * * * *

Leicester

Only Burnley rivalled Leicester for the most underwhelming Transfer Window. At least the Foxes added younger, sprightly versions of their fellow relegation contenders. Mark Albrighton, Danny Simpson and Nick Powell all have points to prove. Whilst Leonardo Ulloa has already hit the ground running despite never playing in the Premier League before. Although credit where credit is due for the complete wildcard that is Esteban Cambiasso. Leicester will need all their new signings to bed in fast, especially at the back, if they are still to be playing top flight football this time next year.

Star Quality:            * 
*
Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * *

Liverpool

The key questions at Liverpool is can Lallana, Lambert, Markovic & Balotelli do better combined than Luis Suarez managed on his own? Only time will tell if Rodgers approach of going for moderately expensive, mid-range talents in addition to the lottery that is Mario Balotelli will bear fruit. Liverpool certainly seem to have bought well at the back where Lovren and Manquillo are large improvements on the likes of Toure and Johnson. But with the exception of the late move for the entertaining Italian, none of the signings have screamed “must have” and work is to be done to convince people that Liverpool can maintain, let alone improve on, last year’s form.

Star Quality:            * * * (*) – extra star for super Mario factor

Value for Money:     * * 

Overall Business:     * * *

Man City

With a gentle nod towards Financial Fair Play, City have paid over the odds for Mangala whilst also securing the services of Caballero, Fernando, Sagna and Zuculini. Contractually obliged to sign at least one Englishman, City have “borrowed” Frank Lampard for a laugh. City had the strongest squad at the start of the summer and only Chelsea have gone past them since the window slammed shut. Keeping their spine fit and playing, will be the key to maintaining another challenge for the top prize.

Star Quality:            * * 

Value for Money:     * * * 

Overall Business:     * * (*) – one star knocked off for the perverse hanging on to of Scott Sinclair

Man Utd

They left it late and it cost them an arm, a leg and most of the body to boot, but Manchester United emerged from the transfer window with a significantly better squad than what they started. The squad remains thin in defence, but swapping Evra, Rio, Cleverly, Kagawa, Nani and Welbeck  for Shaw, Rojo, Herrera, Blind, Di Maria & Falcao is a massive upgrade whichever way you do the maths. Having started the season in appalling form, Van Gaal has a huge job on his hands to marry the new egos to those of his existing “stars” and put together a team which now simply has to finish at least 4th come May.

Star Quality:            * * * * *

Value for Money:     * 

Overall Business:     * * * *

Newcastle Utd

Newcastle started the summer doing what looked, on paper, to be some very good business. A slow start to the season has thus far detracted from the obvious quality of Cabella, de Jong and Janmaat. Those three signings however, able replacements in the full back and attacking midfield areas, can’t mask the continue deficiencies up front. Deficiencies which, going out on a limb, haven’t been fully solved by the sole purchase of Emmanuel Riviere, a striker who averages less than a goal every four appearances and has, thus far, one miss-hit assist to his name.

Star Quality:            * * * 

Value for Money:     * * * 

Overall Business:     * * *

QPR

You’ve got to hand it to Harry, nobody attacks Deadline Day with the same sort of gusto. It’s almost as if Harry still believes that if he doesn’t make a signing he’ll never be allowed to do so again. All manner of past players were targeted by Redknapp, not least Jermaine Defoe, before he finally settled on Sandro and, inexplicably, Niko Kranjcar. Who presumably now just takes a massive holiday each summer and turns his phone back on again for Harry to give him a buzz on Deadline Day. Elsewhere Harry added Caulker (sound), Rio (strange) and Isla (surreal) to his books along with a myriad of others that I can’t be bothered to list here. Well played though Harry. And don’t think we didn’t notice that cheeky enquiry about Younes Kaboul either.

Star Quality:            * * *

Value for Money:     * * * 

Overall Business:     * * * *

Saints

Manchester United aside, no club was more discussed during the transfer window than Southampton. Letting some 14 players go including the entire spine of the team that shone last time around, Saints were criticised from pillar to post before putting their hands back in their pockets and coming out of the window none too shabby. Bertrand, Forster, Long, Gardos, Pelle and Tadic all look like very solid signings, even if Saphir Taider was sent back in strange circumstances. Some very talented players from the fabled academy still remain and whilst Saints will do well to push on from last season, they certainly have no reason to fear a relegation fight.

Star Quality:            * * * 

Value for Money:     * * * * *

Overall Business:     * * *

Stoke
A real mixed bag. Hughes added the stabling presence of Steve Sidwell to his troops, along with the well-seasoned Phil Bardsley. He also managed to re-secure the impressive Oussama Assaidi on loan, as well as the former Manchester United strike Mame Diouf. He has also gambled though, on the now serial loan reject Victor Moses and Football Manager player of the year 2011 Bojan Krkic. Who already looks badly out of his depth in a league both faster and more physical than he would surely like. Stoke fans will be happy though, with the signings in the most showing the way towards a more attacking style of play. Stoke have a solid and balanced squad and, as they proved this weekend, will be a match for anyone on their day.

Star Quality:            * * * 

Value for Money:     * * * 

Overall Business:     * * *

Sunderland

After a slow start, Gus Poyet added an eclectic mix of local and imported talent to his recent relegation survivors. Van Aanholt, Jones and Gomez all look like excellent additions to the squad and it’s nice to see Jack Rodwell being bought by a side with the intention of actually playing him. It’s about time Sunderland found a settled team though. The Wearsiders having purchased a frankly offensive THIRTY FIVE players in the last 3 years… and it’s about time some of them hung around and did their jobs.

Star Quality:            * * 

Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * * *

Swansea

Recovered well from the losses of Davies and (more bizarrely) Vorm, along with the total abandonment of Michu. Tom Carroll is an underrated prospect and Gomis and Montero will add pace and power to a side already filled with it. The real coup though was the resigning of Gylfi Sigurdsson, who already looks to be on a one man mission to show Spurs what they could have had it they’d only played him in the right position.

Star Quality:            * * * *

Value for Money:     * * * * *

Overall Business:     * * * *

Tottenham

Possibly the quietest transfer window in Spurs history as they looked to sign exclusively full backs, before throwing in a midfielder nobody had heard of at the last minute seemingly at random. Still, given they signed 800 people last summer…

Star Quality:            * 

Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * *

West Brom

After the most underwhelming managerial appointment of the summer, West Brom followed that up with a scattergun approach to transfer targets. It’s hard to marry up the purchases of say, Chris Baird, with that of Brown Ideye. Or to comprehend the signings of three right backs, included World Cup Star Cristian Gamboa… alongside the bringing in of Georgios Samaras. I don’t want to suggest the scouts were throwing dart boards at a Football Manager spreadsheet… but that is frankly what it looks like.

Star Quality:            * * 

Value for Money:     * * * 

Overall Business:     * *

West Ham

Amalfitano, Valencia, Zarate… it’s safe to say that Big Sam was under pressure to deliver attacking players and despite a woeful opening defeat to Spurs, it’s hard to make a case for anyone bar Chelsea having a better window than West Ham. The midfielder Cheikhou Kouyate is a phenomenal talent and Aaron Cresswell the best defender in the Championship last year. West Ham have bought pace and power to augment their current attack of power and er… permanent injuries. They’ve even bought Alex Song? Star of the greatest gif of all time (below) and, crucially, a genuinely world class player. In truth, I’m not sure anyone wanted to see this.

Star Quality:            * * * *

Value for Money:     * * * *

Overall Business:     * * * * *

Song thinks Puyol wants him to hold his hand… he doesn’t… it’s the little smile that makes it

http://footyreflex.com/gif/alex-song-trolled-at-barcelona-trophy-celebration/

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