Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Eighteen

City reach impossible heights
Firstly some perspective. City have won nothing yet. They’re not the treble winning Manchester United team of the Fergie era, nor are they the Arsenal invincibles. What they remain, is a team with the capacity to eclipse both.

City swept aside Spurs on Saturday to take their collective results against the other “big 5” this season to 5 wins, 16 goals and 3 conceded. That scoreline flatters the other clubs. City battered Chelsea to a 1-0 victory and could have scored more against all the other clubs as well. Only Arsenal, for a 15-20 minute spell, truly managed to “hurt” City and make them look vulnerable. Sadly, with a defence as organised as theirs… that only seemed to make them madder and like on Saturday, the Sky Blue players swept forward with reckless abandon taking it in turns to fill their collective boots.

Raheem Sterling has now scored 15 goals this season despite being absolutely terrible at shooting. Lord knows how Man City could have scored if the sort of chances he gets every game fell to Aguero. None of that is to insult Sterling – I questioned the shooting ability of Mo Salah earlier in the season as well, and the two of them now sit on a ridiculous 35 goals with the campaign not even half way through. Both players have become supremely talented at creating space and ghosting into the box like ninjas.

City look unbeatable. Not just for the title, but in every singular game. They look as good as the Barca sides of Pep’s pomp and they are doing so without a Lionel Messi. Yes Pep has spent a lot of money, but he has still taken rough diamonds and polished them into the most sparkling of gems. 

This was supposed to be the most open of seasons – with six genuine challengers for the coveted top spot.

It is no longer a question of whether they will win the title. It’s a question of what records they might break doing so.

Pardew struggling to get Baggies out of neutral
4 games, no wins, 1 goal – it’s safe so say it’s very much so far so exactly the same for Pardew and West Brom. This is made even more awkward by the fact that the other clubs who’ve replaced their managers (Leicester, Palace, West Ham, Everton) have all enjoyed relative honeymoon periods so far. West Brom just look bereft of ideas in the final third, possessing neither a centre forward capable of scoring goals, or a midfielder capable of creating them. The side have missed the talents of Chadli, Phillips and Brunt for most of the season and they have nothing to fill the void when those players aren’t working in tandem. January can’t come fast enough for Alan and his army… although at least they play Stoke next week. The only team currently looking more shit than they do.

Moyes finds gold in most unlikely of hills
It took a couple of games, but West Ham were unlucky to lose against the mighty Manchester City and since that match have drawn with Arsenal, beaten Chelsea and Stoke and all without conceding a goal. Clearly all of this can’t be explained by merely dropping the abysmal Joe Hart, and it’s becoming increasingly more likely that at some stage I might, you know… actually have to praise David Moyes and the utter transformation of Marko Arnautovic. I’ll put that off for a little while longer and instead talk up confidence & momentum as being a wonderful thing. West Ham now have a ridiculous run of fixtures where they play only one of the current top 8 in the next 9 games. If they can maintain this form during that warmest of winter runs, they could easily be in the top half by February and this blogger will have to consume the humblest of humble pies.

Watford have to learn how to defend
Watford remain 9^th in the table, despite not winning in 5 matches and now possess the second worst defensive record in the league. Their fans have seen 60 goals go in at either end this season, a level of entertainment only eclipsed by City. They cannot go on however, defending with such a total lack of carelessness.

Watford have lost the lead more times than I care to remember this season, but they didn’t even give themselves that against an ailing Huddersfield. Instead they were down to 10 men before they could mount a comeback and conceded 4 goals to a team who had previously scored that many in 7 matches.

Silva is a likeable and positive manager, who clearly wants his team to entertain. But he needs to add some stability to such forward momentum or both his and Watford’s season will be remembered merely for what might have been.

Newcastle lost as owner finally cashes out
Rafa Benitez is clearly a fine manager, but he cannot continue to blame those above him for a run of form so hapless that he now finds his team within the relegation zone. Newcastle have lost 8 and drawn 1 of their last 9 matches. A run dripping with excrement and wrung dry with smegma. They just look a terrible side all over the pitch and with the resurgent West Ham, followed by Manchester City up next they might require a lot of signings in January to dig themselves out of this hole.

In fairness to Newcastle, Arsenal were only marginally better than they were at the weekend. A truly turgid game of football made interesting for 3 reasons. 1. That Ozil goal – worthy of winning any match. 2. Back to back 90 minutes for Jack Wilshire for the first time since Brexit happened. 3. The ability to now play “what minute will Lacazette be dejectedly substituted” game in literally every match.

Team of the Weak

Gomes – on one of those runs where he looks less like a goalkeeper and more a puppet whose strings have been cut
Simpson – has played well of late but was awful here and torn apart by Zaha
Janmaat – remains a defender with great ability who very rarely shows it
Francis – let’s be kind, Liverpool could probably have scored ten
Rose – spent most of the match just looking enviously at Kyle Walker and mouthing “why Kyle… why did you leave me here?”
Fletcher – did a fine job shielding West Brom’s defence last season, but has looked terrible for Stoke and no poorer than here where Lanzini made him look like a duck on ice for most of the match
Gross – the Seasiders most creative spark earlier in the season now looks to have fizzled out along with the team
Alli – in horrendous form and should have been sent off for a dangerous and deliberate lunge – the rule about not being able to review yellow cards really needs looking at
Dembele – little better – is not having a good season and Spurs spine currently looks weak and devoid of form
Deeney – a terrible challenge for any player to make, but at 2-0 down and as club captain – near criminal
Defoe – when you play against Liverpool you always have a chance – Defoe didn’t take it
Murray – a missed penalty in another stalemate – you gotta make those count Glenn, you just gotta

Enjoy Christmas yer all. I’ll be back after the festivities for my usual “upside down” universe entrant into the canon.

Goodnight

https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Fifteen

Gloves off as De Gea castrates Arsenal
Before we get down to brass tacks, let’s start by saying that Arsenal v Man United was arguably the game of the season so far. Too many big matches have been cagey or one-sided affairs of late, not least those involving Jose, but this was no such game. Jose’s tactics were a throwback to the Ferguson era of hitting teams on the counter attack… and no team are more susceptible to such a counter as Arsenal. Twice they were hit, which coupled by a terrible few seconds for Mustafi, was enough for United to score 3 goals which Arsenal couldn’t answer. The Gunners certainly couldn’t be accused of not trying. They had over 30 attempts in the match and an astonishing 16 on target. De Gea broke the League record for most saves in a match and it isn’t even worth a debate anymore on whether or not he’s the best goalkeeper in the world. He is. Period. Let’s all move on.

Far more damaging to United though was the red card issued to Paul Pogba that will keep him out of the Manchester derby. The decision was both understandable and harsh. It wasn’t even remotely intentional or dangerous, he didn’t even break stride as Bellerin collapsed in front of him. But the replay’s make it look horrible and any appeal is essentially useless. More so given the petulant sarcastic clapping of the referee as he left the field. Pogba is United’s best player, De Gea aside, and will be a huge miss for the derby just as he has been since he got injured. The trouble is that for Manchester United… and for the entire league… they simply have to beat City or the title will be completely over on the 10^th December.

Jose… bring back the bus.

Five Star Liverpool find their mojo again
There must be no more pleasing sight for a manager then when you rotate your side and record back to back aggerated 8-1 victories. Klopp has managed just that as his side prepare for a crucial game in Europe this week. After Salah came off the bench to finish off Stoke, it was the turn of his Brazilian duo to put Brighton to the sword. Firmino and Coutinho scored or created all five of Liverpool’s goals and were a blur of skill and energy throughout. Liverpool remain the most watchable side in the league both when on form or off it… and once again they served up a feast for the viewing public. With Spurs fading like the setting sun, their visibly jaded and slender squad being slowly fed to the sharks, it looks a fantastic fight for the Champions League this season between teams for which the handbrake is very much, pressed permanently down.

Leicester continue Puel revival
Only Manchester City have defeated Leicester since their new manager took over and the Foxes are now back in the top half with 20 points to their name. Leicester remain a team well capable of beating anyone on their day; and seem to have reignited the spark in the mercurial Mahrez to help them along the way. They were stronger and more cutting than a hard-working Burnley side and fully worthy of the three points, despite having to rely on their keeper to make some top drawer saves to keep things level in the second half. Leicester now embark on a run of fixtures that sees them play Newcastle, Southampton and Crystal Palace – three completely anaemic sides – in a row. Win all those… and my prediction that they might get back in the top six this year won’t look half as daft as it did two months ago.

Hazard deserves a bigger stage
Regardless of how much he may have de-railed my fantasy football season (I mean… come ON Harry will you stop being so… fucking… Spursy!) – there are some times in football where all you can do is sit back and applaud. Hazard is a truly wonderful footballer to watch when on song and it remains odd that he has stayed at Chelsea for so long when he could play amongst the absolute greats of his era. This may well be his last in a blue shirt as he enters his prime but for now his fans get to watch a man at the absolute top of his game. Chelsea weren’t great this Saturday, but with Hazard in this sort of form it simply doesn’t matter. The Belgian glides across the turf like a gazelle and he possesses a dip of the shoulder so sexual I half expect the opposition full backs to come out on the spot. Going into a run of games where it seems Chelsea play the bottom three on repeat for three months… sit back and enjoy the ride.

Swansea staring into the Abyss
Swansea are rock bottom and have a fixture list over Christmas which is at best poor and at worst horrific. They were beaten yet again this weekend by Stoke, themselves struggling and their manager must now be on borrowed time that has been borrowed… by borrowed time. Before a run which sees them play City and Tottenham at home and Everton and Liverpool away, they have a winner takes all battle with West Brom next weekend. Freed from the shackles of Tony Pulis, West Brom celebrated the appointment of “Galatico” Alan Pardew on Saturday. By drawing 0-0. With Crystal Palace. A team who literally hadn’t keep a clean sheet all season until 5 days ago and have now recorded back to back goal-less cluster fucks to send us all into a dreamless slumber from which the only way to be awakened is….

Team of the Weak
Ryan – has had a fine season but conceding 5 goals at home ain’t gonna win you a medal kid
Clark – left to marshal a Newcastle defence shorn of their only defender and looks like he just wants the pain to stop
Mustafi – horrible error which led to United’s second goal and then seemingly substituted himself in shame
Mawson – a shadow of the defender who emerged last season and needs a taxi out of dodge, fast
Vertonghen – devoid of leadership in a team with a desperate need for it
Bong – Bong? Seriously? That’s his name? How have I only just realised this…
Xhaka – you are supposed to sit Granit. That is your fucking job. Sit, protect, pass. Stop being ten yards out of position for every counter attack in fucking history
Sterling – electric of late but had an absolute shocker here and was bailed out by the now standard brilliance of De Bruyne
Depoitre – Huddersfield have scored 2 goals in 6 matches. Not having an actual centre forward is probably not helping
Lukaku – almost scored in his own net this week, progress
Defoe – Probably time he went back and played in Canada again isn’t it?

Enjoy the final few days off before the festive fixture list kicks in people. Happy hunting.

https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Twelve

Lady luck allows Wenger to silence critics
Arsenal deserved to win on Saturday. They were the better team for much of the 90 minutes, created more clear chances and, for once, out fought their opponents in every area. But big games are too often decided by key moments and it was a shame that this one at least started off that way. Arsenal’s opener should have been disallowed twice, firstly for an invisible foul and secondly for an offside. Spurs were right to be annoyed but their response was limp and “Spursy” even for them. They looked like a team bereft of ideas and they continue to strike a curious mix this year of looking unbeatable one minute and very easily beatable the next. 

For Wenger there was a degree of karma here. Most punters assumed Spurs would win convincingly and the Arsenal manager was finally rewarded by both a solid defensive display and a match winning performance by Ozil in a big match. The German was everywhere, pressing, tracking and creating. How frustrating it must be to see what he remains capable of, when so often he takes annual leave on key match days.

Arsenal have a very winnable run of fixtures between now and Christmas, with only the ghost of Mourinho looming over a 6 game run. If they can take this form forward and continue to strike a balance between defence and attack they remain a side capable of anything.

And by anything I mean finishing 4^th.

Pogback
A goal, an assist, a match winning performance. The return of Paul Pogba was so impressive it managed to condemn Zlatan to a mere foot note. The sign of a truly great player is how much a team struggles without them in it, and after a slow return to the Premier League it’s becoming increasingly clear that Pogba may well be that player after all. The Frenchman controlled the tempo of the match throughout, and displayed a range of passing that would have made Paul Scholes blush. United look a different side with him in it, which is a good job for their fans as they’ve been largely toilet of late. A front four of Lukaku, Rashford, Martial and the continually underrated Mata combine enough pace, power and guile to threaten any defence when on song. Newcastle started the match well but were blown away second half and could have ended up losing by more.

United remain the only team with even a modicum of hope of stopping Man City this season, and to do so it’s clear they need to keep their main man fit and firing for the rest of the campaign. 

That and, you know… actually beating Man City. Twice.

Good luck with that.

Wilson helps himself as Terriers wilt
It’s been a long journey back to full fitness for Calum Wilson, but he was fully rewarded for his patience here with a terrific striker’s hat-trick. Wilson was superb and he and Josh King dovetailed to such effect that it made the wages currently being paid to the returning Jermain Defoe look farcically wasteful. Huddersfield meanwhile were woeful in the second half, so much so you had to keep checking that it was not them down to 10 men rather than the home team. Not only could they not take advantage of the extra man, they seemed to retreat into their shells and watch, statuesque as a superior, hungrier team consumed them.

Huddersfield look toothless away from home. Only Crystal Palace (literally, toothless) have scored less away from their own fans and they now have Man City, Arsenal and Chelsea in their next five fixtures. The Terriers remain in mid table, 2 points ahead of Bournemouth, but the momentum was only with one team here. Huddersfield need to regroup and fast before being dragged into the relegation battle many expected them to be contesting. 

Pulis finally pays the price for pessimism
2 wins in 21 matches saw Tony Pulis become the latest Premier League manager to bite the dust this weekend, following a spectacularly inept showing against a resurgent Chelsea. West Brom haven’t kept a clean sheet in 7 matches and when you lose your single, compelling selling point as a manager… you’re basically fucked.

West Brom have averaged less than a goal a game under Pulis, taking in over 100 league games. He is a manager who regards attacking with casual disregard and that sort of pragmatism is usually only acceptable when results are the trade-off.

Solomon Rondon, their main striker, has more bookings that goals this season and has now scored just twice in over 1000 minutes. Summer signing Jay Rodriguez has just two himself, despite playing almost every minute of the season. Shorn of last season’s 20 goal star forward, Gareth McAuley, West Brom have tumbled into the Abyss.

Quite literally given they seem to have appointed Gary Megson as their new manager. A man who I’m pretty sure died several years ago and has merely been reanimated. Still, if he can do a similar job on this West Brom side, he may well be remembered a hero after all.

Forgotten Chelsea stars continue to light up league

England’s new 100m superstar in waiting Ruben Loftus-Cheek tore apart. In a game week littered with standout turns, the two front runners for Player or the Season (no, really) once again delivered man of the match performances for their respective clubs. If De Bruyne’s brilliance has been apparent for some time, he is now making journalists everywhere reach for the thesaurus each week to find new ways to describe his luminescence. In a much more inconsistent team, Mo Salah has been anything but. The Egyptian’s arrival on Merseyside was greeted by more jeers than cheers but he has got better every game and now seems to have added finishing to his list of talents. Salah isn’t just quick, he is skilful and unusually adept at finding space. Indeed, the main key to him currently sitting on top the league’s scoring charts is because nobody has quite worked out how to mark him. If City’s attack is the best with the ball, Liverpool’s is still the best without out it. Say what you want about Klopp, but his ability to coach space management in to his forward players (yes, I just wrote that) is second to none. 

Team of the Weak

Lossl – one save, four conceded. Yes he was unprotected but none of the goals conceded were unstoppable.
Keane – allegedly a player Everton paid £25m for.
Hegazi – terrible performance from start to finish, the nadir of which was arguing with the referee for rugby tackling Hazard to the floor.
Cresswell – shot of confidence and bereft of quality.
Fernandez – symbolising Swansea’s lot at the moment and bang out of form.
Sissoko – absolutely bollocks, not worth the price of the shirt he’s in, let alone £30m.
Krychowiak – like Hegazi, has only served to make West Brom a worst side than last year.
Arnautovic – at this point, I almost half expect him to just sit down during a match.
Eriksen – was completely outshone by Ozill; Spurs need him to find his international form and fast.
Carroll – booed off by his own fans and was lucky to last that long.
Ibramimovic – returned to the team at the age of 36, some 2 months ahead of schedule and didn’t score with his one, incredibly difficult chance. Pathetic. 

Happy Hunting

https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey

Five Things we've learnt from the Premier League - Week Eleven

Lukaku and Jose fluff their lines again
It has now been 13 away games against “top six” opposition since Jose Mourinho won. And in that time his teams have scored a solitary goal. A derisory record that would make Arsene Wenger blush. United at least tried to attack Chelsea on Sunday, but they did so with very little threat and the complete lack of a centre forward who can lead his team from the front when the chips are down. Whereas Morata was a menace throughout, Lukaku looked like exactly the sort of player who we’ve seen so many times now in these type of matches. The common thinking was we couldn’t judge Lukaku properly as a “top, top” striker until we saw him in the bigger matches for United. Everton, after all, have largely been a collective embarrassment in the bigger fixtures for over a decade now. Well so far, so exactly the same then. No goals against Liverpool, Spurs or Chelsea in recent weeks have blotted his copy book once more and it’s in these type of games that United need a £70m striker to earn his wage. Lukaku is not missing easy chances, but he’s also not grabbing games by the scruff of the neck and he’s making it far too easy for centre backs to mark him out of the game. Against Spurs this was maybe acceptable, but judging by the way that Liverpool and Chelsea have defended this season… it certainly isn’t.

United now sit adrift of City as the final international break looms; and anyone who still doesn’t rate Paul Pogba only needs to look at how one note the team has been since he got injured. For Lukaku, he now has Newcastle, Brighton and Watford up next. The Belgian finds himself in the curious situation of if he finds his form and the net again in those matches… it will merely serve to prove his doubters right, rather than wrong.

Hammers Hammered again as Bilic departs
Another weekend, another woeful performance in front of their own fans by West Ham. It’s becoming increasingly hard to pick out individuals such is the collective incompetence, which is probably why the owners finally had enough this morning and gave Slaven Bilic the sack. Liverpool had to do little beyond bide their time and wait for West Ham to shoot themselves in the foot. Nobody profited more than Mohamed Salah, who now has an impressive 11 goals (more than anyone bar Kane in English football) in his second stint in the “greatest league on earth.” The Egyptian is in fine form and whilst his first was a gift, his second goal was a wonderful hit worthy of winning any game.

For West Ham, they head into the break in the relegation zone and with the haunting spectre of David Moyes looming on the horizon (I mean seriously guys – he’s not even like the best of the worst option out there, let alone the best). Still, it’s always darkest before the dawn lads, chin up*.

*it’s not – this is a ridiculous phrase, I don't care how cool a movie The Dark Knight is

City cantering to the title as Arsenal exposed again
The most obvious result of the weekend saw Manchester City never even bothering to get out of third gear to despatch a pathetic Arsenal side. Like a Lion playing with a wounded mouse, City teased and tortured Arsenal by refusing to do anything but sit back and wait for the mistakes to happen. Arsenal fans will cling to such positives as… well… actually scoring… but in truth this was yet another embarrassment for their side. Manchester City had ten, man over counter attacks during the match. Ten. Just think about that for a moment. Ten times City broke at pace from an Arsenal attack and had a 3 on 2, 4 on 3… or on one occasion, an astonishing 5 on 1. They scored from none of these opportunities. Their final ball, particularly from the otherwise superb Kevin De Bruyne, was chronically lacking and they let Arsenal off the hook time and time again. 3-1 flattered Wenger, who is now the most clueless manager in a decade of Premier League management. The season might be only 11 games old, but it’s hard to see how any team can catch this City side. Realistically they are going to have to stop them scoring at some stage. If they don’t, it won’t just be the title City claim, it will be every scoring record in league history along with it.

Swans capsize at home again
Swansea City lie in 19^th position and have the worst home record in the top flight. They have lost 5 of their 6 home games this season, conceding 10 goals and scoring just 4. No other side has lost more than 3 times in front of their own fans and three of those teams have already sacked their managers.

With only one player who looks capable of scoring and a midfield almost uniquely devoid of any creativity, pace or dynamism, it’s hard to see how Swansea can improve quickly without grinding out 1 nils. All of this is a far cry from last season, when a Sigurdsson inspired team took an improbable 13 points from their last 15 available to steer themselves to safety. 

Swansea look in real trouble with as many games again (11) before they can bring in any new faces to freshen things up. Swans don’t usually make the menu at Christmas time, but if things don’t improve soon those better off than them will be having a festive feast at their expense.

Yeah.

I’m not sure that worked either. It was the Swansea City of tenuous analogies.

That’s better. Onwards…

Dyche delights on a shoestring… again
Burnley are 7^th having lost as few matches (two) as any team in the league bar City. They don’t score a lot (10 in 11) but have the best defensive record outside of the top 3 and it’s obviously something to do with the management rather than the individual. A team currently missing 3 of their key 5 men from last season have actually improved their backline statistics and one wonders how much longer Sean Dyche can continue to defy his suitors and remain loyal to his club.

It is staggering, for example, that West Ham haven’t at least sounded him out regarding their position. Dyche is a hugely likeable manager and the work he has done at Burnley deserves huge recognition. Their home ground is a fortress, but this season they have defended well on their travels as well. If they could just add a genuine goal scorer, or a midfielder say with the vision of a Christian Gross over at Brighton, they could make a compelling case for being the best of the rest in a league that is increasingly looking two tiers.

Or three. With City in a league of their own.

Team of the Weak:

The West Ham back line, the Arsenal midfield and the Manchester United attack.

All three completely missing in action.

Police are still searching for Granit Xhaka with little hope of recovery.

See you all after the international break as the festive fixture fest finally starts to kick in.

https://twitter.com/HinduMonkey